(I didn't even pretend to proofread or edit this lol. Straight âšangstâš that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. CW: organ donation, MCD, suicide.)
Okay, established relationship motorcycle without a helmet Robby x Reader who is absolutely fucking infuriated by him not wearing a helmet. You agree to go out on the bike with him this one (1) singular time because itâs a short and straight shot up to Jackâs place and Robby just needs to drop something off despite Jack telling him to just bring it to work one day. On your way to Jackâs you guys get hit going through an intersection by a card speeding and blowing through a red light. And helmet-less Robby isnât the one who becomes the organ donor.Â
You are.Â
(For this next part weâre all going to have to suspend our disbeliefs and knowledge etc., or find a way in your head to make this work medically lol.).
As it happens, you and Robby have the same blood type, share a rare antigen that would make it hard for either of you to get a transplant. Robbyâs chest gets so badly injured and his heart is so irreversibly damaged that he needs a heart transplant. And imagine that. Heâs the only one waiting for a heart who has that specific antigen.Â
When Robby finally wakes up the first thing he does is ask about you. Jack has to tell him and explain what happened and your brain death and organ donation. Jack has to tell Robby that your heart is now beating in his chest.Â
It slowly dawns on Robby, whoâs already planning his own death, that he canât. He canât do that. Because it would be killing you too in a sense.Â
It would be him killing you. Again.
ALTERNATIVELYÂ (The cut is so it's not too long on dashes).
Established relationship motorcycle without a helmet Robby x Reader who get hit on the way to Jackâs but Robby is somehow fine other than some road rash, cuts and bruises, a few broken bones. Robby can tell by the look on Jackâs face as he walks in the room that itâs not good. And when Robbyâs eyes flick out the window he sees the transplant coordinator hovering and he knows before Jack says a word, is screaming for you and for Jack not to do this, not to tell him this before Jack can open his mouth.Â
Robbyâs awake to see you, to have to be the one to decide to let you go and sign the papers and donate your organs and anything else of use. He has to sit next to your effectively dead body but watch your heartbeat on the monitor as the machines keep your heart beating to perfuse your organs. He has to be the one making them do every single fucking test to prove brain death.Â
He gets in bed with you and holds you, scream-sobbing into your chest I love you, thank you, I forgive you, please forgive me. He says that last one a lot. Robby holds you through your honor walk, all the way to the OR. Deep down just about everyone knows that theyâre not just saying goodbye to you as your bed rolls by, theyâre saying goodbye to Robby too because heâll be gone before youâre buried so you can be buried together.Â
And theyâre right. A little less than thirty minutes after youâre pronounced dead, so is Robby.Â
Authors who post like this are so deliciously unhinged. At this point itâs not even a fic- itâs a literary hostage situation, and i am âšsatâš âïž
Summary: The festivalâs heating up, but not all the gunfireâs fake. Now itâs up to you and Dean to track down a restless cowboy spirit before things get deadly.
A/N: Letâs make these two horndogs think straight for a change.
â â â CHAPTER 6 here â â â â MASTERLIST â â â
Dean let her slip into the shower first. He needed one just as bad, maybe more, but his head was still stuck on those gunshots. Couldnât shake it.
By the time the water kicked on, heâd already dragged his sweats up and slipped out the door.
The night pressed down warm and heavy, except here, in the alley below, a sharp chill cut through it. Too cold for Arizona. Wrong. Deanâs jaw tightened. Street was quiet, too quiet, only muffled music spilling from the saloon across the way. He moved fast, boots crunching on the gravel. Didnât take long until he caught the smell - gunpowder, strong and recent. Spot was damn near under their balcony. Too close.
Dean crouched, flashlight cutting low across the dirt. His stomach turned. Heâd beenâŠÂ distracted, sure, but he wasnât that far gone. No way someone fired off rounds under their nose and bolted without him catching even a shadow.
âSon of a bitch,â he muttered.
He swept the ground, slow, careful. No footprints. No drag marks. Nothing. Then the beam caught brass. Two shells, sunk half into the dirt. Dean picked them up, rolling the weight in his palm. His frown deepened.
Old. Way too old. Tarnished, dented. Not from this time. Hell, not even from this century.
âWhat the hellâs goinâ on hereâŠâ
He shoved them in his pocket, eyes scanning the street one more time before heading back inside.
Water still hissed behind the bathroom door. She was taking her time. He shook his head, stripped the sweats off again, but his stomach growled, loud. He snorted, grabbed the phone, and ordered damn near everything on the night menu.
Clicking the phone back into the cradle, he went to the bathroom. Steam clung to the walls when he stepped inside. She was already out of the shower, standing at the sink in her pajamas, hair dripping down her shoulders, brushing it out slowly.
Dean muttered under his breath, disappointed, âFigures.â
Wouldâve killed to get in there with her. Soap her up, scrub her down, just keep her close. Even after what theyâd just done, hell, maybe because of it, he wanted more. But no, she was already working cream into her face like nothing was wrong.
âWhereâd you go?â she asked, eyes on the mirror.
âChecked the gunshots.â
Her hand stilled. She glanced at him in the glass. âAnd?â
Deanâs mouth pulled tight. He stepped past her, peeled his shirt off on the way to the shower. âIâll show you. Gimme five.â
He caught her eyes on him, that little smirk curling her mouth as he shoved his boxers down and stepped into the shower. Water hit hot, but his head was still back in that alley.
You sat cross-legged on the bed, sandwich in hand, chewing slowly. Dean had ordered half the damn menu, plates and boxes spread across the blanket like a buffet. Thatâs what you get when you let a starving Winchester pick food.
He was leaned back against the headboard, plate balanced on his lap, shoving fries into his mouth two at a time. Grease on his fingers, cheeseburger already half-eaten.
You turned the empty shell over in your hand, brass dull under the light. âAnd youâre saying these arenât produced recently?â
Dean shook his head, mouth full. Swallowed, wiped his hand on a napkin. âNo chance in hell. Thatâs an oldie.â
You frowned, running your finger over the dent. âDoesnât make sense.â
Dean reached over, knuckle grazing the corner of your mouth. âYou had somethinâ,â he muttered, licking it off his finger like it was nothing. Then his eyes shifted, more serious. âWhen I went outside? It was warm everywhere but the alley. Right where I found those rounds, it felt⊠wrong. Same cold I got earlier, during that gunfight on the street.â
You lowered your sandwich, pulse kicking up. âCold spots?â
âYeah.â He nodded, taking a bite off his burger. âChill, right up my spine. Wasnât the heat getting to me, Iâll tell you that.â
You swallowed, tried to shake the prickle at the back of your neck. âDean, the first night at the saloon, when that guy got too into the fight? I could swear I saw something black come out of his nose.â
Deanâs brows jumped. âSeriously?â
âYeah. For a second. He wiped it right after, I thought I was just seeing things. Do you think it couldâve been ectoplasm?â
Dean leaned forward, snatched a fry from a box between you, chewing while he thought. Then he reached out absentmindedly to squeeze your ankle where it poked from your pajama pants. His thumb brushed there once, warm. âCould be.â
âAndâŠâ you hesitated, watching his face while you spoke. âBack at the store, the one with the saloon outfit? The clerk was talking to her friend. Said the barrel race was almost canceled. Apparently, one of the horses got spooked so bad, almost killed the handler.â
Deanâs mouth tightened. âHuh. One of the guys at poker swore somebody nudged him at the range. Nobody was even close. Forgot about it till now, guess your grand entrance fried my brain.â
You turned the shell casing again, restless. âSo⊠thatâs it? Is the festival haunted? Do we have a-â
Dean cut in, spark bright in his eyes. âNo, donât say it. Donât give me hope.â
Your lips twitched. âDo we have a cowboy ghost? Or⊠a sheriff.â
Deanâs grin spread wide. He leaned back, burger forgotten, eyes lit up. âBabe, I hope to hell we do. âCause thatâd be fucking awesome.â
You laughed, shaking your head. âYeah, well⊠I can see youâre very excited.â
âYou kiddinâ me?â He gestured big with both hands, nearly sending the plate sliding. You caught it quickly, steadying it in his lap. Dean gave you a quick grin for the save. âThis is slowly turning into the best frickinâ weekend of my life. The festival, the costumes, the sex⊠and now we might have a Wild West salt and burn? Hell yeah Iâm excited!â
âAlright, calm down,â you said through a laugh, nudging his leg with your foot. âWe still need to figure out whatâs really going on. Who weâre dealing with. And why they fired shots tonight. Who the target was.â
âYeah,â Dean muttered, sobering just a little. He reached for the chair beside the bed, grabbed the sheriffâs hat. Set it on his head, brim low. Then he smirked. âLooks like sheriffâs goinâ huntinâ.â
You rolled your eyes, biting a grin. âYouâre an idiot.â
Dean just grinned wider, tilting the brim at you.
The noise from the street dragged Dean out of sleep. Voices, boots, the faint clatter of horseshoes on dirt. Festival was already in full swing.
He blinked against the light slipping through the curtains, then turned his head. She was still, back to him, hair a messy tangle across the pillow.
Dean rolled onto his side, slid in close, chest pressed to her back. His hand found her thigh first, palm dragging slow, lazy, up over the curve of her ass. He gave it a squeeze, smirk tugging at his mouth, then slid higher, wrapping around her waist, hand cupping her breast. He kissed her shoulder, warm against his lips.
She squirmed, soft moan slipping out.
Dean grinned. âMorninâ.â
She wiggled back into him, hard, her ass rolling just enough to grind into his half-hard cock. Dean growled low in his throat, nuzzled into her neck. âWe slept it.â
Yeah, they had. Old bullets, ghost theories, all that talk had wound them both up enough to keep them awake. By the time they finally dozed off, the sun was already creeping in.
Her voice came out rough with sleep. âWe were supposed to go horseback riding at sunrise.â
Deanâs face fell. He remembered. Had actually been looking forward to it. Just her, him, quiet morning light... He let out a sigh, pressed another kiss to her shoulder. âDamn shame. I wanted that one.â
A beat passed before his mouth curved, eyes glinting. âGuess Iâll just have to settle for seeinâ you ride somethinâ else, cowgirl.â
She snorted, shoved his hand off her chest, cheeks flushed. âYouâre impossible.â
âNah,â Dean said, grinning against her skin. âJust dedicated.â
She rolled onto her back, hair falling into her face, and gave him that look. âWe need to get up. It's gonna be a long day. And weâve got a ghost to uncover.â
Dean groaned loud, dragging a hand down his face as she wriggled out of his arms. He adjusted himself in his boxers, muttering a curse under his breath, then forced himself upright.
Truth was, though, he was excited. This one was already shaping up to be fun.
He glanced at her as she pulled her hair back, still smiling. âAlright. I think we should start with the questions. Who do you thinkâs our best bet?â
She tilted her head, thoughtful. âWell⊠who would know everything about everybody in a place like this?â
Dean smirked, couldnât help it. âSweetheart, I think we should start our day with a drink at the saloon.â
You tugged the black shirt into place, slipped on the vest, then stepped out of the bathroom. Dean was already dressed, trousers on, a fresh cream shirt clinging to his shoulders. Hat sat easy on his head, duster hanging loose from one hand. That four-day scruff shadowed his jaw, rough and rugged in a way that made your mouth go dry. You wanted to bite him there, feel it scrape in all the right places again.
His eyes cut to you, brow rising. âSweetheart, whereâs the⊠the thing. The corset thing?â
You hesitated, hands brushing down your vest. âWell, if weâre on a hunt, I figured Iâd feel more comfortable-â
âBut you promised youâd wear it for the picture.â
You blinked, caught off guard. âI thought⊠I didnât think youâd want to do it. We missed the horse ride.â
âCourse I want to do it,â he said, almost offended. Then his voice softened. âYou were right. I want this memorized.â
Your chest warmed. You smiled, gave in. âOkay. Alright.â
You dug into the bag, pulled out the dark red underbust, and started wrapping it around yourself. The fabric slid tight, deep red against black, and you caught yourself staring. You werenât always drawn to red, but lately⊠it pulled at you. Reminded you of the magic. The blood. The part of you that wasnât going anywhere. The part youâd come to love.
