Evil Wizard of Familiars

my creatures may be your new familiar

[familiarwizard]

wizard of familiars and forest creatures. stay away from my hut.

lest you become one

[familiarwizard]

apparently it is actually 'my bonnie lies over the ocean', not 'my body lies over the ocean'. why

[familiarwizard]

what

[binding-vow-merchant]

Woah man, this wizard hike is invigorating. I just saw some guy clap his hands together and say "Breeze of the Seven Mountains" or something, and everyone around him was swathed in a chilling mist and had their exhaustion vanish. People didn't even look up, that's how captivating the Twelveswood is. I'm over here casting granola and level 2 cooling. I think I just heard someone say "Power word: Refreshments" up ahead. I gotta get up there.

[throms-wizardly-emporium]

I really gotta make it out of the shop sometime, these wizard outings sound lovely.

but alas, then who will feed my eldritch god while im away... maybe next time

[surlifen]

a wizard is going to turn you into a random animal! whether you like it or not! how nice of them! spin the wheel to find out which class your new species belongs to (and then probably do a google).

how's that going for you?

amazingly euphoric!

you're pleased!

you can make it work

this is less than ideal

you are very unhappy

you cannot bear this existence

bald

Voting ended onFeb 24, 2025

[surlifen]

this is funny because the three categories of responses are largely:

1. NOOOO PARASITIC WORM 😭

2. FUCK UEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH PARASITIC WOOOOORM 🪱🪱🪱🪱🔥🔥‼️‼️

3. bird? well... I guess it could be worse :/

[familiarwizard]

i do this to people a lot

[familiarwizard]

apparently it is actually 'my bonnie lies over the ocean', not 'my body lies over the ocean'. why

[familiarwizard]

buncha fuckin loiterers keep bothering me and my home and my creatures, gotta turn them into frogs for my collection.

sigh. this keeps happening. but whats a wizard to do?

[familiarwizard]

my hut is CLOSED until further notice. please schedule your familiar inquiries via the scurry tunnels instead

[familiarwizard]

horses scare me

[hawkofjudgment]

I hope you're just horsing around.

[familiarwizard]

who goes there..

[hawkofjudgment]

Them.

[lamppostisposting]

Hoese

[familiarwizard]

nobody takes me seriously. wheres my fukcing staff

[familiarwizard]

i do not keep horses as future familiars for my clients, by the way. do that shit yourself

[familiarwizard]

horses scare me

[hawkofjudgment]

I hope you're just horsing around.

[familiarwizard]

who goes there..

[familiarwizard]

horses scare me

[familiarwizard]

oh my god my name was familarwizard this whole time fuck

changed it. anyways bye for another year lol

[not-a-suspicious-wizard]

Don’t worry, I didn’t notice either.

(Above is a picture of me judging you regardless)

[familiarwizard]

what the

[familiarwizard]

oh my god my name was familarwizard this whole time fuck

changed it. anyways bye for another year lol

[evilwizard]

what america needs right now is an even older candidate, and though i have forgotten my name and age i am excited to throw my twisted, spirally hat into the ring

vote Evil Wizard / Whispering Obelisk 2024!

[evilwizard]

……….

[cactuskat]

@wizard-eater

[wizard-eater]

[8ball-wizard]

Mew mew meow meowgical meow!

:3

-@tinymagicalcat

wow!!! that's actually incredibly good to hear, thank you!!!!

[gavamont]

Spent the morning trying to make a statue of myself at the local quarry, but then some asshole dwarf through a stick of dynamite at it, destroying it immediately, and then he shouted “more like Gravel-mont”

I think dwarves are dickheads.

[familiarwizard]

oh they are

[garcavisconde]

"i need to clean my room / do the dishes / do the laundry" = boring, horrific, makes it seem like a burden.

"i'm tending to my realm / the magic tower needs maintenance / i'm restoring the kingdom to what it was" = beautiful, amazing, spetacular, joyful, full of childlike wonder, actually describes what the task feels like as opposed to what it is