she’s crying and he knows he shouldn’t be surprised and on some level he guesses he really isn’t —— but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t startle when the tears begin to fall , a chorus of my fault my fault my fault ringing in his head like laughter / like a reminder that he exists to hurt her , with little concern for what the weapon may be . apologies , a keyblade ; it’s the same , really , in his hands / his mouth / and there’s an ache in his chest when her voice shakes , when she says she’s sorry .
it’s not that he doesn’t know , understand , that she hurt him too , the weight of her body in his arms still the heaviest thing he’s ever held but he doesn’t need , want , her to apologize for that —— and by extension , he doesn’t care for apologies for the rest of it either . he couldn’t save her , knows that’s the bottom line / he couldn’t save her and was the reason she died to begin with , a boy whose existence was seen as precious when he would’ve thrown himself to hell a million times over just to ensure her safety . it’s not fair , how things played out . not for either of them . but for her least of all .
❛ it’s okay , xion . you don’t have to apologize . ❜ he says , honestly , and he isn’t crying , his eyes aren’t wet but … his gaze is downcast , somber . tired . not with her , but … everything else about them . his guilt , his frustration , his loss … exhausting . ❛ and … you’re right . i would’ve tried to stop you . i … would’ve wanted it to be me . if i’d known , if i’d felt like i had a choice … i would’ve wanted so badly to take your place . and i would’ve tried really , really hard to make that happen . ❜
two children , neither meant to exist & both ready to die for the other . what a strange tragedy they’ve been made a part of .
he slides his hands out of her own , simply to change who is holding whose and he gives her a gentle , reassuring squeeze . ❛ i can’t blame you , for wanting to protect me . not when i’d have done the same thing . but … i hope , that whatever happens going forward , you can talk to me about it . even if you’re worried what will happen … i want to be there for you . and to help you , however i can . ❜
stupid, stupid tears! they never fall when they should! all wet and hot on the curve of her cheeks, xion struggles with the realization that if she were to wipe them away, she’d have to let roxas go -- and that is something she can’t bear, not now, when she’s begging, heart open and full and bleeding, for his forgiveness. how could she bear to let him go? it is so hard now, when he is barely in her grasp again. to let go once -- but never to let go again.
“ but, roxas ...” she pleads, her bottom lip heavy with the weight of it. “i thought out of the both of us, you ... you had the better right to live. to me, you were the one out of all of us who might have had ... a heart. and, everything i was ... you gave to me. ” she shakes her head, the blue of her eyes hidden by the shadow of her bangs. “ i wasn’t supposed to exist. but you ... i thought you could defy fate. ” smile, xion -- smile for him, if you can -- and she does smile, just barely, small curls painful and cracked on the white of her face.
“ so ... so, you’re right. ” she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven, but roxas squeezes her hands and she lets it go -- lets it go for now, even with the weight still heavy on her newly born heart, if only so the weight she sees on him could ease. “ we are moving forward. no more sacrifices, let’s live roxas. we can be allowed that now, can’t we? ” she hates to ask him, hates to reach out for reassurance even when her arms quiver, but sometimes she isn’t sure. “ yeah. i’ll always be here for you too, roxas. always. ”
“ i always have been. ” she’d be repaying him, over and over, for all he had given her. for the days he spent as her friend, for saving her, for teaching her. but now she did have this chance. she couldn’t squander it. she wouldn’t lose it. never again. never.
romaincrisis
izzy806
jacobvanloon
dededos
kaledo-art
vaporwave
titsay
yousharknotpass
ellievsbear
baratheonpilled