You blinked, shook it off, then looked back at him. âWhereâs your vest?â
Dean shrugged, rolling the duster over his arm. âToo hot for a vest.â
âYou might wanna reconsider that.â You reached into your bag again and pulled out a flash of red.
Deanâs eyes went wide. âIs thatâŠ?â
âItâs not authentic, of course. But I saw it at the store yesterday. And I remembered thatâs what Val Kilmer wore as Doc Holli-â
Dean snatched the cravat right out of your hands. His grin hit fast, eyes bright. âThatâs awesome. Thanks.â
He looped it around his neck right there, fussing with the knot until it sat just right. Then he tugged on the vest, pinned the badge from the duster over his chest.
âAnd what about⊠uh⊠that saloon girl outfit?â Dean asked, voice casual, but his eyes were too sharp. âDonât you wanna take a picture in that?â
You smiled, shaking your head. âI already packed it. Gonna have to return it.â
Deanâs mouth pulled down, disappointed. âThatâs a⊠a pity. Wouldâve loved to have a picture of that.â
âWell,â you said, smirking, âI guess youâll have to start taking them yourself.â
Deanâs eyebrow shot up, that spark hitting his eyes again. âOh, I can do that. Whole private collection. Different poses. Different⊠angles.â
Heat crawled up your neck. You rolled your eyes, but couldnât stop the blush. âOkay. Letâs go.â
Half an hour later, you were walking down Allen Street side by side, the smell of grilled meat drifting from the saloon up ahead. Dean had a handful of sepia prints in one hand, shuffling through them with a grin that hadnât left his face since youâd stepped out of the booth.
âThis one⊠thatâs the one,â he said, holding it up like a trophy.
You leaned over to look and groaned. Of course it was the shot where heâd turned his head just as the shutter went, grinning against your mouth, one hand planted firm on your ass. You were caught mid-gasp, eyes wide, startled and flushed. He looked smug as hell.
âSeriously?â you muttered. âI look like I just got mugged.â
âYou look great,â Dean shot back without hesitation.
Before you could argue, he slid the photo free, tucked the rest back into their paper sleeve, and pulled out his wallet. You watched him slip the single print behind a battered credit card, careful like it was something precious.
âDean,â you said, exasperated.
âWhat.â He snapped the wallet shut and smirked, slipping it back into his pocket. âGotta keep this one safe.â
You rolled your eyes, but your chest went warm all the same.
The saloon was loud enough, clinking glasses, boots scuffing, laughter bouncing off the wood, but the second they walked in, heads turned.
The bartender clocked them right away. Middle-aged guy, white shirt rolled at the sleeves, towel slung over his shoulder. He leaned forward with a grin.
âWell, look who it is. Sheriff and his lady. You two got half the town talkinâ.â
Dean felt his chest puff before he could stop it. Damn right they were talking. Between him hauling that bar fight back under control, tearing through the barrel race, and her cleaning up at the range and walking in dressed like sin last night⊠yeah, folks had noticed.
âWhat can I get you?â the bartender asked.
âTwo whiskeys,â she said right away, smiling easy.
Dean smirked, ready to start working the guy toward what they wanted to know, but she was already leaning in, taking over. Smooth.
âIs this your first festival here?â she asked, sweet as anything, resting her forearms on the bar.
Bartender chuckled. âOh no, sweetheart. Been workinâ this saloon a few years now. Not just the festivals. Got tourists cominâ through all year. Part of the job, you know?â
Dean took a slow sip, watching her. She wasnât pushing, not yet. Just setting the stage. And the way the guy leaned in, relaxed, yeah. She had him.
âThatâs amazing,â she said, smiling. âWorking in something thatâs basically part of history every day.â
âHistoryâs got long arms in a place like this,â the bartender said, eyes twinkling.
Dean saw her grin, head tilt just slightly. She was baiting him, and he was biting. Damn, she was good at this. He almost forgot to breathe, just sat there pretending to drink while watching her work.
âYou mustâve seen some interesting stuff in all that time.â Her tone was curious. Dean felt her shift just enough beside him to face the guy head-on.
Bartender leaned back a little, towel twisting in his hands. âWell, you know⊠places like this, blood spilled, lives lost⊠it sticks.â
Dean straightened, finally stepping in. âSticks how?â
The man smirked, clearly enjoying himself, maybe treating it like part of the tourist act. âYouâd be surprised what folks claim theyâve seen. Shadows, cold chills, things moving on their own. Part of the charm, I suppose.â
She laughed softly, shaking her head. âWhatâs next? Someone else swearing they got shoved at the shooting range?â
Deanâs eyes cut to her. Sheâd slipped it in all casual, like a joke, but he knew what she was doing.
Bartender chuckled. âTourists say stuff like that every year. Swear somebody shoved âem, or whispered in their ear. Most folks figure itâs just the ghosts having fun. But yeah, weâve had our fair share of real injuries over the years. Gunshots, falls, cuts. Weird circumstances. Nothing lethal, thank God.â
Dean scoffed, pushed his glass away. âThatâs⊠fascinating. So youâre really saying what⊠ghosts are just hanging out, havinâ fun? Casper the friendly ghost taking potshots at folks?â
The man grinned. âIf I died here, during one of the greatest gunfights in history? Iâd stick around to keep the party going too.â
All three laughed. Dean shook his head, but under the bar, he slid his hand across to squeeze hers. Warm. Solid. She squeezed back without missing a beat, eyes still on the bartender.
âAppreciate the chat,â Dean said finally, tipping his hat. âWeâll see you around.â
The bartender moved off to another customer. Dean finished his whiskey in one swallow, then turned to her, low voice, just for her. âYouâre scary good at this, you know that?â
She smirked, brushing her thumb over his knuckles.
Dean had to bite down on a grin. Damn, he was proud of her. Proud, impressed, and a little distracted by the fact that half the town knew she was his. He liked it that way.
About half an hour later, he was tearing into the ribs, sauce on his fingers, grease on his thumb. Across from him, she was picking at a salad. Salad. In Arizona. He raised an eyebrow.
She caught it. âI just wanted something lighter. After all the fries yesterday, I canât do heavy again.â
Dean huffed, shook his head, went back to chewing. Didnât last long. He leaned in, elbows on the table, couldnât hold it back anymore.
âSo⊠you think this is real? We got ourselves a frigginâ ghost cowboy?â
She swallowed, set her fork down for a second. âIt lines up. You heard the bartender. Every story weâve heard happened around the reenactments. Has to be tied to the O.K. Corral.â
âAlright, so how do we know who to torch?â Dean wiped his hand on the napkin, ribs already half gone.
âWell⊠If we assume itâs the same spirit every year, it has to be one of the men from that gunfight. Could be the sheriff and his people, but the outlaws have more reason to linger. More grudges. More unfinished business.â
Dean nodded, chewing. Made sense.
âSo that leaves Frank McLaury, Tom McLaury, and the Clanton brothers. But Ike fled the fight, didnât he? He wasnât actually shot.â
Dean froze mid-bite, staring at her.
She kept going, eyes sparking now. âBut imagine if it were Wyatt. Or Doc Holliday. That would be⊠incredible, Dean.â
Dean set the rib down slow. Couldnât stop the grin. âYouâre killinâ me. You know all their names?â
She shrugged. âItâs not exactly obscure history. And Iâve seen Tombstone more than once. I liked it enough that I went back to it without you. Then I read up on the real history so Iâd be ready for this weekend.â
Dean just stared. Damn. She was quoting his movie back at him, rattling off names like it was nothing. His chest pulled tight in the best way.
He shook his head, smirking. âI never wanted you more.â
She laughed, embarrassed. âEat your ribs.â
Dean sat back, grin stuck on his face. Couldnât help it. She was into it. He was into it. Hell, he hadnât been this wired about a hunt in years.
âAlright,â she said, serious again. âWhat do we do next?â
âFar as I know, those guys are buried in Boot Hill. But we canât go digginâ up the whole damn cemetery. Need to know for sure.â
âThereâs the big reenactment at O.K. Corral this afternoon,â she reminded him. âIf the spirit is tied to the event, thatâs the best chance to catch it.â
Dean pointed at her with what was left of his rib. âExactly. And tonight we got that candlelit ghost tour thing before the closing party.â
She nodded.
âSo the plan. Figure out who it is, let the tour cover our tracks, slip off, maybe a little make out session between the graves⊠dig, salt, burn. Then we hit the saloon, knock back a few, maybe win a prize or two.â He grinned, leaning closer. âHell of a date, huh?â
Her smile was small, but genuine. âHonestly? It does sound perfect.â
She didnât look away after that, just kept smiling at him. Watching him.
Dean frowned, shifting in his chair. âWhat?â
âNothing,â she said, still grinning. âJust⊠youâre so cute when youâre this excited.â
He felt the grin pulling at his mouth, couldnât stop it. âSweetheart, weâre about to gank a piece of American history. Bucket list material.â
Dean licked the sauce from his thumb, the smirk still hanging on. Ghosts, guns, her right there with him⊠yeah. This was his kinda weekend.
The corral was packed. Way more people than any other event they attended this weekend. Tourists in baseball caps crammed shoulder to shoulder with costumed festival goers, cameras up, kids on their parentsâ shoulders. The air was heavy with heat and dust, sun bouncing off the wood façades until it felt like the whole street was glowing.
Dean couldnât keep still beside you. Heâd slipped the shotgun into his duster, salt rounds loaded and ready. You had the EMF tucked into your vest, the weight of it cool against your ribs. It was supposed to be a show, a tourist attraction, but you both knew better now.
He scanned the corral, eyes sharp under the brim of his hat, tracking exits, watching every twitch in the crowd. But every few beats his focus broke and he bent to you, stealing a kiss to your temple, then your jaw, as if he needed both things at once. The job and you. It always threw you, how he could stay locked in and still find time to press his mouth to your skin. You, on the other hand, could barely keep your head straight once his lips touched you.
âCanât help it,â he murmured against your cheek, voice low, quick before the next cheer covered it. âYouâre too damn close.â Then he kissed you again, sharp and fast, like he was burning that excited energy he couldnât put anywhere else.
The announcerâs voice cut through the crowd, calling out the names of the men taking their places. Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday, the McLaury brothers, the Clantons. Lawmen squared off against outlaws, the whole crowd buzzing with anticipation.
The first shots rang out, blanks popping loud. Smoke curled, white and acrid, tourists cheered. Kids squealed. It was chaos, the good kind. Until it wasnât.
The next crack sounded different. Sharper. Too clean.
The man in front of you staggered back with a cry. He dropped to the dirt clutching his shoulder, blood blooming through the costume. For a second the crowd froze, not sure if it was part of the act. Then the panic started. People gasped, some screamed, a handful bolted for the exit while others shoved forward to see better.
You barely registered any of it, because through the haze of smoke you saw him. One of the outlaws, his head cocked, a black smear leaking from his ear. He grinned wide, teeth bright through the smoke, and locked eyes with Dean.
âSheriff,â the man drawled, his voice wrong, too deep. âThat shouldâve been you. Billy ainât done with you yet.â
Your stomach lurched. You grabbed Deanâs arm, but before either of you could move the man collapsed in the dirt, body jerking once before going still. And just past the crowd you caught a glimpse. A figure in a wide-brimmed hat, watching. Then it flickered out like it had never been there.
âDean!â you started, but he was already moving.
The crowd pressed in tighter, a few people clapping nervously as one of the coordinators tried to laugh it off like part of the show. âAll part of the experience, folks! Nothing to worry about!â
The actor on the ground groaned, pushing himself up. Blood still streaked his sleeve, but it was shallow, a graze. People muttered, unsure, some relieved.
Dean crouched low, scanning the dirt. His hand darted out, came up with something pinched between his fingers. A cartridge. The brass was dark, tarnished, dented the way the ones from under your balcony had been. He turned it over once, jaw tightening, then slipped it into his pocket.
