COP21
The COP21 climate conference is right around the corner, and it could prove to be one of the most important events in the fight against climate change to date. So what's it all about?
COP21 stands for Carbon Omission Plan 21. It’s a little play on words, because they’re trying to stop carbon emissions, so they’re going for carbon omissions. The “21” part refers to the most important countries that are participating. There will be representatives from 40+ different countries attending, but only 21 of those are considered important, and that’s really being polite about it, because actually it’s more like maybe six.
So, what is the goal of COP21? It's a little murky. Most participants seem to feel the overall point is to work out a legally binding agreement between the participating countries on carbon emissions caps, with a general goal of keeping the global temperature increase under two degree celsius against pre-industrial levels.
According to the COP21 website, though, the goal is to “convene cross-sector participants from business, Government, finance, UN, NGO and civil society to create an unparalleled opportunity to bolster business innovation and bring scale to the emerging green economy.” Which sounds sort of like it's about making a business plan?
While the business aspect is apparently the most important, COP21 also involves science and the climate - daunting topics for the average God-fearing layman. To learn more about these issues, we got in touch with our resident science expert, Randy Fargley.
What is the climate?
"Climate" is the same thing as "weather".
What is weather?
Weather is defined as the state of outside temperature but also whether or not the weather is rainy or whether it’s not.
What’s the history of weather?
Weather caused issues long ago when the dinosaurs were murdered by it. Most people generally accept that God performed that weather on the dinosaurs because they weren’t really doing much which their lives. Ever since that happened weather has generally not been much of a problem aside from a couple of tornados and their occasional shark variant.
How is a convention going to help our current weather/climate situation?
I admittedly laughed when I was told about an upcoming weather convention and I don’t laugh very often. To think people would be coming from all around the world dressed up as their favourite weather to discuss whether it’ll be hot or cold outside cracked me up. Turns out there are a lot of people who take the convention seriously so I do apologize for judging those people.
Can we trust climate scientists?
Most people discover their first trust issues when they’re lied to by a weather forecaster. For me it was when I was six and had a baseball tournament and they called for warm sunny weather. The day started out chilly and it didn’t warm up. I was a freezing child with no sweater or jacket. I almost died because I misplaced my trust and I haven’t believed anybody ever since. The solution that has worked best is getting the most attractive forecasters to tell us the weather. Studies from the University of North Carolina show that the better looking a person is the more likely we are to take them seriously. Let’s be honest, are you going to listen to a fat guy with stains on his shirt or a toned, handsome woman?
What can we do to prepare for apocalyptic weather?
Apocalyptic means the total destruction of the world. That’s not to call your question dumb, there’s still plenty you can do to prepare. You’ll mainly want to visit www.lunarembassy.com because it’s here that you will be able to buy property on the moon for a reasonable rate. You’ll want to do that sooner rather than later because if this kind of weather is predicted you’ll be looking at some major price hikes.
Hasn't the planet's climate always changed?
Yes, estimates of the Earth’s age range from 6000 to 4.5 billion years, and through all that time there have been a bunch of different climates, including the ice ages. While it was possible for mammoths and sloths to live in those times and even to become friends, the ice ages were not hospitable to humans. Humans have only been around for a small fraction of the planet’s history, largely because there has only been good weather for a little while.
Does that mean climate change is inevitable?
Yes, but that’s a really depressing way to look at it. I don’t like to think about that.
Will climate change affect rich and poor countries disproportionately?
Poor countries don't experience rain, this is one of the top reasons they don't have drinkable water. Rich countries tend to experience more earthquakes as all the buildings they build disrupt the Earth's asphalt.
A recent New York Times article on Greenland's ice melt discussed climate scientists trying to figure out whether anything meaningful could still be done about climate change, or whether it was too late, noting, "The effects of CO₂ are akin to rolling a large stone down a big hill: Eventually, it gains so much momentum that it cannot be stopped." What is Greenland?
Greenland is a region that is actually mostly grass; hence the name. While there is some ice in Greenland, if you just think about its name, it should be obvious that it’s the wrong place to try to study climate change. Greenland. Those scientists should consider another line of work, no offence.
Won’t it be better to have warmer weather?
Technically, yes, but people tend to go crazy when it's nice weather all the time. Like in Florida, if you look at some of the news coming out of there, it's the craziest stuff. One guy tried to eat his own face.