Ok but I also think this explains so much of why Ilya struggles so badly with hiding their relationship in TLG while Shane is more comfortable keeping things a secret.
Shane is naturally a more closed off person, and he tends to withhold emotional intimacy from people in general. Even his parents, who he absolutely loves, seem to struggle to be genuinely close to him unless they work for it, which is part of what I believe drives Yuna’s mom-ager approach; it’s how she can connect with her son.
It’s also part of why Shane is able to be so integrated into Hayden’s life & yet keep such major parts of himself locked away. I do believe that Shane actually cares about Hayden. I think they are genuinely friends. BUT I think that because of the way Shane approaches relationships, he doesn’t believe that he owes anyone any kind of intimacy with him, so anything he shares with others is a gift. It’s a sign that he likes & respects them. But it’s never something owed.
And I believe there is a part of Shane, even if it’s subconscious, that is as invested in his relationship with Hayden as he is because to him their relationship is exactly that: an investment. He’s putting in the work & energy to build this friendship to maximize how it will benefit him. And for a long time, sharing his relationship with Ilya was just not even a consideration, because he could not fathom how it could benefit him for Hayden to know about it.
It’s also part of why Hayden is so shocked about the Rozanov reveal, because he doesn’t perceive their relationship this way and cannot comprehend how Shane could keep this from him.
That said, because Shane engages in relationships in this way, he is capable of having a very close friend who he also keeps massive secrets from. Couple that with the fact that Shane is deeply repressed & doesn’t even acknowledge he’s gay until his breakup with Rose and it’s easy to see how he just doesn’t find it necessary to come out.
Meanwhile, Ilya is basically the opposite of Shane in these regards. First, he approaches relationships in a much more collaborative and reciprocal way. He works to build trust with people he cares about and understands that in order to be truly close to people, he needs to be open and vulnerable with them. His relationship with Troy is a great example of this, and his coming out to Svetlana in TLG also demonstrates this concept. When he’s unable to be open with people, it creates barriers to intimacy and causes him to feel isolated.
The problem then is that unlike Shane, Ilya isn’t repressed. He’s closeted.
Ilya knows exactly who he is and what he wants and who he likes, and he isn’t ashamed of it. He only hides those parts of himself because he has to for his own safety. His queerness isn’t just an aspect of his identity. It is a fundamental part of who he is, especially after he gets serious with Shane. There’s no real way to understand Ilya without understanding his connection with Shane.
This means that so long as he is closeted, he can never feel truly close to the people he cares about, because he’s deeply aware of the parts of himself that he’s withholding from them. It’s why he wasn’t able to develop deeper connections with his teammates in Boston and why he was so ok with leaving that team behind for Shane. It’s not just about his romantic relationship. Shane is also literally Ilya’s best friend and the person he is closest and most himself with. Ilya wants to be with Shane because Shane is the one person he can fully be himself with.
It’s also why he struggles so much in Ottawa with hiding and why their fight centers around Ilya’s desire to share more with his team… Ilya is DEEPLY lonely, in large part because he is so aware of all the ways in which he isn’t able to be fully himself. So long as he remains in the closet, he has no chance at a truly authentic connection with someone.
It’s why I absolutely love all his cameos at the Kingfisher and his time spent at the hockey camps - because these are spaces where he lets himself be himself, even if the people around him don’t realize it. It’s the closest he gets to being “out” without actually coming out.
