I'M OBSESSED

if I like it, it goes here || 18+ CW || I never learned how to tag and at this point I'm too afraid to ask || my ao3

[batbaffle]

(screencap from @batlectable)

[lavenderprose]

Rereading your most recent fic again,,, you have given me an addiction to a Shane who's pulling out all the stops trying to do the naive prude virgin roleplay but underneath it all he is on FIRE with lust to the point that just saying his porn dialogue lines is getting him hot for it,,, this fic is a gateway drug

He's literally so proud of himself for coming up with all of those lines. He was muttering them to himself while he got himself ready in the bedroom before coming out and giving Ilya exactly one (1) beer because that's the exact amount of alcohol that makes Ilya absolutely insane in the sack. Like Ilya is always amazing in bed but if you put an objectively very small amount of alcohol in him it makes him just that slightly much more warm and filthy and tactile. Shane was like. Virginity roleplay outside with my 11/10 babe of a husband. Oh I know what could make this better. A skosh of intox. A teaspoon of intox. Barely even a whisper of intox.

[naturalpr3y]

Cant you get pathetic for me? - a dom ilya thesis

annotated version here

[mina-logan]

Oh the confusion of being lovingly kissed on the shoulder by your situationship from hell

Full art is on my AO3 here

[fixielixie]

shane finding out about the skip divorce and using it as inspiration to do divorce roleplay with ilya ‘hey so what if we had a really messy divorce but we can’t stay away from each other so u use ur keys to sneak into our house after i kicked u out and fuck me while i’m asleep to remind me that ur still my husband’

[lavenderprose]

Shane also needs to interact with other gay men just to understand how truly lucky he is. He needs to hear someone go off about going on Grindr to find a top for the night and then finding out that all of the guys who have the 'Hung' tag on their profile are packing like five and a half inches at MOST and then Shane has to be like "Oh that. Yeah that sounds rough." Meanwhile he lost his anal virginity to a knockout with model looks who works out for a living and started their relationship by jerking his enormous hog at him in a communal shower which has always been one of Shane's top five fantasies. And he's literally never had to be on The Apps because he's the bottom of all time actually and the DomTop with the enormous dick imprinted on him like a fucking duckling the first time Shane came untouched under him which was, I cannot stress this enough, when he LOST HIS VIRGINITY.

Like shut the fuck up Shane Hollander how does it feel to be the chosen one. He has to confront all of this because he needs to know that he has, once again, won at life in every meaningful way. And then he can sit there like :] while that sad bottom over there bemoans the Grindr biome.

[perlukafarinn]

fully on board with a skip divorce, it would be much more fun to me than what they have going on in canon. MY ideal direction is they stay divorced and it gets really ugly and there's at least one public meltdown but also you could take it in a romcom direction a la the 1930s screwball comedies of remarriage

[perlukafarinn]

"For the sappiness: I think over the course of their extremely acrimonious divorce, they actually get to know each other better than they ever did during the course of their six months whirlwind romance. And it all comes to a head with them sitting next to each other on the curb outside the courthouse and they kind of look at each other with clear eyes for the first time and they think "Fuck it, let's see where this goes" and they basically have an actual courtship where they go on dates in public for the first time instead of their secret rendezvous during their affair pre-outing"

@mybloodstream-caffeine perfect addition!!! this is my skip truth now, actually

[perlukafarinn]

fully on board with a skip divorce, it would be much more fun to me than what they have going on in canon. MY ideal direction is they stay divorced and it gets really ugly and there's at least one public meltdown but also you could take it in a romcom direction a la the 1930s screwball comedies of remarriage

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Re: Skip divorce, there was a comment on the OG divorce post about people assuming that Hollanov are The Problematic Couple who are For Sure going to implode while Hollanov are going 'Fuck No we *bled* for this'. And I loooooove the idea of The Public speculating on how long Hollanov's relationship is going to last, meanwhile everyone else at least goes through Very Public Rough Patches if not ending up going through divorce. So maybe Hollanov *are* a little superior about their relationship, but also! Maybe they've earned it!!

THEYVE LITERALLY EARNED IT!!! AND IVE ALWAYS SAID THIS!!!! THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS FORGED IN FUCKING FIRE, Y'ALL!!!!

