and by the sword you die

geoffrey mccullum of dontnod’s vampyr. 21+. hunted by moss

[fanaiceach]

fanaiceach -- Gaeilge. noun. enthusiast, extremist, fanatic

This is an indie, private, 21+ roleplay blog for Geoffrey McCullum of the 2018 video game Vampyr

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hunted by moss (29; she/her) | blogroll: @walriding​ ;  @miswaken​

[fanaiceach]

vampires 🤝 redheads

sunburn

[kiivg]

.“my greatest joy awaits me, or my death, I do not know which, and have not known since I stood before him.”.

[lmnlst]

[fanaiceach]

I have talked about Geoffrey's identity as a bisexual man and how he feels about it before, but it was years ago, so to recap: internalized homophobia up to here (I'm holding my hand up very high because he's very tall)

But it's also... not exactly internalized homophobia. Like with literally everything else about this man's psyche it's complicated. He had inklings when he was a kid that he liked boys, but it was something he more or less just ignored until he got a little older and feelings started turning into desire. And in the hypermasculine Priwen environment it became very clear to him that there was a sexual component to his interest, that it went beyond just really liking some of his friends. To make it clear he never engaged in any kind of relations or relationships with other Guards, there was nothing untoward going on -- everyone either viewed him as the kid they found on the side of the road or the scary untouchable leader, and he was careful to maintain boundaries from his side as he came into leadership especially . But he was around men all the time, and saw and experienced things that made the proverbial lightbulb go off. So yes, he's always been aware that he's attracted to women and men.

The problem comes with internalizing that attraction, let alone acting on it. On the one hand, Priwen wasn't particularly concerned with sex or sexuality. People that fell in with the Guard tended to be those who had lost friends or family, people who didn't really have a lot of personal attachments and weren't very pressed about relationships by extension. They had Chaplains in their ranks, there's a component of faith and religious weaponry in vampire hunting, but it's not as though the Guard was a religious order. But Geoffrey got it into his head early that he couldn't have anything outside of the hunt. So in that regard gender didn't matter, any relationship, any level of want was a distraction and a no-go. Bottle those feelings all the way up, if it's not hunting it doesn't matter. But also it was the early 20th century, which wasn't exactly an open and accepting time. Yes he grew up and lived in a homophobic society, and that did impact him. What other people were doing wasn't his business -- again, if it's not vampires it's not his problem -- but he did internalize ideas about being less of a man for wanting to be with other men. But that roadblock is less significant than his mindset of not being allowed anything outside of Priwen, so it's not exactly standard internalized homophobia. Just a lot of repression in a lot of ways.

Didn't always stop him from acting on his desires, though. Pre-game he's been with a few men (and women) sexually. All fleeting encounters with people he expects never to see again, in very 'it's not gay if you're on top / not the one sucking dick' ways. Beyond that I'll keep things vague because I don't like canonizing ships for rp purposes, but whether it's acted on or not I do think he had feelings for both Edgar and Jonathan (and for tragic purposes I'm inclined to say he didn't act on his feelings in either case until much later, if at all). Regardless, chastity has not been one of his virtues.

It takes decades and general social change for him to start taking his attraction seriously. It's wrapped up in a lot of what he starts to untangle about his sense of self after leaving Priwen. Little by little he comes around to the idea that he can Want Things and even Have Things without the world imploding. There is (un)life beyond Priwen. And he meets more people, and the world does change. Over time he realizes that any of his thoughts about being lesser for who he loves can't be true, because he doesn't think that way about other queer men. He's just lived a life with too many self imposed rules. The exact timeline of things and the exact way his feelings start to thaw are another thing I don't want to concretely canonize, because it's more fun to explore, but as a general timeline -- by the 50s/60s he accepts the fact that his attraction to men is legitimate and not something he needs to repress or ignore, and then around the 90s he starts to actively identify with the bisexual label.

[fanaiceach]

@drxmxtispersonxe asked: never run from anything immortal. it only attracts their attention. / from Carpenter the last unicorn starters || accepting

She isn't wrong, but she isn't entirely right, either. Any show of fear is enough to draw a predator's attention -- running is just one of the more obvious ways. But for a leech, a simple change in breath or pulse can be enough to pique their interest. And once they've honed in, no amount of placid behavior is likely to dissuade them.

That isn't what Geoffrey is worried about at the moment, though.

"I wasn't running from the damned thing." Quite the opposite, actually. But somehow in the chase things had gotten turned around. The leech got the drop on him, tried to take a chunk out of the hunter's shoulder, but he was faster with a stake than the thing was with its own monstrous teeth. It fled before he could track its path, and with the smell of rain in the air, he knows the likelihood of being able to pick up the trail is dwindling.

It probably won't get far with a stake between its ribs, but he'd prefer to see the job done all the way. The half-finished ones have a tendency to come back and bite you later, often literally.

He frowns around a clenched jaw. Sloppiness on the hunt is hardly becoming of a Guardsman, let alone their leader. There's too much to risk by working so shoddily, but there's too much at play to keep his mind fixed on any one task, too. Like now -- something about her words is already turning his thoughts away from pursuit.

