Can you tell me what being Muslim was like? Why'd you stop? Do you still believe in a deity? (Sorry idk which one) Do you believe in a different deity or are you atheist? Or something else?
You can just say no if you want, I understand it's probably personal
Ooh that’s a really interesting question!
Being Muslim was a big part growing up.
The earliest piece of knowledge I know is Surat El Fatiha. Surat meaning like Verse/chapter and El Fatiha meaning the opening. So it would translate to the opening chapter. I soon learnt another after it.
Both my mother and father are Muslims from extremely strict households.
My mother would teach me to do many things, when I went to bed, before I ate, before existing the house (and more), I would say BismiAllah, which translates to In the name of Allah (the god in the religion). When I finished eating, or when we came back home we would say HamdouAllah, which means to thank Allah for the blessings. If I had any hopes my parents would tell me InshaAllah, and tell me to say it to, which means if God was willing. I was told bedtime stories about prophets, and from like 6 I would fast in a few days of Ramadan
I am now an Athiest. My belief in a higher power has been permanently shattered. I just can’t understand why a god would fill lives with suffering. Of course there is an argument about disbelievers, but then I think about babies who are brought and carried to full term, who are born with diseases that means they will die in a few months. I don’t believe someone so petty that demands the worship of all his creation, yet views them as less than a speck of dust in a far off galaxy is worth my worship.
There were a lot of factors that did make me disbelieve.
For example, husbands can have four wives, and wives can only have one husband. I found that utterly baffling. That didn’t seem equal at all, yet it was a minor crack.
My ‘brother’ was a major player. He demanded my respect. He takes what serves him in Islam, and leaves what doesn’t and would call himself a better muslim than me.
To get out of doing something he would often swear on god he was not doing it, and breaking that was a major sin, so I had to do it. Later, I picked up on that, so I did it first, and he’d say it right after and say, he was older, so I had to do it.
Now he talks about how women should be obedient and submissive to their husband, and that had always made me uncomfortable, because those were words associated with slavery.
Also, the Islamic stance against queer people. That was one of the first weird things. I had friends who were nonbinary, and they seemed perfectly normal people (because they are) and I was confused why them being that way was a sin. I remember when I was little there was this face painting thing and I asked for a rainbow, like the classic arch with 2 clouds and the 6 colors of the rainbow. When I got home my mom was upset because it was gay, and had me rub it off in the shower, and it did not wanna come off at all. It was one of the ones that sat on your skin and stained it for a few days.
I could not understand why it was bad, but I trusted that they just had to be bad.
But something really cool about this is my sibling is a lesbian. They came out to me when I was still a devout muslim, and homophobic. I accepted her, because they were my lil sib and I had to protect them. Siblings always stay together, that’s what they said, and one day, my parents wouldn’t be there to do it so we needed to start early.
That drove me to finally research it. Why some people are gay, why some are lesbian, why some are trans, and I realized that it truly was not that bad.
A big factor is that I am transmasc.
There is a lot to unpack there, but I started realizing (this was before I identified as trans at all) that my beliefs and Islam did not align at all. And I kept looking for explanations, maybe other branches and there was one I found… but it felt faulty after a while too.
And like, the only reason I am here today is because I was to afraid to kill myself because if your life is considered a gift god gives you and rejecting a gift would lead to eternal hellfire.
I don’t know when god shattered, but maybe it was more a slow picking away at it.
There are some parts I may have not explained the best, but feel free to ask questions. I tried to fit a lot into a little, but I don’t mind getting specific if you have something that intrigues you
Now free from my shackles I am a self made man. And nothing can really take that from me.