Life Behind Fake Lenses

I am blunt, please take everything i say personally, it might just help you. my name is Shelby and i have some things to say. i may be complaining or observing or simply just being silly. im from south Cali but currently am attending BYU provo. i like to fly stunt kites, come fly with me.

[shelbyflora]

The Walking Project

[fakelenses]

A girl, student, music maker, surfer, hiker, dreamer…Fighting Disease and Learning to Walk On. Support this fundraising campaign to help me walk again!

[fakelenses]

new tablet for Christmas+too much time on my hands+too much free time on my hands

[storyboard]

‘D’ Is for Divorce: Big Feelings on Sesame Street

In early 1992, a census report predicted that 40 percent of children would soon live in divorced homes. As one of the most famous children’s television programs in the world, Sesame Street was determined to take on a topic most kid’s shows wouldn’t touch. They cast Snuffy, a.k.a. Mr. Snuffleupagus, for the part of child divorcee.

With a team of its best writers, researchers, and producers, a segment was scripted and shot. It went through a half-dozen revisions, with input from the foremost researchers in the field. And on a typical sunny afternoon on Sesame Street, the furry, red, elephantine muppet known as Snuffy prepared to drop the bomb on his loyal preschool viewers. 

“My dad is moving out of our cave,” he confides to Big Bird one afternoon, distraught after knocking over a house built of blocks. “I’m not sure where,” he continues, crying. “Some cave across town.”

Big Bird, naturally, is horrified. “But why?” he asks his friend. 

Snuffy blinks his long, dark eyelashes, and pauses. We know what’s coming. Well, he explains, “because of something called a divorce.”

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[fakelenses]

this will always and forever be one of my favorite songs. its the kind of song that you just want to sing as loud as you can, so loud that the birds in the trees fly away in protest at the noise. but screw them, who cares if the birds dont like your singing, because the cats have joined in with you.

[fakelenses]

Pirate Jokes

nothing like a bit o corny pirate banter to lighten up your day:

http://www.piratejokes.net/jokes/oneliners?pg=5

Q: What's a Pirate's Favorite booty?

A: Which ever sailor floats his boat!

Q: A pirate walks into the bar and orders a jug o' grog. Bartender says, "Hey Cap'n, why are ye wearing an eye patch?"

A: Cap'n says: "Cuz I haven't got enough booty to afford an I-Pad!"

Q: Who cleans the Pirate Captain's bedroom?

A: A Mer-Maid!

Q: What's the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?

A: One's a rumbling tummy, and the other's a tumbling rummy!

Q: Why can't tree-huggers be pirates?

A: Because they ARRR Land Lubbers!!!!

Q: How do pirates talk to each other?

A: Aye to Aye!! (while covering one eye)

[fakelenses]

A young goblin noticed the watchman leave his post and that was that. The goblin went up to the bridge and cut it down. He folded it nicely and brought it back to the village were he was treated as a hero. They used the extra materials to build houses into the side of the cliff face to giving them more room to plant their crops. Everything was perfect again.

[fakelenses]

Round Rocks

Running Round Rocks that round down to ten, sitting still breeze that rounds the bend, slowly it creeps to the river bend. Sleeping ducks startled to flight fifty feet high, the sitting still breeze blows on right by down to the running round rocks as they roll right on by.

[fakelenses]

Trash Talk

ok the world is so uncreative. when i have children i will forbid toys in the house. my kids get to play with trash, because lets be honest by that time the world will be covered in trash, just accept your fate. so lets go back to the good ol days when you would put on grocery bags like a parachute and jump around making plane noises. lets grab some rocks and have a fake rock tea party. or we can make a tree house out of a bunch of branches tied together. i bet i can climb higher than you in all of the trees in the park. lets race leaf boats down the storm drain. grab a stick and lets have a wizard duel. we can chase lizards around all day, did you know that if you pull on its tail it will come off? well anyways i dont need toys, just give me some trash and the good ol outdoors. (snail racing is no were near as fun as using snails as catapult ammo...did you know that snails can fly?)

