haihai!! i'm nat, a carribbean self shipper. this is my blog where i mostly reblog and spam, feel free to read my carrd (wip) and look at my main f/os to get to know me better. ask box is open, so anyone can stop by no matter what. iām somewhat of a writer and certainly take requests and trades. i have a rep of being annoying though, so be careful! letās be strange and weird! š¤
ā Estelle's desperate attempt to indulge a vice that isn't their own.
SHIP ; matastelle (M.atador x Estelle)
MEDIA ; M.eleeniacs
WORD COUNT ; 1,0001
CW/TW(s) ; Smoking
NOTE(s) ; yearning has literally never been this serious, title is a reference to the song 'trancy' by biz !
Estelle hated feeling like they were sneaking around. It wasn't her style. She had nothing to hide from people, an open-book to all. People trusted her not to lie, steal, or cheat. Basic human principles she had instilled in her since she was a child. It made people feel comfortable around her. Someone they could trust.
That's why the weight of their actions felt like such a great, terrible sin. They had stolen.
They look around on a high alert, every nerve in their body shouting at them that it wasn't too late to go back and make this right. It was a quiet night out, thankfully. Not another soul to be seen nor bare witness to their transgression. The pounding in their chest was a testament to the guilt beginning to bubble in their stomach. This was wrong. Worse, this was selfish.
They open their palms. They had been carrying the contraband with all the carefulness of a bug they were trying to transport outside. All this for a cigarette. One of Matador's, to be specific.
Matador had left it unguarded on the counter after the two shared a passing encounter with one another. It was the only time Estelle witnessed Matador leave anything of themself unguarded. And the first thing she thought to do was pluck one of the dozen sticks in the pack.
'They surely wouldn't notice', she had tried to reassure herself, as if that made that flimsy excuse made it any better.
She didn't take it and run, no. She had let it sit on her nightstand for several hours before she took any action with it. So much time was spent just staring at it, debating with themselves whether she should return it, once again reminding themselves that what they had done was wrong, but..
They take a deep breath. They weren't even interested in picking up the vice. It wasn't some experimental urge they were looking to scratch, no, it was deeper than that. Cigarettes were one of the things Matador was known for. A deep association tied to their person. They smoked god knows how many a day, for god knows how long. They smelled of cigarettes, but not in a way Estelle particularly minded. It had become almost a comfort for them. From that, a thought blossomed - Matador probably tasted like cigarettes, too. If they could experience that taste for themselves, then.. Maybe this craving could be snuffed out.
With shaky hands, they lifted the stick to their mouth, holding it steady between their lips while they fished a box of matchsticks from their apron pocket. They struck the match, keeping their hand over the stick to protect it from the night's breeze as they raised it to the head of the cigarette. It felt like she needed this more than air itself. All the while, thinking -
"This is probably going to kill me, isn't it?"
It hardly begun to catch flame when there's a loud click at the door, startling Estelle hard enough where she nearly jumps out of her skin. The cigarette falls from their mouth and into a puddle on the ground. "Ah-!" Estelle gasps, looking at the ruined vice with an astonished expression on her face, hands reached out like were about to attempt to reach out and catch it. Which would be ridiculous and not to mention desperate to do to begin with, as a falling cigarette has no filter.
They blink a few times just to make sure she wasn't hallucinating such a wholly tragic failure. Then, from a her lips fell a whine, distressed and disappointed.
"ā¦Estelle?" A confused voice calls, and Estelle immediately straightens up, covering the stick with her boot and standing with her arms tucked behind their back; her idea of inconspicuous.
"I didn't expect anyone else to be out here." Matador comments. There's no specific tone behind the statement, but it carries a distinct lack of irritation, atleast. Matador might've been squinting at them underneath that TV-like device of theirs, seeing as how Estelle looked as guilty as a child caught to everyone but herself.
"A-Ah, yeah.. I was feeling a bit restless tonight." Estelle says with a sigh, feeling the increasing weight of Matador's scrutiny. Her nervousness translated into the increased speed of her swaying.
"I see." Matador says after a long minute of assessment. "ā¦Do you mind if I smoke?"
"Not at all."
Matador mutters something, likely a word of thanks. Estelle didn't hear it. She was focused on watching the way Matador goes to light their cigarette. It's a very practiced movement, something they've undoubtedly been doing for a long, long time. There's no hesitation from pack to mouth. It almost feels like the care taken to light it was for show. Matador breathes in, filling their lungs with a chemical mix of god-knows-what before breathing out slowly, releasing it into the night air.