You pulled him aside, out of the thick of the crowd. Your pulse was still hammering. âHe actually shot at you. Dean, itâs you. Heâs got a beef with you⊠because youâre the self-proclaimed sheriff of this place.â
Deanâs face went half-offended, half-cocky, a look you knew too well. âSelf-proclaimed? I ainât self-proclaimed,â he muttered. âPeople respected me.â
You shot him a look. âIâm serious. He wants you.â
He smirked. âYeah, well. Guess Iâm just that damn good-lookinâ.â
You wanted to throttle him. âDean. You realize he was probably shooting at us last night. While we wereâŠâ You broke off, heat crawling up your neck.
His grin faltered. The words hit, sank deep. He blinked once, smirk slipping into something sharper.
âSon of a bitch,â he muttered.
You nodded, throat tight. âExactly.â
The crowd was still buzzing, trying to settle back into the show, but the air felt wrong now. Charged. The hair on your arms stood on end.
Dean straightened, looked down Allen Street, his hand brushing your back.
âTour starts soon,â you said, low. âWe know who it is now.â
His mouth curved slow, dangerous. He tipped his hat like the sheriff he was pretending to be. âThen tonight we put Billy Clanton back in the ground where he belongs.â
ê€ 10k || All my content is 18+ MDNI || CW: suicidal ideation; thoughts and feelings about being suicidal; a not quite suicide attempt; depression; anxiety; blood; self-harm scars (on both reader and Jack); self-harm; self-harm in the form of cutting; reader actively self-harms by cutting in the fic, no overly graphic description of how, but focuses on being able to feel it and feeling the blood and watching it; scalpel; Jack losing his fucking mind; Jack is explicitly a widower; stitches; reader receiving stitches from Jack; discussion of both voluntary and involuntary commitment; a little body worship if you squint; fluffy/happy/hopeful at the end; Jack is the best; no y/n.
ê€ Summary: As you sit on the roof ready to say goodbye, a phone call changes everything.
ê€ AN: There's a friends to lovers flavor going on in this one, but it's definitely pretty intense and serious, especially toward the middle. We do get a happy and hopeful and I think fluffy ending, though, so as angsty as this is, I also like to think of it as a bit of a mental health sick fic with a hurt/comfort flare. Please mind the tags and make sure you're in the right headspace to read this. If you need more info or details about what happens feel free to reach out. This is a bit of a love letter, I hope, to anyone whoâs ever gone through any of this as reader, I see you and Iâm proud of you and Iâm glad youâre still here and you are so valuable, or as Jack, I thank you for loving your reader through it and taking care of them and being a safe place for them and I know they appreciate it more than youâll ever know, or who's been both reader and Jack. If you or anyone you know needs help, this is a link to a list of international suicide hotlines. If you read, I hope you enjoy and thank you so much! â„ïž
Youâre not entirely sure how you got here.Â
When did things get this bad? How did you let yourself get this bad? The slow creep of the feeling scares you the most. This isn't like other times where the feelings were intense and not out of nowhere as such, but so concentrated that a little piece of you was able to hang on, knew it would pass, that it was an anxious depressive attack or a panic attack.
This is resignation. Exhaustion. A slow build up. A thought weighing heavily in your mind for a month. An inability to continue to feel like this. An accumulation of little things that make you feel like you're just a burden, like everyone would be better off without you and nobody would miss you because you don't really have anyone, not truly.
You don't have family left, no significant other. Your Pitt family would hurt for a bit, but ultimately everyone would move on. Jack is really the only one you kind of have, the two of you incredibly close if you're honest with yourself, but ultimately just friends. You'd say best friend, but Robby is Jackâs best friend. The thought doesn't occur to you that Jack could have more than one best friend or that just because you're not Robby means you're somehow less important to him.
Robby had told you in passing once that you're the first woman Jack has let in or become in any way close to since his wife passed ten years ago. At the time it was sweet and comforting and made you feel good. But now when you look back at it your brain tells you it was Robby warning you not to screw up and hurt Jack, that Robby is weary of you, doesn't think you're good enough for Jack, maybe thinks you're just a fuck up who won't be able to keep it together and will hurt Jack and make him close off again.
That's unfair to Robby, and deep, deep down, inaccessibly buried at the moment, you know that's not at all how he meant it, that there was too much softness in his eyes, a smile at the corners of his lips like he was happy Jack found that with you. Doesn't really matter though, because that's not how you're able to see it now.
And Jack, well, you're in love with him. Love far beyond anything platonic. You've known each other and been close for four years now, since you were an intern, the only one whose main shift was nights. You occasionally do things together outside of work, text a bit. You've been to each other's places, always stick together at work events. Itâs never a lot, never as much as you want. But you know your love is unrequited.
You don't think you could articulate why you feel how you do, what external sources are making you think these thoughts and feel this way. But it's not Jack. It's genuinely not. Youâre not thinking about it and here now just because Jack doesn't love you. Itâs life and your brain and how done you are with hurting and living.Â
You hate yourself for feeling this way. There's nothing about your life that gives you any reason or right to feel this way. You're about to finish your residency and have an attending position at the Pitt, staying on night shift. You have your Pitt family and financial stability and a nice enough place. You're lucky. You should be grateful. It should be enough. And you are and it is but the thought is still there.
Just kill yourself.
Free everyone in your life from you. Stop being a burden. Give them the gift of not having to deal with you. Give yourself the gift of freedom from your constant fights with consuming depression and anxiety, from the pain that just seems to be permanently etched into you, inescapable for more than a finite period of time before it comes back. Make it so you don't have to feel anymore.
It was a rough shift yesterday, though, like everything, you can't quite put your finger on why. It all just felt sad, there was a lot of death, a lot of hard things to see, but thatâs not unusual. You see that and worse all the time and it doesnât affect you like this. But for some reason it got to you especially hard yesterday and made you so fucking sad which allowed all of your emotions about everything else to come to the forefront of your brain and take over.Â
You'd slipped out of the hospital without really saying anything to Jack, not even a goodbye. Thatâs unusual. You almost never do that. Neither of you can remember the last time you did. He texted just to check in and say he's sorry he missed you before you left. You know neither of you are working tonight. You've slept most of the day hoping that it would help. That you'd wake up feeling better. But you didn't. You woke up worse. You woke up resolved to turn thoughts into action.
And that's how you find yourself on the roof of your apartment building. Few people even know you can access it. The access door is locked but the passcode was a joke, a simple 1, 2, 3, 4 that you'd tried on a whim one time when you wanted out there. It had worked.
You brought everything you need and a blanket, though something about having an item of comfort with you for this feels wrong. Like something you donât deserve. There's a note on the back of your front door for when the police do the welfare check someone asks for after you don't show up at work for a few days directing them to the roof and to call the coroner. There's no note though. Not to anyone.
It's macabre. As is the way you set up your space on the roof to make this as clean as possible, not wanting to be a burden or bother even in death.
Youâve thought about this before but have never made it this far. It feels strange to be this at peace with the decision. But you are. Youâre ready.
Once you get set up you sit here for a while. It's chilly tonight, the occasional gust of wind making it feel colder. You're dressed for it in a warm sweatshirt, could always wrap yourself in the blanket instead of just having it laid on the ground. Normally something about the cold and the wind chill would help you, ground you and center you and bring you back from this brink. Not tonight though.
You're not sure why you don't just do it and sit here instead. There's a whisper in the back of your mind that says you haven't done it yet because you don't really want to. You ignore it.
You go to grab the scalpel but end up picking up your phone instead. After staring at the black screen for a moment you unlock it and call Jack. Itâs impulsive. But, as selfish as it probably is, you want to hear his voice one more time and tell him how you feel so that he knows he's still lovable because you know a lot of the time he thinks he isn't, thinks he's too broken in every way to be loved. That's what you want your last act to be, helping him. Or at least trying to.
Normally, Jack answers pretty immediately, after the first or second ring. Not tonight. Your heart sinks and all of your feelings and resolve feel validated. He doesn't want to talk to you or he's ignoring you or he's with his new partner on a date or something. There's something vaguely poetic about it. Your mind turns to debating whether to leave a voicemail.
But then he answers. "Hey, what's up?"
It takes you a second to recover and respond. "Hey⊠um nothing really. Are you busy or with someone? I'm sorry if I interrupted your night."
"No, no," he says quickly. "I just left my phone in the kitchen and had to go grab it and then wanted to sit back down so I wasn't having to crutch and walk. And who the fuck would I be with?â he laughs.Â
Jackâs thrilled you called, youâd been on his mind. Youâre always on his mind if heâs honest. Heâd been thinking about calling you just to check in, but wasnât sure if you wanted that with the way you left without saying goodbye.Â
"Ah, okay," you murmur, unable to bring yourself to even acknowledge his question. Your voice is steady and you're doing a good job at keeping it neutral and relatively emotionless.
But Jack can tell something is up, and he doesn't like it. A pit starts to form in his stomach though he's not sure exactly why. You just sound off. And combined with you leaving without saying bye yesterday he can't help but start to worry a little.
"What's going on?" He needs to hear you talk more to try and get a better read on you. "You doing anything fun tonight?"
The irony of his question makes you huff a laugh to yourself. "Not really, no. I don't⊠there's nothing really going on. I guess I justâŠ" You sound ridiculous, even to yourself. You haven't quite worked up the courage to tell him yet though. "I don't know. I don't know why I called, I'm sorry."
Jack's eyes narrow. There's something very unlike you about all of that. Normally you'd sound at least a little upbeat while stumbling that much, sound so adorably embarrassed he'd melt a little, want to just blurt out how he feels about you.
"You don't need a reason to call." He needs to see you, get eyes on you so he can make sure you're okay and this is just an off day and you're just tired. He knows last night was rough for you. There's something else though as he starts to think back further than last night, over the last few weeks. "You wanna come over? We can grab dinner if you haven't eaten and watch a movie or something. Or I'll humor you with one of your favorite reality TV shows," he chuckles, trying to stay upbeat for you.
But you're quiet and when you speak you ignore his question completely. "There's something I want⊠That I want to tell you Jack, need to tell you before, well that I just think you should know." You slip with the 'before' but don't catch it. Jack does though.
"Before what?" he asks, a slight edge of worry in his tone. He's telling himself he's wrong and just looking for something because he's worried about you but there's something in your tone that feels vaguely goodbye-like. "Where are you, Sweetheart? Why donât you come over or I can come to your place?"
There's that not-pet-name-pet-name he seems to always call you. He'd been horrified the first time it slipped out of his mouth toward the end of your r2 year and pulled you aside to apologize profusely but you reassured him it was okay, that you liked it and he could call you it or whatever he wanted, not to worry.
Fuck. Before. You said before. You decide to ignore his questions again. "Jack, I," you swallow hard, "I⊠I love you, Jack." This time you completely fail to keep any of your emotions out of your voice. The love you feel for him, your sadness and resolve, your regret and apology. Finality.
It sounds like you believe you're never going to say those words again.
Your words stun Jack. They were so not what he expected at all. His heart aches as it's pulled to soar because you love him like he loves you, and drops because he can hear all of your emotions in your tone, far, far too well.
His response is simple once the shock passes enough for him to get the words out of his mouth. Heâs wanted to say it for so long. "I love you too, Sweetheart." He grabs his prosthetic from where it sits on the side of the couch and starts putting it on. He needs to get to you. "Baby, what's going on? Talk to me, yeah?" He says it so gently and with such concern tears fall from your eyes out of what feels like nowhere. "Where are you?"
"No, Jack," you say just loud enough for him to hear, the psychological agony you're in suddenly so clear in your voice. "I love you. Romantically. And I just want you to know that, that you are lovable and you deserve to be loved if and when you're ready."
"I know, I know that's what you meant. And it's what I meant. I love you romantically too. I have for a long fucking time." Once his prosthetic is on he pulls on a sweatshirt and grabs his wallet and keys, gets his other shoe on and is out the door, headed to your place.
You let out a small, sad laugh. "You're just saying that because you're worried about me. That or you're an idiot."Â
"I would never just say that and then take it back. That would be cruel." He steps out of the door of his apartment building and takes off for your place, praying you're there and that this phone call isn't what he's so certain it is. "So I guess if loving you makes me an idiot then I am, yeah, and proudly."