This au also dovetails perfectly into my hc that hollanov are those judgemental queers that get all sniffy about other people's gay relationships who didn't have to 'face adversity' to be together,,, they've both got competition kinks, of COURSE they're competing against other couples!!! And by god they're fucking WINNING

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

I do want Shane to interact with his fellow queers who know fuck all about hockey, if only so he can experience the supreme satisfaction of having SOMEONE react appropriately to the reveal that he's dating Ilya - which is to say, they take one look at Ilya before whipping back around to Shane, jaws dropped, and go "Holy SHIT!!" and Shane can FINALLY smugly proclaim "I KNOW right??" Let him have this, at least

[shanyshko]

shane only reads nonfiction and half of it is the worst self help slop you've ever heard of. atomic habits. the subtle art of not giving a fuck. everything malcolm gladwell has ever written. they work well on him because he's rich and susceptible. the other half is the driest fucking hockey history books in the world. absolute bricks. he should buy an e-reader but one time a rookie brought a kindle on the bus and that went poorly enough that shane has never considered it again.

[bugslibraryy]

It’s like no one even wants to talk about Shane and Ilya getting drunk together for the first time at the cottage over small table with candles lit and Shane asking earnestly “is this how dates actually go? They’re nice”. And Ilya has to Die about it and Kiss him about it a lot because Shane means it- he’s been on dates but none that felt like this like Ilya was all over him and too far away at the same time and there was all this want tangled up under the table between them and the knowledge that they are going to fuck after this and he gets to watch Ilya laugh across the table and flirt with him and Shane gets to watch Ilya watch his mouth when he sips at his beer and feel the air thicken when he puts his feet between Ilya’s, like his pulse ticking up up when Ilya takes his hand briefly and opens his palm and traces his fingers over the lines of Shane’s palms as he’s explaining a play, using Shane’s hand as paper just as an excuse to touch

[filthylieslikesunbeams]

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Also, you know what? Skip's y/n ass "move in with me after one hookup, I'll come out publicly for you after six months, let's get hitched!!" timeline is WAAAAYYYY less believable than ANY apsect of Hollanov's romance.

[enh1614149]

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Can't wait for you to get online and see what we've done to this place in your absence (Skip divorce is now rotating around the heated rivalry fandoms shared brain cell like the only blunt at a party)

Literally so sick and twisted that I missed this important moment in our fandom anon,,, literally missed my calling,,,

But in a very genuine way, I do think that them divorcing is the only state of their relationship I would ever find interesting: Oh, you're divorcing the guy you've had a relationship with for six months who you moved into your house and proposed a serious committed relationship with after you had sex with him once even tho you were literally out to nobody in your life and you have a career where being outed would be a Huge Fucking Deal™ so even though this is your serious long term partner, you literally can't do anything with him in public or meet his friends or his loving father so he essentially has to stay in your apartment that you own like a housecat, so eventually you end up being given an ultimatum where obviously this person as an out and proud gay man with a strong support system isn't willing to compromise their identity and crouch back inside the closet to be your dirty little secret so he asks you to be out amongst his friends/family or else you can't be together, so you break up because being out to you isn't just a personal choice but a deeply professional one and at this point with your dead parents and small social circle comprised of work colleges your profession really is the only thing you have to distinguish your identity, but then you realise you are so terrified of being alone and not living as your authentic self that you do this huge insane romantic gesture on live TV that literally shakes the world, but Oh No!!! Being the first out gay man in the NHL comes with so much scrutiny and expectations to be the Perfect Gay Man so you have to set an example for All Gay People in sports, when feeling scrutinised and not wanting to bear the burden of feeling like you have to put a mask on to be perfect all the time was the very thing you were trying to escape by Living Your Truth, so the pressure for your relationship to be Perfect combined with the slowly festering resentment at each other that you both can't express that this all wouldn't be happening if you didn't implode your life as you knew it for this person ends up tearing it up from within,,, you're telling me these people are getting a divorce? Shocker,,,,

[grabmyboner]

ilya and shane hearing about the skip divorce and ilya is like “i always knew they would never last. they were not compatible.” and shane sucks his dick because he used the word compatible and it that’s like a sleeper agent call for shane to suck dick on command and then after he’s done sucking dick like the split second after he swallows he’s like “yeah they were always gonna get divorced.”

[tothecottage]

skipdivorce is fun to me bc I have no stake in scott and kip as characters. if shane and ilya got divorced I would kill myself