Where Is Your Boy Tonight? (Patrick Stump)
I walk into the first period, dreading the start of another day. As I make my way to the back and my seat, I catch Patrick’s excited eyes. I’m surprised - usually he's slumped over his desk and barely conscious this early in the day.
“You look happy” I say with a smile, sliding into my seat behind him.
“I did it!” Patrick says excitedly.
'Did what?’
“I went and auditioned last night” he explains grinning.
I gasp and smile back, “No way! That’s great! How’d it go?” I grow just as excited as he is.
“It was amazing,” he practically gushes.
“And Pete Wentz was there? Like you thought?”
“He was! It was him and Joe, the one I met in the bookstore last week”
“Unbelievably cool” I grin, “So I'm assuming you got it? You’re officially their drummer?”
“Not exactly…” Patrick says with a smile.
“Now I’m confused”
“Well, I originally told them I would audition for drummer, since that’s what i’ve been doing with those other bands”
“Uh huh…” “But after Joe listened to those covers I gave him, he asked if I could bring a guitar instead”
“I like where this is going” I interject excitedly.
“One thing led to another….and now I'm singing and playing guitar!”
I practically squeal in excitement, eliciting curious looks from our classmates.
“That’s incredible! About time someone outside of me and your family hears that amazing voice”
“Oh come on it’s not that good” Patrick says blushing bright red.
“Really? Because it sounds like you just got asked to be a lead singer of Pete Wentz’s new band”
“I guess you're right” Patrick says grinning widely, “I just hope I do well”
“You're gonna crush it!” I insist immediately, “When do you start?”
“There’s a practice tomorrow night and another on Friday” he gushes.
“Awesome!”
“You can come with if you want” He asks, “It’ll be fun, and i’d be way less anxious if you were with me”
“As much as I would love to be there for you,” I say regretfully “I actually have plans with Eric tomorrow”
“Oh” Patrick says, a smile immediately dropping from his face.
“I'm sorry” I said immediately, feeling awful, “You know there’s nothing I love more than watching you sing, but we already have a date planned. ”
“No it’s okay,” he says, “I'm sure you'll have, uh, lots of fun with him”
“Come on, don’t be like that” I say, crossing my arms.
“What?”
I raise my eyebrow at him. “You always get quiet and weird when I bring up Eric, I know you don't like him”
“That’s not true” Patrick says half heartedly
“It’s okay,” I responded, “I want you to be honest, I just wish you liked him more. I mean you're my best friend! It sucks that you two don’t get along”
“It’s not that i don’t like him, Y/N” Patrick explains, avoiding my eyes, “I barely know him. You’ve been together like 6 months now and I’ve actually hung out with him...maybe twice?”
I sit back, letting that sink in. I open my mouth to respond when the bell rings, interrupting my thought. Have Eric and Patrick only hung out twice? My heart twinges in disappointment. I never really thought about it but it makes sense, Eric’s not one for group hangouts, usually backing out and telling me to go without him.
At the front of the room the teacher starts talking, so I focus on the board instead.
________________________________________________
*Narrator POV*
Patrick nervously walks up to the door of the garage, willing himself to stop freaking out so much. It’s just band practice, something he’s done plenty of times before. He takes a deep breath and knocks.
Seconds later, Joe opens the door and grins.
“What’s up man! Come on in” he says happily, turning around. Patrick follows him into the garage, and sees Pete sprawled out on the couch flipping through a small notebook
“H-hey guys” he smiled, sitting down. “What’re you up to?”
“We’re thinking maybe just trying some covers or something today, easy stuff to get into the swing of things” Joe explains, “Does that work?”
“Totally,” Patrick says quickly, “I'm down for whatever”
‘I'm trying to come up with some original stuff” Pete explains, shaking his notebook, “But I can barely pull my words into a verse, let alone put it to music”
“We’ll work on it, don’t worry so much” Joe says, clapping him on the shoulder.
“I could try and help out too” Patrick offers shyly, “I can throw some notes together to whatever you have”
“You write music?” Pete grins
“Yeah, a little” he shrugs, feeling his face grow warm.
“Man you just get better and better” Pete grins.
“Come on” Joe says excitedly, “Let’s do this”
Two hours later, sweaty and exhausted, the three boys collapse back on the couch.
“That was great” Patrick says
“Totally” Joe agrees.
“Everyone good to go again on Friday?” Pete asks.
“For sure” Joe says
“Definitely” Patrick agrees.
“Awesome! Then I think I’m ready to be done for today if you guys are,” Pete says with a tired laugh.
“Thank god” Joe says with a groan.
“Hey I had a question actually” Patrick says nervously.
“Shoot”
“Do you guys care if I bring someone to the next practice? I told my best friend about the audition and she’s been dying to meet you’
“Oh totally man!” Pete grins, “Bring anyone you want I don’t care”
“Same” Joe says, “she’s invited anytime”
“Awesome” Patrick grins, “Thanks”
“No need to thank us dude, this is your band now too”
___________________________________________________________
*YNs POV*
I flip through the pages of my notes, absentmindedly sticking a french fry in my mouth as I read.
