[yuridiot]

doctor just prescribed me music really loud

[cleaverqueer]

petition to change LGBT to DFTQ (Dykes Faggots Trannies and Queers, naturally)

[cleaverqueer]

AMENDED

[cleaverqueer]

happy pride everyone

[kawareo]

You don't need AI to give you free therapy you need friends you can tell things your parent said to you and then see their horrified reaction that confirms that you were not crazy and that that was fucked up

[kosmogrl]

things that can kill you:

- the night before your birthday

- late summer evenings

- the way the sunlight hits the kitchen a certain way on a summer afternoon

[figofswords]

i miss my beautiful wife joann fabrics it feels as if eons have passed since i last saw her. this guy michael keeps waving her visage in front of me and saying she’s living in his house but he is lying to me. i know this because i went into his house and found only fragments and memories of my beautiful wife joann and pictures of her shadowed face labeled “online only”. michael won’t even let me order swatches from him

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

google search how to interact with other human beings in a way that another human being might consider normal or even acceptable

[bluemandycat]

my sister’s bf referred to eating cheese as “mousing out” and i’m so utterly charmed by that. can we all agree to adopt that into language.

[ouroborosorder]

”there’s no glory in suffering” and “sometimes the effort is the point” are two ideas that co-exist but god damn if I can ever tell when’s the time for which

[orteil42]

do you know how much of a letdown it was to grow up smelling the aged whiskey in my grandpa's pantry. the wine in my parents' dinner glasses. the anise liquor on summer evenings. and finally being of drinking age and finding out it all kinda just tastes like car exhaust

[boomer-mythology-destroyer]

[spookyrollerdisco]

Nicole Kidman leaving her lawyer’s office after finalising her divorce with Tom Cruise

[cloevr]

this is how i want everyone’s summer to feel like

[sandmandaddy69]

[alamuts-lair-of-madness]

A "salad" of radishes on the side would make this dish perfect.

[wanderrealms]

You could add mozzarella pearls to the radish salad. Soften the pepperiness of radishes a little.

[alamuts-lair-of-madness]

Do they sell mozzarella balls that small?

[wanderrealms]

Yeah, they're sold as mozzarella pearls. The idea is that you can throw them into a salad, instead of shredding a normal sized mozzarella ball.

Some stores have mozzarella in a tube shape and it's firmer. You can slice pieces and put them on pizza and they keep the shape better.

[alamuts-lair-of-madness]

Yup, balls and bricks are what I'm familiar with.

But yeah, more spheres for the sphere menu! xD

[recess-is-in]

could have mochi for dessert

[mrcloudyfun]

At the Tumblr Ball Pit Diner

[brofisting]

helpful tattoo reminder: they are technically Injuries so u have to eat a lot of calories drink a lot of water and sleep a lot after so your body can Heal The Injury

[brofisting]

another helpful tattoo reminder: the 24-48 hours after you get a tattoo your brain can not be trusted in regards to whether or not you should have gotten that tattoo, if you have somehow ruined your life, if it turned out ugly, etc. ignore that

[brofisting]

finally, while i am at it: always bring a candy bar and a sugary drink to your appointment for blood-sugar reasons (worst case scenario) or so you can have a treat (unilaterally applicable)

[brofisting]

this has been your friendly neighborhood haver of 19* tattoos (assorted sizes and placements)

*not totally sure here. bad at counting

[parasocialanxiety]

Can I just emphasize that not everyone reading this has yet encountered the information that injuries require food, hydration, and sleep? I think the way many people associate rest and injury is that you rest the injury itself to avoid making it worse, but overlook that the healing process itself requires rest regardless of if not-rest directly injures it further.

Also exercise is a form of controlled injury so that as your body heals it heals stronger. You also need food-hydration-rest for strength and cardiovascular improvements after exercise.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"

the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.

[orcboxer]

autism tests are so funny. I'm extremely literal most of the time, but people don't tell me that generally, so I'm inclined to answer disagree. because I'm taking the statement too literally

[peopleingishard]

^not my post but same sentiment

[maidthings]

"this is unbecoming of me" is genuinely a useful thing to have in your mental toolbox

[fake-lancelot]