ExploreWithChai ✈

Hey there! My name is Chai, and I love exploring all the amazing things that life has to offer. I created this blog as a fun way to document my journey, share my thoughts, and reminisce about the memories I make along the way.  

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Intentional April 2024

My current theme for this month is to be intentional about taking care of myself in all aspects. With just one more day left, Q1 of 2024 will officially be done. Time has been passing by so fast. I want to record this affirmation to remind myself that I started Q2 to love and care for myself in every possible way, even if it's just 1% at a time.(iykyk) Here is my Me-list:

Health: Taking a daily dose of sunshine and going for consistent morning walks or runs can be beneficial for your health. Femal health check is the number 1 priority for this month

Financial: Saving goal of 30,000 for this month

Spiritual: No absence on Sunday church to worship and praise God. Reflect on the preach.

Mental: Consider practicing a 5-minute meditation every hour after waking up, instead of immediately checking your emails. This can help you start your day with a clear and focused mind.

Praying this is the beginning of a healthy habit!

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Chai Listens To: How to Win Over Persistent Temptations by Rick Warren

Another great Podcast to listen to. As someone who's struggling with pornography because I'm justifying that it is much safer than satisfying my lust with a real person, it really does something in my brain that makes me feel it's not right. Sharing with you the notes I learned from it.

Understand How Temptations Works

Don't be ignorant of how Satan is tempting you. He has a predictable pattern of how he tempts you

Temptation comes from something from your life that is wrong and you shouldn't do it

To have desires met in our lives in the wrong way or at the wrong time, became a temptation

Temptation takes something routine in your life and turns it into a runaway

Any desire that is out of control becomes destructive even if it is a good desire

2. Don't Doubt God's Words

Satan will try to get you to question God's words

He substitute the doubt to a deception (Desire > Doubt > Deception)

Every sin you commit, there's a lie to validate it

3. Knows What Makes You Vulnerable To Sin

Anytime you have a negative emotion, you give Satan a foothold

Above all else, guard your heart

To defeat temptation, don't focus on your behavior but on your thoughts that will call the emotion or give in to whatever you desire

Satan is an emotional manipulator

4. Learn Patterns of Temptations

Understand those patterns to look at problems in advance and you can avoid situations that cause the situation

The wise man looks ahead, a fool tries to fool himself

Questions to ask yourself when being tempted:

When I'm most tempted (time day or night) Where I'm tempted (room) Who is with me when I'm tempted (when alone) What is causing me to say Yes to temptation (temporary pleasure in temptation) How do I feel right after being tempted (emotional triggers)

5. The Principle of Replacement

Don't let evil conquer but conquer evil with good

Temptation starts in your mind

Stages of temptation: Attention > Arousal > Action

6. Admit your Fault to Each Other and Pray for Each Other

God wired the world in a way that we get healed when we tell people why we are hurting or what we are struggling with

7. The Importance of Accountability Partner

By helping each other with your troubles, you obey the law of Christ, which is love your neighbors

8. Remember God is in your side

He will let you win, just let him pull the strings

When temptations come into your life remember that there is no difference from what others commonly experience.

God is faithful. He will show you a way out so you will be able to withstand it

The solution to the stuff you want to change in your life is not willpower but it is He gives us victory through Jesus Christ

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Chai Reads: Normal People by Sally Rooney

First book of 2024. Look who's back at reading again. Promised that if I read 10 hard copy books this year then I'll buy a Kindle or Tablet (Not a fan of Ipad tho) so I can read E-books. This book was a great start.

I've been fan-girling about the TV series so this drove me to buy the book to check if some scenes were not adapted in the TV series. I had so many feelings for Marian like I wanted to hug her and tell her that she is loved and she is desirable in her own way. I want to hate Connell but I can feel him deeply because we really do have phases that we wish we were better than before. I'm impressed that there's not much of a difference from the adaptation to the book. This book has so many feels so it's 4/5 for me.

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Grateful in 2023

A day before 2023 ends, I want to take this chance to reflect on what I've outgrown, achieved and learned this year.

Financial - Had a huge debt in 2022 but 2023 was full of opportunities to increase my income. From having part-time freelance work, which was really a HUGE opportunity I had this year, to being sent to the UK as a delegate and paid expenses that increased my credibility. Sometimes I wonder if it was a result of liking so many money-manifesting posts HAHAHAHA

Career - Getting a freelance job was my highlight this year! Will always be grateful to Aby for trusting me even if I was half-hearted by then due to the pressure of how high her work etiquette is and I may not live up to it. But you really won't know if you will not try and I'm so proud that I did.

