Crown's Fuck-All-the-Things Cleansing Method
[This is obviously my way of doing shit. There’s a lot of reasons I do things this way but I generally swear and curse and tell anything in my house to fuck off while doing the following.]
Open the windows and doors and clean the place up. Put shit back to where it’s suppose to be. Run laundry and do the dishes. It’ll take ten minutes top to clean the surfaces. Add some cleansing ingredients into the laundry if you feel it necessary. (I tossed in some salt and peppermint in a dark clothing load. Don’t put herbs in with your white or light color clothing. You’ll stain them. No, seriously, don’t.)
Throw salt. No, I’m not fucking kidding. Throw fucking salt. At mirrors, at windows, at doors, at the floor, at the computers, at the faucets, on the floor, and on the stripped bed.
Incense the fuck out of the place. This step varies for me. Sometimes I’ll use incense, other times herbal sticks, or asperging. It all depends on what materials I have on hand. Make sure you get all the rooms and entrances (including faucets, mirrors, computers, windows, doors, archways, and corners)
Wash the floors, doors, windows, and maybe even the walls. I use a mix of water + salt + lemon + whatever fucking ingredients I think need to be use (for prosperity, I’ll do a floor wash with different things than I would for a floor wash for protection.)
Pour a fucking drink. Usually I drink vodka. Sometimes I have homemade lemonade. Depends on my mood. Whatever. Toss some delicious fucking food in a pan/oven/microwave. Shit, it could be a sandwich. Make that shit and put it aside.
Take that drink with you and hop in the bath and/or shower. Use those bath products you accumulate and forget to use. If you don’t have any “borrow” some from a housemate. Or don’t. Whatever the fuck works for you. Pamper yourself. Put on music, drink your drink, and cleanse yourself. I tend to imagine the water taking all the shit and washing it down the drain.
Eat that delicious fucking food, sit your ass down and watch TV. Or read a book. Play a game. Take a nap. Pet the cat/dog/turtle/plushie. Surf the web (but avoid tumblr and social media. You don’t need that shit right now. You really don’t.) Do something for just you for an hour or two. And ignore all the other shit for a while.
There. Congrats. You’ve cleansed yourself and you’ve given yourself the break you need.
(For those eyeing this and saying “but I don’t actually need to clean the place, do I?” Yeah, yeah you do. Unless your home is from the pages of a catalog, you need to clean off what catches the eye. Counters, a simple sweep, dishes, and obvious “that’s not suppose to be there” should be sorted. It helps hugely. It’s a physical manifestation of the shit you need to deal with and going around cleansing the place and yourself but not cleaning the house at least on the surface is useless. Really. If you don’t believe me try it yourself. One day cleanse the house/room and don’t clean. A few days later do it again but clean first this time. You’ll notice the difference. Promise.)
