I Am A Smooth Duck

there are many corners of the internet but this one is mine. enjoy

[importantcatpics]

[charl0ttan]

something i actually just realized on call w some friends recently is how crazey it is that your online friends are as many as thousands of feet above or below u right now. like if you teleported to their location without changing your height above sea level, well your fucked in some way basically

[charl0ttan]

How high above sea level are you right now?

0-250 feet

251-500 feet

501-750 feet

751-1000 feet

1001-2000 feet

2001-3000 feet

3001-4000 feet

4001-5000 feet

5001-6000 feet

6001-7000 feet

7001-8000 feet

8001+ feet

Voting ended onJul 19

[silverrdagger]

whatever 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

[cubejello]

I did my PhD in a fish lab, and one time I was emailing a fish company, and the guy emailed me back with the signature “Best fishes,” followed by these guys

[pom-pom-cherry]

Any ship can be problematic if you just give me a second-

[isawken]

hey man. nice regional dialect. mind if i apply some baseless assumptions about your personhood to it? i was also gonna prescribe morality to it as well. if that’s cool with you

[yesterdaysprint]

Feather River Bulletin, Quincy, California, March 20, 1924

[gablehood]

[austin-butlerian-jihad]

HAPPY HUNDRED YEARS TO THIS JOKE

[thememedaddy]

[chainmail-butch]

Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you

[lupismaris]

Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

[prokopetz]

Blackout poetry exists on a dual axis from "banal" to "insightful" on the input side and "kind of deep" to "incredibly fucking dumb" on the output side, and while taking something banal and producing something kind of deep is well and fine, for my money taking something insightful and rendering it incredibly fucking dumb is where the real art is.

[petrodykeonicapocalypse]

[absolutelynotclassicusernam-blog]

#i stuck the word 'banal' in there twice specifically so that 'anal' would be low hanging fruit#but i genuinely did not anticipate 'banana' --@prokopetz

[inthefallofasparrow]

[castielrisingabove]

I just keep thinking about how Ryland Grace used to be a regular at his local diner.

[himynameisemail]

[batbetbitbotbut]

Safety first!

[youcanstillwhistle]

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

[alivingtypo]

you can pry starting sentences with 'and' or 'but' out of my cold, dead hands

[today-till-tomorrow]

op how does it feel to be the most correct person on earth

[littlefreya]

As long as you write without using AI, it’s gonna be gold. ✨

[theyellowbrickroad]

i had the best human interaction of all time last night. i was sitting at a bar eating an appetizer and this guy comes up to order a drink and stares at my food and comments how good it looks. when i am drunk i use the word bitch like it is a comma, i plug it into any space in a sentence possible. so naturally the first thing i say to this stranger is, “go ahead and take one, bitch.”

he looks SO shocked and taken aback and goes “what did you just say? how do you know my name?” so i sit there for a moment trying to figure out what the fuck he is talking about, and then go, “…. bitch?” and he looks so relieved and tells me his name is mitch.

i cannot stop thinking about this. oh my god. imagine going into a bar and someone you know for a fact youve never met approaches you and says “go ahead and take one, mitch.” im cracking the fuck up. he looked like he thought this was the fucking truman show

[sovietnam]

[cringepoop]

[woolandflax]

You wouldn’t understand

[brucebocchi]

is now a good time to mention that the woman in the screenshot literally runs rotatingsandwiches.com