… @everythinggoeswrong - Tumblr Blog

Flametail is swimming❤

He likes water doesnt he🥺❤❤

lil 16 page zine that i made at the coffee shop this weekend! a sort of pick your path style mini game, because i love wizards + interactive fiction. hope you get out of the wizard dungeon!!

#ttrpg

thestuffedalligator

"We call it vff," said the alien. "It's - it's hard to describe to a species without vffsense. Imagine trying to describe light to a species that never evolved eyes. But there are forms of life that are only perceptible with vffsense, and they've visited Earth and fed on life as long as it's existed here."

There was a pause.

Then the human said, "That's the worst thing you've ever said."

"Don't worry about it."

"I think I have to, now."

"No, because - well - you have a species of spider which pretends to be an ant, correct? It's not capable of understanding the fact that it's mimicking an ant, but it instinctually mimics an ant in order to deter predators."

"Sure?"

"Humans produce a vff to mimic varths, predators only perceptible through vffsense. The organisms that would like to feed on you are terrified of varths, and so they leave you alone. You aren't aware you do it, you don't have the capacity to understand you're doing it, but you evolved to instinctually do it to deter predators you can't see."

There was a pause.

Then the human said in a very soft and thoughtful voice, "And are there varths on Earth?"

"Yes," said the alien. "Everywhere. But don't worry about it."

fallenangelvictorious

"I think I have to, now."

"Well, varths can also sense vff, of course, but to a varth you putting off varth like vff isn't particularly frightening."

"Not frightening, ok. So do they feed on us?"

"No."

"So if not feeding then something... else?"

"Yes. Quite a lot of something else actually."

"What do you mean a lot of something else?"

"Well, you know ostriches?"

"Yeah?"

"When you humans keep ostriches, sometimes you accidentally exhibit features and behaviors that... appeal to an ostrich more than a member of their own species."

"So you're saying varth find us-"

"Incconsivably sexy, desirable to the point they abandon their own home planet and species with some regularity. It's actually quite fascinating, humans are to varth as cats are to catnip."

"Wow that's a lot to take in... you sure know a lot of animal metaphors. You could be a zoologist."

"I am a zoologist"

"Oh?"

"That's why I'm here, talking to you."

"Ah."

melonbear51

Space Orcs and Dance

I know dance is a topic that’s been covered by the space orc/humans are weird community, but I had an interesting idea; What if humanity encounters a species that dances, but only when attempting to court a potential mate? Think like how birds do mating dances to woo other birds. So when the aliens see us busting a move whenever the hell we darn well please, they get the idea that we are either the most promiscuous or just downright desperate species in the galaxy. Or, alternatively, we get a bunch of impressed aliens who start doing mating dances to really confused humans, leading to some of the most memorable proposals ever. Either possibility is fascinating.

mirkysconcubine

I pictured an alien walking in on a grp doing the Macarena or the electric side 😂😂 and freaking.

Flushed.

Omg.

Orgy?!

melonbear51

Human:*Does the Cotton Eye Joe*

Alien: THIS IS INDECENT!

*More humans join in*

Alien, covering eyes and screaming: I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS LECHERY!

teammemes

shencomix

waitineedaname

"we don't have girl talk, we have creature talk," my roommate Julia just said while rolling on the floor, "put that on your fucking tumblr, they'll love that shit"

waitineedaname

she just asked how many notes this post has and I told her eighteen and with restrained glee she said "this is going to do horrible things to my ego"

waitineedaname

I'm out of town rn but I told her this broke 500 notes and sent her some of yall's tags

waitineedaname

she feels good

everythinggoeswrong

One day she will take over this accursed site ☺️

#keep growing Julia

milfkarlmarx-deactivated2021081

yall i think i might be an extrovert

milfkarlmarx-deactivated2021081

pretty much every single one of my irl friends is shorter than me and is afraid to order my mcdonalds. i talk constantly. i organize events all the time. when did i become this

milfkarlmarx-deactivated2021081

this is what happens when you have the least sociel anxiety out of ur friend group u become extroverted out of neccessity

kraetys

*Documentary voice*

Similarly to clownfish, if there is no extrovert in a group of introverts, the most outgoing introvert will undergo a metamorphosis out of necessity

