何度でも描こう

❝The memories we shared have disappeared❞ ||Independent AU Haruka Kokonose RP Blog|| Relationship Status » Single

[exesuspictura]

My physical state is a mess, and skype isn't working. I'm gonna go get my hair cut or something and try not to have my physical sickness affect my mood. See you guys or something.

[exesuspictura]

I'm just going to stay on this blog for the rest of the day. I'm feeling pretty shitty and I haven't been on here lately... I think I'm also looking my voice again.

[exesuspictura]

夕景が綺麗だ

  It was a normal day at school- or at least after school, since he never felt the need to go home right away- there was something that always bound him to the seat that he sat in, almost suffocating him as he drowned his thoughts onto paper in his sketchbook. That was all he ever did and that was all he ever planned to do. He would just sit his life away in his sketchbook, and that was fine with him- at least then he didn't have to look up, look up and face the reality that he was dealing with...

                  But he knew that he had to look up.

  He hated when he had to look up- it was disgusting, and he hated it, the noises in his head drowned out the sound of the cicadas hymn as the summer heat knocked on the window. It was disgusting- he was disgusted with summer already... he just wanted it to end at this point- there was no point anyway.... as he heard someone say on the train ride home.....

     When your dreams are gone,

                                        there's no point to repeating the daily grind.

  Maybe he didn't understand those words then, but he could somewhat relate to them now- in a sense... pathetic, and he knew it... but he still had to keep going- he had to keep moving because there were people who counted on him and he knew that no matter what there was nothing he could do about it. That was how life worked. There was no way he could change something so big, but he knew that Takane or Ayano would have probably told him different- more so Ayano than the latter.... but it wasn't like he would tell her what he was going through in the first place.

  But as he eyed the clock, he noticed that it was getting late- the days were getting shorter and shorter as he watched the sun start to set, but it was almost mesmerizing as it captivated him for almost a whole minute- and apparently it longer than he had though, as he looked over to see a brown haired female standing right next to him, she hadn't said anything coming into the room and seemed to be captivated by the sun too.... hah, it was funny- almost....

                He gave a smile,

                                                a fake one at that.

     "Ah, Ayano I didn't see you there. Did you need anything?

                                                                 ...or were you enjoying the sunset too?"

[mafuraa]

Indy Ayano Tateyama [Kagerou Project] rp blog.

Main setting: Pre-death, but also AU friendly.

Manages para-style rp, one-liners, ic text posts.

3 years+ of rp experience.

Picky, but Multiverse/Multifandom and OC- friendly.

Occasional mun-scribbles.

Openness to NSFW will vary, mun is over 18.

OOC-friendly and tagged at all times.

Single-ship.

       Mun         Banner art credit  About

[exesuspictura]

すみませんでした

  It was a normal weekend- and he was going out to get some groceries... it was abnormal considering that his parents had never let him do it before because of his previous heart condition but it was almost scary in a way because he had never done it before but it had always been something he wanted to do... it was exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time- he almost wanted to laugh a little at himself for being so nervous as he clutched a piece of paper in his hands. 

                        He felt nervous for the first time in a while.

  It was the only thing that was to be expected but he knew that there was nothing he could do about it and he would just have to get used to it- as he gave a small sigh, watching everyone pass by- it was almost frightening to be like them, being like everyone else and he had finally obtained what he wanted but at a price...  it was disgusting and he hated it.

   It was stupid, he wished that he wasn't okay in a sense.

                      because he would have given up his health to save her life.

  Though he made a mistake, and he realized that he had bumped into someone- it was really careless of him but he really wasn't sure what he was suppose to do about it... of course he would apologize but it was almost awkward in a way, since he always paid attention to where he was going- or at least before she had left.... 

  His cheeks flushed a strange color as he looked down at the girl in front of him- he was rather embarrassed that he let himself get into this kind of mess, but either way he felt that he should say sorry- just something but he found himself unable to for some reason, he felt his heart stop for a minute.

