evg/viktor

he/him | adhd, bipolar type 2, dyslexia | rus/eng | gay and trans🏳️‍⚧️!

[evgneedstosleep]

Masterlist :)

total works: 6

all of my y/n fics are gender neutral unless stated otherwise 

also all of my fics are posted on ao3, my user is: evghastroublesleeping

Technoblade:

The roads are my home

Ranboo:

Well that happened 

I cannot run from my family | part 1, 2 (completed)

Y/n:

Tubbo:

The light behind your eyes | part 1, 2 (not completed)

[sarielsnowings]

⚡ Deus (h)ex Machina ⚡

[evgneedstosleep]

I cannot run from my family | part 2

TW: nightmares, panic/anxiety attack, mention of self harm, child abuse

Stay safe, guys, and drink some water! You deserve it <3

   Ranboo had a nightmare again.

   He saw his dad leave again.

   Ranboo sometimes wishes he could just forget everything. Because maybe forgetting everything will stop him from having those god awful nightmares.

   The worst part about these nightmares is that they are real. The first part is that this isn't a trick of his imagination, this isn't some made up horror story his brain decides to show him every time he closes his eyes. Its a memory. Its a memory he wishes he could forget.

   He doesn't want to so vividly relive one of the worst moments of his life, practically every night.

   You'd think that because of the amount of times he has had this nightmare, he'd become desensitized. But no. It hurts just as much as it did the first time he heard those awful words directed to him.

   Some nights he'd wake up and cry himself to sleep like he did oh so many years ago.

   Some nights he'd scratch himself until his skin oozes purple blood and he cant feel his limbs anymore.

   But this night was different.

   He didn't wake up to the cold air of his room, to the suffocating blanket over him. He was woken up by two arms shaking him awake and a pair of red eyes filled with concern staring at him.

   'Ranboo, Ranboo, wake up' Techno's concerned voice shook him awake as he gasped for air and felt the painful sting of tears slipping down his cheeks. The enderman hybrid stared at Technoblade as he took shaky breaths in and out until said piglin hybrid enveloped the other in a hug. Ranboo sobbed into Technoblade's shoulder as the other patiently rubbed the younger boy's back.

   After what seemed like an eternity for Ranboo but was closer to 5 minutes, the enderman hybrid calmed down enough to speak. He was still slightly shaking, but is breathing was becoming more and more stable, so Ranboo detached himself from Techno's shoulder and looked down at his hands.

   'Nightmare?' Technoblade asked the younger, who just nodded in response, 'wanna talk about it?'

   Ranboo took a slowly breath in and exhaled, 'I just- I wasn't always an orphan, Techno' the enderman looked up at the Blood God who simply nodded, urging him to continue 'lets just say, my family never really liked the fact that I was a boy' Ranboo looked down at his hands as he felt another tear form in his eyes and the edges of his mouth slowly morphing into a frown, after a moment of silence, he continued 'I- I keep having this nightmare, and in it im just reliving what umm.. what happened' Ranboo's voice started to slightly shake 'its this one specific moment, one specific memory that haunts me' he took a deep breath in, 'when my dad left.'

   Silence.

   Ranboo felt Technoblade squeeze his shoulders. Ranboo smiled a bittersweet smile, still not looking up from his fidgeting hands.

   'He, ummm, he called me a freak. And I- and I- to this day see how his face was filled with so much disappointment and... disgust.' Ranboo winced, those words tasted so gross and filthy coming from his mouth 'My mom- my mother made me leave. She- she said its my fault he left.' a sob broke out form the boy's lips.

   Technoblade enveloped the smaller boy in a tight and warm embrace, the other instantly breaking out into more sobs.

   'I just- It is my fault, isn't it? If I- If I wasn't born like this, maybe they'd still love me' more and more tears slipped down his cheeks, they burnt him, but he no longer felt the pain.

   'Ranboo, I want you to know that you are perfect just the way you are. Its not your fault they don't understand you. You- you don't need love from people who aren't willing to love you for who you are.' Technoblade softly spoke, rocking the boy and rubbing gentle circles into his back, 'Phil, everyone else and I love you for who you are. I just- I want you to know that we love you.'

   The two hybrids sat together, hugging and rocking each other through the night.