“There you are!” Patrick says, sitting down in front of me, the noise of his hands making me jump “I’ve been looking for you all day”
“Ugh I'm sorry” I say, closing my notebook, “I slept through my alarm this morning so I missed homeroom”
“You slept through your alarm?” Patrick asks suspiciously, “You never do that”
“I had a long night” I say with a shrug, trying to act normal
Patrick raises his eyebrows. “Okay what happened?”
“Nothing” I say quickly, “Just couldn't sleep”
He stares at me, eyebrows still raised, and says nothing. I crack immediately.
“Okay I got into a fight with Eric” I mumble.
“What happened?” he asks.
“He bailed on our date last night” I say, “and didn’t tell me until 5 minutes after he was supposed to pick me up.” I see the simmering anger settle over Patrick’s face, but he takes a deep breath before responding.
“Did he have a good reason?” he asks.
“Some family thing or something” I say. “But I was pissed so we got into a fight about it and I couldn't sleep all night”
“I’m sorry YN” he says sincerely, but I can tell under the surface he’s still boiling with anger at the idea. My stomach flips.
“Enough about me” I say quickly, “How was the practice”
Patrick looks unsure but when I nod excitedly he starts talking.
“It was so much fun,” he says excitedly, going on about everything that happened. I listen intently, happy to see him so happy. Something about seeing him so excited and happy makes my heart swell as I look at him.
“But anyway, you're more than welcome to come to practice next Friday '' Patrick finishes his story, “If you still want to, that is” he adds quickly.
“Totally! “ I say excitedly, “I can’t wait to see you in action!”
________________________________
Narrator POV
Patrick and YN walk up to the garage door, and Patrick twists the knob to let them in.
“Hey guys” Patrick greeted Joe and Pete inside.
“Hey” they say in unison, both looking at YN immediately.
“And who might this be?” Pete asks cheekily.
“Im YN” YN says with a smirk, sticking her hand out, “Nice to meet you”
“Patrick has told us all about you” Joe says grinning and shaking her hand.
“Oh yeah?” she asks. Patrick blushed behind her.
“Never mentioned how gorgeous you are,” Pete says smoothly. Patrick’s gut clenches at the words and he stares daggers at Pete.
“Oh thanks” she says, ears turning pink. Patrick notices, only growing more irritated.
“Anyway” he clears his throat, “ she wanted to meet you guys and see us play”
“Well then let’s get to it” Joe says, looking curiously at Patrick.
A couple hours later, the four of them sit on the couch and array of chairs, talking and hanging out.
“You guys were great” YN says, “ Love the sound”
“Thanks” Pete grins, “Patrick here is a pretty impressive song writer”
Patrick blushes, “All I do is throw some notes together”
“Always so humble,” YN says with a smile, standing up and squeezing his shoulder playfully, “Is there a bathroom I can use?”
“Yeah it's through that door and past the kitchen” Joe says, pointing down the short hall to the house.
YN mumbles a thanks, stepping over Patrick's legs and heading into the house, and Joe looks over at Patrick, watching her leave.
“So,” he says with a grin, “Your best friend huh?”
“Yeah” Patrick says, a little confused.
“And nothing more?” Pete asks, raising a single eyebrow.
“What n-no” Patrick stammers, “just my friend.”
“She's hot as hell man” Joe says. Patrick flashes an irritated look at him.
“Oh come on, don’t pretend you haven't noticed”
“Obviously I’ve noticed” Patrick says irritated, “but we’ve been best friends since elementary school”
“So?” Pete asks
“So” Patrick explains, “that’s all we are”
“I would bet serious money that you want more than that” Joe says, leaning forward.
“So would I,” Pete says.” The way you’ve been talking about her? And the way you look at her? You’ve got it bad dude”
Patrick flushed bright red, knowing there's no way to play this off now.
“It doesn’t matter,” Patrick says, trying to steady his voice. “She has a boyfriend anyway”
“Ah so that’s a problem” Pete says knowingly.
“Are they serious?” Joe asks
“Sorta” Patrick shrugs, “They’ve been together for 6 months but he’s a total douchebag” “Oh that sucks” Joe says, “I’m sorry man”
“Sorry for what?” YN says, coming back into the room and making all three boys jump.
“Oh uh, um” Patrick panics slightly, unsure of what she heard.
“We were just consoling Patrick on a truly tragic setback” Pete says, rubbing Patrick’s shoulder.
“Okay…” YN says, sitting back down next to Patrick, “And what might that be?”
“Y-” Joe starts, only to be immediately interrupted.
“I had an idea for a m-melody” Patrick says quickly, “But I lost it before I could write it down”
“Oh” she replies, still slightly confused, “Well that’s not a big deal I’m sure it'll come back to you in no time”
“You’re right, let's just move on and forget it” Patrick says, glaring at the two guys across from him. They both nod, but Patrick still sees the playful twinkle in Pete’s eyes. There’s no way this is going to end well.
__________________________
YN’s POV
I kick a stone down the street, watching as it rolls down the broken down sidewalk.
“Remind me why you wanted to walk again?” I ask, annoyed as I shift my backpack to the other shoulder.
“I don’t know, I thought it’d be nice to take a walk, enjoy the weather” Patrick says cheerfully. “This isn’t exactly my idea of a pleasant walk” I grumble.