Travel - Hugging my younger self while screaming, we did it! We conquer the world more than what we are seeing in the internet or in magazines. Imagine, 2 international travels, both were part of G7 countries! JAPAN AND THE UK ALWAYS FEEL LIKE A DREAM AND UNIMAGINABLE REALITY. I always got teary eyes knowing I experienced it.

Relationship - I don't have a love life at the moment, but I'm not actively looking either. I'm in the state of gonna improve myself and my individuality more and if romantic love comes my way then that's great and if not, then that's also great because still have MORE TIME TO DO ALL I WANT WITHOUT HOLDING BACK HAHAHA For friendship, if it's not giving any more good juju then I'm thankful. Let it come and let it go, whatever it is.

Spiritual - Still not at my best. Still working on restoring my faith in God and I really hope 2024 is the great year to have a great relationship with God and the Savior, Jesus.

What a reflection and I'm overwhelmed! Self, so so proud of you! Not all witness your hardships, silent battles, and depressing episodes but YOU MADE IT THIS YEAR!!! 2024 I'm ready no matter what! Praying for strength and courage to keep up in this life!!

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Pahilumin mga sugat. Di ikaw ang iyong nakaraan

Heal wounds You are not your past.

Typing this while listening to Ben&Ben x Munimuni's song "Sugat." My comfort song when whenever I feel bruised, lost, failed, and on the verge of giving up.

I'm not feeling well today. I don't have any words to describe the uncertainty that I'm feeling. A lot had happened but still, this void and uncertainty found a way to get through me. I've been on a roller coaster ride with my relationship with God. I feel like I only talk to Him when I need Him the most then forget Him when things are easy and convenient.

I don't experience anything bad or sad today but just feel empty. I feel nothing. I refused to go to church because I was lazy. But before my Japan trip, I'd been praying for things to go smoothly, went to church to increase the chance of it, and been praying a lot then. But after my prayer was answered, I forgot (or chose not to?!) to thank God. WHAT A PRIORITY.

I am aware that I'm not okay because all I want to do all day is sleep. I even don't have an appetite and just eat anything I can see in the fridge even if it's not healthy (Eating chocolates for breakfast?!!) I drank 2 coffee and soft drinks but was still sleepy Huhu On times like this, I tried to challenge myself to do differently. On the earliest morning of December 11, 2023, I decided to talk to God. The perfect quietness I need to be with Him alone. I prayed for Him to talk to me by randomly opening a page in my 14-year-old Bible. And this were the page landed that I imagined Him saying to me:

It's like God is saying to me to trust Him entirely. It's like He wants me to know that if I trust Him and follow His will, it will refresh my soul, it will give joy to my heart, and give light to what I'm feeling. What a verse. His words have really struck my heart. He comforted me that there's more to having faith in Him. It's not about following Him, it's about what my being will be if trust Him and His will.

Ever since adulting hit me, I have had this perception that I always need to decide for myself. I always need to be in control. Even if I know I have no control, I'll exhaust myself to find a way to control the uncontrollable. Making me feel that I'm losing myself because I only believe in what I can do and when I can't do it anymore, there's this void. There's this uncertainty about who I am if I cannot do everything or if I cannot find the answer to anything. It's different when you have someone to rely on that you know will be consistent, who is stronger than any being on this earth, and who truly wants you to feel safe and secure. It's different when you are introduced to God.

Lord, thank You for speaking to me today. Thank You for reminding me who You are and what You can do for me as long as I am obedient and faithful to You. I really needed to know this. As I read the continuation of verses, in Psalm 19:11-13: "By your teachings, Lord, I am warned; by obeying them I am greatly rewarded. None of us know our faults. Forgive me when I sin without knowing it. Don't let me do wrong on purpose, Lord, or let sin have control over my life."

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A Lot Going On At The Moment

Blog title credit to the mother herself, TAYLOR SWIFT. I'm currently obsessing over her. (A silent Swiftie here.)

I just want to take this moment to record the highlights of my year. It still feels like a dream and I'm on high!

FREELANCING LIFE - I have no regrets about entering this era! Though I held back at first because I still have my corporate job but it turned out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made. The pay was higher and helped me overcome my financial struggles. This was made possible because someone believed in me even when I didn't believed in myself. So I'm taking space here to honor my first-ever manager, who became my closest friend, ABYYYY!!! SHE HIRED ME HUHU I feel overwhelmed and scared at the same time that I might disappoint her, but as long as she believes in me, I know I can do it. Here's to more growth, self!

