Backstory
Hi all I'm Cayden and I am a disabled trans masculine 22yr old, I suppose my story really begins when I was seven and my adopted mother went back to the LDS church. My twin and I were... problem children to say the least. I had undiagnosed Bipolar and Borderline Personality disorder. My twin had undiagnosed ADHD and we both had C-PTSD. The leadership at our ward had our mum convinced that her severely traumatized seven year old's simply needed to know God and our problems would cease. When this was not the case our mother berated us and told us "If only you loved God more you wouldn't feel this way." By the time I was ten I seriously considered ending my life when I brought this up with my primary teacher she told me that suicide would land me in outer darkness I was of course terrified and tried my hardest to be a "faithful obedient youth". When I was eleven a family friend decided I was pretty and that he wanted to make me his doll. He sexually assaulted me for three years. When I went to our bishop about this after said friend Killed himself he told me my sultry ways had led this God fearing man to temptation and ruin and it was my fault he died.
When I was sixteen I was again sexually assaulted I didn't tell anyone this time as I was sure I had somehow caused this man to harm me. At eighteen I became seriously ill and developed a chronic illness known as POTS, this illness cause me to faint and for on three separate occasions to go into full cardiac arrest. My then bishop told me I didn't die because Jesus wouldn't let me die in sin, also that my POTS was a manifestation of my sinful nature. My mother eventually got me on disability and promptly stole my checks. When I told her I was leaving the church she refused me medical care. I nearly died because she wouldn't let me go to the ER. This however was not the only instance of her abuse and neglect. Throughout my life she has emotionally, physically, and mentally abused my twin and I. There were times I tried to tell what I thought were trustworthy adults what was happening, but they either went right to mother with their concerns or doubted what I said due to lies mother had spread about my sister and I. In late January of 2020 I had enough and fled, I was told by my mother that as I paid rent to live in her house she could and would evict me if I didn't move from my upstairs room to accommodate her foster children. I told her fine then evict me, and she punched me. I left the next morning with only a suitcase and a duffle bag. My mother has tried repeatedly to get me back, from threatening my dog I left behind to telling me my stimulus was at her house(It was in my bank account) to threatening suicide. I have since removed my name from church records and changed my legal name.