trans Techno SBI fanfic part 1
This is the first part of a fanfic I've been writing. Just felt like sharing :)
part 2
TW: blood, discussion of a period, gender dysphoria, internalized transphobia, harmful ideas about weakness
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“Phil!” Techno shouts, unfamiliar fear knotted in his gut.
There’s the sound of stumbling footsteps racing up the stairs and then Techno’s bedroom door is being yanked open. Phil’s hair is messy, hanging loose around his shoulders and he’s still dressed in his pajamas. Techno must have woken him up. A brief flash of guilt slices his insides.
“What is it? Are you ok Techno?” Phil quizzes, alarmed, trying to catch his breath. A concerned expression is written on his face.
Techno clenches his jaw and forces himself to draw back his bed covers with shaking hands. Sticky blood has pooled onto his bed sheet, staining his pants and covers in a vibrant red.
“Shit mate! Did you hurt yourself?” Phil yelps, approaching Techno where he sits curled with his knees drawn up to his chest.
“No, I just woke up,” Techno responds, absently gnawing at the place where his lip wrapped around his small tusks. It’s not a lie really, he could barely notice the pain that is stabbing his abdomen.
Early morning light drifts through the window and the few birds awake have taken up chirping. It’s a warm, cozy scene. Usually, Techno would find it a comforting reminder of the sun beginning to rise. But today, all his normal feelings seem to have evaporated and been replaced with a dull pinching ache instead. Hurriedly, Techno shoves away the sudden urge to cry which may even be more startling than the blood he’d awoken to.
“And you didn’t scratch yourself with your tusks or injure yourself in your sleep?” Phil questions, less frazzled now, surveying Techno’s bed covers.
“No.”
Phil hums, face drawing into a confused expression. Then he apparently connects something in his mind as his face settles into a tense, guilty, sort of near grimace. It’s almost the same expression that Phil always wears when he’s forced to deal with an awkward situation. But as Phil hasn’t accidentally caught Wilbur and Quackity together with the door shut, Techno isn’t sure why he’s wearing it. Or why a there’s an obvious look of guilt in his eyes.
“Uhh… mate,” Phil says hesitantly, like he’s half sure about what he’s asking, “has anyone told you about a…. period?”
“A period? Of what?” Techno asks, a scowl starting to grow on his face. He doesn’t know what Phil is going on about. He could be bleeding out and Phil’s changing the subject? Irritation stretches through him as blood begins to dry and itch on his legs and the pain inside his gut just persists.
“Like…” Phil makes a confusing gesture with his hands then grimaces again and aborts his visual demonstration. The man slumps down onto the bottom of Techno’s bed. Sighing, Phil runs a hand through his hair and turns to face Techno.
“Look mate, there’s a few things I think …. I didn’t realize about…yourself,” Phil says slowly.
Confusion continues to pester Techno’s mind. He had already learned about his piglin heritage, years ago. Nothing Phil is deciding to currently discuss connects to the blood staining his mattress. Techno snorts in annoyance and hugs his legs tighter to his chest.
“Ok… so,” Phil stalls, trying to figure out what to say, “You know you’re a piglin hybrid and piglins I think have a different sort of ah… biology and anatomy around procreation.”
Techno nods.
“I didn’t even know this was a possibility, but I guess I shouldn’t have assumed….” Phil’s eyes stare past Techno caught in some distant memory. After a moment Phil shakes his head and continues.
“Humans are different. There’re people like me and Wilbur and others like Puffy and… you I suppose.”
“But you know how to fight too-” Techno argues.
A small but amused grin flashes glints on Phil’s face, and his expression relaxes a fraction.
“It’s not the fighting mate.”
Techno wracks his brain for any other connection but comes up empty.
“I guess you both have the ability to get pregnant-” No, Techno panics, no I really don’t need that ability. Icy fear slips into Techno’s gut. Suddenly, he has a horrible idea of where this is headed.
“-And because of that there are some things that your body does to prepare for a baby. Some of these things happen to be bleeding from your….” Phil makes a gesture and Techno can make a decent assumption of what Phil means.
As he quickly jerks his head in a nod, humiliation quickly joins the circus of horrible feelings that have taken up residence inside. Nausea swirls and crashes in his gut. A vicious, familiar wrongness sickens his chest. It tangles with his fear and knots around his heart. Pain, aching and somehow so familiar condenses into a dagger that shreds Techno’s reality. Wetness wells in his eyes, a lump chokes his throat, and Techno really wants Phil to shut up.
Instead, he just tucks his head into his knees and lets the darkness consume him.
Nothing can harm him here. Here he has no body. Here he can just exist in nothingness.
