yukii

I hear voices in my head. This is gonna end bloody.

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

Journey

When I was 7, I never imagined I would become like ... this.

I have been through so much. I’ve done more harm to myself than my 7 year-old-self would approve of. Now that I look back on it, self harm was something that gave me calm in the storm that was my life. Seeing that luscious red blood or that purplish bruise was somewhat better than facing the reality. It calmed my aching heart. Physical pain trumps over emotional pain. 

I still think that sometimes. 

I still think about self harm and ending all of this shit, but I don’t do it anymore. I realized that there are a lot of people who are worried about me. There’s a lot of people who care how I treat myself. And there are a lot of people who loves me for who I am.

A lot of people try to understand me at my worst and are willing to be there for me even when I’m being unreasonable. 

And I’m thankful for that. I appreciate that.

So I learned to care a little bit for myself. 

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

Woke up today feeling dead tired. Trying to smile while dying inside. Sleep later. Repeat the same shit tomorrow.

cj (via @everythingisaboutperspective)

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

You became my escape in this world full of lies, betrayal, and pressure. Your presence made everything disappear, your smile soothed my very soul, your warmth made my worries disappear, and your hugs.. Oh baby, your hugs made me feel like I'm the most cherished person in this universe.

CJ (via @everythingisaboutperspective)

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

The last time I checked, kindness isn't equal to flirtation. People need to stop their delusions and stop sexualizing every single thing.

CJ (via @everythingisaboutperspective)

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

I still listen to the song you told me you dedicate just for me, but no, I'm not coming back.

Cj (via @everythingisaboutperspective)

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

Is it okay if I interpret your "I miss you" as a way of telling me that you still care for me?

CJ (via @everythingisaboutperspective)

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

Stop saying "would've" and "could've". Instead start with "would" and "could", and end up with "did".

CJ (via @everythingisaboutperspective)

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

I'd have to stop writing just to forget you. That's how big of an impact you've made in  my life

CJ (via @everythingisaboutperspective)

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

He was everything that I wanted.

We were never meant to be though. It was a long and exhausting story, but like everything else, it ended. I realized no matter how much you want a person to stay, ultimately, they’re still the one that gets to decide whether they will or not. It doesn’t matter what you want. I guess I should’ve known. 

I just wish there was somebody who told me I needed to leave some love for myself too before I handed over every drop of love that I had to him. I wish I took care of myself as much as I looked out for him. I wish I loved myself as much as I have loved you.

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

A Confession

You weren’t even mine, yet when you left, I felt my heart break into pieces. It felt like I lost someone I didn’t want to lose ever. And it sucked cause you didn’t feel the same. It was so easy for you to say goodbye, and it hurt like hell.

You were never mine, but why did it feel like I swallowed a needle and it went straight to my heart when you left? Why did my heart break? Why? Why? Why... Why did you leave?

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

It was easy to forgive you...

for the mistakes you made.

for the lies you said.

for the pain.

The hard part was forgetting..

how you hid everything from me.

how you said I was the only one.

how you broke my heart.

The funny thing about that is...

when a friend told me not to trust you, I still did.

when every single cell in my body screamed to not fall for you, I still did.

when my logical side told me to leave your ass, I didn’t.

In the end...

I forgave you.

I gave you another chance.

I stayed with you.

Cause at the end of the day...

You’re still the one who makes me laugh when I’ve had it bad.

You’re still the one I miss.

You’re still the one I love.

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

Isn't it funny how the only permanent thing in this beautifully miserable life is our past? The one thing we long to change.

CJ (via @everythingisaboutperspective)

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

To be brutally honest...

I still think of you even though I’m perfectly happy and in love with my current relationship.

I think of you when I’m happy, down, or when a big news just pops out of nowhere.

I think of you when I see your favorite color, and how you said green calms you down.

I think of you when I eat my favorite food, and how you said it was yours too.

I think of you when I listen to music, and how you never judged me in my tastes that ranges from classical music to heavy metal.

I think of you when I watch a movie, how you recommend the most amazing ones.

I think of you when I write, and how you tried to write a poem for me once.

I think of you when I drink/see people drinking, and how you were there when I needed someone to take me home.

I think of you when I’m alone at night, and how you always were there to talk to me until I fell asleep.

I think of you when I do my projects, and how you motivate the hell out of me.

I think of you when I go see a pageant, and how you were with me in that stage.

I think of you when I close my eyes...

I still do. 

EVERY. DAMN. TIME.

I still care for you, yes. This love will always be here. I have once loved you with all of me and I don’t see how I can help that.

I forgive myself though. I set myself free.

Free from the shackles I have made for myself when I decided to be trapped in the past with you. 

I still think of you though... I do.

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

Why is it that everytime I’m happy I lose all motivation to do what I need to? I always lose sight of my goals just because I focus on what I want to do. I get so distracted by what I want that I forget what I need. It’s unbecoming. I’ve always been like this and I don’t know why. I know I should do something about this attitude, but I’m not really sure I want to. See? And there it is again. I kinda don’t want to stop but I need to! And that’s the issue. I can’t do what I need to do! WHY!?

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

If anything is worth risking for, it's yourself. Forgive you. Give you a chance. Start all over again.

CJ via @everythingisaboutperspective

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

What in holy hell's name did you just ask me to forget? Why? Anime is literally just sitting there innocently. Why the fuck would you get mad over it?

[everythingisaboutperspectiv-blog]

I don't think it's fair how I think of you every damn second of the day, and you... yeah, you... you just smile and act like all those years were nothing.