The sound of a rush of air getting picked up by your phone's microphone plays in Jack's ear. He can't decide if a long breath out is good or not.
You're quiet again for a couple of seconds. This is too much. The pain is too much and Jack says he loves you now and even assuming he actually does it'll only last so long, especially after this. He won't want to have to deal with you. "I'm sorry, Jack."
"No," he says emphatically, walking as fast as he can toward your place, nearly a slow jog. "Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for." Nausea and an icy dread start to wash over him.
"You'll understand later," you whisper just loud enough for him to hear.
Jack's heart races, and not from the slow jog he's doing to get to your place. "What does that mean? Where are you?"
You shake your head to yourself even though you know he can't see, more tears sliding down your cheeks. You hate this. Hate that you're doing this to him. But staying alive would be worse, would put him through more. Right? "It means just that⊠I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
He knows it for sure then, that this phone call is the equivalent of a suicide note.
"No. No you're not allowed to do anything." His eyes burn as tears start to form. "Nobody would be better off without you, least of all me. The pain that you're feeling and how hard it is to be alive right now and think about feeling this way forever, it's not permanent, I don't think it'll be permanent for you, but your idea is. I'm not trying to dismiss it, your feelings are valid and I know how hard they are, I know how the prospect of feeling nothing can be so attractive. I promise you I get it. But we can get you help. We can be together and you don't have to be alone. I want to be with you. I need to be, okay?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Jack." You're not sure why you're denying it when he so obviously knows and isn't just guessing and hoping you'll give him confirmation.
"Don't," Jack breathes, trying so hard to keep it together. "Please don't do this, Sweetheart. You've been there for me through some of my worst moments, moments where none of life seemed worth it anymore. Let me be there for you. Let me help you."
"I think I have to Jack. I think it's better this way for everyone, even if you donât feel like thatâs true for you right now. Youâll be better off." You think you're even more convinced of that with how much you hate yourself for putting him through this, able to hear the distress and heartbreak and anxiety in Jack's voice. He shouldn't have to deal with this ever again. And this will surely make him fall out of love with you.
"No. No you don't have to do this, it's not better, it's never going to feel like it was the right decision, not to me. I wonât be better off. Please," he pleads with you. He tries to think of things he wanted to hear when he felt like you, the thoughts in his mind he wanted refuted. He has no idea if they'll help you at all, if they'll refute anything you're thinking but he has to try. "You're not a burden, so many people would miss you and be devastated by your death. My world would be upended. You are important to so many people, you don't see how much others rely on you, how much you do for them. Killing yourself won't be some kind of gift to anyone, not even to yourself. Your mind is lying to you. I know how real it feels, but I promise you it's lying. You are so loved and cared for and needed. By me and many others. I want and need you by my side. In whatever capacity you want."
"I don't know that things will ever get better, that my brain will ever get better." You're quite sure nothing will get better at this point. That this is the only way you can feel anymore. That it's been the only way youâve truly felt for a while now.
"I know, I know that and that I can't promise you that anything will get better. But you don't have to weather these feelings alone. I've been where you are, multiple times. I've been so consumed by sadness and anxiety and in so much pain, for obvious reasons sometimes yes, but sometimes just in an, an, idiopathic way, and so exhausted and hopeless that those feelings are the only way I could define myself." Jack takes a breath and swallows thickly, getting closer to your place. "I can't promise you that things will get better, no. But I truly believe they will and I will do everything humanly possible, give anything and everything to help you not feel like this. I promise you that and I promise that you won't be alone for any of this."
"I don't want you to have to do that, Jack. The thought of you having to do that for me is, itâŠ" You trail off as tears fall harder and you start to really cry because his words are so sweet and you love him so much and know what you're doing to him but it cuts so deep too, makes you feel like a burden and someone whoâs ruining his life and happiness.
"I don't have to. I don't feel like I have to." Your building comes into view, still blocks away but visible. He has no idea what he'll do if you're not there. "You're not asking me to do anything. I want to. I'm volunteering to. I'm begging you to let me." When you don't answer Jack continues. "I can't let you kill yourself. I can't. I'm going to find you and if, if you're, fuck," he takes in a shuddery breath because there's a possibility you won't be, "if you're still alive when I do I'll have you 302ed if I have to, even though I know it might mean you'll hate me forever." His voice is soft and loving the entire time, there's never any anger or tough love vibe. He has no idea what compels him to say what he does next, he knows you're not in the headspace to say it, but he's heard you quote it a hundred times before and it almost just slips out more than anything. "And do not, don't you dare fucking say if, if is good."
You let out a surprised laugh at that, his reference to Hercules and that phrase you like to say. And it's not just a laugh. There's some genuine feeling there that isn't this. The sound makes Jack feel better, makes him think he might've gotten through.Â
The other genuine feeling makes you pause. You have to be alone now. "I love you Jack."
He knows what you're about to do before you even do it, knows those words were goodbye.
"No!" Jack screams as you hang up. "No, no no! No!" He stumbles a little as he fights back dry heaves and tries to continue at his pace through his sobs. He's forced to stop for at least a few seconds and leans an arm against a tree, bending at his waist slightly like he's about to be sick. "Please don't do this! Don't leave me! Don't make me bury someone else! Please!" He knows you can't hear him but he still has to yell it, he has to. "Please," itâs whimpered through his tears, "please hold on for me. I know it's selfish, but please."
Jack knows he can't afford to waste anymore time here. He has to find you. He has to find you in time. He can keep crying all he wants as long as he's moving.
He starts walking, nearly running at this point regardless of how uncomfortable it is, and makes it to your building less than a minute later. He's antsy in the elevator, gets off on your floor and knocks on your door loud enough and calls your name. He tries the door to see if it's open but it isn't and with a change in building ownership the whole place was re-keyed recently and you haven't given him a copy of the new one, the old copy on his keyring completely useless.
No answer. Complete stillness. And he just knows you're not here. He just feels it. But he has no idea where else you'd be. "Fuck," he mutters through tears, "fuck, fuck! Think god damn it, think!" he yells at himself quietly. He doesn't have time to not know where you are or where to look next. "This can't be happening." Jack leans against your door and puts his hands in his face. "I can't lose you."Â
Heâs already talking to you as if youâre next to him when youâre not and he gets so panicky and nauseous he gags a little and starts to cry harder. Because what if this is the only way he gets to talk to you anymore.Â
As he sobs more and pushes his brain to think, a thought does come to mind. That rush of air against your phone that he heard. What if it wasn't a breath out? What if it was the wind? He remembers you telling him once how you discovered the roof was accessible and they actually used 1, 2, 3, 4 as the passcode.
Jack lunges for the up button of the elevator, gets in and presses for the top floor. Once he's out he follows the signs for the stairs figuring that must be where the roof access is, and luckily he's right. He's up the steps and punching in the passcode with shaky fingers in seconds.
After you hang up you grab the scalpel and use it on yourself, on each arm. You can feel it. The different kind of pain and the relief it brings. You let out a shuddery sigh and start to cry more earnestly as blood steadily pours down your arms and over your hands, dripping onto your light colored sweatpants. It looks worse than it is, you think.
You set the scalpel to the side and pull your sweatshirt arms back down, not caring that they're going to get wet with your blood and smear it everywhere. You pull the blanket around you to hide it all and stare up at the light-polluted night sky.
Most of you hopes that Jack will find you, that he'll know you well enough to come here and find you. Jack, who loves you the same way you love him. A quick flush of warmth passes over you at the thought, quickly replaced by self-hate for doing this to him and doubt that heâll still truly love you after this even if he does find you. You're a terrible fucking person for putting him through this after his wife. How fucking dare you? He deserves so much better than you. You should-
The roof door bursting open interrupts your thoughts and your head automatically drops and looks over toward the noise. Sure enough there's Jack, looking destroyed and distraught and relieved and handsome as he lets out a sob of relief.
There are no words to explain the relief Jack feels when he sees you on the roof sitting up. Conscious. Breathing. Alive.
His relief doesn't last long though because you could've taken something, could've done something to yourself. He runs over to you and drops to his knees beside you and pulls you close to him on instinct. "Thank you," he sobs into the top of your head as he holds you against him as much as he can in this position and rocks. "You're here, you're fucking here. I love you." His voice breaks. âI love you so fucking much, I love you.â
"I love you too and I'm sorry," you sob into him equally as hard. And you are. You're more sorry than you'll ever be able to express. "I'm so sorry, Jack."
Jack's releasing you and scanning your face in an instant. He has to make sure youâre okay. "Did you take something? Did you do something?"
"No," you shake your head, trying to blink your tears out of the way since you don't have your hands.
He wants to believe you. He trusts you implicitly and wholly, with everything except for one exception. This.
Jack looks around and doesnât find anything. No pill bottles or box cutters or anything else. But the blanket. The blanket bothers him. The way you won't let it down and pull out your hands bothers him. He starts peeling it off of you and you let him despite knowing what he's going to find.
"Oh my fucking god," he mumbles when your sleeves and pants and the scalpel come into view. Jack has seen pretty much everything, is stoic and collected through it all, never gets nauseous or lightheaded or any other physical symptom from any of it, especially blood, no matter how much of it there is.
But this. This is different. This is your blood. What seems like so, so, so fucking much of your blood. The waves of nausea and lightheadedness and breathlessness that pass over Jack are the most intense he's ever felt, and he thinks he's genuinely going to be sick as tunnel vision starts to take over. Somewhere he finds the ability to take in a breath, the tunnels receding and nausea calming, the doctor in him coming back and overriding his panic.
"Oh fuck," he breathes. "This is something," he flashes his eyes up and looks at you helplessly. "This is fucking something, Baby. This, I, we, we have to get you to a hospital, you're going to bleed out. We have to go. Now."
You shake your head at him. "It's okay, Jack."
"No! It's not fucking okay! Nothing about this is okay!" He doesn't yell or raise his voice, just says his words emphatically. Pleadingly. "I love you and you just tried to kill yourself and take yourself from me and I'm not letting you succeed, you can hate me all you want. Iâm not letting you, Iâm not losing you." As he speaks he grabs your arms while you pull your sleeves up for him to see. He's trying to decide if he really needs to call an ambulance or if he should just throw you in your car and drive you himself.
He tilts his head at the cuts you've made, glances up at you and then brings your arms closer to his face to make sure he's seeing correctly. His hands start to shake a little, adrenaline starting to crash. Once he's convinced his assessment is correct he looks at you, that deep eye contact that he loves even as both of you still shed silent tears. "These aren't anywhere deep enough to kill you or even make you pass out. They're not superficial so they bled a good amount but not, not badly. The bleeding is already slowing.â He knows heâs stating the obvious but heâs trying so hard to process. âThese, I, they just⊠these wouldn't come close to killing you."
You're a doctor. You both know that you knew exactly what you were doing, that you know how to do this successfully.
"I know." You let your words linger as you stare at Jack, a million things said without a word. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it to you. I couldnâtâŠâ You swallow hard, feel so stupid, feel selfish for thinking thereâs still even a chance. âI couldnât do it to us,â you whisper.
Jack stares at you for another few seconds and then his face crumples as he starts sobbing again, trying to pull it together because you need him, but he's just so relieved and yes there's sadness and hurt but he doesn't view you as the cause of any of that. He moves so that he's off his knees, his forehead falling against your shoulder.
"I'm sorry," you whisper, crying silently yourself. You don't touch him, in part because you don't want to get him bloody and in part because you don't know if he would want that. If you're allowed. You certainly don't feel like you deserve it.
"No, no," he sniffles, pulling his head from your shoulder. "Don't be, I'm sorry for making it about me. Come here, yeah?"
"You didn't make it about you. And I'll get you bloody," you point out quietly.
"I don't fucking care." He shakes his head. "You don't have to, of course, there's no pressure, but if you'd like to I would love to feel you and hold you."
You consider it for a moment, still don't feel you deserve it but Jack wants you and you want to give him everything he wants. So you climb into his lap and he wastes no time wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close, his other hand coming to hold the back of your head.
