↳ 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒔 ༉‧₊
[ jongin plot pt. 6]
Jongin storms into the house, anger rolling off him in waves as the other wolves are startled by his sudden reappearance. He had been running everything through his head over and over again, trying to figure out why his brother betrayed him like this; not only did Hui know the truth, has known the truth for years but he fucking killed him? Jongin has been living with the guilt, has been feeling the weight of the world pressing in on him every single time he had to be around his pack – he fucking distanced himself from the pack because of this dark truth while Hui…
“You fucking asshole,” the sound of Jongin’s fist meeting Hui’s nose echoes around the room and a few of the betas step forward before Jongin turns on them, growling in warning for them to back away. He’ll take them on if he has to but right now – this is between him and his brother. Not two Alphas, no fighting for the title, two brothers who need to work this out.
The blood rushing through his ears drowns out the shouting going on in the room and whenever someone tries to come and stop him, Jongin turns on them rather quickly, causing those who once thought Jongin to be dangerous to see it first hand. He’s always tried his best to hold back his anger, to keep himself in check and while he has never been perfect in anger management – he did what he could. Only for it to be lost in the moment. Hui has fallen over, stumbling back from the sudden attack and Jongin is on him quickly thanks to nobody being brave enough to jump in; Jongin grabs his twin by the collar and starts landing blow after blow while feeling his control slipping. “I should rip your fucking throat out, I should fucking kill you for what you did.” He spits out, each word enunciated with each punch as the older brother’s face turns bloody red and the sound of each hit is accompanied by the sound of bones breaking.
Coughing, Hui lets out a short laugh which has Jongin punching him right in the nose, breaking the healing bones. “You- you couldn’t if you tried, brother.” Jongin’s hands move to wrap around his throat, squeezing tightly but not enough to cause the provoking wolf to panic. “Always been soft-,” he gasps for air, “couldn’t bear- hurting another.” He can see the discolouration in his face as Jongin attempts to choke the life out of him. That’s why their dad always looked at Jongin like he was a failure because it’s believed that Jongin is incapable of dealing the final blow.
“Shut up.” Jongin lets go but not before smashing his head into the ground. He’s breathing heavily, teeth gritted together, nostrils flared and eyes wide as he looks down at his brother desperately inhaling once he’s free. Another few blows to the face has Hui spitting out blood as he stays where he is, deciding that staying down would be better than trying to move right now. “This entire time you really fucking let me believe I killed him. You left me with that guilt while you carried on like nothing ever happened?”
He has killed before, without regret, but… killing an evil human isn’t the same as killing your own flesh and blood, your own kind no matter how much they deserved it.
“Is that why you never pushed back when I wanted to leave?” Jongin’s mind is racing, wondering if Hui had always wanted Jongin gone and only kept him close to make sure someone could take the fall. “You knew I didn’t deserve to be here since you’re the real Alpha of the pack or is it because you wanted to make sure you’d always have a fall guy when shit hit the fan.” The pack has always blamed Jongin for his father’s death, had always believed that he killed him even though nobody said it – it was in their eyes. Honestly, Jongin didn’t want to hear the answer, he didn’t want to know why Hui had done all of this shit to him because if he heard it – then what? It’ll confirm everything that Jongin believes. Pulling away from the bleeding Alpha, Jongin paces back and forth in front of him, running agitated hands through his hair. “You could have fucking told me, Hui and instead… instead you let me suffer alone.”
As angry as Jongin is, as much as he wants to rip into his brother and let out all the pain that’s tearing his heart apart – the wolf stops and looks at the brother he always looked up to, the hurt he’s feeling making him want to throw up. He clenches his jaw so hard that it feels like he’ll crack his teeth, “What the fuck, Hui? Why did you do this?”
“You’re my brother.” Hui’s voice is a little ragged from the choking, like gravel ripping his vocal cords apart. He tries to clean up his face with the sleeve of his shirt, to no avail, as he sits up and rests his back against the couch. Looking up at his younger brother, he can see the conflict and pain in his eyes, he can see the beast being held back with straining restraint, it’s something he’s always admired in Jongin. No matter how angry Jongin would get, no matter how much their father beat and tortured the young wolf, he would do his best to pull back and keep himself in check. Their father wanted a killer and while Jongin’s taken lives before, he could never be on the same level as their former Alpha who would do it without hesitation.
He’s tried to be everything the old man wanted, he’s done his best, and maybe he’ll react quickly, resort to anger almost immediately but he’s watched the war Jongin wages on himself when it comes to violence. Nature versus nurture opposing and constantly conflicting with each other. Raised to be a killer but deep down, he’s a gentle soul.
“That’s your reason?” Jongin’s foot swiftly connects with the side of his head with enough force to knock anyone out. Hui lays on the ground, dazed but Jongin doesn’t care as he looks down on the older Alpha, “that’s pretty pathetic considering you always stood aside when he beat the shit out of me and degraded me and made me feel like I was some worthless runt that should be culled from the pack.” Jongin begins to yell, shaking with emotion, anger and hurt making his heart race and blood boil, “you killed him because you knew I’d think it was me. You knew I’d leave…” He goes through the bombarding thoughts in his head as if everything clicks into place. “You really… you did all of that to get rid of me?”
“No– Jongin–” Hui holds his head, trying to gather his thoughts and fix this but there’s really no fixing this, is there? Whatever his reasons, they don’t matter anymore because he could have come clean years ago but he’s left it for too long. Maybe he thought Jongin wouldn’t find out but he also didn’t think the body would have been found.
