Since there’s always complaints about behaviour from feedists here’s some communication hygiene knowledge to spread or use for yourself (non-exhaustive list, just some stuff from experience):
1. If they have one, read their bio/pinned post. People sometimes put their boundaries in these and important information for you in them, don’t skimp because you’re horny, it reads as lacklustre and not really interested if you message/ask before reading this. Don’t make them explain clearly available information about themselves and preferences.
2. Establish the kind of communication that both them and you want to have. Ask them what they want, explain what you would like. Do you want to just dirty talk, do you think the person is cool and want to talk outside of kink things, are you both comfortable talking irl things etc. having it upfront in the message saves you and the other person time to say yes please or no thnx to it and means you’re more likely to succeed. Permission is essential, if you don’t want the same kind of comms, respect it.
3. Check terminology/negotiate the scene. Discuss what terms the other person is comfortable with and what things turn them on and off/what you both want the scene to be. Just like good ol’ BDSM we can be playing with trauma fire here and fatphobia is very very real. Negotiation is sexy and helps you both get what you want.
4. Kink goes both ways. Feeders are not kink dispensers and deserve to be turned on too. Feedees aren’t just there to be your wankbank. All take and no give makes for a very dull experience, and feeder women are particularly swamped by people looking for one sided experiences. Think what you can offer in return for their efforts and be ready to do that.
5. Pay doesn’t mean play. Whatever you and the individual agree together is going to happen when money is exchanged is what will happen. Unless it has been pre-agreed otherwise donations for stuffing are just that; a gift. You wouldn’t ask a friend to do something for you just because you gave them a gift, don’t do that to people on the internet.
Hope this helps some of you, I might add more later and feel free to add what else you think needs to be on here
What is this? Is it some kind of survival kit book with advice for going through the jungle of communication?
*grabs it*
Now i will keep a copy with me for ever! I must show it to the world! People will need to be prepared to cross this jungle! O.o