“Oh come on it’s not that bad” Patrick smiles
“I don’t know” I say, looking around us with disdain, “Pretty much everything in this part of town is turning to shit”
“Hey!” he replies “As someone from this part of town, consider me offended”
“I clearly didn't mean you” I say giggling, shoulder bumping him lightly. “But you gotta admit, there's a lot of shitty people around these days''
“Again, consider me offended!” he exclaims in mock outrage.,
“No no not you Patrick ” I say with a laugh, “in fact I would say you’re the last good thing about this part of town”
Patrick looks at me in surprise and I blush lightly. His cheeks are pink too, but it’s hard to tell if he’s blushing or if it's from the chilly air.
“You’re not half bad yourself” he says lightly. I grin in reply.
We turn the corner, reaching the street our houses are on.
“So I was thinking,” Patrick says.
“Yeah?”
“Maybe you should invite Eric to come to practice some time”
“Really?” I look at him in surprise.
“Yeah why not?” Patrick says
“I thought you hated him”
“I told you I don't hate him,” Patrick says impatiently, “I just don’t know him that well. If you like him so much I’m sure he’s great”
I smile at the words, happy to hear that Patrick actually wants to get to know him better.
“I think you two will really like each other” I say hopefully.
“Totally” Patrick says, but he doesn't quite catch my eye. “How about you guys both come sometime on a Friday or something ?”
“Sure Patrick” I say happily, “That sounds fun”
We stop walking as we reach his driveway.
“Sounds like a plan!’ Patrick says. “See you tomorrow?”
“Definitely” I responded, watching him turn and walk up the driveway.
“Patrick?” I call out, he turns around to look.
“yeah?” he asks
“Thanks” I say with a smile.”For giving him a chance”
“Anything for you” he says in a way that makes my stomach flip and I see his blue eyes twinkling, even from down the driveway.
______________________________________________
*6 weeks later*
After weeks of finals, graduation prep, and graduation itself, summer was finally here. Now with no more family obligations or final projects, I finally had plenty of free time to spend with Eric, my girl friends, and Patrick and the guys. Over a month after Patrick invited us, Eric and I were finally going to hang out at a band practice with them. They had one of their first big gigs in a couple weeks time, so the guys were practicing basically every day. And now that they finally had a drummer, Andy, their sound was coming together better than ever. Patrick and Pete had grown really close, and started writing music together. It made me happy to see Patrick happy, but I couldn't help a twinge of jealousy everytime he was hanging out with the guys instead of me. I guess I couldn’t be his only best friend forever.
I glanced at my watch, wondering where Eric was. The practice started at 5 on Fridays, and it was nearly 4:50. I sigh, grabbing the phone in the living room and dialing his house. I hear his mom pick up and say hello.
“Hi Mrs Smith,” I said happily, “it’s YN. Is Eric at home?”
“Yeah I think he’s playing video games with his friends, let me grab him for you sweetie”
I thank her, a pit falling in my stomach at the words. Is he really hanging out with his friends when he’s supposed to be here, picking me up?
“Hello?” I hear him say “Hey babe” I say nervously, “What’s going on?”
“Oh hey,” he says casually, “Just playing that new game with my friends. Why, what’s up?”
“Are you still coming to get me?” I ask, trying not to sound too irritated.
“For what?” he asks, confused. I want to scream.
“Aren’t we going to Patrick's band practice tonight? To hang out with them?” I ask, too annoyed to mask my irritation any longer.
“Oh shit I forgot” he replies, “Can we go another time?”
“Seriously?”
“What! It's not a big deal is it?'' he asks , sounding annoyed himself
“You’ve already backed out of hanging out with him twice, and he invited us almost two months ago”
“I know, you’re right” He replies with a groan, “but I already invited my friends over to hang out for the night.”
“And?”
“Well, what do you want me to do? Send them all home?”
“I mean…” I say slowly, trying to understand how he can be so dumb, “Kind of?”
“Okay I mean if you want I’ll cancel on them and send them home, tell them I'm hanging out with you”
“Well don't say that!” I exclaim.
“Why not? Isn't that what you want”
“It’s not MY fault YOU forgot about me Eric” I almost yell into the phone.
“Stop making such a big deal out of this!” he retorts, “I'll tell them okay, I'll be over in an hour to get you”
“Just forget it” I say angrily, “I’ll go myself. Have fun with your friends”
“Oh cool thanks babe”
I roll my eyes, hanging up the phone without another word. Guess I'm going to practice alone. I grimace, wondering if Patrick is gonna be offended.
Twenty minutes later I park next to the curb at Joe's house and hop out, walking down the path to the garage. I take a deep breath and walk in. The guys are mid song, so I plop on the couch and watch.
Patrick catches my eyes for a second and his eyebrows stitch together with concern. I shake my head and he looks away, concentrating on staring at the wall while he finishes singing. Less than a minute later the song ends and the boys drop their instruments, greeting me.
“Hey YN!” they say almost in unison.
“What’s up?” Joe says, sitting in the chair next to me and drinking some water.
“Not much just watching Chicago’s hottest new band” I say with a grin.
“Where’s your boy at?” Pete asks raising an eyebrow, “I thought he was coming”
“Oh” I say, avoiding Patrick looking at my for the response,” He had something come up he can’t make it”
“Something came up?” Patrick says doubtfully, “Really?”