That’s the thing with secrets, with the truth, eventually they all come out in ways you don’t want them too. They cannot be buried, hidden for too long and if you don’t confess before they expose themselves – they’ll expose you along with them.
There’s a deep growl, the sound of cracking bones echoing throughout the silent room while the pack begins to panic, realising they are close to losing another Alpha. Jongin doesn’t know, he doesn’t register anyone else in the room coming or going until he hears Channie’s voice calling, commanding him to stop. The younger wolf rushes forward and wraps his arms around Jongin as he contemplates whether to fully shift or not. “He’s not worth it,” Channie speaks, looking up at his boyfriend and seeing the pain in his eyes, feeling the anger that almost consumes him, “We can just go home. We can go and forget about this, him, and we never have to come back, yeah?” Channie diverts Jongin’s attention away from Hui, having him look into Channie’s eyes, keeping his attention on him. “Jongin, he’s not worth your energy anymore. Let’s go home.”
Tense seconds tick by as Jongin comes to a decision, a final decision that’ll change everything for him. His rigid and shaking body starts to settle as Jongin wraps his arms around Channie, burying his face into his neck and taking deep breaths to help him calm down. This has always been home – a pack, blood, that’s never defined what home is for Jongin but Channie? The safety he feels right now, the way Channie pushes away his own anxiety, his own worries and fears to wrap him up in a hug and keep him sane… that’s home. That’s always been home.
“You’re dead to me.” Jongin says so quietly, almost muffled by where his face is still hidden, but everyone hears it.
“No.” Jongin’s eyes glow golden as he looks over at Hui, arms tightly holding onto Channie like he’s the physical representation of his calm. “I’m leaving and I will never come back. I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to see you, if anything happens from now on – I don’t want to know. You are dead to me. You, this pack, I’ve suffered nothing but misery for as long as I can fucking remember and even though I’ve already left, I kept ties because you were family. You were my brother but as far as I’m concerned…” Jongin’s heart rips itself in half and he can feel the overwhelming waves of emotions rushing through their mind link. It hurts, it doesn’t just hurt Hui but it hurts him too, and the mix of it all has him wanting to scream out in pain. It has to be done though… for Jongin to be able to finally be free… this is what he needs to do. “You are dead to me. I don’t have a brother anymore. I’m a part of the Bang pack, the Bang family, I cannot erase my past but I can remove you from my life.”
Channie feels like he’s having the life hugged out of him as Jongin squeezes tightly but he doesn’t make a sound, simply returning the hug just as tight as if he’s keeping Jongin from shattering into a million pieces.
He is, this hug is all that’s keeping Jongin together.
Hui closes his eyes, taking deep breaths as he tries to think about how to fix this but looking up at the cold glare in the younger wolf’s eyes, he knows Jongin’s made up his mind. “Is that really what you want?”
Channie snaps his head around, bearing his teeth at Hui before Jongin’s hand cradles the back of his head, as if calming Channie will calm himself. “What about Hwayoung?” He whispers, Jongin’s body tensing because in his anger, in his haste to cut all ties with Hui, he hadn’t even thought about the impact that would have on his niece.
“Just her.” Jongin takes a deep breath, “Alpha Hui, you are only allowed to contact me when it has to do with my niece. She’s the only family I have left and I don’t want to miss out on her life.” He does wish he could remove Hui completely, wholly from his life but the child is innocent and as they’ve had her come and visit and stay a few times, he can’t punish her because her father betrayed him.
It’s not her fault he’s a piece of shit.
It’s been a week since Jongin cut all ties with Hui. A week of searching for someone to remove the final connection he has to the Alpha so that unless there’s a phone call – he doesn’t have to deal with the incessant thoughts rushing through his head. He’s been trying to cut it off like he normally would but his own overwhelming emotions make it hard to concentrate on filtering out the mind link.
“Chris said Luna might be able to help.” Channie says, laying down with Jongin on the bed as the older wolf stares blankly at the ceiling. “He said he can ask.”
“Was I wrong?” Jongin asks after a few moments, turning to look at Channie before pulling him close to try and settle himself. “Do you think I should have tried to work things out?”
“I think… I think you deserved better, Nini. Deserve better. He lied, he held back something so important to you, so damaging. And he did it purposely, knowingly. I think you did whatever you thought was best for you. And that's okay. You get to be selfish in this one.”
He did do it on purpose, that’s true. “Channie,” Jongin says softly, looking into his eyes and searching them for a moment before asking for something he doesn’t seek very often – reassurance. “You’ll love me even if I have nothing to offer… even if I don’t have the pack or family…” He’s being vulnerable, something he struggles to openly be. He knows Channie will always love him, that he doesn’t need to have anything but himself but he needs to make sure.
Channie cradles Jongin’s face in his hands, looking deeply into the eyes of his lover and giving him a small smile. “You could have nothing at all and I would still love you, Nini. I’ll love you forever, silly.”
It’s a start. The start that Jongin needs to heal. It’s not going to be easy, it’s not going to be a walk in the park, but Jongin knows as he looks at Channie that he can be open, be vulnerable, share his hurt and pain, his joy and happiness, with the one who makes him feel safe. Feels like himself.
He has a past, secrets he’s ashamed of, but maybe, just maybe, he can share them with Channie and learn to forgive himself. Learn to love himself in ways he never could before.
