Fallen Peach Writes

Just my attempt to organize the chaotic mess within me, maybe even decipher some of them. Fragments of my mind which are not always beautiful, appropriate or coherent. A record, a journal of sorts.

[fallenpeachwrites]

It’s strange but...

I feel like I’m already in love. But there’s no one there. 

Maybe I have so much love in me to give out and instead of giving it to another person, I can radiate this love from myself onto others, onto the things I do.

Or maybe I’m ready to love again. And maybe it doesn’t have to be with anyone.

Maybe I’m just starting to love myself. 

Maybe this is what happiness feels like. 

[fallenpeachwrites]

I’m not sure I can ever forget you. You’re the first one I’ve really been crazy about for reasons I can’t even explain. Not for what you do for me, just for how you are. You were the first to make me so crazy and extreme on so many levels.

[fallenpeachwrites]

I’ve noticed that I tend to fall in love with people who are like art...and love them as just that. Everything about them is pleasing to my eyes, mind and touch which quiver into my soul quite superficially. I am unable to love them as a human loves another human. To endure, to be patient, overlook flaws and to last. Such love is constantly fleeting as long as beauty is not recognised. And humans aren’t like that. We are made up of beauty but also many shades of ugly. How can I expect someone to love all my shades of ugly when I am unable to love theirs? And how many of us have let beautiful people slip by because we still haven’t learnt how to love? And what love is? 

[robbersdjh-deactivated20221115]

‘prompts: 1) things you said at 1 am 2) things you said through your teeth 3) things you said too quietly 4) things you said over the phone 5) things you didn’t say at all 6) things you said under the stars and in the grass 7) things you said while we were driving 8) things you said when you were crying 9) things you said when I was crying 10) things you said that made me feel like shit 11) things you said when you were drunk 12) things you said when you thought I was asleep 13) things you said at the kitchen table 14)things you said after you kissed me 15) things you said with too many miles between us 16) things you said with no space between us 17) things you said that I wish you hadn’t 18) things you said when you were scared 19) things you said when we were the happiest we ever were 20) things you said that I wasn’t meant to hear 21) things you said when we were on top of the world 22) things you said after it was over 23) things you said on the streetcar at 1 am 24) things you said with clenched fists 25) things you said in the back seat of a cab 26) things you said sitting still 27) things you said on the phone at 4 am 28) things you said but not out loud 29) things you said in the backyard at night 30) things you said on the highway 31) things you said while I cried in your arms 32) things you said I wouldn’t understand 33) things you said at the back of the theatre 34) things you said in your sleep 35) things you said that made me feel real 36) things you said you’ll never forget 37) things you said with the tv on mute 38)things you said while holding my hand’ 39) things you said when we first met 40) things you said when you met my parents 41) things you said you loved about me 42) things you said when you asked me to marry you 43) things you said in our vows 44) things you said before you kissed me 45) things you said on new year’s eve 46) things you said when you kissed me goodnight 47) things you said in a hotel room 48) things you said on our honeymoon 49) things you said when we were 18 50) things you said when we were 70 51) things you said as we danced in our socks 52) things you said with my lips on your neck 53) things you said in the dark 54) things you always meant to say but never got the chance 55) things you said under your breath 56) things you said in the spur of the moment 57) things you said when no one else was around 58) things you were afraid to say 59) things you said after we fell in love 60) things you said [make your own]

the ones with single quotes aren’t mine, but the rest are. great story and fic prompts

reblog if you want your followers to send you a number and pairing to write a fic about

(via madisonissoweird)

[fallenpeachwrites]

For quite some time before I reverted, what I understand to be the purpose of life was always to just be happy...that was the ultimate goal. 

But I realise that it isn’t a goal, it is the result of the goal instead. Then how about the means we use to attain it? Isn’t that what we all are doing, spending, searching our whole lives for? 

[apoetreflects]

You’ve been many things, all the same. I’ve grown to think of you as someone who keeps calling me back, just as I’m about to leave. Tonight, you are infant easy to love. I hum you a tired bit of Brahms until you’re almost asleep, then place you next to my breast. This is the dream swimmer’s deep, that unbridled edge of anarchy, where everything’s a pale blue-green and the air itself is drinkable. It’s safe to speak here. To call love by a name other than vengeance.

Mary Jo Bang, closing lines to “Electra Dreams,” from Apology for Want (Middlebury College Press, 1997)

[fallenpeachwrites]

Hurry I need some serious assistance

A real makeover before my life is over

I’ve lost myself, been taken and held hostage

by this twisted dark delusion called Love

once again, once more

I never failed to fall 

One more chance, one more hit

I’m careless with this heart that gets stained bit by bit

I hand it over to strangers who stare into my soul

Then I just hurt and I hurt and I hurt

Myself and you 

We burned so bright, too fast and too soon

I never got to taste all your colours

The way they lit me up and burned up my worries

Now that it’s over things all seem so blurry

All because we started and ended in a hurry. 

