Being inside the Church Temperance felt peace, this is what she missed at any other moment in the day. She desperately wanted the stillness of her own mind, not having Son’Ispa coiling around whispering and reminding her of how things could go horribly wrong.
Closing the door of the confessional booth she nervously clasped and unclasped her hands in thought. How long had it been? The Light was still something she wanted to avoid, but the person she would speak to was the whole source of what had happened.
“B-Bless me, Father, I have sinned.” She winced knowing the next part was going to be telling. “It’s been three years since my last confession.”
The other side, behind the screen she couldn’t look through a softer lower voice spoke back. His accent reminded her of people from Westfall. “That’s a good little chunk of time, tell me about your sins.”
“There’s.. a lot to this Father.” She closed her eyes to savor the silence before speaking. “I lied to someone I care about. One of my only friends. After I lied he grew distant and didn’t want to be around me. I… I think it’s my fault and I don’t know what to do. He’s been, everything this last month.”
Getting to the end of her statement, she didn’t feel better. Wasn’t confession supposed to help? Her heart was twisting in her chest and she wished she hadn’t come to the Church for guidance.
The voice on the other side of the screen remained calm and spoke slowly for her. “Now, Miss, I think your gonna have t’give me more information than that. What did you lie about?”
And there she knew everything had to come out.
“You’re not allowed to tell anyone, or do anything about what I say? Right?” She asked, having to be sure.
“That is right.” The priest said but now she could hear a light curiosity grow. “Why you askin’?”
“I have a void entity in my head. We share a body because of a botched ritual my family tried to do… The entity has cared for me like a mother after everyone else I knew died. I decided I wanted to go to Pandaria to learn some of the cooking styles that are there. But… she sensed the other void entities that were fighting and called them. Summoned them to get me. She, she sees me as her daughter and I was introduced to entity after entity with names that would drive people insane.”
Temperance then shivered. “They noticed I was immune to the madness. And they wanted to see how much they could test me.” She could feel it even at that moment. “They told me to go into the Vision of N’Zoth. With… nothing, just myself.”
“You sound quite sane.” The voice said.
“I am. As sane as you can be when you realize the one person who’s been there for you really has no idea on how you can be happy. She, she didn’t get it. That I didn’t belong in the void with her and her Master. I found one of the champions of Azeroth and I got us out of there. But… I still feel it. I feel the cold. I feel the pain.” Temperance hugged herself shivering again. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”
The silence from the other room was almost too heavy. Was the man signaling others to pull her out fo the booth? Were they going to rip Son from her, like any other priest might?
“That’s an awful amount of shit to happen to you.” His voice didn’t carry the judgment she was waiting for. “You had to lie to your friend then?”
“He asked me if I was alright… and, I said I was fine.” She shook her head. “Then he got quiet, so, so quiet. He’s not the kind to go quite like that. He’s not serious and I love that about him. But he bottled up, he got this look, like someone insulted his dog. As soon as I was back in Stormwind he left, just… marched off without talking to me.”
Temperance’s voice cracked and she was shocked how much it hurt. It hurt to know someone she trusted had wanted nothing to do with her. Much of her thoughts spun around that moment and she had already cried once in fear she had hurt her friend.
“It’s my fault. I’m able to stand against the void but I let her trick me. I let her push me to go into the Visions. If I had more control he wouldn’t have come, I would have been the strong friend he didn’t have to worry about. Instead, I’m like every other girl he’s met.” Her throat was getting tighter and she covered her face as she started to cry.
“I’ve lost everyone in my life except for the entity in my head. If he goes… If he thinks I’m not worth dealing with. Who could put up with me?”
She broke into a sob, a wet unattractive sob that made her wish her face could split open so she could let all the pain and sadness out without the prolonged release of tears.
The sound of wood sliding on woodcut through her sobs and she looked to see the Priest. He was younger than she thought he was. He sounded so much older behind the screen Dark hair, bright eyes, with an expression of empathy that she didn’t get often.
“Missy, why did you lie to him?”
“If I told him what happened he would have taken Son from me, maybe even killed my other guardian because he’s also a void entity. I’ve never lived without Son before. I only get moments of rest when I’m in a church. But… I don’t know how I’ll survive without her. She’s protected me since I was an infant.”
The Priest nodded but he had no judgment on his face, it was such a relief to see someone who wasn’t angry outright about this. “Sounds like she might have once protected you, but she’s also a bad influence on you as well. Not saying because she’s of the void. Everything has its own path to the Light. Sometimes the best way to bring the Light the most grace is to stand in the shadows. But she made you do something against your will. She tricked you into doing something that is hurting you. You’re shivering. Your mind made it out safe, but the rest of you didn’t.”
He continued to speak, his voice soft but not bullshitting her. “It wasn’t right what she did. If she wanted to protect you she wouldn’t have sent you into a vision of an old god. You’re allowed to be in pain, to be angry with her. It wasn’t right.”
But Temperance hugged herself. “She’s not able to take over my body anymore, but I don’t know how to fix what happened with my friend. I’m scared he hates me now, that he could tell I was lying and is writing me off.”
She noticed the sympathy in the priest’s eyes. “There’s not much you can do for that right now. The lie was told unless you go to him to confess you’re not alright, there’s no real way of changing what happened. He might be angry that you didn’t tell him the truth. He might get rid of your.. guardian.”
“It’s my fault. I should have known Son was going to do something. Once she was quiet in Pandaria I should have known she was planning something. I should have left.” She said the words pulling out the pain she had been suffering for the last few days.
“No.” The Priest’s voice was firmer. “It an’t your fault. You’re keeping the peace between a creature of the void and your friend. If you want to not do that anymore, you need to understand your Guardian is going to be removed from you one day. You need to be ready for it.”
“I can’t get away from her.” She shook her head touching her head. “She’s always here.”
“She’s not there when you’re in the church.” He said and then offered a smile. “You want absolution? You’re going to come to the church whenever you have a day off. You come here. You ask for me. Father Shields. While you’re here you can be by yourself or near me and explore what it’s like to be alone. If you learn you can do it, when your friend gets angry and asks for your guardian to be removed, you’ll be able to do it without fear.”
Temperance didn’t think that being around the church might make some of her issues harder, instead, she saw what the Priest was offering. Quiet and time before one-day Son’Ispa would be gone from her for good. Alexander had already stated that he was looking for a replacement home for Son, as soon as he was able to find one he would lunch his plan and make sure his mate was somewhere that she could do less harm.
“I’ll do it.” She met the man’s hazel gaze, finding a moment of peace. “I’ll get comfortable with being alone, as soon as I know she can leave, I’ll tell him what happened. That way fewer people get hurt.”
Father Shields nodded with a half-smile. “That’s a right good idea.” He let out a breath and held a hand out to her.
“I have rough hands.” Temperance muttered.
“I don’t right care, I’m from Westfall. Woman with soft hands means she’s never lived.” He nodded to his outstretched hand and this time she took it. “By the Grace of the Light, I absolve you of your guilt and of your sin. You’re free. Go with peace and I’ll be seein’ you when you come here for your penance. Ya hear?”
Temperance felt a small rush of the light and it was so utterly foreign to her. The Light always chased Son away but it did no harm the rest of her. One day soon she would be free of the entity, and she just might be able to stand beside her friends with the Light. If she still had a friend at the end of all of this.
“Yes Father.” She said bowing her head. “Thank you, for not judging me.”
“You are actually torn up about this, it’s what you need at the moment.” He bowed his head and closed the screen between them. “Go with the Light and your Shadows.”
(( Mentions: @ezekielshields))