"You knew what that thing was," he says, and it isn't a question. Even with evidence plain in their faces, most people don't know what exactly stalks the night. Any awareness is therefore notable. "Then you know I need to get after it before it heals -- before it finds a meal to expedite that."

[fanaiceach]

it’s pride month and I, personally, do not believe in heterosexual vampires

[unexpectedwhimsy]

"Forgive me, but that is not true," came the soft response, Sean's eyes downcast to the severed head at their feet. His eyes are wet, mourning the fallen who's only real crime had been to emerge from the sewers at the wrong hour. Thomas, his name had been once. Before his life had been taken and his mind lost to the craving. He had come back to himself over weeks of dedicated care from Sean and from Old Bridget only to die now at the hands of McCullum.

"He was much changed, sure, but he still possessed a soul... many of them do, these men and women you hunt. Some more lost than others... but-"

Sean sighed, biting his lip and crouching beside the head. Once such a sight would have set his stomach to turning but now it brought only sadness. A trembling hand reached out to try and close the skals eyes.

"His struggle is at an end, now. Perhaps it is some mercy, the Lord will take him in his arms and mend all hurts..."

Blue eyes looked up at the hunter, and the compassion seemed further extended to Geoffrey himself... almost pitying. "It is hard work that you do, my friend. I do not envy your burden, nor the toll it must take on your own soul to end the lives of your fellow men."

@fanaiceach

[fanaiceach]

The hunter had to bite back a bitter retort at Hampton's plaintive display. It was not an unfamiliar sight -- plenty of people reacted poorly to the death of a leech they'd once known, even if the person had become a monster after turning. And in Geoffrey's experience they inevitably became monsters, given enough time. For every person grateful to have been saved by his sword, there had been an almost equal number who resented him for his efforts.

Like Hampton, they didn't understand. Just because a beast wore a familiar face didn't change its nature. And the nature of those things was inherently evil, no matter how good they were at pretending otherwise. Fooling humans was part of their charm, their power. They lured in their prey with a pleasant exterior -- Ekons did, anyway. Skals like the one he just dispatched were all but feral compared to their Ekon ilk. Geoffrey couldn't understand why Hampton would mourn the loss of one, even if he'd known the man in life, but he wasn't one to mock someone's mourning.

It was nasty work and he knew it.

He did, however, scoff at the offered absolution. Generally one was required to express remorse to receive it, or to at least acknowledge their actions as sinful. Geoffrey had done neither, nor did he plan to make a confession of guilt any time soon. "My soul? The Lord will judge me for a dozen other transgressions before this one, if he even sees it as such. That," he nodded his head in the direction of the severed one, "is a far cry from being my fellow man. It's an animal at best and an abomination at worst. Either way, better off dead."

[drxmxtispersonxe]

“My youth,” Zane echoes with a grin. He knows the other man’s been around longer than he has, been playing this whole game longer than he has, but it’s still endlessly funny to Zane. He deliberately lost count awhile ago, but he has to be pushing seventy at least now. Maybe older. It’s something that would have eaten him up if he was still alive to feel it, but he’d only just got the beginnings of grey hairs around his temples before everything got frozen for him in 1970. Hot summer day… it hadn’t even rained for once, but the night had been sticky. Zane forgoes the blow if he’s not going to have a passenger for it. It amplifies everything he is-- so it makes him unbearably annoying-- and that’s maybe not the best way to be with Geoffrey standing here with him in the currently-metaphorical, soon-literal ashes of his latest attempt at an artist’s commune. So the baggie gets jammed back into his pocket, but he can’t stay sober right now because his thoughts are already drifting. Back in time to the one thing he truly does regret. That’s a dead man’s problems. Not this new sharper Zane, who flits from project to project like it’s never going to end. Maybe it won’t. “I guess we’ll see in a few decades, huh? But I’m feeling really good about this next one. I think it’ll stick,” Zane says, going for his jacket pocket this time for a lighter and a joint he’d rolled just before the blood had started flowing. Better times. He lights it with a sigh. They both know he’s full of shit, but despite this song and dance happening a couple times now, Zane doesn’t feel comfortable dropping the act. He’ll keep being a tragic clown if it means Geoffrey won’t go looking deeper into his failings. The whole place will be up in smoke by this time tomorrow night after Zane’s had the chance to track down Barbara and find somewhere new to keep her. He’ll light it all up with the same lighter he flips closed now and tucks back into the inner pocket of his jacket with a smooth and easy motion. So good at hiding the nerves. “You smoke?” Zane asks, breathing out his drag. It’s an acrid, herbal smell that’s already seeped deep into his clothes along with all the other scents that go along with the life he lives. Incense and cigarettes and something sweet and floral deep below it. “Cigarettes, I mean. I know you’re kind of a square,” teasing, lightly, with that too bright smile. “I still like you. You could always stick around longer, if you wanted. I could show you what I’ve been working on since the last time you came around.”