“Mate?” Phil asks in a concerned voice. The bed shifts and Phil is suddenly sitting beside him, somehow managing to lean back against the carved headboard, wings shifting to flare out behind Techno. Warmth radiates from Phil, and Techno resists the urge to curl into his side. That would mean leaving the darkness and admitting weakness. And Techno loathes that idea.
“I’m so sorry you had to find out this way Techno, I should have told you long ago that this could happen. Fuck, I should have even just given you a basic biology lesson. I guess I was too focused on getting you settled in than educating you on human anatomy.”
Techno makes a sound that is entirely his piglin side, high-pitched and squealy. The maelstrom of other emotions distracts him from the usual embarrassment of making such childish noises.
“Oh mate,” Phil says sympathetically into the early morning quiet.
Wrapping a warm arm around him, Phil tugs him closer until Techno’s nestled against his side but somehow leaving Techno still curled into the darkness of his knees. Feathers brush against his side, blocking out the goldens rays from his widow. “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Look, I’m going to ask Puffy to come over and explain this situation in more detail. But the basic idea is that you’re going to bleed every month-”
Techno’s head shoots upward, a wild look flaring in his red eyes. The nausea inside has doubled, and the ropes knotted in his chest stretch taut. Techno’s faced countless battles, seen and caused the gruesome deaths of too many people to name. He’s killed and nearly been killed, done what he’s needed to stay alive. And through it all, he’s tried his hardest not to show any weakness, terrified of how it could be used against him.
But for some reason, this is what breaks him. Maybe it’s because Techno finally has somewhere safe to live. Maybe it’s because everything in his past has slowly cracked the dam inside and this is the final blow that smashed it open. Maybe it’s because the ever-present ache in his heart has finally swallowed him whole.
Techno doesn’t know the reason. It doesn’t matter. A sob claws its way out of him, harsh and ragged. He returns to the darkness. Burying his head further into his knees, Techno clenches his jaw tight and smothers the sobs that force their way out of him.
“Techno-” Phil sounds alarmed again, “Tech, mate, can you look at me?”
Techno doesn’t budge.
“Please mate? I know this isn’t great-” Actually it’s the worst Phil, Techno thinks bitterly. “But I promise everything’s going to be ok.”
Nothing is going to be ok ever again, Techno is certain of it. He can feel warm blood soaking into his legs. Another sob tears itself from his chest. Disgust swirls inside and Techno has the sudden urge to scratch his skin off. Instead, he just squeezes his eyes even harder shut. A moment passes. Then Phil begins to gently run his hands through Techno’s hair. This only causes Techno to sob harder. You’re pathetic, his mind spits at him, and now you’re forcing Phil to deal with you. He’s going to think you’re disgusting. He’s going to see how weak and wrong you are.
Because Techno knows his body shouldn’t be doing this. That his body shouldn’t even be able to. He knows this is wrong. And now Phil will know that he’s wrong. And if you’re wrong then you’re weak. And Techno can’t be weak.
Still, Phil continues threading his hand through Techno’s hair, silent now, breathing steady and comforting. The movement against Techno’s side and head is grounding. It draws him away from his spiraling thoughts, provides him something else to focus on besides the battle that’s waging in his chest.
“Mate?” Phil asks quietly after an unknowable amount of time has passed and Techno’s sobs have morphed into heaving breaths. Hesitantly, Techno lifts his head from his knees, blinking away the spots that swarm his vision as it adapts to the brightness of his room. The sun must have risen fully by now. Distantly, he can hear that the number of birdcalls has increased dramatically. Everything is so normal. And Techno doesn’t want it to be. Because if everything is normal then that means what’s happening to him is normal. And it isn’t. It can’t be. Because if Techno’s wrongness is normal that would mean his weakness is his strength and his strength a weakness and nothing would ever make any sense ever again.
Phil rubs his shoulder comfortingly, “I’m so sorry. This must have been a shock to wake up to.”
Techno gives a small nod.
“You know I don’t think any different of you Techno. It’s perfectly normal-” Techno tenses at the word, “er… perfectly fine to be like this.”
He nods again even if he doesn’t believe it.
“Ok… I think you should go take a shower while I head to Puffy’s, ok mate?”
Anxiety claws at his insides, rabid and feral. It’s already terrible that Phil’s enlisting Puffy’s help. He doesn’t want his brothers to know about this. They can’t.
“Please don’t-” Techno blurts out, then inhales sharply, breath quickening, “please don’t tell Wilbur or Tommy, please.”
“Of course, mate, just tell me what you’re comfortable with ok?” Phil replies, giving him a kind smile.
