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[noelle-ism]

*me when literally anything happens*

woah... is this a friggin' glitch in the matrix ?!? i said, is this a freaking GLITCH in the matrix?!?!

[noelle-ism]

[tarantolati-deactivated20220723]

[sentient-tent]

This is Tie, she is going to eat all of the notes

[sentient-tent]

reblog to feed her notes

[elodieunderglass]

How is she doing this

[elodieunderglass]

Oh well none of my business

[3amsoda]

beato

[flipchild]

the fortune cookie wrapper is sealed, with no perforations! it was never opened or perforated! the fortune cookie exists outside the wrapper, without the wrapper having been opened! now, try and explain this one without magic, Battler...!!

[energyprison]

the fortune cookie is smaller than you might expect given the size of the wrapper, allowing it to be hidden completely behind the golden bowl logo

[flipchild]

Hrmm...... fine. The fortune cookies that came with the order were all the same size!

[flipchild]

Ohh whys it so small

[flipchild]

They made me small

[txttletale]

efforts towards a "positive vision of masculinity" or whatever are so funny because what these guys are trying to figure out is literally "what's a way of being a good person that's Not For Girls™"

[the-pallid-princess]

adding @unidentifiedfuckingthing 's comment

[kingbeeleth]

im so sad that this world is mine cover is so obscure because its so fucking ass and it haunts me every day

[toroidalearthtruther]

"less is more" is a lie perpetuated by big small to sell more less

[beadyeyes]

We

Are the crystal gems

[thedogeveryonehates]

[swagophile]

important reminder that most people you follow online are significantly lamer than you think they are including me. and if you feel insecure comparing yourself to someone online: DON'T. theyre probably also lame and weird. most people on the internet are

[swagophile]

Other useful trueisms about coolness

People who think theyre cool generally are not

Cool people are also broadly actually not cool deep down

There's no such thing as a cool person. We are all dogs fighting for scraps

Soon this world will be given a new purpose. The existing social structures we know will crumble and collapse

All of you will succumb to my will.

[pjackk]

Ok kicked from my dnd group again cuz they want to spend all day doi g stupid shit pod cast shit all day like fucking the elf or the animal when im trying so hard and putting so much emotional effort into making sure we have food do eat its a world of evil so its very easy to becoming a starving person and the dungeoneer doesnt even have rules for how to make my type of food so its not imersive whaysoever yup just keep smothering that elf cock

[henstomper]

oh my god the slot machine company says i have to keep putting coins in their machine or Im Gonna Get Left Behind. thats so scary. and it has to be true because they know more about slot machines than i do

[henstomper]

oh my god the slot machine company says if we dont give them money to build the world's biggest slot machine the chinese are gonna build it first and win all the prizes. and then there wont be any prizes anymore

[beastliness]

uses my powerful magnetic field to create detailed images of your organs, skeletal system, and all the other soft tissues in your body

[transfemininomenon]

uses my powerful magnetic fields to create 69 love songs

[antigoneprogone]

[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

[swagophile]

oh to be a hot alternative girl with a ponytail and a baseball cap and a facemask with visible eyeliner working behind the counter at a shitty gas station in some lame suburb wearing pants that are just a little too tight and make my ass look really big and a stupid work shirt and nametag and i'm on my phone scrolling social media for my whole shift but then some shy girl walks in to buy a single immature beverage like juice or some shit and shes wearing like a punch of whites abd pinks and shes got a bunny hairclip and she walks up to the counter and i'm scrolling my phone and shes like "h-hi.." and i look up and i'm like "what" and she blushes REALLY hard and goes "E-EEK- UM.. JJUST THIS PLEASE" and i'm like "okay" and i ring her up and she pays me and takes the drink and practically runs out of the store and i barely take note and keep scrolling my phone disinterestedly but the girl remembers the whole thing visibly and she peeks through the advertisements from outside the store to get a look at me right as i stretch and mh shirt rides up and reveals a tiny bit of my tummy and sge blushes REALLY hard and runs home feeling like a total freak but i didnt even notice or care because i'm nonchalant and doing my own thing. and then maybe she keeps finding excuses to come in and i start picking up on something but i dont know what except she realizes we go to the same college and she starts seeing me (no facemask and i keep my hair down) around campus but she doesnt know its me but i know its her and she approaches me and makes friends with me and slowly we start to realize how much we like each other through repeated interactions at school on my end and at my work on hers and maybe we can. um. anyways i think thatd be cool

[coughloop]

Willy wonkas racist grandparents