The smell had become all too familiar to Estelle. It came with being in Matador's general proximity, especially being close enough to give themselves second-hand. They had come to associate it with warmth; comfort, even. Sort of like being wrapped in a heated blanket.
The two were silent otherwise, just sharing the same night sky.
As much as they wanted to enjoy it for as long as she could, being so close to Matador that they could practically take a part of them in, it didn't come without it's side effects. She'd be spending the rest of the night nurturing an irritated throat if she didn't move soon.
"I should probably head back inside." Estelle announces, breaking the silence. "It's getting late, after all."
Matador grunts in affirmation. Estelle walks past them, getting one last whiff of the cigarette smell for the night. Closer to the door, she turns her head back for a second, her eyes going wide when she sees Matador looking down at the shriveled, drowned cigarette that Estelle had been coveting.
Their footsteps moved hurriedly on the way back inside.
in case you haven't heard, parts of venezuela were recently hit by a series of earthquakes, affecting communities across the country.
as venezuela is my home country, all of this hits especially close to home. thankfully, my family and loved ones are safe since they were in cities not as severely affected. however, many others have not been as fortunate and are now facing the aftermath of these events.
years of political and economic instability have left many communities with limited resources and infrastructure, making it even more difficult to respond to emergencies like this. there are reports of people who remain missing, and many families are still waiting for news about their loved ones. rescue efforts have been made even more difficult by shortages of equipment, ambulances, and other emergency resources needed to respond to a disaster of this scale.
if you're able to, please consider sharing information, supporting verified relief efforts, or simply helping spread awareness about what is happening.
hereās a link where you can donate if you can
Venezuela needs our help now.
After a devastating earthquā¦ I Love Venezuela Foundation ha bisogno del tuo sostegno per Emergency Relie
iāll try to get more help resources to post here!
us venezuelans need your help, we need as much support as possible! we donāt have enough resources to help our people š families are missing, children are alone, animals hurt and houses completely destroyed
please donate if you can, share every post you see, pray for venezuela š»šŖ help us during this crisis please have mercy on us
Earthquakes in Venezuela: What We Know by Caracas Chronicles
Key Information About Venezuelaās State of Emergency by Caracas Chronicles
VENEZUELAāS EARTHQUAKE STATE OF EMERGENCY: HOW TO HELP
We Love Foundation: Provinding food, water, medical support, hygiene kits, shelter supplies, logistics, and direct support for vulnerable families on the ground. They have worked with global partners and Venezuelan nonprofits for the past 13 years.
The Gio Foundation: Humanitarian and animal aid nonprofit organization accepting donations through their portal.
Aldeas Infantiles SOS: Accepts donations in bolĆvares (Venezuelan currency) through their Venezuelan branch. Donations in foreign currencies can be sent through Aldeas Infantiles SOS Spain.
Save the Childrenās Emergency Fund: Donations will go towards providing urgent, life-saving support to Venezuelan children.
UNICEF Spain: Has launched an Emergency Fund for Venezuelan children.
Miami-based Venezuelan American Chamber of Commerce Foundation: Launched a fundraising campaign to provide food, water, medicine, shelter and emergency relief.
Ik this is different to what I normally post about but I think its really important, so please listen up!
Puerto Rico is going through a water crisis! Currently there are over 100,000 people with out water on the island, especially in San Juan.
I was talking to my cousin from San Juan and she said they haven't had water in 2 months. They haven't been able to shower, drink water, cook with water, flush their toilet, all these basic human necessities. They have to get gallon jugs of water and use those
This is happening because a major pipe broke and they have yet to fix it, but really its because of corruption. The aquaducts haven't had the necessary repairs or even pumps put in for years.
Water is a basic human right and more people need to be aware of whats happening in Puerto Rico, expecially thr Puerto Ricans that are in the mainland and Americans unaware of their fellow Americans (bc Puerto Rico is apart of the US) problems.
For more information:
Thousands of Puerto Ricans are struggling with water shortages so severe that the governor of the U.S. territory has activated the National
apolocheese for the inactivity! these next weeks hopefully i can bounce back. i havent stopped self shipping ive actually been focused on an f/o i want to keep private (literally just cause i feel like it and IM SHY.) and iāve been busy!!
