The Illusion of Depression
I’ve been struggling to get the words out these past few weeks.
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It does hurt to talk about my depression. Mostly because when I do, people tell me to man up-- that my life is fine. That I have so much going for me. Well, they’re not wrong, but in my head I see things differently.
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I have a great job for an amazing company. I get to do what I love, which involves working for a large internet company. I want to keep it that, since many of you already know me.
I’m single and I suppose that’s either good or bad, depending on how you look at it. I know I’m not great at relationships, and as a result, have never been in a long term relationship.
I have amazing friends and family, though they don’t understand what’s in my head most of the time.
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Today, I feel terrible. Just awful. I feel worthless and hopeless. I need to make a change.
Ostensibly, I’m just having a busy day at work. In reality, however, things aren’t so great. The sunlight appears dark. My head feels heavy, and I want to hide in the bathroom until the day is over.
Tonight, I’m going to an overpriced spin class. It’s good for me. Much better than weed, booze, and burgers.
I have a very hard time maintaining-- I think the weed messes with my mood. Generally, I feel down more often than otherwise.
Intense exercise helps me feel accustomed to terribly uncomfortable physiological and mental feelings. Instead of ignoring the painful feelings, I actively pursue them through exercise.
Most importantly, exercising to get out of depression helps me become aware that my negative emotions are sometimes as normal as any--- much like the pain experienced during a workout.
I encourage you to give it a try.