"Okay," he breathes out, focusing on feeling you and the rise and fall of your chest against him. He sniffles hard but manages to get his tears to stop. âOkay, itâs okay. Youâre okay.â Heâs speaking more to reassure himself than you if heâs honest. âWeâre here together and youâre okay.â
Jack feels so good against you. This isn't the first time you've hugged of course, isn't even the first time you've had an extended hug, but it is the first time you've been in his lap and it's been this intimate and vulnerable. After a few minutes you speak. "You haven't asked why. Why I'm like this or feeling like this."
"I was going to get there, I just needed time I guess, I'm sorry." He sniffles again. "It also felt like you didn't really know and I didn't want to ask and make you upset if you didn't know, because it's okay to not know, and I didnât want to make you feel like I was just here and immediately prying and trying to fix it or something. I thought you might open up about it when you were ready."
"Don't apologize," you murmur, holding him a little closer. "You're right. I don't really know. I don't know how things got so bad. And, right now at least I guess, it's not that I want to die. I just don't want to live. I don't want to feel this way and it feels like this is the only way I'll feel for the rest of my life." You let out a breath. "But you, you changed that, kind of. It still feels like that somewhat but it also doesn't because you said everything you did and then you made that joke and I laughed and I felt something. Something that's not this."
As much as you don't want to because you don't want to see his reaction and the anger you're so sure will cloud his face you know he deserves you saying this to his face. "So I needed to be alone. I needed to check, to show myself that it was still possible for me to feel something other than this. And this is how I checked," you admit, not needing to specify your arms. "And it worked and I felt it. Something different. I felt something other than this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for worrying you and putting you through this, I hate myself for it, I'm so fucking sorry Jack. I completely get if there canât be an us anymore, if you donât love me or want me anymore. And I'm sorry for hurting myself and please don't be angry with me or mad at me, try not to be, please. I'm sorry, it's just all I knew in that moment, I'm really sorry."
Jack knows immediately that someone in your life has been mad at you for this before. That they reacted with anger and made you feel ashamed and small when you were already hurting so so badly and potentially reaching out to them for help. He has to work a little to keep the anger he feels at them, not at you, he feels no anger toward you, off his face and out of his eyes.
He takes your face in his hands, holds it so gently and brushes his thumbs over your cheeks so softly it hurts. You feel undeserving of such a tender touch, especially from him, after all of this. "I still love you. I love you and I want you and I need you. I want there to be an us. I want to get to love you properly.â Jackâs eyes are so soft as he looks at you while talking, so calm. Itâs comforting. âAnd I'm not mad. I'm not mad, I could never be mad at you for any of this, for the thoughts or the self harm. I'm safe, I'm a safe place for you. You can come to me with anything, any thoughts, show me any self-inflicted wound and I'm not going to be mad or judge you or anything."
"I'm just going to love you and help you, I promise you, so please come to me. I want you to come to me. Anytime, any place. Text me, write it on a post-it and hand it to me if words are too much, send a fucking carrier pigeon, I don't care." That gets you to give him a small smile and soft laugh and Jack nearly beams about it. "Just tell me, please. It doesn't mean we have to talk intensely about anything right then or even talk at all, we'll just do whatever you need, I'll do whatever you need."
You nod. "Okay. I'll try. That's all I can say, is that I'll try."
Jack smiles at you. "That's all I ask. I'm not going to be mad if you don't."
You nod slowly again, the two of you transfixed by each other, Jack's love of eye contact on full display. "I'd really like to kiss you right now."
"I'd really like that too." With your permission Jack tilts his head a little and leans in. When your lips meet it's perfect, everything you've wanted and more. It feels sweeter somehow, like everything you went through together tonight makes you appreciate it more. Jack gives you another kiss, and another and another until you open your mouth a bit for him, giving him permission to slip his tongue inside. You sigh into it and Jack groans softly. Neither of you can quite believe this is real, that the other shares your feelings.
You make out on the roof for a couple of minutes before Jack forces himself to pull away as unhappy as it makes him. He slides his hands down to your waist. "You need stitches," he says gently. "And we need to figure out where to go from here. You didn't technically make an attempt and you reached out for help, even if that wasn't the conscious reasoning you used to decide to call me. But I think we can both agree that-"
"I need help," you say it for him so that he doesn't have to because it just feels like the right thing to do. "Yeah. I do."
Jack nods. "What does that look like for you?"
You think for a second. "I don't know," you admit. "I think in a lot of ways going inpatient would be really hard on me and potentially make me worse. Having my distractions kind of limited, being away from you more than I'd like. I think I'd feel very alone and that makes me spiral very easily." You take in a breath and let it out. You can't and won't ask Jack for anything, as much as you might want it. "But I don't know what else there is, really. I know you don't feel comfortable with the thought of letting me be alone and I totally get that and understand it and you're right, I shouldn't be. SoâŠ" You shrug, unsure of what else to say.
"Knowing you, I was kind of thinking the hospital might not be the best place, at least for right now." He squeezes your waist gently. "I have an idea that might work, but I wanted to wait to propose it in case you wanted the hospital.
Your brows raise in curiosity. "Oh?"
Jack takes in a breath and lets it out. "We both take a leave of absence from work. You would have to agree to do an intense outpatient program, that would be a big must for me. You stay with me while doing the program. If you were to make an attempt or if things got dramatically worse I'd have to take you to the hospital because I wouldn't be able to keep you safe."
"I'm not going to lie, it'll be intense supervision for a while, I won't be able to leave you alone and Iâll lock away just about everything dangerous that I practically can, knives, medications, things like that. I'm not going to remove all wires from the place or take your things away from you or make you wear paper clothes. But I'm going to be there for everything for a while." He raises his eyebrows slightly to make sure you know he's being honest. "I have no intention of talking to you like you're a patient or treating you like one, and I don't want it to seem like I'm going to be babying you or that I'm being condescending or trying to make you feel small or guilty or bad about any of this or anything like that because I'm not. I just have to keep you safe while you get better."
After an unnecessary moment of considering his plan you nod. "I like that plan. I want to do that plan. I want to be with you. I think that will be the best healing environment for me, honestly." You pause and take a couple seconds of eye contact. "But this is a lot, Jack. It's a big undertaking. And I'd rather suffer in the hospital for a while than ask you to do this for me, let you do this for me, and have you end up resenting me."
"You're not asking," he reminds you. "I'm offering and I'm not going to end up resenting you. I don't think it's as big of an undertaking as your brain is making you feel like it is. You'll have your appointments for your program, and there will be tough moments for everyone I'm sure, but, and maybe this is an oversimplification, Iâm sure it is, but in a lot of ways it's really just hanging out with you and being with you. Helping you get better." He gives you a small, lopsided smile. "We can go for walks if you want, go shopping, do whatever. That's not going to feel like work. Even the times when you might need to cry into me or talk or be so depressed you need me to do almost everything for you. That's just taking care of the woman I love the way I know she would take care of me if our positions were reversed."
You swallow hard, trusting him and believing him but still worrying that you'll push him away, that you'll be too much. "Promise me you'll tell me if it even starts to feel like too much or like work or you're getting exhausted."
"I promise," he murmurs.
There's still a feeling in you that the other shoe is eventually going to drop, a feeling heavily influenced by your past, but you trust Jack. "Okay."
He nods, and smiles at you. "Alright. Let's go down to your place and get cleaned up and you as many bags as you need and get back to mine so I can stitch you up. Obviously we can come back if you forget something or whatever."
You nod in agreement and get up, help Jack fold up the blanket with everything in it and head to the elevator. Once inside it Jack gives you a kiss. "I'm glad you liked my plan. That's probably selfish and I'd have liked any plan that got you feeling better but I'm glad I'll get to be with you."
You smile at him and laugh quietly. "I'm glad you had the idea and that I'll get to be with you. The thought of the hospital, voluntary or not, freaks me out and just makes me feel panicky."
Inside your apartment you both get cleaned up, wash as much blood from the both of you as possible, and wrap some gauze around your arms. You have a sweatshirt Jack left once that you secretly stole so he's able to take off his slightly bloodied sweatshirt. He places the blanket and all the bloody clothes in a trash bag for him to deal with at his place tomorrow. You pack a bag, call an uber and then are off to Jack's place.
When you get to Jack's he changes quickly, takes off his prosthetic and cleans it, checks his skin and then sits with you at his kitchen table and stitches you up. There's a lingering question on both your minds, Jack so focused on stitching you that somehow youâre the one who ends up getting it out first.
"Jack?" The timidity of your voice makes him pause and look up at you. "I'm just wondering, um, does this⊠are we, are we like together? Like a couple in a relationship now?"
He smiles at you a little shyly. It's kind of funny, both of you suddenly being as shy as you are after everything you've been together tonight and over the years. "I'd like to be if you would."
"Even after all this?" you whisper.
"Especially after all this," Jack nods. "I've wanted you and loved you for a long time now."
"No, but just." You let out a breath. "I mean even after what I put you through tonight."
Jack takes a second to consider your words and how he wants to respond. "Tonight hasnât changed how I feel about you at all. If anything, being this vulnerable with me and letting me in has just made me love you more. You didn't put me through anything, try not to think of it like that as hard as I know it is, because I don't think it was you."
You scoff under your breath at yourself and your actions. "I made you sob, I made you think you were going to lose me. I hurt and upset you deeply and broke your heart at least a bit. I made you think about losing someone else."
"It wasn't you," he says simply.
You cock your head at him and give him a look. "Jack."
He licks his lips and thinks for a few seconds. "Okay, think about if this was reversed, would you think it was me that was responsible for your feelings?"
"No." You pause to try and think about how to articulate your reasoning. "I'd think it was⊠your brain. And I'd think about how you felt and know that if you had a choice you'd never choose this, for either of us."
"Yeah," Jack nods, "and that's how I think and feel about it, Baby. I don't hold any of this against you, I don't see you feeling like this or anything I felt as a result of what happened tonight as a choice you willingly made. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it wasn't upsetting and it didn't hurt me and that I wasn't terrified and didn't think I was going to lose you because that would be a lie. But you didn't make me feel any of those things. This wasn't you. You would never pick this. So I don't think it was you."
He pushes his lips together and shakes his head. "And you know Sweetheart, I would go through every emotion I felt tonight, at ten times the intensity, every day of the year forever if it meant you were calling me and letting me get to you and help you instead of killing yourself.â
Jack gives you a lopsided smile like his words didnât just rock your entire fucking world. âSo if you'd like to be in a relationship with me, I'd love to be in one with you. If you want to wait to officially be in one until you're feeling better that's okay and won't change the plan at all."
"No, no," you smile at him, though itâs watery with emotion. "I want to be in one now, trust me, I've wanted and loved you for a long time too. I guess⊠With what happened I just wanted to check if you were still interested in that. And I'm sorry that this is the beginning of our relationship and is the context that we said I love you to each other for the first time.
"You have nothing to apologize for, it's okay. We can use our upcoming first date as the technical beginning of our relationship if you want or come up with some inside joke cover story about how we finally got together." It doesn't take long for him to think of something. "You called me and I came over and we spent the evening chatting on the roof and our feelings came out."
You giggle. "Not technically a lie, I suppose."
Jack smirks and gives you a nod before going back to your stitches. Once he finishes you guys decide to have something to eat and chill on the couch while you wait for some of the feeling to come back to your arms. He has to feed you because of the numbness and you're embarrassed and trying to hide from him a little but he says it's sweet and he likes it and would do it any time.
"Do you want me to shower with you or just chill in the room with you with my back to the shower?" he asks once you're feeling up to showering and he's wrapping your arms to keep your stitches from getting wet. Jack watches you clam up and your brain take a step backward, shutting you down a little.
"IâŠ" Of course you want him to shower with you. You've wanted that for years now. But you know what you look like, what your body looks like right now and you can't fathom the thought of this being how he sees you naked for the first time. You want to run and hide, to tell him you've changed your mind and don't actually need to shower. But you do. You need the night and the rest of the blood off you. "I do, I want you to join me but this isn't⊠This isn't how I want you to see me naked for the first time."