iām graduating w my bachelors in highest honor today btw š„¹ years of work to some bullshit on a resume but WOO!! i also had my dan.ganronpa ship anniversary om the 13th (6 years!!)ā¦ great things happening! id love to catch up w my oomfs soon and truly hope the best for everyone! thanks for staying around even knowing i dip at timesā¦ much lovey to u allā¦
okay if you guys want a tangible way to help cuba, there's a fundraiser going on right now that's personally vetted by my irl friend who's working on it. additionally, it's boosted by national network on cuba, an established coalition that has been working to help cuba for years now:
[image id: white text that reads: "Send urgent supplies to Cuba," "Help us bring solar-powered lights, power banks, water purification tablets, and more to people in Santiago de Cuba." against a dark blue background with the graphic of a phone charging via solar power. At the bottom, a white text box with blue text that reads "Donate via Paypal or Zelle [email protected]" /end image id]
You can donate to LevƔntate Por Cuba (a National Network on Cuba branch located in Chicago) via Payp*l or Z*lle to [email protected], with the description "Supplies." do not mention cuba in the description.
If you are in Chicago and you want to donate physical supplies (of which they have a list you can find on their instagram), you can DM them on instagram ( @/levantateporcuba ) for the location.
I'm going to personally donate $25, if anyone could match me or even donate $10 or $5, that would be incredible. Please help me protect my family's homeland, it means everything in the world to me.
Maskbloc Latin America / AutoDefensa Sanitaria is currently working on getting N95 respirators and other PPE to Cuba, especially Cuban hospitals which are in dire need of supplies amid the aggressive blockading by the US occupation government. Please share and donate if you are able, the current options are through PayPal and Kofi.
Hi folks, I just got the following update on the campaign I donated to a while back organized by The People's Forum out of NYC to get solar panels to Cuba. Here it is, and if you have a bit of coin to donate please consider donating to this worthy cause to literally save lives:
Thanks to your incredible generosity and the solidarity of thousands of people, theĀ Let Cuba Live campaignĀ and The Peopleās Forum have raised over $700,000 to send solar panels and batteries to hospitals and clinics across Cuba. We wanted to send you some exciting updates on the status of the panels and this urgent campaign.
Since December 2025, the Trump administrationās blockade has allowed only one fuel shipment to reach Cuba. The result? Crippling blackouts are devastating the countryās public health system. Despite heroic efforts by Cuban medical staff, over 96,000 patients are waiting for major surgery, including 11,000 children.Ā The lack of reliable electricity, due to the fuel shortage, is the direct cause.
But we (and thousands of donors) refused to accept that as the end of the story.
After navigating enormous obstacles designed by the US government to block aid to Cuba, weāve purchased:
10 autonomous solar kits (65KW each) ā to be distributed in 10 hospitals, enough to power operating rooms, intensive care units, and other vital hospital areas.
33 smaller solar kits (up to 6KW each) ā for 33 rural clinics in eastern Cuba.
These urgently needed supplies will soon be on their way to Cuba, helping the islandās health system transition to renewable energy so millions of Cubans can access the quality, free healthcare they deserve.
But we donāt want to stop here. Can you help us keep this campaign going?
The generosity and energy of the campaign so far have shown that people in the U.S. and around the world understand the urgency of standing up with the Cuban people against the genocidal policies of the U.S. We want to secure more solar panels for even more hospitals and clinics. Trump canāt block the sun, and he canāt block our solidarity.
Donate now to send more solar kits to Cuban hospitals!
"a sunny day" / šØ anso_p131 // ok to rb // oc x canon (dreamship)
ŻĖš šfrogivable had fallen asleep. the two of them had been walking for some time, or well, floating in frogivable's case. a simple date. one in which the two of them walked through the falling, pink leaves. when the two of them sat together side by side, the frog yokai's head rested on the king's shoulder like it belonged there.
"you always find the strangest places to rest, don't you, love?" kaira had whispered. although, as expected, no response. so he scooted closer to make sure that he could rest better. a small smile upon the king's face as the wind blew in their hair.
happy APIDA Heritage Month aka Asian Pacific Islander Desi American Heritage Month to my asian selfshippers, my asian american selfshippers, my pacific peoples who selfship, my desi selfshippers, my native hawaiian selfshippers and everyone else who falls under this umbrella! lots of love and joy to you all this month, your f/os would be happy to learn about your culture and canāt wait to spend lots of time with you!
letās remember to uplift people of color when it matters most and just because the name APIDA groups them together does not mean they all share the same cultures or experiences, it makes the community not only open for everyone but safe as well to remember this and to support these groups in not only this month but every month. š
Itās April, meaning itās both autism acceptance month and sexual assault awareness month.
Thereās an unfortunate amount of overlap between autistic people and sexual assault victims, seeing as how autistic people are a very vulnerable group.
As someone who is autistic and has survived sexual assault: I love you. I see you. It was never your fault. Iāll always stand by your side. Please keep living.