“Yeah just some friend thing I guess” I say, picking at my thumb and trying not to meet anyone's eyes.
“So he just bailed?” Andy asks quietly.
“Yup, pretty much” I answered with a sigh. The guys all share a look.
Joe snorts, “Wow what a gentleman”
“Yeah that’s just shitty” Pete says, “I'm sorry to say it but he sounds like an ass”
“No he’s not, really” I say quickly, “And this was just a fluke, not like he does this all the time”
“Yeah” Patrick laughs humorlessly, “Just about every other week”
“Patrick” I say in shock, not expecting his angry tone.
“Sorry! But it’s true” he says meeting my eyes, “He does this to you all the time”
“I agree with Pete for once,” Joe says, “He sounds like an ass”
“Well that’s great but none of you really know him” I say defensively.
“We just think you deserve better,” Andy says with a small smile.
“Yeah, way better,” Pete says strongly.
“That’s great guys, I appreciate it” I say, irritated that this suddenly became an intervention, “but you guys hardly even know me”
“But I do” Patrick says
I look at him, daring him to say more
“And I know you deserve better” he says with more feeling than I was expecting. My mouth instantly goes dry.
“And seriously from everything Patrick has told us-” Pete starts to add an argument.
“Excuse me?” I say looking at Pete sharply, “From everything he’s told you?” I look at Patrick in question. He turns red, looking away, which answers my question.
“I’m sorry, is this what you guys do at practice?” I ask, standing up and crossing my arms, “Sit around and shit talk me and gossip about my relationship?”
“YN, Of course not” Patrick says
“Don’t even talk to me right now Patrick” I say angrily pointing in his direction. I feel the betrayal pass through my whole body.
“Hmm?” I ask, looking at the other guys, “ is that what you do?”
“YN Don't be mad at Patrick '' Pete says, “he’s just been worried about you. He doesn't think you're happy with your boyfriend”
“Weird then!” I yell, “How I haven't heard any of this from Patrick myself!”
“I-” Patrick interrupts but I cut him off.
“How many times?” I ask abruptly, looking at the other guys, “How often do you talk about this?”
“Just once or twice” Pete says, quiet for once.
“You’re lying,” I say immediately, turning to Joe. “You wanna answer that?’
“YN” he says tiredly, but I continue glaring at him, “Okay, we talk about it almost every practice. But it’s just because Patrick is worried”
I raise my eyebrows in shock. They talk about this every practice? The dread grows in my stomach and I feel the weight of the embarrassment and shame settle on me. Minutes, maybe hours of practice, dedicated to talking about Eric? About how stupid I am? I try to fight it but tears prick my eyes. I see the guys exchange looks, unsure of what to do. I look at Patrick, but he’s still staring at the ground, not meeting my eyes. That only makes me feel worse.
“Really cool of you Pat” I say voice cracking causing him to look up worriedly. I see his eyes crinkle as he sees my face. I take a deep breath, the room completely silent.
“I guess I’ll be going now” I say to him , grabbing my bag off the couch “wouldn't want to interrupt your precious time to talk about my relationship with everyone else except me”
I hear all the boys start to call after me and Patrick stumbles to his feet but I ignore them and rush out of the garage.
“YN wait!” Patrick yells, rushing out of the door.
PATRICKS POV
He rushes out the door in a panic, knowing he needs to catch her before she gets in her car.
“YN!” he yells out “Please stop”
She stops in her tracks and slowly turns around. He starts to explain and then sees her face, streaking with tears.
“Oh no” he says, a pit falling in his stomach, “No no no you’re crying”
“Of course I'm crying Patrick!” She yells angrily wiping the tears from her cheeks, “Do you even realize how embarrassing this is for me?”
Patrick blanches at her words, only feeling worse and worse.
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” he pleads, “We’ve just been talking it’s not a big deal”
“Not a big deal?” She repeats walking closer to me, “You’ve been talking behind my back, for weeks, to guys who barely even know me”
“Because I was worried about you!”
“Then talk to me Patrick!” YN yells, “Not them!”
“I-”
“You’ve clearly been thinking about my life and my relationship a whole fucking lot and yet when have you brought it up to me? Once? Months ago?” She crosses her arms and glares at him.
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings” Patrick mutters, realizing immediately it’s a dumb explanation.
“Well you failed” she states bluntly turning, “big time”
“I'm sorry! Really I am” Patrick begs, grabbing her arm and turning her back, “I swear I haven’t been saying anything bad”
“What have you said?”
“What?” he asks confused
“If you're not saying anything bad, what have you been saying?”
“Oh” he answers nervously , “just that you seem unhappy with Eric, that he doesn't seem right for you”
“You don’t even know him!” “It’s not like I haven't tried!” He yells back, now irritated himself, “I’ve invited him to hang out a half dozen times and he never shows up! Because he never shows up for you”
“That’s not true,” she whispers.
“Yeah it is” he scoffs, “he doesn't care about what you care about. If it’s his thing, he’s there right on time, flowers in his hand. But when it’s your thing?” He stares at her, she avoids his eyes and stares at the grass under her feet, “he bails. Every time.”