A UK DELEGATE - It still feels like a dream! ME IN THE UK???? ME TOURING LONDON??? I only watch this in movies huhu It was not part of my dream place nor dreamt of it because I'm also aware of how expensive it will be but look how gracious the Lord is!! I'm forever grateful!! My company chose me for this incredible all-expense paid trip to the UK! FREE!!!!!! I was selected as a delegate, experiencing the culture, and attending trainings that could help our company in the Philippines. They covered everything from processing our Visa to providing pocket money, paid accommodation, and transportation for 1 whole month. This made me realize that I owe it all to my parents, especially my mom, who always prayed for us to have experiences like this. Great experiences are more than they experience. Lord, I can't thank you enough but this was really a surreal experience.

This is me claiming that this is my year! My Era!! I'm learning to trust my gut more, even if it means I'll make some mistakes along the way. I'm also learning to stand up for myself when things don't seem right, and to prioritize my own well-being when I'm about to please other people for the sake of my own comfort.

Almost ending 2023 with a lot of unforgettable experiences. I'm not sure if I'm ready but manifesting a genuine romantic relationship soon! (ayun na lang talaga hahahaha)

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Watch With Chai: Avatar: The Way of Water

💟 the greater the value of someone in your life, the greater the fear of loosing them so i kind of understand why jake decided to run away with his family

💟 movie was too long for the flow of the story but CGI, visuals and execution were superb! that island + sea visuals blown me away!! 

💟 i have always love whales (and elephants too!!) my gentle giants!! and this movie made me appreciate them more.

💟 i didn’t like the clip hanger, the part that they were still not done with the grudge the nemesis, i hope the next plot for the next movie will be beyond that.

(photo not mine, i just googled it)

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BIG GURL PURCHASE #1

NEW LAPPY! For the first time, I bought a laptop after like more than a decade of hesitations if I should buy one! I’ve been trying to push myself to improve my skill and to have a part time job. I guess this is the first step! Here’s to more core memories to save in this laptop, a buddy where I can learn and explore new things, and more importantly, to have a part time job that will help me break the generation curse of my money problems. TYL :)

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Chai Reads: It All Ends With Us By Colleen Hoover

First book of 2022. Unlike what the trend indicates that this will make you ugly cry, i didn’t cry. but i got hooked with the story that i was able to finish it after reading for a week. this book really gave me a glimpse on the “naked truth” about relationship and marriage. ughh the feeels!! i admired how the toxic pattern was ended and how the main lead made a choice for herself and manage the risks she encountered. opps sorry for the spoilers. here are my fave lines from the book:

💟 All humans make mistakes. What determines a person's character aren't the mistakes we make. It's how we take those mistakes and turn them into lessons rather than excuses

💟 Just because someone hurts you doesn't mean you can simply stop loving them. It's not a person's actions that hurt the most. It's the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear

💟 Life is a funny thing. We only get so many years to live it, so we have to do everything we can to make sure those years are as full as they can be. We shouldn't waste time on things that might happen someday, or maybe even never

💟 Sometimes it seems easier to just keep running in the same familiar circles, rather than facing the fear of jumping and possibly not landing on your feet

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So invested in this kdrama: 2521. 

there are really choices and situations that are outside of our control and if the support is no longer reaching the both of you, it’s okay to let go instead of having hatred with each other. 

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Chai Listens To: Speaking Against Verbal Abuse by #adultingwithjoycepring

I've experienced both being verbally abusive and being abused even with no intention of being one but sometimes when my emotions gets high, i lose my capability to think if i really mean the words that I'm saying or I'm just too emotional to think that the other party is really mean to me. in this podcast, i learned that verbal abuse usually starts on small things but escalates to words that can be use to dominate, ridicule, or degrade intend to inflict psychological health. here are my takeaway from the podcast:

✅ words can hurt but it can also heals

✅ on bringing awareness or speaking out about verbal abuse: self awareness is should be the first step. when you do or exercise doing self-awareness, someone will be able to model or be inspired by it.

✅ it's easy to advice the victim but the contribution should not stop on that. lead by example and be there for them.

✅ calling out someone when they are being false or when they are doing something wrong is okay but we should do it on a proper way: by diplomatic way, presenting facts and w/o name-calling or assaulting their words

✅when you were called out on being verbally abusive, please know it's not about you. it's about the feelings of the recipient. on how he/she got affected by your words or the way you deliver your words. you should acknowledge it and apologize for it. be accountable.