You don't have to say anything else. Jack is quite sure he knows what you mean. "I can shower with you and not look or touch anywhere you don't want. I'll keep my eyes on your face and I'll close them and turn the opposite direction on the bench or whatever you want and need. I promise, I will not look anywhere you don't want me to."
There's silence as you consider, but it's like your head is too fuzzy to really think. You trust Jack, trust that he'd keep his word and wouldn't look, wouldn't touch. You're not sure why the prospect of not having him within reaching distance is freaking you out so much right now. You let out a shaky breath. "Okay, yeah. Let's do that."
Jack looks at you, eyes scanning your face for hesitation. "Are you sure? There's no pressure for me to join you. There will be plenty of time for us to shower together in the future."
"No, I, I am. I trust you, I know you'll keep your word." You manage to give him a small but genuine smile.
"Alright," he smiles back. "I'll get in first then and when you're ready to get in you just let me know and I'll close my eyes."
You sit on the edge of the bed while Jack starts the shower and appears back in the bedroom to strip. "Oh," you breathe out when you see him completely naked for the first time, perfectly toned everywhere while still having some softness, and a big dick. A big fucking dick. You knew he would, it was just a feeling, but seeing it is completely different. And he's soft. "This is so fucking unfair," you mutter to yourself, still stunned. Jack chuckling helps you come back to. "You're perfect Jack. So, so incredibly handsome. I⊠it's hard to describe, wow."
"Thank you." There's a little blush to his cheeks that makes you smile, is so adorable you could scream. "I'll let you know when I'm good."
You nod and Jack makes his way to the shower. He calls when he's ready and you strip and head in, letting him know you're coming. You feel so fucking ridiculous for all of this right now but it's what you need and Jack suggested it. The shower isn't long, you help wash Jack's hair and body, tell him that loving on him makes you feel better.
After you get out Jack sits on a towel on the edge of the nice tub he has, using another towel to dry himself. You stand away from him in front of the sinks and counter and dry yourself as much as possible without exposing yourself even as Jack keeps his eyes completely away from you.
The entire time you dry yourself and take off the wrappings covering your arms youâre thinking about how dumb this is. Your body isn't going to change any time soon, so unless you're planning on preventing him from seeing you naked for six months you might as well let him see. And maybe that's better anyway, so he can let you down now at the beginning and not months in.
"Jack?" He hums in response at you but doesn't look over. You turn and start walking over to him. "You can look."
Your feet come into his view and then your towel hits the floor. "You sure?" he checks. "There's no pressure, I'm happy to wait if that's what you want or need."
"I'm sure," you whisper.
Jack flicks his eyes up to your face quickly to check and then slowly takes all of you in. You're stunning. His eyes trace every curve, up and down, the apex of your thighs, your breasts. "Fuck," he says lowly, his cock stirring. "You're stunning." His eyes make their way back to yours. "You're beautiful, Sweetheart. Truly gorgeous." He runs his eyes over you again and looks back at you. "Like you said, wow."
"You don't have to say that, especially if you don't think so," you murmur, a dejected pang to it.
Jack sees them, the reason you didn't want him to see you naked. Your skin is fairly littered in self-harm scars at varying stages of healing. Some are clearly very old, others still pink and raised. Some are scabbed over. Some are fresh. They're everywhere, places that were easy to hide when you did this in the past and now while working at the Pitt, your stomach, your hips, your thighs, just below your shoulders, the tops of your feet.
When you're not feeling this bad you're usually ambivalent toward them at worst, have little moments where you hate them but also have moments where you kind of love them as a reminder of where you once were and how much better you're doing now. But when you're this bad, this low, you hate them. You're ashamed of them, ashamed that you do this to yourself, that you let yourself. You internalize every negative thing society has to say about them, especially the still too popular thought you're just doing it for attention. You recognize the ridiculousness of that statement with how far you go to make sure nobody finds out but you still internalize it. You hate yourself for them.
"I would never lie to you, especially about that." Jack lets out a breath and holds his hand out towards you. "Come here?"
You take his hand and walk over to him, scared that seeing them closer will make him change his mind. Jack has you stand between his legs and holds your hips gently. You're not sure what exactly this is until he leans forward and presses the softest kiss to one of the scars on your stomach and moves to another one and another. Tears stream down your face silently as Jack kisses every scar and cut on your body, kissing his fingers and gently touching the ones he can't reach with his lips and kissing the heels of your palms instead of your fresh stitches.
When he finishes Jack looks up at you. "You're beautiful. With or without them."
You wipe your tears away and make a face at him because you're struggling so hard to believe him even with as beautiful as heâs making you feel.
"You are," he emphasizes. "They're a part of you and your story, illustrations of chapters of your lives. They have their own unique beauty to them even if it's in a kind melancholic way. Because they're proof you survived what drove you to them. Proof that you can heal and keep moving forward. But they donât define you. And if you want to focus on reducing their visibility and try to get them as invisible as possible, or if you want to get them covered with tattoos or whatever, that's more than okay with me. That's what we'll do together. Just don't do it for me, because you think I don't like them or they gross me out or make me think some way about you or that they lessen your beauty in my eyes. They don't. Not at all."
You're still silent, still struggling with finding anything to say. Still wanting and trying to believe him. Still failing.
Jack nods. He gets it. He truly does. "Come to bed with me? I want to show you something." You nod at him and Jack crutches into his room and over to his bed, slides into it and sits up against the head board. He pats the spot next to him. You slide in and sit next to him and Jack pulls the comforter back enough and points to his thighs. "Look. Feel."
You give him a look of confusion but do what he asks and, looking for them, are able to see them on his skin and through the hair on his thighs. Familiar lines etched into skin and scarred over, too perfectly linear to be shrapnel. And Jack wouldn't have shown you them right now if they weren't scars that matched your own. "Do they make me any less handsome to you?"
"No, but, but it's-"
"It's not different my love," he cuts you off gently. "You're not different. It doesn't matter that you might have more in more places on your body. It's not different. And your acceptance of mine, the way you feel about mine, is the same way I accept and feel about yours."
You don't say anything, just try to believe him. You're not sure you ever truly will, but you try for him. You run your fingers over some of the scars on one leg and then move to the other. You trace a couple of thicker scars that you know represent deeper cuts and look up at Jack. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you know how it feels."
"I'm sorry that you know too," he murmurs. Jack reaches for you and you let him position him so that youâre sitting on his lap, chest to chest, skin on skin. He pulls the comforter up around you and the two of you lean in and share a few kisses, rest your foreheads against each other's and just exist together for a moment.
So much has changed tonight. For the better. Your feelings linger and youâre not magically better but youâre not hurting as bad. Despite how much pain there still is, how much there is to work on, to heal from and discuss and process, everything feels survivable.Â
The two of you adjust so that youâre laying down. Jack holds onto your hips so you canât go anywhere and gets you laying on top of him how he wants. You let out a soft, contented sigh once youâre comfortable on him, the steady thump of his heart under your ear calming you.Â
The night plays through your mind, a complete whirlwind. You didnât think youâd be alive at this time tonight. You remember something Jack said and canât help but tease him a little. âSo, carrier pigeon?âÂ
âI was just thinking of ways,â Jack laughs, pinching your ass playfully. âI almost said AOL IM.â
You laugh and Jack actually tears up a little at the sound. âIâm going to track down the sound and set it as your text tone for when you get a message from me.â
âPerfect,â he chuckles, squeezing you tight.
You pull your head up a touch so you can look at Jack properly. "It's going to be okay, isn't it? I'm going to be okay."
He smiles. "I can't promise you, but yeah," he nods, "I think it's going to be okay and that you're going to be more than okay. And I can promise you that however it turns out and however you are, I'll be by your side."
âAnd Iâll be by yours.â You smile back at him, knowing youâre not the only one who struggles. "I love you, Jack."
It's the first time you say it where it doesn't sound like a goodbye or isnât drenched in sorrow and pain. Where it's infused with hope and light. Jack thinks he could cry at it, but he doesn't, just smiles wider and softer at you. His girl. His woman. His love.
âI love you too, Baby." He leans in and gives you a kiss. Jack knows you get him, that youâll understand what his next words mean. âUntil our nonexistent carrier pigeon comes home.â Forever.
I hope it was okay and you enjoyed, and maybe in some cases felt a little seen. â„ïž I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments! Thank you so much for taking the time to read! â„ïž
You can find my Kink/Angstober masterlist here!
Want more Jack and Pitt content? Check out my main masterlist here.
Want to be added to my Jack tag list? Interact with this post!
Interact with this post if you'd like to join my Michael Robby Robinavitch tag list, and this post if you'd like to join my Andrew Pope Cody tag list! Each tag list is separate, so be sure to interact with each post for each character you'd like to be tagged for!
Unpopular opinion: There's nothing better than getting to know a character through a fanfic! Like going blind in his universe and binging reading 15 different works about a man you never heard of! đ« đ«
Summary: Mark's detox is more brutal than either of them anticipated. Meanwhile, the reader helps out on the task force to fill in for Mark and the pair start to open up to each other beyond just their usual banter...
Part 1
Pairing: Mark Meachum x Detective!reader
Word Count: 3,900ish
Warnings:Â Countdown S1 spoilers, language, angst, drug detoxing, smutty teasing, mentions of cheat/lying
A/N: Here we go!
You woke with a startle in bed, the clock reading it was just past 4 in the morning. What the hell was that screeching sound? You threw back your covers, feet touching the ground as the screeching turned into a whimper.
Oh, right. Mark Meachum was currently detoxing on your couch. And apparently crying in pain over it.
You pulled on a hoodie and padded down the cool hallway, heart skipping when you saw him curled up in a tight ball, hands over his head, shouting into his own knees. Goddamn it. You went to the kitchen and grabbed some tylenol, crushing a few pills up and shoving them in a glass. You filled it with only a few sips of water before you were kneeling next to the couch, Mark breathing deeply.
âSh, youâre okay,â you murmured, gently stroking over his head. He didnât move and you were forced to peel his hands away. His face was a mixture of exhaustion, dried tears and pain, Mark taking the glass you handed him without a word, swinging it back. âLay back down.â
âIt hurts so much,â he whispered, clutching his body tight when another wave hit him. You frowned, gently rubbing his shoulder as you stood up.Â
âGive me fifteen,â you said. You went back to your bedroom, pulling on a pair of sweatpants, shoving your wallet, phone and car keys in your pockets.Â
After a quick pit stop at the dollar store a few minutes away, you were back home, chucking the item youâd bought in the freezer while you got out some ice packs and started to stuff them in some rainbow striped knee high socks youâd grabbed. After a few minutes, you had both filled and tied together to make the ugliest abomination for a headband anyone had laid eyes on.
You tucked the object around Markâs head, his pained hiss turning into a guttural moan.
âHowâs that feel, champ?â you asked, Markâs face losing some of the tension as the cold from the ice packs seeped around his skull. You werenât surprised when a few relieved tears fell down his cheeks. He was exhausted not just physically but mentally too. You rubbed a hand over his hair, smiling when a tiny snore fell from him, his body finally going limp. âGood boy. Get some sleep.â
You observed him for a fe minutes before you pulled up your phone and ordered some extra ice pack head bands off amazon. The dollar store one would suffice once the tube sock ones warmed up, at least until the new, better quality ones got there that evening and then Mark would have a rotating relief system. Heâd probably be doing better by later that night but the headaches would probably linger for at least a week.Â
âWhyâd you say you were all alone earlier, Meachum?â you said quietly to yourself, Markâs chest rising and falling slowly, his body in a deep, needed sleep. You sighed, petting his head one last time before you wandered back to your bedroom and flopped down on the covers, desperately trying to get a few more hours before you had to figure out what the hell you were even meant to do on this task force.
You rubbed your eyes that night in the office, watching everyone start to pack up and head home for the day. Blythe stopped by your desk when you tugged on your jacket, his expression neutral. âDo you need something, sir?âÂ
âI just wanted to offer my appreciation again for you filling in for Meachum today. Saying having you on board was a benefit is an understatement.â You smiled, bending down to pick up your backpack.