[fakelenses]

Duck Head

you see its not about learning to fly, its about finding someone who already knows how and then you beat them senseless until they divulge of their secrets. then you take their secrets and run like a mad duck with its head cut off. now the funny thing is that the secret to flying is you take a duck, cut its head off then shove your head into the duck. you brain will take control of the lifeless duck body and you will be able to flap its wings with your mind, and then viola you are flying. now quickly fly away before someone finds you and beats the crap out of you because they want your secrets.

(maybe if i get bored enough i will draw you a cute little doodle of this very clear mental image i am having.)

[fakelenses]

LOST

what makes us do the things we do? why will i get up tomorrow and go to work. why will i finish my homework tonight and email it to my professor on time. why when i go for walks do i come back home? why do i live in the place i live in? do i do these things because im supposed to? do i go to school because thats were im mean to be? do i go to work because i need the money? what is stopping me from packing my things and moving to london, or irealand? what is stopping me from leaving everything behind and trying something new. im scared and in most peoples eyes im just a kid, not even 20 yet. i could move to london and find a job as a waitress and live in a small house by myself. id make new friends and well then id be back were i started. id be in a little appartment in london wondering why im too scared to pack my things and move to ireland. and if i lived in ireland id be in a small lonely apartment wondering why i dont pack my things and move to idaho, or canada, or montana, or florida, or Paris, or Japan. i bet i could do it, i could work up the courage to move around the glob and explore, but id need someone to share it with. i need to get a husband.

[fakelenses]

I like Me

small boobs

big butt

i love it all

climbing trees

its easy

my landing

its soft

when i fall

[fakelenses]

Prop 8

well prop 8 got overturned. so basically my vote means nothing. hey California, did you hear that? i know we all agreed that Prop 8 was a good idea and that we wanted it to pass, in fact hey it did pass. but oh...wait no just kidding. some judge somewere and a bunch of "educated" people decided that they know better than the whole state of California. ya so all of our work and protesting and sign waving, ya it means nothing. hey why even vote? if everything i vote for is just going to be overturned later by someone who is more powerful than me then i see no reason for any of us to participate in the whole voting process. the higher ups seem to know what they are doing so lets let them take charge and we will have no say whatsoever in anything they do. im just going to go start my own country. your vote will count with me, and we can actually eat ice-cream sundaes on Sundays.

[fakelenses]

Love and Stuff

what is so wring with just saying what you feel? why cant i walk up to some guy and say hey i kinda like you, lets go on a date? well ive decided that there is nothing wrong with it and im just going to say what i feel like saying. so there i am sitting next to this guy and i lean over and ask, hey you wanna go on a date some time? he laughed and said no. was i upset, no. i simply said ok. see wasent that easy? if you like someone then just tell them. or even just say that you are interested, or just tell em you would like to go on a date. little steps at a time. lets not be devastated if you get rejected, thats a big key. if we were all open with eachother and all understanding of eachother then we could all move much faster. some people would say thats a bad thing, but are we even moving right now? lets be blunt, lets be honest, lets be truthful, lets be understanding, lets be kind, lets be smart, lets be clever, lets be lovers.

[fakelenses]

Socks Please

dear sockless girl who sits next to me in class,

im not sure if you noticed but you seem to forget to wear socks to class. it is quite a misfortune for you see your feet smell something awful. from the moment you walk in the room to the moment you leave i can smell you poor suffocated feet. i dont see why you would forget socks, because if you havent noticed, its 20 degrees outside and there is snow on the ground. it is a long walk to campus and your feet are sweating. do you not smell it? well everyone around you does. i wish it would be socially acceptable for me to just turn to you and tell you, hey your feet kinda smell, could you wear socks next time you come to class. our seats are close together and i might just pass out if i have to sit next to you again. but you see its not nice to say things like that so i will just hold my tongue and my breath.