✅always remember, awareness is just the first step but follow through is the best action

this podcast was such as eye opener knowing that there are times i can be verbally abusive too without me knowing. it also helps me bring awareness that being called out is not a bad thing unless i think that it is. there is a slight pain in my heart knowing i hurt some people through my words but it also gave me a sense of self-worth knowing how should i be treated. 

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The Future Of Freelance

In February, i started the month w/ a motivated energy. I've been applying for freelance jobs because i was so inspired by my previous team leader as she was able to bag 3 freelance jobs that are related to our business type. and while preparing for interviews, I'm kind of disappointed with my weaknesses due to being unproductive for awhile. here are my self-assessment:

1. I'm not familiar with the interview questions anymore

2. I'm not liking how my resume looks like because it has too many general information and irrelevant details

3. i stutter on practicing my interview spiels and consistently losing my train of thoughts when I'm trying to answer random interview questions 

it’ was really hard starting again from the scratch. but still, i’m thankful I have several experiences from my previous work about leadership and people management as i  was able to incorporate personal experience with my answers. and i desperately need more jobs because my full-time job is not covering our family’s entire expenses anymore.

I've joined several communities and fb groups about freelancing and reading post about the experiences of newbies on sending resume to 100+ hiring posts and accepting a lot of interviews, it gave me hope that nothing really comes easy if it is really worth it. i can see future about freelance job since the pandemic started and I'm hopeful that one day I'm sharing how i am able to overcome of the hardship of getting a freelance job :)

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Chai Listens To: How To Stay Motivated - Paano ba to by Bianca Gonzales

Sharing what I learned in this podcast:

Sometimes you don't need motivation, you just need to get it done

Motivation can be an excuse not to do something. But at the end of the day, if you already built a habit you just need to get it done (you won't be motivated everyday, but it's the discipline that will help you to do the things you need and want to do)

The key to happiness and the key to success is being thankful and grateful for whatever you have to do that day

Reality is what you live with and how your mindset is; motivation doesn't come every single day

Straightforward To Do:

Reset your mind

Build a habit

Focus on discipline

Think for a long term goal

For full video, you can watch here

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Watch With Chai: Paano ba to? Vlog by Bianca Gonzales feat. Jodi Sta. Maria

Since 2022 started, I’ve been watching some inspiring vlogs and listening podcast. Might as well share my learnings/insights on this blog. 

Sometimes when our expectations are not met, we tend to feel disappointed and not valued. Because we based it on how we expect to be valued

Our value is not defined by those around us. It’s whom we give ourselves to. If your spiritual, it can be God. But it should have a source that is not defined by others but should be defined by you

You will reach to a point that you became needy to anyone that you badly want their validation and appreciation. And when they didn't meet your expectations, you feel undervalued or empty

If your value will depend w/ other people, you will always feel not enough and will overthink and always ask why. For ex. You're like a beggar w/ empty cup, always asking for your cup to be fill up w/ validation and appreciation. And when it has been filled up and emptied, you still ask for more

If you want to watch the full video, click here

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Road To Financial Stability.

Before 2021 ended, I encountered a lot of financial issues: unforeseen debt of my father, being fully responsible on paying for the family car (I'm just used to pay for utility bills). it really took a toll on me that i no longer want to budget my finance and lose my motivation to save. payday no longer excites me. i can no longer use my credit card because I'm scared I'm not able to pay for it. 

Unexpectedly, a good catch up with my mentor/previous team leader-turned-into-a-closest friend gave some self-awareness that i had enough of this drowning and neglecting my financial problem. i decided that it’s now the time to take advantage on my skills and work experiences to grab more opportunities to earn.

I don’t want to be a slave for money until I'm 50s or 60s. If I will keep delaying the will to think more ways earn and take action for it, this crisis will continue. my goal is to be financially stable before I reach 40. I dream to have a passive income, retirement fund, and save my remaining time in earth to enjoy, spend my timed with my loved ones, and live the life I always dream of. 

With that, I'm acknowledging the obvious fact that I’ve been too lazy for a long time. my mind is all over the place, I've been spending my energies to things and some people that didn’t make contributions to my growth and inner peace. and my time management sucks. so self, let’s do this! let’s clean up our financial mess this year and move forward with a goal that before this year ends, we already gain our control with our money again! Aja!