âA fresh set of eyes never hurts. Iâll be in-â
âI spoke with your captain and the deputy commissioner.â You blinked slowly, Blythe nodding. âTheyâve informed me that they found no wrong doing by yourself for going to Meachum the other night.â
âSo that makes you a powerful friend to have then,â you said. Blythe didnât give any indication but you saw a sliver of a smile. âThank you, sir.â
âDonât say thank you for doing whatâs right.â You nodded, slinging your backpack on. âIâll walk you out. We have some things to discuss.â
The sky was black when you made it home, just after nine. You gave Markâs Bronco a once over where it was still in the driveway and hummed, walking your way up the front path and then slipping inside the warm, dimly lit house.
âHow was the first day of school, dear? Play nice with the other kids?â he said, walking out of the kitchen with a piece of pizza in hand, your face immediately in a pout.Â
âAre you wearing my fucking sweatpants?â He glanced down to the lavender joggers he had on before taking a bite of pepperoni pizza. âYou went through my shit, didnât you.â
âWell as much as I love walking around a random womanâs house in my boxers as the next guy, I was cold and figured you had some old boyfriendâs clothes laying around. Which why donât you have-â
âThose. Are. My. Favorite. Pants.â He grinned, sticking a leg out.
âThey are quite soft and cuddly. Also, theyâre way too long for you. Plus, my underwear is in the wash.â Your eye twitched, Mark shrugging again. âIf you really want them back-â
âAs if Iâd want them after your free balling,â you growled, kicking off your boots by the door, Mark eyeing you up and down. âIf youâre feeling better, maybe you ought toâŠâ
You suddenly noticed the lack of your small plant and vase on your front table which was pushed back slightly, much closer to the front door. You glanced at Mark, a red mark on his forearm. âDid you fall down?â
He was quiet, stepping closer to the counter to lean against it with his hip, his eyes squeezed tight. â...Kinda, not long after you went to work. I had to piss and I was so freakinâ dizzy I thought I was on a tilt a whirl. I cleaned up the mess and put your plant in a plastic cup by the sink. Iâll uh, pay for a new-â
You stepped over to him, taking the pizza out of his hand and setting it aside before you guided him over to the couch, Mark staring up at you. You ran a hand over his head, his ice pack feeling a little warm. âItâs just stuff, Mark. I told you to call me if you pass out.â
âI fell, thereâs a difference,â he snapped back. You leaned down in his face, grabbing his shirt collar, fisting it tight. His breath hitched, eyes darkening. âAre you going to slap me or make out with me cause Iâm game for both.â
âYouâreâŠâ You paused. He didnât need a scolding, just someone to help him and somehow thatâd become you. âMark, I know youâre a tough guy and youâre doing well. But you need rest. When youâre dizzy, you sit down. Immediately. What if you smacked your head on the table and bled out on the floor? Then Iâd have to clean that shit up and I hate cleaning.â
He held up his hands, watching you take a step back. âMay I please have my pizza, prison warden?â
âAs long as you keep being a good boy and do what I say, then yes.â You plucked the ice pack off his head and a moment later, returned with his plate and put a new ice cold one on his head. He hissed at the contact but quickly fluttered his eyes shut. âThose help the headaches at all?â
âI think Iâd be sobbing on the ground in the fetal position again if it werenât for these things.â You excused yourself, returning a little while later changed into some pajamas and stealing some pizza from the box for yourself. â...Did, did I get addicted to drugs and not know it?â
â...I donât know. Did you ever take more of your medication than you should have?â you said, sitting down on the far end of the couch, legs spread out on the chaise lounge. Mark didnât deny it, his gaze careful, cautious. âI already know you did or you wouldnât have been crashing that hard last night. I donât give a shit, Meachum.â
âSo itâs my own fault it feels like a jack hammer in my skull right now.â You rolled your eyes, eating half a slice down. âWell you just said if I hadnât had more than the prescription-â
âDonât put words in my mouth. This was going to happen to you regardless of if you took three pills a day or five. It just takes a little longer to wear off. Trust me, Iâm not worried about you being an addict so you shouldnât either.â
âBut I-â
âIt wasnât black tar heroin, Meachum. Itâs fuckin epilepsy medication. Youâll be fine and Dr. Slatter already confessed to being part of The Gray Skulls.â He sat up, cocking his head. You pointed a finger at him, Mark folding back into the cushions of the couch.Â
âHow the hell did you do that?â You smirked, eating the rest of your slice before diving into the next one. âYouâre seriously going to edge me on this?â
âYou a big fan of edging, Meachum?â You took your plate to the kitchen, finishing your slice along the way. After washing up and pouring yourself a glass of your new whiskey, you rejoined him, Mark now going for puppy dog eyes.Â
âYouâre seriously not going to tell me how you got that dickhead to confess?âÂ
âIt wasnât hard. The detective that took over the case told him he could either confess or weâd let it slip to The Gray Skulls that he was working with us. It was his choice if he wanted to fend for himself on the streets or take his chances with the LAPD. He chose correctly.â You sipped from your glass, Markâs lip twitching up.Â
âNah, something else happened. Youâre way too fucking giddy. Did you find out you get to still be a detective?â
âThatâŠand I found Volchek. They captured him, recovered the fissile material. Your task force is all set apart from some paperwork. I didnât mention that?â Mark leaned across the couch, eyes searching your face for a lie and finding none. He shook his head, mouth open. You tapped his chin, closing his lips together. âAh, so you do know how to shut up.â
âYou found him in less than twelve hours? Are you part blood hound or some shit? You just sniff out mysteries like Scooby fucking doo?â You shrugged, relaxing back into your spot with your glass. Mark scoffed, shifting back to his spot. âYou got lucky. Thereâs no way you found Volchek on your first day.â
âIf it makes you feel better, you gave me the idea.â He furrowed his brow, folding his legs under himself and turning his whole body towards you. âItâs not all that impressive. Blythe gave me a de-brief this morning and it sounded like this guy was incredibly well organized, planned for contingencies sort of deal.â
âHe is. Howâd that-â
âVolchekâs team ainât girl scouts. They run around with guns and while Iâm sure the man doesnât care about some stray casualties, he probably has some irreplaceable guys which means he probably has someone with extensive medical experience on the payroll, similar to our friend Dr. Slatter. I called my dad-â
âDad?â
âHeâs the chief neurologist at one of the big hospitals downtown. Anyway, I asked him to tell me what doctors in LA are fluent in Belarusian from his doctor look up database thing and then I got a list of doctors. It didnât take long after that to discover who originated from Belarus and was most likely working with Volchek. We put stakeouts on two potential doctors and one of them, we followed a guy who went in the back and looked shady all the way back to Volchekâs warehouse. We took out about twelve guards, secured Volchek and his number two along with the material. The rest were all low level guys. Sorry to disappoint but your task force is over.â
Mark rested his head against the couch back, his eyes squeezed shut but you suspected it wasnât from pain. You inched closer, taking hold of one of his hands.Â
âI heard about your friend, Drew. Iâm sorry.â Mark slowly let himself look at you, green eyes tired but a weight to them gone.
âThis is who you are under all the brains and the mouth. Youâre a carer.â You shrugged, looking to your lap.Â
âItâs not pity, itâs just-â
âWho you are,â he finished. You nodded, Mark squeezing your hand, eyes drifting upwards to meet. âYou know if you really cared about me, maybe we could think about rounding some bases tonight-â
âYou want to round bases? Sounds great.â You grabbed the remote and turned on a baseball game, Mark giving you an excellent bitch face from the corner of your eye. âLook at all the bases, Meachum. Your favorite.â
âYouâre cruel.â
âNot as cruel as the fact Iâm wearing a see through bra right now,â you said, downing your whiskey and patting his thigh. He groaned, your finger going to his lips. âLet me put it to you this way. If you get horny right now, thatâs going to divert blood southwards which means less blood upstairs which means bigger headaches. Keep it in your pants, Meachum.â
âYouâre a little evil vixen,â he mumbled, slumping down on the couch, wincing a bit. You turned off the TV, Mark relaxing some but still, he laid down, resting his head in your lap. âDo that thing you did last night.â
âI am not taking off my shirt-â
âPlay with my hair, jackass.â You stilled, Mark grumbling. âYou going to make me beg?â
âNot tonight.â You scrunched up your fingers and lightly dug into his scalp, Mark nuzzling into the touch. âHowâs the pain compared to last night?â
âBetter. I hate feeling helpless is all.â You hummed, scratching your nails along his skin, Mark shifting beneath you. âSo, why donât you have any old boyfriends clothes? Youâre obviously smart and kind, does the right thing kind of person. Youâre witty, beautiful and based on your mouth and underwear choices, seem like the kind of woman that will ruin orgasms with all other women for men. Howâs a babe like you single?â
You didnât respond, Markâs breathing evening out while you massaged his stressed temple.Â
âYou got hurt,â he said plainly. âThatâs why you flirt with cocky guys like me that are good for a night in bed and not much else.â
âHer sister got drugged at a bar and called me for help. She was scared so I stayed with her that night. I canât help it if my ex didnât believe us.âÂ
âNot the story Amber heardâŠor that you let people believe. Were you looking for an excuse to leave?â
âYes.â He sighed softly. âI thought I was sick and Melinda doubted me and I just took it as the universes way of telling me to spare her the pain, just let her think the worst of me.â
âAnd now that youâre not dying?âÂ
âShe still doubted me,â he said quietly. âI donât want someone who thinks the worst of me.â
âSo you show up on a strangers porch.âÂ
âStranger that risked her career for a guy people donât like.â You closed your eyes, slowing the movement of your hand. âSo I say again, who hurt you, Y/L/N?â
âWe arenât good enough friends for that conversation, Meachum.â You got up, Mark eyeing you from the couch. âWant some ice cream?â
âGoing to need to work on that deflection,â he said, sitting upright with some effort. You crossed your arms, Mark holding up his hands. âSure, as long as itâs not that frozen yogurt shit.â
âFrozen yogurt, coming right up.â
You werenât entirely surprised to find Mark gone the next morning. His head was probably still hurting but he was through the worst of it. Another day on the couch sipping some sports drinks and heâd be fine and dandy. You frowned when you found the sweatpants on the couch, a note stuck to the top of them.
I owe you oneâŠand another bottle of Johnny Walker.Â
-Mark
P.S. My ex was never the love of my life. It was shitty of me to propose when I knew it wouldnât last. I was just tired of being alone.Â
We probably shouldnât be friends, Y/N.
Because it wonât end there.
Because Iâll want more.
Because I got a taste of what not being alone feels like and Iâm already addicted.
So Iâll just hold onto thoughts of things we never did and hope that someday you give yourself a shot again. Youâre every guyâs dream girl and you deserve a good guy to spend life with.
âMeachum,â you growled, crumpling the note.
You banged on Markâs front door, a very tired Mark opening it with a frown. He rubbed his eye, shaking his head. âItâs six in the damn morning-â
You tossed the sweatpants at him, stepping inside and shoving him back against the wall. He held up his hands as you got in his face, Mark breathing hard.Â
âSoâŠto what do I owe this visit, gorgeous?â You looked up through your lashes in the dark hallway, Markâs face covered in shadows.