[fanaiceach]

He lets Zane's optimism linger without comment, only offering a derisive snort in response. Geoffrey knows he could keep pushing, keep insisting there are betters way to live an immortal life that don't involve so much cyclical disappointment and death -- but he also knows it'd be wasted breath. There is a solution to the Zane problem, but the hunter isn't going to act on it now, and so they'll remain at this impasse until one of them finally wises up. It's just a matter of who cracks first.

His eyes slide closed in the dying light. The scent of blood still hangs heavy in the air. It's not from Geoffrey's preferred source but the pervasive smell of it still makes his gums itch. It's temporarily overpowered by the tang of Zane's lit joint, though it's not enough to mask the carnage completely.

Geoffrey cracks an eye open at the other man's questioning, a more obvious half-smile now tugging at the side of his mouth that isn't snagged by scar tissue. "They were putting worse things in cough medicine when I was growing up," he says, like it's some kind of defense against the accusation of being uncool. Both eyes open now, he can't help but watch the pale column of Zane's throat when he inhales and exhales, the faint flexing of his muscles and corresponding pulse of blood vessels. His teeth ache, and he tears his gaze away. "But I haven't smoked in a long time. It used to be my excuse to take a goddamn break -- not like I'm hurting for time, now. Cigarettes got too expensive, anyway."

Just another human habit he's allowed to fall by the wayside over the decades. Maybe Zane just hasn't gotten to that point yet, or maybe the routine -- the act -- of it all isn't something he's willing to give up. Vampires today are different than they were when Geoffrey turned, but then so is mortal society. Everything is bigger and louder and more, and in the last few years he's had to deal with more leeches stalking night clubs than rat infested alleys. They're bolder, more self-confident, and he wants to blame it on media, but the truth is that people just aren't as afraid of monsters anymore. And the monsters aren't what they once were.

Christ, he really is getting old.

"Your projects scare me a little." Could be a film -- Geoffrey takes interest in those, at least -- but it could also be just about anything else. Zane and his whims are sometimes unpredictable. "If it involves more of a body count than what I've already seen today, I'll pass."

[valtsv]

guy looking up "i think i like men" on his phone immediately after losing a fight with another man

[fanaiceach]

and I WILL always be a geoffrey apologist because pov you are 12 years old and watch your dad murder your mom. then some random gang shows up and murders your dad, adopts you because you might be useful and have nowhere else to go, and immediately starts training you to hunt down and murder your brother. somewhere along the line your mentor who raised you but never really cared about as a person dies and now you're in charge of the murder cult that indoctrinated you. london is being consumed by a vampire epidemic that was most likely started by someone outside the ranks that you made the mistake of liking / trusting + this random insanely op vampire who just happened to start working for him yesterday. all signs point to the two of them kickstarting vampire armageddon at their hospital and yet they both treat you like you're crazy and stupid for making the connection. the city is being overrun and you are doing everything in your power to stop it and yet you are apparently The Problem

[fanaiceach]

I think it is easy to misconstrue geoffrey's penchant for violence as enjoyment of violence. when in reality it's something he views as a necessary evil in order to prevent an even larger evil (vampirism) from gaining a foothold. a vast majority of the time he "enjoys" the hunt with a sort of grim satisfaction -- it's thankless, grisly work but he does it well and he takes pride in that. and yeah it's impossible for there not to be a little bit of a thrill at times. I think that comes through in the fight with jonathan because geoffrey views him as a worthy opponent. they're evenly matched, geoffrey thinks he's doing a great public service in killing him, and also he's slightly high on expired vampire blood. in his mind it's a Good and Noble fight. but he's not on the streets taunting like that every time he kills a skal. hunting and killing vampires is miserable work! he wishes the profession didn't have to exist! but as long as vampires exist someone has to kill them, and he's capable of doing it so that someone might as well be him. it's another paradoxical element of his character. people assume he's a big dumb idiot and he's not. people assume he's a gleefully violent fanatic and he's not that either. if he woke up tomorrow and vampires no longer existed, he wouldn't mourn the loss of the hunt. would he know what to do with himself without it? absolutely not, which also scares the shit out of him when he reflects on it. but it's not a hobby he partakes in for funsies. it's all that he has and he'd still rather live in a world where he never had to pick up the sword in the first place. but alas. he is not so fortunate

[ashenmind]

“Living weapon” covers a lot and all of it is hot

[ashenmind]

[lmnlst]

[eurodynamic]

Consider this my kiss of Judas.

VAMPYR (2018) dev. Don't Nod

[lmnlst]

[fanaiceach]

I think if you ignore the way the Mórrígan is misrepresented by game canon (and you should), particularly the female rage = evil angle, then geoffrey is actually a pretty fitting representation of her. the war / battlefield death connection is obvious — but she’s also a goddess of prophecy (he’s not 100% accurate but he does predict the source of the epidemic before anyone else figures it out + usher implies he knows to come back to london before it even starts), and is associated with transformation (he turns no matter what choice you make) and sovereignty / guardianship of the land and its people (something geoffrey both personally values and fights for with priwen)

this has no bearing on writing stuff or my portrayal I just think it’s neat