            No, 

                      he was fine now,

                                                           it wasn't suppose to be this way.

  But then it came back and he was fine, almost losing consciousness for a second as he realized that he had grabbed a hold of his chest- how embarrassing... he almost wanted to run- hide somewhere because something like that was almost embarrassing as he could feel people looking at him before going back to their everyday things- except for one girl, ah right, he had forgotten to apologize... with a sheepish smile, he looked at her.

        "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going

                                                                                            are you hurt?"

[exesuspictura]

カゲロウデイズ

[shintaro-routexx-deactivated201]

「Why was this day so hot? The heat got him right there. School was already out but the Kisaragi was still at that place. The clock showed the time. 4 p.m. The raven haired male walked around, wanted to go back to his classroom. Where was Ayano? Normally, she would have followed him anywhere.」

「She was dead. Since two days. .. What? Did that really happen? Yes, it did. Shintaro finally stood in front of the familiar door of his class. Those days.. They were boring like always. Super good studend, super good results… Geez, boring.」

「His black, empty eyes stared at the door and wanted to open it but— “.. …”. Exactly. Someone opened it before him. That boy, he.. He knew him. The one, who always was with Takane and the one, who drew on his scetchbook. “. ….”, still no words. Haruka’s smile. It was the same like Ayano’s. A fake one. Those people were hurt inside.」

「Teacher? Him? Looking for the teacher? No way! The Kisaragi slightly shook his head. “I just wanted..”, he paused and passed by Haruka over to the chair and the desk, where ‘she’ was used to be.」

「It seemed like Haruka didn’t pay attention to his ‘life’ anymore. He did not even realize that Ayano was gone. “.. to see her.”, huh? The vase with flowers? On the desk? “It’s the last thing I wanted to see before I quit school."」

[exesuspictura]

  Ah yes, the boy looked so lifeless, but he was always like that and he knew that for some reason this time was different- it was different why? He felt like he was missing something in the picture as a whole but in the end he couldn't remember why he was forgetting something so important. His eyes gazed at the shorter male, unsure of what to say- 

           Just say something,

                                              anything will do.

  But nothing came out of his mouth- he felt his mouth swell with words that he wanted to say but his mouth was sealed and there was nothing that he could say or do to comfort the other, in a way he couldn't even say them to himself, as he just locked them up and never let anyone hear those words, and if they did they were just fake- because that was what he had become- just a fake person like one of his drawings as he drew a smile on his face everyday. 

                   Just like he drew a fake smile on everything.

  But really he had forgotten that something had happened, and it was a shame really, as the other passed him- the older boy just standing there with nothing to do or say but let him pass. He didn't turn for a moment- almost not wanting to face the reality that another one had yet passed, and now there was the two of them... and that was it. There was no one more in their group of friends, and he was almost fearing that those days would be counting down to zero... even though the other didn't say anything, he could see how weak he was, how disgusting weak he was unable to handle his friend's death easily, and maybe he was being hypocritical with that, since he too was going through the same but at least he knew he had to live on no matter how much he wished to die at this point. 

  He really wasn't sure of what the other was experiencing but in a way he could relate with the loss of a dear friend but if anything he knew that it must have been rather hard on the other- in a way they were the same and different at the same time. He really didn't feel like offering any help to the other but in a way there was nothing that he could do about it... though he had completely forgotten about Ayano's death, considering he was grieving over another death still, it wasn't that he didn't care for Ayano, she was still a very dear friend of his but even so...

              "Ah yes, you two were very close... I do remember"

  But it was the last thing that he wanted to see before he left school- he could see the heat almost wanting to wrap it's disgusting hands around the other as he could see it wrapping it's sly fingers around the other's neck, whispering little lies to the other as it would soon engulf him too just like the others... it was truly unfortunate wasn't it? But maybe that was why he was able to show some compassion.... to someone that he never would give a second thought to.... 