   Ranboo found his home.

part 1 

[evgneedstosleep]

I cannot run from my family | part 1

Summary:

Ranboo's childhood still haunts him, but at least now he has someone there to help him through it.

TW: child abuse, emotional and physical abuse, transphobia

   Ranboo stared in the mirror as tears rolled down his eyes.

   Why was he like this?

   Even though the door to his bathroom was locked tight, he could still hear his mother's yelling. He hated how she sounded when she yelled. She was usually so sweet, but after Ranboo told her his secret, she wasn't too happy with him.

   Its been about 3 weeks since Ranboo came out to his mom, and every single night after that evening, he has fallen asleep to the sounds of shouting and slurred insults directed at him. He really didn't expect his parents to have such a reaction to him being... well, being himself. He still remembers how about 2 days after his coming out his dad left him.

   'I don't want to live with a freak, and if you still want to raise this then so be it, but im not staying a single night in this house until its gone' was how he put it. His mom wasn't too happy about that. The liquor cabinet has been emptying at a significantly faster rate after his dad started staying at the Inn on the other side of town.

   Ranboo has learned that he should stay in his room from the time's of 6 pm and 9 am - that was when his mom was at home. That was when she was downstairs drinking. He learned that after a big bruise appeared on his leg after his mom dragged him up the stairs to his room and hit the door with it.

   The 12 year old boy really didn't understand why they were so upset about him being a boy.

   He was still himself... wasn't he?

   He was still their child.

   Ranboo quickly brushed his teeth and went straight to bed, curling up in the covers and crying himself to sleep.

   It was about 8:30 in the morning, when the enderman boy heard the creak of the stairs behind his closed bedroom door. He slightly shifted in his bed and hid under the covers. Mom is going to work now, which meant that when he heard the house door close with a bang (like it usually did) he could go down and make himself some breakfast. Maybe he could even clean up the bottles and hope that mom wouldn't be as mad as she usually was.

   Then he heard it.

   The creaks ended abruptly.

   His ears and tail twitched.

   It usually took longer for the creaks to stop the boy took notice as he slightly lifted the covers to stare at the bottom of his bedroom door. He could see the shadow of his mom's feet from under his door.

   Why wasn't she leaving?

   The door suddenly opened and Ranboo didn't even have time to hide in his covers again as they were quickly ripped off of him.

   He stared up at his mother in fear.

   'I want you out of this house in 10 minutes, Robin,' a small bag was thrown at the boy and he quickly scrambled to catch it, his hands were shaking, 'you were the reason he left, you useless good-for-nothing, I don't want to look at your face ever again, you understand that?' it felt like his mom was spitting out venom at him as he stared up at her. She looked at the bruise covered boy with a face filled with disappointment and disgust. Without another word, she left the room and slammed the door shut.

   The boy sat up and stared at his bedroom door.

   She was just joking... right?

   She still loved her child... right?

   Silent tears rolled down his eyes as he stood up from his bed and quietly started dressing up and packing his belongings. The bag was filled with some of his clothes and a little bit of food and water. At least she still cared. He shoved his favorite wooden toy that his dad gave him when he was 6 years old into the bag, along with his toothbrush, hairbrush and other necessities. He took one final look around his room, wiped his tears and headed downstairs.

   Ranboo cringed at the sound of creaking beneath his feet. When he passed the kitchen, he gave his mom one final look of hope, maybe she was just joking? This was just a joke? Right?

   Instead he was greeted with his mom's usual beautiful emerald eyes staring at him with such hatred and disgust, he shrunk in on himself and headed out of his home- house.

   He heard the door to his house get slammed behind him as he stepped into the snow outside. A couple of snowflakes fell onto his nose, he winced slightly at the pain of the melted snowflake slowly dripping down his face.

--------------------------------------------------

   It had been 5 years since he left his family. Ranboo doesn't remember much about the last 3 weeks he spent with his mother, he only remembered how he would cry himself to sleep. He remembered how scared  he felt. Ranboo would sometimes get nightmares in which he would be back at that house. He would be running up the stairs as his mother yelled- or should he say slurred? -insults at him. And every time he would have a nightmare he would wake up and hide and shrink into the covers of his bed, because if he looked outside, if he looked behind the covers, they would find him.