“I just don’t understand why you didn't talk to me” she says, and Patrick sees tears pooling in her eyes. He kicks the ground angrily.
“Because… I didn’t know how to tell you without hurting you” “I never asked you to like him,” YN says looking back up at him, “Only to be honest with me.”
“I know,” He whispers, ashamed. YN takes a deep, steadying breath.
“When you dated Shelby in sophomore year- who was terrible by the way” she says, voice rising again, “I told you I didn’t like her, and that I didn’t think you were good together. And then I shut my mouth and let you live your own life!” “I know,” He repeats.
“I was honest, but I respected you, and her, that entire awful relationship” She says, looking at him stonily, “Why don’t you respect me like that?”
Patrick falls silent, hesitating, unsure how to answer.
“But I do” he says earnestly, grabbing her hand, “I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you, That’s the last thing I wanted.”
“Well like I said before'' she says dropping his hands and wiping her eyes, “you failed.'' She turns and walks over to her car and starts to get in. Patrick rushes over, trying to stop her. They’ve never fought like this before, and he’s not sure what will happen if he lets her go.
“Please don’t leave” he begs. “I just…. I need some time okay?” She says quietly, “Can you just give me some space”
Patrick looks at her, and sees the devastation in her eyes.
“Sure” he chokes out, “Whatever you need”
She nods, sliding into her car and driving away. He watches her until the car disappears around the corner. Patrick takes a heavy sigh, hating himself for letting this get so out of hand. He really hopes he didn’t just royally fuck everything up.
Patrick takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down, and then heads back into the garage. The guys all give him looks of sympathy but he shakes his head, so they don’t say anything. Pete sits on the couch, furiously writing in his little notebook.
“What are you possibly writing right now?” Patrick asks tiredly, plopping down next to him.
“Our next song” he says excitedly, “And maybe the answer to all of your problems”
Patrick looks at him in curiosity, raising one eyebrow. He grins cheekily back, showing him the page in his notebook.
There are two quick lines scrawled on the page.
“Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman”
____________
YN’s POV
“Honey?”
I hear the knock on my door and turn down my stereo, "Come in”
My mom slowly pushes the door open.
“Sweetie, Patrick’s at the door again” she says, a regretful look on her face.
“Oh my god” I groaned, flopping down on my bed, “That’s the third time today!”
“He seems desperate to talk to you”
“I told him to give me some space” I say, sitting up and looking at her pointedly.
“And it’s been almost 72 hours...that's a long time for you two” She says, crossing her arms and matching my expression.
“I just….” I hesitate “I'm not ready to talk about it yet”
“Honey I know you're upset,” she says, walking over and sitting on the bed. “But I think he really had your best interest at heart”
I snort, “Yeah, totally in my best interest to be humiliated in front of his friends!”
She looks at me, “And you have never once talked about Patrick with your other friends? Not even when he dated that one girl?”
“I mean, a couple times I guess….” I say reluctantly. She just raises her eyebrows. “But not every day! And not to people who barely knew him!”
“I know, but just put yourself in his shoes”
“I’ll try”
“Im serious YN, “ she says with a look, “And consider other reasons that Patrick may have been upset about your relationship”
Her pointed expression confuses me, “What do you mean?” I ask.
“Oh nothing,” she says with a sigh, standing up, “You want me to tell him you still don’t wanna talk?”
“Please” I ask. She nods, maybe a little sadly, but leaves the room anyway. I sigh and turn the radio back up, hoping this third turn away will finally deter Patrick.
I’m not that lucky. Within a couple minutes, I hear a tapping noise. I turn the radio down once more, groaning when I realize the tapping is on my window.
I take a deep breath and pull up my blinds. Crouching on the literal roof, right outside my window, is Patrick, red faced and breathing hard.
I raise my eyebrows and open the window, “I didn’t know you can still do that” I say, crossing my arms and fighting a smile..
“Yeah” he groans, sitting in my windowsill, “not as easy as it was when I was 12”
“Patrick, what are you doing up here?”
“Can we just talk please?” He puts on his best puppy dog eyes.
“I just wanted some time” I say, exasperated.
“Please YN” he begs, “can I just come in”
“Of course, I wouldn't want you falling off the roof,” I say with a laugh, offering him my hand and pulling him in.
“Thank god” he says, hopping down and onto the floor with an oomph.
I sit back on my bed, looking at him unexpectedly.
He looks around the room awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.
“Well?” I say, throwing my arms up in frustration.
Patrick sighs, flinching slightly at my irritation, “ Look I’m sorry YN! You have no idea how totally, completely, and ridiculously sorry I am” he lets it all flow out dramatically, words coming out before I can process them. “I know I fucked up okay? But I swear to god I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I promise I never said a single bad thing about you! I know I crossed a line, I was just worried”
He nervously shuffles as he says all this, and then perches on the edge of my bed.
“Pa-”
“No wait,'' he says, “ I know you’re still mad and of course you have the right to be, but I just can't hear it right now. I’ve been thinking about this nonstop for three days. I'm so petrified of losing you, and I just can’t. I know I crossed a line the other day. And again today because I came in here anyway, and I know that's not cool, but I couldn't stand the thought of you hating me for any longer” His eyes glisten with the last words.