  Gripping on his bag handle, he took a step forward- looking at the vase that commemorated the memory of Ayano Tateyama, it was fragile like the girl had always been- but in a sense it was also strong able to handle anything no matter how much anyone said she couldn't do it... he had tutored her and he knew that from just being around her.

                     If only she could have stayed strong.

  The least he could do was offer the other some company- he didn't want him to be all alone, beause in some way they were the same and he knew that deep down as much as he didn't want to admit it. But either way, he still felt some regret in saying the words that he did- because he didn't want to associate with anyone at this point, it was pointless, because he would always be the one left behind.

                   "Shintaro, would you like to walk home together?"

[exesuspictura]

カゲロウデイズ

  It was a hot day, summer was practically there- and here he was still wearing his sweater... it was kinda dumb, wasn't it in some way? He really wasn't sure why, but he knew that he was just wasting his time away in school when there was nothing going on anyway.... he just stayed back while he was drawing his life away....

                                 as every second ticked past.

  He was surprised that at this point he wasn't just dead by now- as he listened to the cicada's chirp, their song almost melting into the summer heat as he could hear it knocking on the window- it was almost like death was knocking instead, but he knew that there was actually nothing to hear... it was just his imagination as the heat seeped through the window cracks. He took a small breath.

  His exhale wavering as he knew that he would find his ending soon- someway somehow he knew that it was coming soon as he inhaled a mix of dusty air from the classroom as well as some of the fresh air, intoxicated with the heat. It made him nauseous. It was bitter and disgusting, as his face was in it's usual bitter expression. 

                 He eye'd the clock, as the hand struck 4 pm.

  He thought that he would just get going- as he put his materials in his slightly worn out bag... it didn't hold much but it had been beaten up from falling a few times. It really didn't matter to the boy anymore- as he never really cared either way, it was just as disgusting- the way he spent his time was terrible, as all he could think about was her.

  His tennis shoes hit the floor, as he walked towards the door. It was strange, but he felt a presence on the other end- it was barely even noticeable but he felt like he should have shrugged it off- but in the end his suspicions weren't wrong, as he slid the door open, only to reveal a shorter male standing in front of it, reaching out as to open the door.

                                      He knew this boy.

  Giving one of his fake smiles, that he put on for everyone- because he always faked being okay in the first place. If anything he was surprised to see the other- even without Ayano, it was strange to see him without, or at least she had been with him all the times that he had seen the other. But this time he was alone... the tension gave off an almost eerie feeling. But it didn't phase the once cheerful young man, as he asked the other- a simple question, nothing harmful.

  "Oh Shintaro... are you looking for the teacher? Sorry, you're out of luck, it's just me but I was going to leave anyway"

[exesuspictura]

"I'm joining this Megane Harem"

[zerpenx-deactivated20140527]

             Honestly, I’ve been meaning to make               one of these since I hit 100 followers,              but I’ve been neglected it until recently——               now that I’m nearing 300 I figured I               couldn’t wait any more so…!

                                                                                  First of all,                                                                            thank you all so much for welcoming me                                                                            to the KagePro roleplay community.                                                                            Entering a new fandom is always hard,                                                                            especially when it’s all by yourself,                                                                             but from day one you all have given me                                                                            nothing but warmth and friendliness,                                                                             and for that I thank you all! 