   After all those years, Ranboo was still the same scared boy.

part 2

[evgneedstosleep]

The roads are my home

Summary:

Wilbur left the Sleepy Boi's household when he was 16 and when he finally came back, he finds out that a lot has changed including his sister

or,

Wilbur reconnects with Technoblade and finds out that he is transgender.

   Tahlia and Wilbur were twins, they got along fairly well, both of them having fun running around in the backyard of Phil's, their father's, house. They weren't actually twins though, Phil found them both on the streets of a city he once visited and, absolutely horrified by the state they were living in, took them in. They grew up under the protective wing of their father, Will was always more of an adventurer than Tahlia, who liked to stay at home and read books about mythology and wars. Even though Wilbur spent most of his childhood outside, he was way weaker than his sister, who would always beat him in the little play-fights they had. Countless times Phil had to stop their fights in the fear the his daughter would break his son's leg or any other limb for that matter.

   So it wasn't surprising to Phil, when one summer evening, as the family of three sat at their dinner table, Wilbur stated that he wants to leave his home and go explore the world.

   'So you are leaving the family for some adventure, huh?' Tahlia poked her food as she looked up at her brother.

   'Im not permanently leaving, I just want to see the world! There's so much beauty and wonders that neither of us have ever seen!' Wilbur beamed at his sister and father.

   Tahlia just snorted in response.

   'You have a problem with me pursuing my dream, Tahlia?' Wilbur answered with mock offense.

   'Yeah, like you'd survive out there with your lanky arms' She mischievously smiled at her brother, who just huffed out and sank in his chair.

   'Daaaad, Tahlia is being mean to meee' he whined to Phil who was just trying to eat his food in peace.

   Phil sighed.

   'Look, if your dream is to travel the world, I say go for it. You're old enough to take care of yourself so Im not stopping you' Phil looked up from his food as he took a sip of green tea from his tea cup.

   Wilbur just beamed at him and quickly stood up from the table and ran upstairs to his room to pack all of his belongings. Tahlia just looked over at her dad in shock.

   'You're really letting this wimp go exploring the world?' she spoke 'He's gonna die out there within a week, do you really think this is a good idea?'

   Phil took another sip from his tea cup.

   'I think its for the best. Your brother always knew how to get out of any tricky situation, im sure he'll be fine' he softly spoke as he looked at his daughter 'If you want, you can join him, im not stopping you'

   'No, I'd rather stay with you here' she replied.

   Next morning, Tahlia punched her brother in the shoulder and smiled at him for the last time for a long time.

   The house was quieter without the constant tune of Wilbur's guitar present.

------------------------------------------------------------------

   Years passed and with time Tahlia realized that she wasn't Tahlia anymore. He was Technoblade, he was Philza's son and he was a boy. It took a while to get used to the change but now Techno's wardrobe included some hefty binders and every other week Phil would brew Techno a potion, which Tommy (the new member of the family they found in the forest when Techno was 18) would like to call 'man juice', that he would drink to help him feel more like himself.

   It took a while but Techno became more comfortable with himself, he stopped cutting his naturally pink hair, and now it reached his lower back. The 12 year old Tommy like to mess around with it and sometimes Techno would let him braid flowers into his flowy hair.

   On Techno's 22nd birthday, they were all sat around the dinner table. Phil had baked a cake and Tommy was practically vibrating in his chair at the idea of eating something sweet. Technoblade was helping his father set up the table when the three of them heard a knock on the door.

   'I'll get it' Techno sighed and wiped his hands on the apron he was wearing around his waist.

   He opened the door to reveal his brother. His brother, who he hadn't heard from in 6 years, was standing in front of his house, a guitar strapped behind his back. His brother's torn up waist coat was moving in the wind and a maroon red beanie adored his head as he stared at Technoblade.

   '...Tahlia?'  Wilbur hesitantly asked as he studied Techno's face.

   Technoblade stared right back.

   'Its been 6 years, you prick,' Technoblade sighed as he closed the door to his house behind him, 'a lot has changed' he held out his hand 'its Technoblade now' he smiled at his brother, who just chuckled in response.

   'A lot has changed,' he shook the other's hand, 'nice to meet you again, Technoblade'

   They smiled at each other until Wilbur opened his arms and Techno enveloped him in a tight hug.

   'You could've written to us, dumbass' Techno laughed into the shorter boy's shoulder.

   'I never seemed to have the time' the other boy replied.