“Patrick” I say, my heart breaks and the wall I had built up comes crumbling down “Of course i don't hate you, I could never hate you” I grab his hands and make him look me in the eyes
“That’s a relief” Patrick sighs “I thought-”
“I know,” I say, interrupting him. “I may have overreacted slightly. I was just….hurt”
“I know and I'm so so so sorry” he begs.
“I’m not happy about what you were saying But do you know the worst part?” I say, taking my hands back
“What?” he asks, but looks afraid of the answer.
“It just hurt so bad that you didn’t care enough to talk to me about it” I say, cursing the way the tears mist my eyes, “Knowing you could talk to your friends more easily about it than me, even though it's my life, and you're my best friend. And then you threw it all in my face at once” I hastily wiped the tear that fell down my cheek.
“No no no” Patrick says, face crumpling, He immediately pulls me into a tight, all encompassing hug. “You’re right I should've talked to you sooner”
He pulls back, grabbing my hand once more. “I talked to them about it because it was easier to do that, because I knew I wouldn’t hurt them or make them angry. I just needed a place to vent and I, I couldn’t do that with you. I'm sorry”
“It’s okay” I say with a small smile, ‘I understand that… but next time, if something like this ever happens again, just tell me first. I swear I won't be angry or upset. I want to know your opinion, I love you Patrick”
Something flashes across Patrick's eyes at my words, but he smiles back. “I love you too, you're my best friend in the world. Next time i’ll talk to you first”
“Promise?”
“Promise” We pinky swear on it, and the tension almost immediately dissipates.
“Well thank god that's over” I crack a smile, “I missed you”
Patrick grins back, “I missed you too. And I have great news!”
“What?” I ask, intrigued.
“That first gig we had planned? It got moved up to this Friday!” Patrick says
“That’s amazing!” I say excitedly.
“I'm excited but also wildly nervous” Patrick says with a chuckle, cheeks blushing pink, “I was hoping you would come see it”
“Of course!” I say immediately. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world”
Patrick grins happily at the response, and then checks his watch.
“Oh shoot, I gotta run home for dinner” he says, standing up, “But we’re okay?” he asks anxiously.
“We’re great” I say, squeezing his hand and then reluctantly letting it go. He smiles at me and stands up, staring at me for just a second longer than I expected. His cheeks lightly turn pink again.
“Okay um, I'll get going then” he says, sounding nervous again. He turns towards the window.
“Patrick?” I say with a giggle.
“Yeah?” he says, turning back around.
“You’re free to use the front door this time”
“Right” he says with a laugh, moving towards my door, “good call”
“I'll call you tomorrow” I say as he opens the door.
“Goodnight YN” he says with a smile, and closes my door behind him.
______________________________________
PATRICKS POV
“There's no way I can do this guys” Patrick says frantically, pacing around the tiny green room.
“Of course you can '' Pete says encouragingly.
“No I really can't” he says back, “I might actually pass out. Or vomit. Or both”
“It’s a small gig Patrick,” Joe reminds him, “Try to stay calm”
“Small gig for you guys!” Patrick snaps, “This is my first time singing in front of more than like 5 people at a time.
“And you'll crush it” Andy says, slapping him on the shoulder.
“And you’re sure there’s no other reason you're so anxious?” Pete says with raised eyebrows.
“Why, nothing else big is happening” Patrick says wringing his hands out, “Unless of course you’re referring to us closing our set with our new song that we wrote about how I’m wildly in love with my best friend and hope she chooses me over her boyfriend”
“Okay, so we're a little stressed about that,” Joe says with a chuckle.
“Not a time for jokes,” Patrick snaps.
“Listen” Pete says standing up, “ everything is going to be totally fine. You’re gonna do great, YN is gonna love the song, no matter what”
“You don’t know that” Patrick stammers.
“We all believe in you, in us” Joe says, “And I would bet money that YN has some feelings of her own.”
“No matter what, I guess I’ll know the truth after tonight” Patrick says, anxiously gnawing on my lip.
“Exactly! It’s a good thing - now let’s get out there and kill it”
_______________
YN’s POV
I work my way through the crowd, impressed at how many people are here to see the band. Perks of having famous Pete Wentz in the band I suppose.
I rub the skin under my eyes, checking to make sure no makeup was running. After a few days of thought, and some not-so-deep conversations with Eric, we had decided to call it off.
After everything I realized that Patrick was right, even if Eric was fun and sweet and loving when it was just us two, I deserve someone who cares about the things I like and the people in my life. If my best friend had fought that hard to let me know he cared, my boyfriend should be willing to do the same. In reality, Eric did the bare minimum and i’m embarrassed it took me this long to realize. The breakup went pretty well, all things considering. I was much less upset about it than I thought I would be. It had definitely been a long time coming, but it’s still only been two days since it happened. I haven’t even brought myself to tell Patrick yet, afraid of him worrying about me when he should be focused on the show, and also just… nervous to tell him for some reason. So, when a sad song came on the radio on the way to the gig I couldn't help the tears that followed.
Luckily, there's a good enough crowd in here, and the music should start anytime now so I push the thoughts of Eric out of my head and focus on getting to the front of the stage. Time to focus on the band and lose myself in the music. I can’t wait to see the new song Patrick and Pete have been working so furiously on. Patrick refused to let me hear it until the show, so the anticipation has been killing me .