                                                  So without further delay:

➟The three cool dorks who I have followed till the end of the world and will gladly continue to do so:

soteriax & amicableintrigue / symphonicskies & shrapnelthoughts

➟The people who I look up to (you’re all senpai do not argue with me):

hxroisms ∬ shintxro ∬ meurtrierr ∬ sakabatoux ∬ dxnchou ∬ reruretto ∬ blindfoldedleader ∬fearseinn 

➟Pleasures to have on my dash whether we’ve interacted or not, in no particular order:

noriakii ∬ manufactured-awakening∬ coracinus-serpens ∬ the—pink—girls ∬ sombrespectre ∬kurohaze ∬ ori-kata ∬ haziya ∬ bukiyojoou ∬ heartrescuer ∬combiningheart ∬ peach-eyes ∬outxrscience ∬ ask-xxene ∬ terminumvicta ∬ axalysis ∬ topscores ∬ shorttemperedconcealer ∬meo-azamuku ∬ kidos-blog ∬ aquaticdespair ∬ nona-uno ∬ kuronamii ∬ 0shinshin ∬pofteinemuritor ∬ tothepointofharsh ∬ persoanedragi ∬ kagepro-idol ∬ whiteheathaze ∬ petite-sor ∬ neetering ∬ asahiyo ∬ tauntinghaze ∬ deceptive-fox ∬ hitxuzen ∬ rottenhikimori ∬ akai-shujiinko ∬ compucola ∬ ene-pixels ∬ deceptivebastard ∬ mekakushizero ∬ hibihaze ∬kurokonoha ∬ kinda-uncanny ∬ singinghomo ∬ putthattruckbackwhereitcamefrom ∬ decipitur ∬redneet ∬pixelated-mess ∬ cyberdra 

➟A little section to those people who I can’t follow back for overly clogged dash reasons but I equally appreciate just as much:

cxnscia ∬ falsifyingprophet ∬ memoriesofabetterday ∬ louder-with-passion 

➟ Super special shot-outs to equally special people:

Read More

[exesuspictura]

I have to head off but I have saved to do starters for 

kagepro-idol

peach-eyes

  Please I’d love to plot with some of you, since making creative starters that are generic are pretty hard so having some idea that makes more sense of how they would interact would be really helpful!

[exesuspictura]

あなたの幸せは・・・

  It was just a normal day, just like every other day that he lived out- almost feeling like a strain to society by such a low standard of living... sometimes he asked himself but in the end he knew that he would just have to keep pulling on- because that's what he was expected to do and there was nothing he could do when he was sad, because the world didn't wait for anyone, and if you were left behind then that was your fault-

                                     and your fault alone.

  Wouldn't he just like to run away? Run away and never come back? But he would stay strong, because that's what people expected of him in the first place... it was rather tiring but he knew that he could manage. Somehow... 

  He wasn't really sure that the days would pass by with much notice to anyone really, things would come and go, and it was a never ending cycle until you were the one to leave. Then no one would remember, just a never ending cycle that he almost thought was pain.... the boy once never thought of it before and yet here he was thinking about it as he watched the green leaves on the trees. 

  An open sketchbook was left on the desk along with an open school bag on the floor and eraser shavings on the paper... he had been drawing a certain someone- because he didn't want to forget her face, not ever. He was so afraid of forgetting that he ended up drawing it more than usual... and in the end it also just made him even more sad than he was before. That didn't really matter to him besides the fact that didn't want to forget her....

                                                      ....his closest friend.

  Standing up from his seat, he walked over to the window- he thought about going back home but he really didn't know if he wanted to or not... it wasn't that he disliked his family or anything, but he found it a pain to do some simple tasks, not a bother but a physical pain to do. It was a shame since his heart condition was virtually gone... but it still made him sad to think about... that one good thing happened, and he paid the price with an equally bad thing happening.

  Closing the sketch book, he put it in his bag, before he closed the zipper up, carrying the strap on his shoulders. Before he could do anything he noticed a figure that was standing in the doorway... it was too short to be the teacher, but he would recognize that face anywhere- 

                                             It was Ayano.

  The boy shuttered a bit, before he gave her a weak smile. It was fake... fake, just like the boy's personality had become... why had he become such a fake person? Where did that real smile go? Those were some questions he could hear himself ask, as he had wondered that too- without any answers from himself. Speaking up to the girl who was standing in the doorway.

                   "Ah, Ayano... It's been quite a while, hasn't it?"