[evgneedstosleep]

Well that happened

Summary: 

Ranboo isn't hyper dysphoric, he's gotten quite comfortable with his body and, yes, there are moments when he's dysphoric. But what happens when stealth Ranboo forgets that he has a chest? ;000

or

crack fic where ranboo comes out to Phil and techno

   Ranboo has gotten quite comfortable with himself. For the longest time he was incredibly dysphoric about his body, it was rough to say the least. But after several years, shit got better and he no longer binds all the time, like he used to do. When he's alone, he can safely walk around with just a shirt on, no hoodie or binder, just him and himself.

   But one day, Ranboo sort of just forgets? Nothing unusual about Ranboo forgetting something, but he sort of just forgot he was trans? In other words: the enderman forgot about his tits.

   Like every other morning, this morning Ranboo woke up, slightly cleaned and tidied his shack and after just lying in his bed and staring at his ceiling decided to pay a visit to his neighbors. He's gotten quite friendly and close to the hybrids and would often visit them to drink some tea. So the enderman hybrid put on his dress shirt and after looking at himself in the mirror for a bit, left his shack.

   After the small walk to Technoblade's and Phil's house, he knocked on their door.

   'Oh hi, Ranboo!' Phil opened the door 'came to join us for some tea?'

   'Yeah' Ranboo sheepishly smiled and Phil let the hybrid into his house. He shook of the snow off his shoulders and boots and stood next to the door, not exactly sure what to do with himself.

   'You can help out by setting the table, if you want to help' Phil smiled at the awkward boy. Ranboo sheepishly ducked his head and went straight to the kitchen.

   Phil started boiling the water and out of the corner of his eyes observed Ranboo, something seemed off about him today. Phil grabbed the tea pot and tea and waited for the water to boil, still looking at the hybrid who was grabbing the tea cups and carefully putting them onto the small table they had. 'Something is definitely off'  Phil thought to himself 'What is it though? He seems to be acting like he usually does, maybe something is off with his outfit? Maybe he added something new to it and I just didn't notice?' . So Phil observed the young hybrid more intently, 'nothing seems to be off...' he first examined his boots, nothing new, his pants, also nothing, and then his shirt 'OH'

   Phil figured out what was off. Ranboo usually flat chest now seemed to have increased in size?

   Maybe Phil was just going senile with old age??? HOW could have Ranboo's chest just have grown??? Phil decided to stop looking at the boy and just finished making the tea.

   After a couple moments of silence, Technoblade woke up and came down the stairs from his bedroom.

   'G'morning, Phil...and Ranboo' The disheveled piglin yawned and walked past the kitchen to the table where Ranboo sat at.

   Finally, the tea was ready and Phil joined the other two at the table, also noting how Techno had quite a quizzical look on his face.

   'Hey, Ranboo could you get the cookies from the cupboard, please?' Phil smiled at Ranboo, who quickly nodded and stood up to get them. As soon as he did so Techno and Phil immediately looked at each other.

   'Ranboo has a chest.' Techno stated in a whisper as he stared at the other hybrid 'I mean, we cant know that, maybe he just ate something that made him bloat or something?' Phil whispered back, Technoblade just narrowed his eyes at the elder 'Sure...'

   Ranboo returned to the table and set down the cookie jar, sitting down with the other two. Phil poured the tea into their cups and they started quietly drinking the green tea.

   Finally, Phil spoke up 'So, Ranboo...'

   'Yeah?' the ender replied.

   'Did you eat anything new or interesting yesterday or in the past week or so..?'

   'No..? I don't think so at least, why?' the confused hybrid replied.

   'Are you wearing a stuffed bra?' Technoblade spoke up intently staring at the boy.

   'TECHNO YOU CANT JUST ASK THAT-' Phil whisper-yelled at the piglin who just looked at the elder with an expression that said if no one was going to ask, then I will  'theres absolutely nothing wrong with that, Ranboo, if you are!'

   Ranboo just stared at them confused 'What do you mean-' he looked down at his chest 'OH'

   Ranboo started laughing while the other two just stared at him confused.

   'I cant believe I forgot about that!' Ranboo said between laughs, when he slightly calmed down he looked at them and said 'well, uh, im trans?'

   'so... she/her pronouns or..?' Techno narrowed his eyes.