The lights over the crowd dim and I see the guys walk on the stage. I immediately start cheering and screaming, a few other friends around me following suit. Patrick sees me front and center when he stands in front of the microphone.He wears a leather jacket pulled over a band shirt and some skinny jeans. I find myself staring for a second as he reaches up, readjusting his hat and fixing his hair. He catches my eyes and immediately blushes bright red, looking above the crowd instead. He must be so nervous to sing. Pete grabs the mic, introducing the band and saying they're gonna be playing a short set with some covers, and a few original songs thrown in. They waste no time and get right into the music.
The crowd is having a blast, and I'm awed at how flawless they sound together, and as always i’m impressed at Patrick’s voice. I keep trying to catch his eyes again, but he stares resolutely above the crowd. I decide it must be a stage fright thing, so I focus on dancing and singing along instead. Pete introduces each song, tells funny stories about practicing or how the bands inspired them or blah blah blah before each song. He’s impressively good at interacting with the crowd, and I can tell the girls around me feel exactly the same way. Most of them can't drag their eyes away from him. After what feels like only a few minutes, the set is coming to a close.
“We’re about to wrap up here” Pete says into the microphone, “So we’re gonna end the show with a brand new original song that is very special - if you are all okay with that of course”
I scream and holler with the rest of the crowd. Pete looks to Patrick, as if to see if he’s ready. Patrick nods his head slightly, grabbing his own microphone and bringing it to his lips.
I raised my eyebrows in surprise - he hasn’t talked into the microphone a single time the whole show.
“H-hey everyone,'' he says nervously, cheeks pink as he looks at the crowd. “I’m Patrick”
I scream loudly, the rest of the crowd clapping and cheering too. Patrick blushes further.
“Y-you know one of the best things about making your own music is that you get to write about anything you want to” he explains nervously. I try to catch his eyes again, but now he seems to be avoiding the front of the crowd all together. “This is one of those songs that we wanted to write about something, or someone actually, really special to me”
I raise my eyebrows, curious as to what the song is about.
Patrick nervously cleared his throat “So um, yeah I just wanted to say that this person is really special to me, and I hope she likes it. Or at least, uh, doesn’t hate it, or me” He sticks the microphone back on the stand, and Pete claps him on the shoulder.
I stand in the crowd confused. What is happening? Patrick gets back in position and glances at me for just a fraction of a second, but it’s long enough to see the look in his eye. He looks nervous, avoiding my eyes again. The song’s about me? I grin at the thought. How cute of him to write their first song about me, if that is what happening. Butterflies flit in my stomach as I watch him.
I smile up at them, and Patrick nods at the guys, grabbing the microphone. The word starts immediately, before any instruments join.
“Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman
And maybe he won't find out what I know
You were the last good thing about this part of town”
I feel my jaw drop open as soon as Patrick starts the words. Holy fucking shit, this is not what I expected. My stomach drops out, and I come to a complete standstill, staring up at Patrick.
He avoids my eyes, staring out over the crowd again. Right after the first verse the instruments kick in, the song progressing so fast I barely have time to react.
I stare at Patrick in absolute confusion, trying to pick up every word of the lyrics. I'm conscious of both Pete and Joe looking at me several times, but I can’t bring myself to look away from Patrick.
When I wake up
I'm willing to take my chances on
The hope I forget that you hate him more than you notice
I wrote this for you, for you, so
At this point I don’t even know how to feel, but I feel my face growing redder and redder with every line. What is happening right now?
You need him, I could be him
My jaw practically hits the floor. Holy shit.
I could be an accident but I'm still tryin'
And that's more than I can say for him
I blush furiously, butterflies going crazy in my stomach, tears in my eyes. Is this really how Patrick feels?
Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman
And maybe he won't find out what I know
You were the last good thing about this part of town
I roll my eyes internally, fighting off the regret and embarrassment of knowing I dated someone for so long who apparently was notorious enough for ditching me, someone else wrote a literal song about it.
Someday I'll appreciate in value
Get off my ass and call you
The mean time, I'll sport my brand new fashion
Of waking up with pants on at four in the afternoon
I almost laugh, so absolutely dumbfounded I still don’t know how to react. Patrick glances down at me briefly, and I see the shine of his blue eyes, but it’s not long enough for me to catch his expression. He could be him? He could be an accident but he’s still trying? These lines ring through my head even as the band goes through the remaining choruses. The crowd goes crazy around me but I stand stock still, mind racing at a million miles per hour. This is why Patrick hated Eric so much? Why couldn't he talk to me about it? Because….he wanted to… be him? Wanted to be… with me?
As soon as I think about it, everything I know to be true crashes down around me. What does this mean? How long has he even felt like this?
I think back through every recent interaction we have, trying to figure out how I could’ve missed this. And trying to figure out how I feel about it. I can tell the song is winding down and I begin to panic, knowing this means I’ll have to face Patrick any second.
But he’s just my best friend right? I love him, but only as a friend. I say that in my mind, but suddenly I’m not so sure if that sentiment is right, if it’s ever even been right. If it was, I don't think my heart and stomach would be doing backflips in my torso in response to the song.
