who am I supposed to be? @f0ckeverything - Tumblr Blog

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Day 1 (1200)

water 5/8

bruch 500

144 - two eggs

175 - 1/2 blubbery muffin

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=319

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dinner 500

370 - ramen

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=370

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snacks 200

150 - pea pouch

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=150

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total daily cal intake...

!839!

167lbs

Day 2 (1000)

Breakfast

539

Lunch

. avocado 250

Dinner

Snacks

Day 1 (1000)

-200cal 30min Roller skating

-298cal 30min bikeing

= -498

Break fast

Nothing

Lunch

80cal bread

20cal

34cal 2 egg whites

70cal cheese

Dinner

Snacks

170cal Samoa cookies

🍃use

11:00- 1/2 a joint

170

Apparently I've been taking a break from my diet. Instead I've been trying to get on a schedule, not doing so hot either. I'm getting there though.

Day 1 (new challenge)

1000: meal= 233^3 snack=100^3

1200: meal= 300^3 snack= 100^3

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Water 0/8

...................

Breakfast:

100=Breakfast bar

60=mermaid gummies

160= potato

=320

Snack:

40= rice roll

60= apple juice

=100

Lunch:

Bread

Mayo

Cheese

Meat

Snack:

Dinner:

Snack:

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Weight

Morning: 166

Noon

Night

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Thoughts/notes

Sept 12, 2021

Day 17

I didn't pay attention to my calories today. I think I'm done with this diet. I feel like crap and I think I would be happier if I stopped. I'm going to change my calorie intake to 1000-1200 calories.

Day 16 (500)

I don't care about calories today and just ate whatever I wanted. I ate so much my stomach hurt, but I don't feel guilty about it.

Day 15 (500)

I am such a fat failure. The only thing I am good at is failing. I will never do anything good with my life because I am a failure.

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-3 Chicken wings

-3 Cheese sticks

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The last 2 day's I have failed.

Morning: 165

Day 14 (fast)

It's like 9:46 p.m. and I'm having such a hard time not eating anything. Honestly I just want some cheese and crackers. I want cheese and crackers so bad! But I'm drinking alcohol and I know that drinking alcohol is a lot of calories anyway so I can't justify it. I'll probably get really drunk go to the gas station and get a bunch of food to spit out. Honestly I think that's what I'm going to do.

I wasn't strong enough and I was too emotional so I ended up eating a whole thing of

650- macaroni

Day 13 (800)

180- 3 juice

390-Rice and beans

60- Sour cream

160- chips

100- Minni Muffin

40- Minni rollup

30- Pop rocks

140- more chips

40- rice roll

360- 3 milks 🤦

60- laughing cow cheese

40- popsicle

..............................................

=1600

---------------------------------

I feel full tho

Night: 162

Why do I have such a large gap in my ugw?

I have 120-100 as my ugw bc idk which one I'll look better at. I Don't want to look like a skeleton, but I do want a thigh gap. I think my hips are wide enough to achieve that.

This is kinda what I want, maybe a bit thicker.

Stole this post from somewhere

1. when did your ed begin?

Not sure, middle school?

2. what is your earliest ed related memory?

When I was 6. I was looking at my mom, I thought she was beautiful, but I didn't want to look like her.

3. favorite safe foods??

Any greans

4. favorite safe meal?

Broth soup

5. how do you handle hard days?

Binge eating

6. sw/cw/hw/ugw?

168/160/175/120-100

7. how do you comfort yourself after a binge?

District myself with the internet or physical activity

8. what type of ed do you have?

Not diagnosed with anything, but ana. Prob don't even have it

9. when did you realize you had an ed?

I don't think I have an ed, but I do have a problem. I probably realized around early high School

10. do you have any recovery tips?

Surround yourself with a lot of people that don't have mental food problems

11. does anyone know about your ed?

Before yes, after my relapse no

12. what is an embarrassing ed related story you have?

Don't want to share

13. longest fast?

2 days prob

14. do you have any other ed communities?

A few websites that I frequent

15. have you recovered/relapsed before?

Yes, and Doing it now

16. favorite safe outfit

A sweater that's 2/3x bigger than me and pants to go under

17. do you smoke?

Occasionally nicotine mostly weed

18. coffee or tea

Coffee usually

19. diet soda or energy drinks

Diet soda, I don't like energy drinks

20. biggest sweet tooth craving/binge food

Anything pasta or Asian cuisine

21. something you want to tell about your ed but you’ve never had the chance

I'm doing this for me because I hate myself rn

22. best words of advice/love/experience to other ppl with ed’s

You're probably happier and more emotionally stable when you eat a normal/healthy diet

23. do you have a partner? if so do they know about your ed?

No partner

24. do you want to recover

Not rn

25. do you actually enjoy working out?

Yes, I don't have the energy alot

26. do you smoke?

Asked this b4, but yes occasionally.

27. if you smoke weed, do you get munchies?

Yes, it's a big problem for me

28. what is the thing you miss most that your ed has taken away from you

Not sure. Relationships maybe. Idk if that's the ed's fault tho

29. have you worked on your ed in therapy?

a little I guess

30. have you ever been caught mid-ed act (ie: purging, bingeing, etc)

Bingeing, but that's really easy to hide "I'm just really hungry today"

31. do you eat healthy or not?

32. does your ed affect your sex life/sexuality?

Not much

33. what is your favorite unhealthy but safe food? (if you have any)

N/A

34. what is one of your most obscure fears brought on by your ed?

N/A

35. least favorite part of your body

Legs, belly, and chest

36. favorite part of your body

Neck and wrists

37. do you have a fast metabolism?

Depending on the day

38. dumbest weight loss advice you’ve ever gotten

"You can eat whatever you want you just got to exercise"

39. do you try to practice body neutrality? positivity? if you do, how?

Haha, no, I hate myself

40. how do you handle ed related nausea, fatigue, sickness, or weakness?

I either power through or give up there's really no one in between for me

41. what was the moment you realized you had an ed?

Another repeat question, but I still don't think I have an ed

42. what food do you miss most?

I don't really miss out on food, it's mostly about portion control and calories for me

I'm becoming more emotional, I just cried over spilling half the macaroni that I was going to spit out anyway. I got really upset and wanted to yell and hit things (I did, but didn't do damage to anything). I feel like I'm becoming more irritable too. Yesterday at work I was tired and didn't want to deal with people, and the day before that kids were screaming and crying all day and my manager almost sent me on 2 breaks. I don't know if the past couple days have just been stressful or my stress is due to my eating habits or both.

Day 12 (goal 600)

Only 45min till I can eat something!

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60- juice

120- milk

20- 1/2 riceroll

70- cod fillet

25- portobello mushroom

130- cheese sandwich crackers

40- mini fruit rollup

60- sour cream

-----------

=525

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It's almost 10 and I haven't eaten anymore than 525! I'm so proud of myself!

Tomorrow I get 800cal! I'm very excited!🖤

3am: 160!

12pm: 160 still!

Day 11 (fast)

I'm doing so good! I haven't had anything since 1amish (broth soup), but I counted that as yesterday.

Night: 161!!!

Day 10 (500)

Beef

Cheese

Wasabi peas

Takies

Broth soup w/ mushrooms and lettus

Day 9

Not gonna even try, pretty sure I ate over 2000

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