[fakelenses]

how long

how long would i last if i just started walking? what if i just picked up my sack and stepped through my front door. one foot after another till i could walk no more. what if i just started walking. till my feet went numb and my legs were sore. by that time do you think that i would care about you no more? even if i walk till my legs were stubs, i would like to think that my heart would still ache. that the whole time while i was walking thoughts of you would swirl in my wake. what if i just started talking. what would you think about what i had to say. would my words disgust you and make you walk away? what if you just started walking. how long do you think you could last. how far could you walk knowing that im walking too, but taking a bad path. we may be walking parallel roads, but we are both to stubborn to look up and say hello.

[fakelenses]

The Weather

I woke up and for some reason i felt oddly warm. not like sick warm or overly hot warm, i was just really warm. i got up and started to get ready for my class. it sounded like it was raining outside so i checked my window but the sky was clear and cheery looking. it still sounded like it was raining. maybe the neighbors were taking a shower or something. you know how those thin apartment walls are, you can hear everything. well i pulled on some clothes and while i was putting on my shoes i felt a sinking sensation. i ignored it, got up and pulled out my snow coat. on my way out of the door my roommate stopped me and motioned at my coat. obviously i would not need it, it was warm and bright outside. i simply smiled and said, "storms a commin kaite, better dress warm." i was so happy when i saw her later that day inbetween classes and she was also wearing a snow coat. boy we must look silly to all the people taking advantage of the warm weather (warm being 35F) well i sure felt bad for them when it started raining, then a little bit of snow, then some more rain to top it off. the sky feels so full i bet it wont stop its storm till April. thankyou mysterious raining noise that tipped me off to the fact that i should wear a coat from now on.

[fakelenses]

Leave us Alone

so after making that last post i thought id go and educate myself on what this whole SOPA thing is about...well wiki is shut down...so i went and looked somewere else. anywho basically ive come to the conclusion that i hate people. well ive known this for a long time, but SOPA really takes the cake. people are dumb and stupid and over protective of each other. since when did our government have the right to shut down a website just because they think it might have copyrighted material. heck i dont even think that most of us internet people out there know what copyright is. oh and cant leave out that little part were they can do it without even giving the poor people a trial. now that is so wrong on so many levels. doing that is almost as bad as most of my political views which usually run along the lines of "spank your child before he reaches for the cookies so that he knows than he is not allowed to have cookies even thought he doesn't know what he is being spanked for only that he was going to do something wrong in the future." ya seems kinda unfare. i feel like the Government thinks that we as people are stupid and slow and need protection from ourselves. im not sure how to put what i am thinking into words (i tend to think in pictures) anyways, imagen congress watching a video of a 16yr old girl who is making a video to put on facebook. it is a stupid video of her and her friends petting her cat, and the music in the background is friday by rebecca black. the girl posts the video but forgets to mention that the song was sung by rebecca black. all of the sudden everyone in congress erupts. they are outraged at the little girl because she did not give credit to rebecca. SO! WHO CARES! hundreds of thousands of these little copyright incidents happen daily, and no one cares. rebecca black knows that her song is being used, and everyone knows that it is her song. if i used a scene from The Jungle Book, in a GIF i was making, everyone would know that it was form the jungle book without me having to say so. heck we all know that these things happen. if you put something on the internet it is fair game for everyone. even this post that i will send will be out there for others to copy and take credit for. do i care? no. think of it this way. having a picture you took saved in your iPhoto is like tieing your cow to a tree in your yard. it is safe there and everyone knows it is your cow. but as soon as you put that picture on the internet, it is like walking your cow out to the market and then walking away, it is free for anyone to take, you left it there. dear government, we are not stupid, so stop trying to make things harder for us. if i want people to pay for my cow then i will butcher it in my front yard and you can buy it from me there.