It’s hard to integrate into society and obtain food in the wild without an extrovert

wizard0rb

comic about someone’s strange dream (and daydreams)

#this comic made me cry #and it hits so close to home

hiphopocliedes

a darkened auditorium with 264 silent people in the seats. on the stage, me, sitting on a stool, lit by a spotlight, the only light in the theatre. i hold up a photo of my cat, 10 people applaud, two or three hold up photocopies of the same photo, the rest do nothing, watching, waiting.

creativereadingfanfiction

I love this description of tumblr.

allistersshtuff-deactivated2021

Mother Earth: And to you, Human, I shall give you great Endurance and a thick skin, remarkable mimicry and visual tracking skills, strong inner bones which heal back even stronger when broken, an omnivorous diet with acute palates and resistance to most poisons, a pack organization, skin-stealing skills and the ability to throw things with ease and accuracy using your upper limbs, so you shall reign the hot savannahs and deserts as the greatest pursuit predator ever. Also as primates you shall not be bound to mating seasons and with your strong self-healing instincts and great adaptability, you shall rise and be numerous as ever.

Human: Mkay but what's that nice little red fruit outta there

Mother Earth: ... That's a pepper. Do not eat it, as it contains capsaicin, and you're still a mammal. This is a fruit for the birds.

Human: But it look tasty

Mother Earth: I mean, unless you want to be curling yourself down on utter pain, you should not...

Human: *already biting it* tast y

Mother Earth: HUMAN PLEASE STOP--

Human: *already crying, curling themself up down and shedding tears of pain*

Mother Earth: I told you. Stay away from that fruit

Human: *takes another bite despite the pain*

Mother Earth: What the everloving Big Bang, HUMAN PLEASE STOP IT'S TO YOUR OWN GOOD

Human: *crying* T A S T YYYY

Mother Earth: *concerned motherworld noises*

writing-prompt-s

Aliens have captured you, and placed you in one of their nature preserves. However, they have sorely miscalculated on two issues: The amount of calories needed to keep a persistence predator sated, and the lethality/brutality of a hangry human.

jumpingjacktrash

first alien scientist in hover car: i don’t understand, all these creatures thrived together in the original environment, why is it eating them to extinction here?

second alien scientist: maybe we should add more crayfish? it ate the whole population in one sitting, that was kind of a surprise.

me, without looking up from scraping a caribou hide: i can hear you, assholes.

alien scientists: (staring)

me: yeah, i learned your language. you keep sitting there talking about me like i can’t hear you, that’s gonna happen.

first scientist: fascinating. we knew you were arguably sentient, but… (making notes)

second scientist: why are you eating everything? your food requirement in your home environment was less than half this.

me: i didn’t have to catch it myself, you idiots! you yoinked me out of the middle of a camping trip! i bought all that food at a store! i bought my CLOTHES at a store. i bought my BEDDING at a store. I DID NOT HAVE TO KILL MY OWN TENT.

me, finally looking up, shaking a flint knife at them: what the hell kind of scientists could go to earth and not notice the dominant species lives in cities? did you just swoop by in a hurry and grab everything out of the park without looking?

scientists: (silence)

me: … oh my god.

scientists: we’re grad students.

thebootydiaries

Me: *stares into the void*

The Void: *stares back*

Me: *winks*

The Void: *blushes*

secondbeatsongs

[AMV] Jon Arbuckle - You’re Gonna Go Far Kid

this is one of my favorite videos on the internet, and it kills me that the source has been silenced by youtube’s copyright system, so I’m putting it here!

I have seen a version of this on tumblr before, but the audio in that one is just a little bit off because that person edited it back in themselves

but today, I am proud to present the original video, sent to me by Crispy Crungy, who gave me permission to upload it here and share it with you all!

enjoy!