“Ok” Techno mutters, beginning to untangle himself. Everything feels gross and he doesn’t know why he didn’t realize what was happening before. Maybe if he hadn’t called for Phil, hadn’t shown weakness, everything could be normal, or at least he could pretend it was. And nobody would ever have to know it wasn’t. Nobody would have to know how awful and wrong and weak he is.
“Do you want me to carry you to the bathroom?” Phil asks, shifting off the bed and stretching with a groan. There is the sound of ruffling feathers as Phil settles his wings against his back. But Techno forces himself to focus on Phil’s question. As he is rather interested in forgetting he has a body right now, any attempt of walking sounds hellish to Techno. So, despite the mortification he’s bound to feel, Techno nods his assent.
“Alright mate.”
And then Phil’s scooping him up like a helpless kid, arms under his back and legs. Unsurprisingly, heat rises to Techno’s face, but his mind is still caught in a riptide of horrifying thoughts revolving around how wrong everything feels. For someone who’s built for flying, Phil is surprisingly strong, managing to carry Techno who is nearly as tall as him, without some much as a huff of exertion. The bathroom is only a few paces away and Techno feels a rush of relief when Phil sets him down on the tiled ledge of the bathtub.
“I’ll get you a change of clothes before I leave, ok? Don’t worry about what you have on, I can do laundry later.” Phil says evenly, giving him another gentle smile. Something inside Techno hisses but he can’t figure out why since his insides are a mess of pain, both physical and emotional. What he does know is that he won’t make Phil take care him anymore. He can deal with this on his own.
Nodding, Techno sits on the edge of the cold bathtub, trying to forget he exists. Nausea is still there, twisting and sickening him. Which only worsens with every tumble of his mind. And Techno can’t seem to find a remedy to this horrible situation. To make matters worse, after only a few moments perched on the cold ledge, Techno hears the squeak of a door hinge and the monstrous groan of a teenager who’s had way too few hours of sleep.
“Phillllll-zaaa” Wilbur whines loudly into the silent house, “Daaaddzaaa, Quackity wants to know if he can come over.”
“Not right now mate,” Phil calls back, much quieter than his son. “Tell him maybe later today.”
Wilbur groans again and Techno nearly winces at how grating the noise is. And then he really does wince when he hears Wilbur approach the bathroom. The door is still wide open, Phil not expecting anyone besides Techno to drag themselves out of bed before ten in the morning. So, he can do nothing as Wilbur shuffles through the door and curses at the tile for being freezing cold. His brother is obviously still half-awake since it takes a good couple of seconds for Wilbur’s bleary eyes to catch sight of Techno.
“Tech? What’re you doing up?” he asks confused. Techno curls into himself, trying his hardest to hide the blood that is staining him. But Wilbur somehow sees it anyways because of course he does. His eyes widen in shock, suddenly becoming much more alert.
“Techno, what happened?” Wilbur questions, worry evident in his tone.
Techno just hunches over and glares at the dirty blue and white checkered tile. When was the last time the floor was cleaned, he wonders, just to distract himself from Wilbur’s persistent gaze.
“Techno, I can see bloodstains on your… pants….and” Wilbur’s voice turns much less alarmed but much more awkward, “…. never mind,”
Then Wilbur is hastily ducking out of the bathroom and retreating back to his room. He knows your awful secret, Techno’s mind screeches at him. But Wilbur can’t. Techno refuses to believe it. If he didn’t know what was going on, there’s no way Wilbur could. That would just be another layer of unfairness piled onto this already unfair situation. But life’s always been unfair to Techno, hasn’t it?
Phil returns a minute later with a stack of clothes and a comforting smile. Leaving them on the counter, Phil tells him that he’s going into town, and he would return with Puffy and supplies to help. Techno internally shudders at what the supplies possibly entail. Then he’s squeezing Techno’s shoulder goodbye and shutting the door.
It takes Techno at least ten minutes to convince himself to get off the edge of the bathtub. And then another five to get himself into the shower. Steam billows around and clouds the air as he crawls under the warm spray of water. And Techno’s glad it obstructs most of his body from view.
When he closes his eyes, listening to the water and letting it wash away everything he feels, Techno can imagine everything is fine. That he’s just like his brothers. That he’s no different from everyone else. And it’s not like he didn’t know that humans and piglins were different. It’s just that he thought that…. he’s not sure. But the wrongness inside doesn’t seem to spring from his piglin half. Deep down, he’d always known it hadn’t. Because even with the other piglins, his hybrid status wasn’t the cause of his discomfort. What the cause is, Techno doesn’t know, and he doesn’t like not knowing.