[fallenpeachwrites]

When will you learn?

That your heart will never 

belong to no one

no one but Him. 

And until you learn

every pain and loss 

will remind you of that.

[fallenpeachwrites]

Distance, distance

without even the slightest

intermittence

You say I see you

I wish I could see you

but none of us can get through

all the silence and the static

my day, your night

your night, my day

you’re up, I’m down

I’m in, you’re out and about

and never have I heard

silence this loud

[fallenpeachwrites]

I was an odd rose you liked holding

and I would swallow all my thorns 

to keep you from bleeding and leaving.

[fallenpeachwrites]

I’m almost always too attracted to things that are bad for me.

Tainted love and melancholia. 

Their scent sends me away yet pulls me in

Knees weak, lips parted 

submission then becomes my strongest suit

my weakest link and I don’t dare to be rude

but I don’t mind being crude 

I miss this closeness and your touch

I magnify your every glance, your every touch

make it into something more than it really is 

while you tread my waters and my earth

you paint my sky but you still leave it blue 

I play mind games with myself

hide and seek and a game of chase 

I think I’m chasing you but it’s really my own tale

A tale I tell myself just so I won’t derail.

Bunny rabbit’s gone mad in a race against time

a race against lust and desire, riddles and rhymes. 

[fallenpeachwrites]

Always been the quiet one

kept things to myself

holding back every step

afraid of what I might step into

afraid to trip and fall 

but with you

you make me feel like I can let go

like I have wings and I too can fly like you

with you I’m as light as a feather

I’m embarassed and amused at once

and it’s so hard not to smile and laugh around you

I feel your passion in my bones

the way you read my eyes and my sighs

I’ve built a fortress around me

but before you I’m transparent 

It seems the harder I try to fight it

the more it becomes obvious

how is it that the very traits I hate

i don’t mind them because they’re on you?

Yet around you I get this warm and fuzzy feeling

a feeling of home and honey 

I’m doomed to this truth which is 

that I’m inexorably and irrevocably yours

[fallenpeachwrites]

I always do this

Burn too deep into an abyss

Once I get in, I’m in

And then it’s over before it even begins

It burns up so fast so furious 

and leaves both of us delirious 

I set fire to myself

with a whole lot of your help 

it burns until we both can’t take it

I’d like to pick up a rose and just hold it

but I end up squeezing, plucking, deforming it 

I get carried away in the process

making more demands than all your bosses

with eyes on their profit and none for your losses

but really who ends up with all the crosses?

I take a step back and loosen my grip a little

This rose is delicate, a way to solve all my riddles

But only if I hold back these flames a little

Maybe then our love wouldn’t become so dry and brittle 

This lesson is a hard one to learn

hard one to learn for a heart made to burn.

[fallenpeachwrites]

For every relationship in the past I’ve always felt like something’s missing. 

Like I was always still hungry.  Hungry for more understanding, hungry for more love perhaps. I was never satisfied, never filled, never settled. 

But with you...I feel like i’m overflowing. I’ve finally found what satiates me.

You complete me.

[fallenpeachwrites]

My grandmother was always curious, interested in the things I had to say.

Whatever topic I brought up her reply would be ‘really?’ and consequentially ‘tell me more..!’

It made her mind active and it made her young. It also made her very relatable with me.

I never bonded that way with my mother. She was hardly ever interested in what I had to say.

Whenever I’d eagerly tell my mom something, her answer was most often a “oh” or “so?”. She was unimpressed mostly.

But at the same time, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You see, if my mother and father had showered me with all the love, understanding, affection and attention in the world, if my life was picture perfect, without any hardships or trials, I may not have questioned my existence otherwise. I may not have questioned my purpose in life. Most importantly, I may not have had the chance to really notice or feel that ‘void’ in my chest that I’ve always felt and ached to understand. Mostly I grew up just trying to fill that ‘void’ with all the wrong things which only left me feeling more frustrated and more hollow than before. That is, until Allah called me back to Him. Exalted, Majestic, Glorious and Perfect is He.

So never look down on yourself or pity yourself when you feel trapped or ‘stuck in a rut’ as some call it.

Look deeper and see the saving in your hardship, look deeper and see the Hero/Saviour in your story.

Every step you take and every fall you make is only for you to get closer to Him. So don’t be sad and don’t strain yourself. There is nothing more comforting and real than knowing this; the One in control of all that exists, is the same One who Loves you the most. Nothing brings about more peace than knowing that.

[fallenpeachwrites]

Sometimes we need to be broken to become a child again. Innocence does not always lie in preservation because to live means to absorb, to hurt, to be tainted. Sometimes it is only in the breaking, the death can there be rebirth.

[fallenpeachwrites]

Swinging between grips of truth, lies and memory forever yearning, nightly mourning.

Where is that rider, heart and armour shining Slashing through that mist one bright morning Showing me what it means, surrendering. Drowning all of me, into becoming.