The BDSM community often claims to be radical and transgressive, but I donât see how itâs either of those things. What is exactly radical about a dominant, aggressive, and sexually violent man and a submissive, pliant, demure woman? Iâm aware there are women doms, but the majority of doms are men, this is well-known. Plus woman doms often take on a highly sensationalised depiction of femininity so I donât see how thatâs transgressive either.
Iâve heard the argument that BDSM is radical because the sub, the woman, chooses this dynamic. But itâs really the extreme end of the traditional heterosexual patriarchal relationship dynamic. So how is this radical? What boundaries do these dynamics actually push rather than confirming traditional views of sex and sexuality?
I was active in kink spaces for a long time and have experience as a sub irl
The entire community basically yells constantly that the sub is the one usually in control
Not only is that overwhelmingly false by the very nature of a total power exchange dynamic but itâs also been used to victim blame and brush abuse in the community under the rug
The amount of fellow subs I have met who have been abused in some way in a dynamic is basically every one Iâve ever met or interacted with
Itâs a hub of predators
Itâs always âshe should have safe wordedâ or âshe consented to be a slave instead of a sub and slaves have no hard limitsâ âdonât judge their dynamicâ âno kink shamingâ
They dropped Safe Sane Consensual in favor of Risk Aware Consensual Kink because âsafe and saneâ were considered problematic and shaming
If you need a safeword you are not safe. You are dealing with someone who is unable to see your boundaries. If you play you don't need savewords because you pretend. Also if the Saveword is said the transgression already happened.