   'No, no! Still he/him, im just female to male! I just, ugh, forgot' Ranboo sheepishly said.

   'How could you forget that your are trans?' Phil looked at the boy with a confused smile.

   'I, uh, don't know really, must have gotten used to you guys' Ranboo smiled at them.

   'We support you by the way, any way you are, all the way!' Phil quickly added.

   'I will commit homicide if anyone is transphobic to you or to anyone. ' Techno said with his usual monotone as he took a long slow sip of his tea which made the other two burst into laughter.

[evgneedstosleep]

The light behind your eyes | part 2

TW: alcoholism, abandonment, accidental misgendering

   Schlatt held onto the partially soaked box as he ran through the rain. The streets were empty, deserted of any form of life, as Schlatt's breath formed clouds in the air. The sound of his shoes clicking on the cobblestone pavement soon morphed into the quiet slush of mud as Schlatt exited the village and entered the deep dark oak forest.

   Schlatt was shaking from the cold and he pulled the box he held in his hands closer to his chest as he sped walked through the forest. It was freezing and he was soaking wet, but nothing will stop him from reaching his destination. He slightly opened the box and looked into the eyes of his baby daughter peacefully sleeping, wrapped up in blankets. She looked just like her father, curly brown hair and deep brown eyes. Schlatt smiled at her as he kissed her forehead and continued walking through the dark.

   Eventually the goat hybrid reached his destination - a small cottage in the middle of nowhere. By the end of the almost hour long walk through the forest, he was completely covered in water. Droplets of water slid down his face and throat as he walked up to the front door of the house.

   Schlatt had noticed the owner of this cottage a while back in the village, most notable to him were the three kids that always surrounded him. They always seemed so happy. Schlatt hoped that Toby will also be happy with them. He gulped as he looked at the door in front of him.

   He opened the slightly soaked box and looked at his precious daughter. Tears mixed with rain slid down his face as he smiled at her. He will do anything to make her happy, even if it means letting her go.

   When Schlatt had just found out that the girl he had accidentally knocked up at a random party was pregnant with his child, he was beyond terrified. He was no father?! He was just a guy in his 20s with a slight alcohol consumption problem! He definitely was not prepared to raise a child. But he still found himself standing with the little kid in his arms as the child's mother drove away, never to be seen by him or the kid ever again.

   The first feeling Schlatt felt was anger. Why the fuhk should he care about some little gremlin that happened to share half his dna??? But then the little gremlin grabbed Schlatt's finger and did the most adorable fuhking thing ever.

   It fuhking giggled.

   And in that exact moment Schlatt realized he was horribly fuhked.

   They lived together and Schlatt was exhausted with being a new found dad, but he really couldn't be happier. The kid brought light to his nights and he stopped drinking, not completely, but he was doing way better than before the kid entered his life. He named his daughter Toby cause Toby is a fuhking cool ass name and im naming the fuhker whatever I want.

   Toby grew on Schlatt and Schlatt was doing his absolute best to be the best dad, so when she grew up, Toby could buy him one of those mugs that said 'World's Best Dad' and he'd saw how stupid it was but his heart would swell with happiness.

   But, of course, Schlatt's life was never and will never be perfect, because god can't ever let the poor hybrid dad live in peace.

   Schlatt didn't have the best paying job but it was enough to provide for the family of two. But then, out of nowhere, the owner of the little farmer's shop died, and he was left jobless.

   He searched and searched for a job, but no one wanted to take him, since he was a goat hybrid.

   He didn't give up though, he continued his search, but his savings started to run dry and the stress of it all caused him to relapse and now the money was dwindling away at a more significant rate.

   Schlatt knew he was fuhked in the ass now.

   He would cry himself to sleep, he knew he couldn't provide for his daughter anymore, he knew that he would probably never get a job with his stupid horns, in this city at least.

   So he started to look for another way out. Since he couldn't provide for Toby maybe someone else could. Even though it felt like someone stabbed his abdomen anytime he thought about giving Toby away, it was the only way out. Schlatt wasn't stupid.

   And he wasn't stupid not to notice the blond man who walked with his 3 adoptive sons through the small village like he owned the place. The kids were not thin, which meant that they were fed well  Schlatt noted, the guy looked happy around the three kids so he was most likely an okay dad. That was better than most father's in this village.

   So the blond haired dad it is.

