Cult Survivor Sideblog 🌥

Healing from the unconventional teen cult I was trapped in for 4 years. Escaped July 2022. No Terfs. No zionists. Not rp. They/them

[falseidolsareowls]

Intro:

Hi. In 2018, I accidentally joined what I thought as a friend group but eventually developed into a full-blown cult with hero worship, surveillance, religious psychosis and horrific amounts of abusive control. I was in therapy for 3 years before I aged out child therapy and am currently on the long waiting list for another therapist. I was kicked out of the cult in 2022 after I threatened to leave several times.

I wanted to start an account for cult survivors who aren't just ex-mormons or survivors of religious cults and abuse. I do welcome these people on my account, though. Please drop in and say hi!

You can call me Eiv (I am scared people from the cult are on tumblr). I use they/them.

Feel free to ask questions.

No terfs or zionists on my blog <3 This is not an rp blog.

[falseidolsareowls]

I hate knowing you're gonna relapse. On the bus home dreading getting there because even though you don't want to, the options are relapse or kill yourself. Thinking the entire time that maybe you're abuser was right and you can't be trusted away from them.

[falseidolsareowls]

My abuser was fucking wrong. Yes I relapsed BUT FUCK THEM BIG TIME.

[falseidolsareowls]

I hate knowing you're gonna relapse. On the bus home dreading getting there because even though you don't want to, the options are relapse or kill yourself. Thinking the entire time that maybe you're abuser was right and you can't be trusted away from them.

[falseidolsareowls]

Remembering when my ex-cultleader told me I'd get possessed if I used tarot cards or a pendulum.... Good times /sar

[falseidolsareowls]

16/3/26

Leaving a cult leaves you with immense guilt. Guilty of the actions you took under their influence. Guilty of how you behaved to please them. Guilty because you've left others behind so you could be free. There's this one girl I helped join. She was, I hate to say it, vulnerable. She didn't have any other friends except one boy and me. I just wanted to help her make friends so I said she should join us. They messed her up bad. I wish I could have saved her. I wish she had the support I did which helped me realised I was in a cult. I wish I didn't have to leave her behind to cut myself free.

I hope you're ok wherever you ended up, Lianne.

I hope you got free, too. You deserve to be happy.

[falseidolsareowls]

17-1-26

In the very early days of my recovery, it was hard to go outside. The "leader," so to speak, lived less than a 5 minutes walk away from the main city. For months, I only went outside to go to and from school or to go see the very few friends I had managed to recover from outside the control of my abusers watchful eyes.

I like going outside now, I've even gone on walks by myself into the city I was once terrified of. It's still scary. I don't like being seen alone. But I do it. I think I'll always be scared of being seen alone. Like if they see me alone, then they'll think they were right when they told me I would be alone if I left them. I'm always looking over my shoulder, expecting to see them following me.