The song slows and Patrick sings the last line, finally looking down and catching my eyes
“You were the last good thing about this part of town”
The song fades off and ends, and I break Patricks stare. I vaguely hear Pete thank the crowd, probably mentioning their next gig, but at that moment I don’t care.
Suddenly I’m overwhelmed, overloaded with information I don't know how to handle, and stuck in a crowd with people I don't know, after my friend, my best friend of over 10 years, confessed his…. Love? For me.
I turn suddenly, shoving through the crowd, desperate to get out, to get away. I vaguely register the sound of my name being called, but I don’t care. I need air, I need space, I need…. To be away.
I shove my way through to the back of the room, roughly pushing the door open and throwing myself into the cool, empty alley behind me. I suck in breaths of fresh air and I hear my name again right before the door shuts. It sounds like Patrick. Is he coming after me? Do I want him to?
I wait with bated breath, staring at the door, waiting to see what comes through it.
It opens in seconds, but it’s just a couple girls pushing through and I let out my breath, feeling absolutely disappointed, not relieved. I realize I do want him to come after.
The girls giggle and talk, moving out of the door frame to walk down the alley. Behind them, framed perfectly in the door frame, is Patrick.
I gasp quietly, stomach immediately flipping out again. Patrick looks… stressed to say the least. He’s red, panting, staring at me with wide eyes as he steps out into the alley.
“YN” he says, stepping in front of me, eyes cast at the ground.
“H-hey” I say shakily, heart pounding so loud I wonder if he can hear it.
“Hi” he says back nervously, looking up at catching my eyes.
For a moment we just stare at each other, clearly both of us at a loss for words.
Patrick takes a deep sigh. “Listen, YN, I-”
“I broke up with Eric” I blurt out, totally interrupting him.
Patrick's eyebrows shoot up so high so fast they practically fly off his face “What?”
“I um,” I falter, stumbling over my words. Why am I so nervous? This is just Patrick. Patrick-who- might-be-in-love-with-me, but still Patrick, I take a deep steadying breath, “Just thought you should know, um, we broke up on Wednesday”
“Oh” Patrick says, eyes as wide as I’ve ever seen them. He clears his throat awkwardly “w-why did you do that?”
I let out a dry chuckle, “Well you may have realized, he gained a reputation for not ever showing up. It got so bad, one could even write a song about how he never shows up” I smile shyly at him.
Patrick’s face immediately blushed again, “Y-yeah wouldn’t that be crazy” he looks down at his shoes.
There’s silence again for a moment that feels infinite. I suddenly know exactly what I want him to say. Exactly what I want to say to him.
“I’m sorry” he says quietly, “i’m sorry you guys broke up”
“Are you?” I ask quietly. He looks up with a grim smile.
“Of course” he says earnestly, “I never wanted you to get hurt, I just-”
“You were jealous” I say, seeing in total clarity as I spoke the words. Suddenly Patricks words, actions, feelings about my relationship all made perfect sense. Not only did he think Eric was bad for me, he wanted to be better for me. I smile at the realization. This has been in front of me the whole time.
Patrick says nothing, staring down at his shoes.
“Patrick I-”
“You don’t have to say anything” He says suddenly, looking up at me with frantic eyes. “If you want, we can pretend it’s just a normal song, that this never happened. I don’t need an...an answer or anything. I just had to tell you in some way” He blushes yet again, words shaking as he says them.
“Patrick,” I say quietly, moving forward to stand right in front of him. He looks up into my eyes, “I loved the song”
“Y-you did?” Patrick says, a small, hopeful smile on his face.
“Yes” I say with a smile, the flood of emotions inside me is settling, and I can finally realize what i’m feeling. This was why I overreacted so much, I realize, I was defensive because I knew he was right but also because…. I knew the whole time. Everything I really wanted had been right by my side the whole time, “It was the best song I have ever heard, and the most romantic. kindest, sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me”
Patrick grins at me, still blushing, but his eyes are sparkling in a way I’ve never seen them before. “You deserve it,” he says with a smile.
The look in his eyes melts my insides and I’m wondering how I could’ve been so blind for so long. We stare at each other in silence for a moment, the only sound is the sound of our breathing mixing together. I become acutely aware of just how close we’re standing. My eyes flick down to his lips, and I see his eyes widen.
He slowly places his hand on the side of my face, thumb stroking over my cheek. My breath catches under the intensity of his stare. He moves towards me slowly, as though he’s giving me every chance to back away.
I don’t. I lean forward, pressing my lips to his and slipping a hand behind his neck. He kisses back immediately, his other hand snaking around my waist and pulling me into him. We kiss slowly at first, sweet and slow and innocent, just like Patrick. Patrick pulls back, looking me into the eyes intensely, as though waiting to see if I’ll bolt right then. I don’t.
I bite my lip and look at him. His eyes watch the movement, and that’s all the extra convincing he needs. He pulls me into his lips again, the arm around my waist tightening its grip to keep me close to him. We kiss hungrily, needily, sweet and passionate all at once. I melt into him, feeling more alive and awake than I ever have before. We pull away to catch our breath, foreheads leaning against one another.
“Patrick?” I say with a grin
“What?” he says, smiling at my impression.
“I think you’re going to have to write another song now”