   And so here Schlatt was, standing at the doorstep of his daughter's future dad's house at 3 in the morning.

   Tears continued rolling down his face and down his neck as he looked at his daughter and imagined a better future, where he could've been able to give her the life he never had. A future where he saw his daughter go to kindergarten, saw her graduate, get married or something. But no.

   Life just finds away to fuhk shit up.

   Schlatt cupped Toby's cheek and he pressed one final kiss to the girl's forehead as he gently set the box down.

   ' Promise me, that when you grow up, you're gonna be happy, okay? Okay, Toby? Promise me, that you'll live the life you want, right? Right? Even though I wont be there to witness it, be happy, okay? '  tears rolled down his cheeks as he whispered  ' you are literally 1 years old and you're sleeping so you cant hear or understand me, so this is ridiculous '  Schlatt chuckled  ' but I hope that- that very smart brain of yours will somehow process the bullshit im spewing out '  tears mixed with rain fell onto the blanket ' I-I hope you wont hate me, Toby. Im sorry I have to do this, but it's for the best. You'll be with the dad who can give you the life you truly deserve.

   Goodbye, Toby. '

[evgneedstosleep]

The light behind your eyes | part 1

TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS 

   Tubbo focused on the clinking of his shoes against the road leading to his... his father's grave. Tubbo didn't want to focus on the fact that he managed to find out who his dad was only after he disappeared from... well, from being alive. So he shook his head and just focused on the soft clinking.

   Ignoring doesn't work for long though, because eventually the road ends, and the short goat hybrid comes face to face with his dad's gravestone.

   He stared down at the tyrant's name carved into the smooth stone, fidgeting with the bouquet of flowers he held in his hand.

   He didn't tell anyone where he went. Quackity is probably fuming right now, because he has president things to do and responsibilities and other things his cabinet tells him everyday. He feels so tired and... exhausted. He just wants to be having fun and running around wheat fields with Tommy and not exiling his best friend.

   Tubbo lets out a sad chuckle.

   Its quite funny how they made him the president. He is only 17 years old. He is still a kid.

   A kid, who was fought in wars for as long as he can remember. A kid, who still cries himself to sleep, because anytime he closes his eyes, all he sees is nightmares. A kid, who has a huge scar across his chest and only one life left to live. A life he doesn't even think he wants to live anymore. A kid, who grew up without knowing who his real father was, only to find out who his dad was when he was seconds away from death.

   In conclusion, he was just a kid.

   He, himself, doesn't know why he decided to visit his grave. It's not like he was emotionally attached to the man. In fact, this man ordered the boy's execution, so he must hate him.

   But here he is.

   Bringing flowers to his father's grave.

   The hybrid sat down in front of the grave and set down the flowers in front of his knees.

   ' Hi, mr. President umm... I should probably call you dad now, right? '  He felt stupid  ' I've ughh never spoken to a grave so this is quite weird ' he softly chuckled as he played with the grass under his legs.

   ' I don't really know why im here actually, it's really not like I love you. You practically ruined my life, ughh, dad, so I really shouldn't be coming here on Father's day '  he sighed  ' but, alas, im here. '

   He shifted.

   ' I guess, I just wanted to know umm '  he took in a deep breath  ' why... why did you have to tell me so late? Couldn't have you told me that you're my dad earlier? '  he quietly chuckles as a single tear rolled down his cheek  ' You know, I needed you. I-I needed a dad! '  he hugs his knees  ' You know how hard it is to live all your life knowing that you're dad just up and left you in a box? A fun story to tell, but I was- I was so scared, dad... '  he wipes at his eyes  ' I'm crying now, how pathetic, huh? '

   He sits in silence for a moment as he tries to calm down his breathing.

   ' I just- I just want to know, dad. '  the boy shifts once again and lifts his head to look at the grave as if something would've changed. But the gravestone still stands, mocking him.

   ' You know what? This was stupid, '  the boy rubs at his eyes to try and get rid of all the tears  ' I never should've even come here, what did I expect to happen, for you to show up- '

   ' Tubbo? '

   The boy was interrupted as he quickly inhaled.

    No.

   It can't be him.

   He stopped rubbing his teary eyes as he looked up.

   His gaze was met with the one figure he never would've thought he'd ever see again.

   ' Toby, is that you? '