âTell me why itâd end different than it did with her. Tell me how Iâm not just another crutch for you.â He plucked off his headband ice pack, tossing it off to the side, hands capturing your cheeks.Â
âBecause weâre not even together and it didnât feel like this. Tell me you flirt with other guys like you do with me. Tell me that you tell people about your brother so easily. Tell me all you see me as is a injured puppy to take care of. Tell me those things are true and we can go our separate ways.â
You glanced away, Mark pulling your face in close, eyes drifting back to his. âWhyâd you come here, sweetheart? Because it sure as shit wasnât to give me a pair of pants.â
âGod, youâre always so annoying.â You gripped his shirt, Mark tugging you against his body, lips slamming together. He moved messily, half kissing your top lip, half getting your cheek. You pulled his neck down, angling his head so you could swipe your tongue into this mouth, crashing against his own. He smirked, fucking smirked, toying with you, denying you further entrance. You pulled back, Mark wiping his thumb over your bottom lip. âStop fighting me.â
âBut itâs so much fun to be bad,â he said, nipping at your lip, tugging it between his teeth. It snapped back, Mark lifting his chin, covering your mouth with his hand when you started to protest. âYou can have your way with me another time when my head isnât throbbing.â
âTry to get some sleep today,â you said, Mark nodding.Â
âI mean I was until your randy ass showed up.â You rolled your eyes, picking up his icepack and shoving it back on his head. He grinned, flashing you a wink. âCareful now. Donât make me look too sexy. You wonât be able to keep your hands to yourself.â
âBehave or Iâm not coming back,â you said. Mark crossed his arms, looking you up and down, silently calling your bluff. âJust to be clear, weâre not dating. We are trying to be friends, understood?â
âRight. I totally shove my tongue down my friends throats all the time.â You deadpanned him, Mark chuckling. âCall it what you want, we both know what this is.â
You picked his sweatpants up, tossing them on his front table before turning to go. â...Swear you didnât actually cheat on your fiance?â
âI just let her think that,â he said softly. âI swe-â
âI was engaged,â you said, back to him. The air shifted, Mark right behind you.Â
âDid he cheat?âÂ
You shook your head, Markâs hand resting on your shoulder. âMy parents are very wealthy, top doctors and all that. He broke it off when I said we needed a prenup. We hired a PI, found out later on heâd married and divorced two other women for money. I spent three years with that scumbag loser. I was such a nerd in school that I always prioritized studying over boyfriends but I thought he wasâŠâ
âDid you love him? Or were you just tired of being alone?â You glanced over your shoulder, eyes wavering back at him. He nodded, a sad smile on his face. âIâll be whatever you want me to be, Y/N.â
âYou need to give more of a shit about yourself, Mark.â
âMaybe you can show me how.â You turned around, smiling at his strands of hair that stuck up wildly. âIn awe of how handsome I am again?â
âHide it all you want, Meachum. Youâre a good guy.â You pecked a kiss to his lips, Mark blushing. âHoly shit you blush? Thatâs adorable.â
âShut up,â he said, his cheeks pink. You smiled as you spun around, hand on the door.Â
âTake me out this weekend?â you asked. He nodded. âGuess Iâll see you around, Meachum.â
âYou can count on it. Maybe if youâre, you know, in the mood, you might wear one of those pretty little bra sets you have?â he said, shrugging to himself.
âOh, Iâll wear it,â you said, Mark grinning, âBut you wonât be seeing it, not for a while that is.â
âYouâre a bit evil and I respect that,â he said, pushing you out the door. âAlso, please for the love of god, stop showing up at my door before the sun is up unless itâs for a booty call. Please?â
âNow youâre up to four dates before you see any action.â His green eyes went wide, lips parting. âGo back to bed, Meach. Or Iâll make it five.â
âAw, I already have a nickname,â he said, leaning against the doorframe with one arm, watching you head down the steps. âYou like me or something?â
âYouâre giving me a headache,â you grumbled. He laughed, deep and hearty, making you look back at the carefree sound. He seemed almost surprised himself and you wondered when the last time he had something to laugh about was. âGo back to bed, cutie.â
He blushed again, smiling to himself. âCan I see you tonight?â
ââŠIâll swing by after I catch more of your bad guys. Iâll text you.â
âBest girlfriend ever,â he said, as you held up your hand.
âDonât get ahead of yourself-â
âBest girlfriend ever!â he said, purposely ignoring you before he was ducking back inside with a wink.
Oh god, he was going to be a handful, wasnât he? But maybe that wasnât such a bad thing after allâŠ
A/N: What'd we think of how we wrapped up the case? Any interest in seeing what comes next for Mark and reader?
9k || All my content is 18+ MDNI || CW: reader is in a car accident but it's not particularly serious; reader breaks her wrist; possible medical inaccuracies; suggestive; reader gets a bad bruise; no use of y/n or related.
Summary: Jack sees you get hit by a car and becomes your doctor and more.
AN: Listen friends, I was missing Jack viscerally because it has been a moment since I have written for him, so I started this and have no idea where it came from or what it truly is, I just rolled with it. It's fluffy and suggestive at points and there's lots of banter. Jack Abbot has a lot of game, even over text, I believe this in my soul. This is a little bit of my Ted Talk about that towards the end. I don't know what I'm doing here anymore. đ Based on this ask from the 1k celebration! The prompt was "Show me that bruise please." I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading! â„ïž
âThis feels quite overkill if Iâm honest, Dr. Abbot.â
The stupidly handsome doctor youâve just met smirks at you in the back of the ambulance. Truly, he has to be the most attractive man youâve ever had the privilege to lay eyes on.Â
Jack knows heâs literally just met you but thereâs just something about you that has him already at ease with you. âThat your professional medical opinion?â You watch his eyes flick up to the monitor and his smirk deepens when your heart rate increases a little. It would embarrass you a little more if you hadnât seen Jack move a little to readjust himself where heâs sitting when you called him Dr. Abbot. âCall me Jack.â
Jack was walking to work when he saw you get hit as you were walking across the street on a walk sign by someone turning right who hardly slowed, either assuming there wouldnât be any pedestrian traffic or forgetting there could be. Heâd run over to you of course, let someone else call 911 while he introduced himself and made you stay laying on the asphalt. Once the ambulance arrived he just jumped in the back with you since they were taking you to the Pitt.
âA C-collar and backboard, really?â you huff. âI have a broken wrist and my hip and side will have nasty bruises. The rest of me is fine. This is just embarrassing.âÂ
âI know itâs easy for me to say but you shouldnât be embarrassed by some absolute fucking moron hitting you with his car.â Heâs angry, itâs clear from his tone and the set of his jaw. Something about how he looks at you as he says it feels almost protective in a vaguely possessive way. Like heâs angry it was you they hit because itâs you. âAnd youâll thank me if you have a spinal injury and I just preserved your ability to walk and use your arms.âÂ
You sigh at him. âI think you just like having me strapped down and being in control.âÂ
âItâs a nice bonus,â he teases. Â
Youâd tilt your head at him if you could but youâre forced to settle for smirking at him. âKinky.âÂ
âOh my god,â he mutters, rolling his eyes to try and pretend it didnât affect him. But you can see the blush that tinges his cheeks an adorable shade of pink. âMorphine have you a little uninhibited?â
âItâs not the morphineâ you laugh softly.Â
He smiles at you and shakes his head as the ambulance slows to a stop and the back doors open. He canât believe youâre actually interested in him and flirting with him.Â
âJack?â A different male voice calling his name has Jack breaking eye contact and helping get the gurney out of the ambulance.Â
âWitnessed.â Jack explains to Robby as he hops out of the ambulance behind your gurney and walks in with you. âPedestrian versus Honda-CRV, low velocity, maybe 5 miles per hour but accelerating. Vitals are stable at 100 over 70, pulse 90, resps 14, pulse ox 97, no LOC, no head injury, oriented times 4, obvious distal radius deformity. Five of morphine en route. Hit on the right side, lower abdomen and pelvis took the brunt of the impact. Pelvis is stable. Abdomen tender on exam but otherwise unremarkable. Sensation in all extremities intact.â
âWow,â you hum. âIf I wasnât mad at you Iâd tell you how impressive I find it that you remembered all of that without writing it down, Jack.â
Jack huffs a soft laugh and shakes his head as he looks down at you. âCollared and boarded her to be safe, much to the patientâs chagrin.â You donât miss the looks between the two other men now walking with your gurney. They seem surprised by how Jack is with you and that you called him Jack. âLiter of NS going in due to significant dehydration.â
You scoff. âI resent that. Diet Dr Pepper has water in it.â
âI, no,â Jack shakes his head at you. âNo. Thatâs not how that works.âÂ
âIâm Dr. Robinavitch. Everyone calls me Dr. Robby. And this is Mateo.â Robby looks between you and Jack. âDo you two know each other?â The amusement is clear in his voice, like he thinks he just caught Jack in something.Â
âHi Dr. Robby and Mateo.â You give them both a friendly smile but Jack notices itâs not the same smile you gave him and something about that pleases him. Heâs really into you. Perhaps more than he wants to admit.
âNo. We only met when I saw the accident and went over to help,â Jack explains.Â
You raise your eyebrows at him. âOkay, I think you watching me get hit by a car, running to my aid, palpating my pelvis, riding in an ambulance with me and letting me call you by your first name qualify us as knowing each other.âÂ
âI think that just means Iâm your doctor.â
âI think your reticence means you donât want to know me.â
Jack snorts a laugh. âReticence?â He says it like he canât believe you just used that word and gives you a look to silently communicate that what you said is the furthest thing from the truth.
âChagrin?â Your tone matches his as you smile.
Jack shakes his head at you and looks up at Robby. âIâll just stay with her. No point getting one of you guys involved just for you to leave in five minutes. Send in one of the nurses on with me once it hits seven, yeah?â
Thereâs a slight pause before Robby says a drawn out, âokay,â and smirks at Jack.
Jack gives Robby a look and already knows Robby will hound him with questions when they run the board. He can just tell Robby thinks thereâs something going on. Maybe Robby is a little right.
Once youâre in a room theyâre quick to transfer you and the paramedics leave, Robby and Mateo clearing out with them leaving just you and Jack in the room. Youâre still in the c-collar and on a backboard and you still hate it and find it embarrassing.
Jack logs in on the computer thatâs in the room and starts a chart on you, puts in your first and last name and date of birth for now before ordering a few different sets of x-rays. âAre you wearing a bra with a clasp?â
You laugh. âWouldnât you like to know, weather boy?â
He walks over to your bed and looks down at you. Jack is doing his best to keep it professional now that heâs officially your doctor. âItâll make a difference on whether we have to cut your clothes off.âÂ
âOh.â Your face sobers quickly and it makes Jack smile to himself. Youâre adorable. âIt does have a clasp, yes. Am I making you uncomfortable? Because I can cool it.âÂ
âYouâre not.â He gives you a lopsided smile. Maybe he should tell you to cool it at least while heâs your doctor but Jack just canât bring himself to. Itâs not that big of a deal as long as itâs mostly one-sided for now and he stays professional, right? âAnd good. We wonât have to cut anything off.â Jack nods at you, looking away from you when the door opens. âThis is Bridget, one of our nurses here.â
Bridget appears on the other side of your bed and smiles down at you. âHi there.âÂ
âHi,â you greet her with a smile and your name. âThanks for helping take care of me.âÂ
âBridgetâs going to get you in a gown and they should be able to grab x-rays.â Jack turns his attention to Bridget. âSweatpants are loose enough you should be able to get them down easily. Bra has a clasp so it can come off and her shirt can stay on for now and come off once her spine is clear. I ordered all the x-rays, portable, they should be in to do them all soon. Iâm going to set my stuff down and run the board with Robby and will come back once the x-rays are in.â
You click your tongue at Jackâs words. âOh so we get to work and you just abandon me like this, I see how it is.âÂ
Jackâs eyes find yours again and he gives you a small, amused smile. âIâm not abandoning you, I have other work I have to do, unfortunately. Somebody has to run this place. Donât do anything funny like code when Iâm gone, okay? Iâll be back.â
âI didnât realize I was just work to you, Iâm hurt.â You make sure the pout is clear in your voice since Jack is walking to the door and no longer looking at you. âAnd, sure you will.â You draw out the sure for a few seconds. âIt was nice meeting you Dr. Abbot, maybe our paths will cross again.â You can hear him chuckling as he walks out of the room and smile to yourself at the sound.
When you look over at Bridget sheâs waiting for you with raised eyebrows and an amused smile of her own. The two of you share a laugh before she throws a gown over you and starts getting your clothes off. Â
Once your clothes are off and Bridget has a gown laying over your bottom half the x-ray techs come in with the portable machine and shoot images of your spine, neck, pelvis and wrist. You and Bridget chat idly while she cleans a few cuts and scrapes you got from the car and hitting the ground and you wait for the x-rays to come back and a doctor to come clear you.Â
You hear the door open and you know itâs Jack even with your inability to see him. You can just feel his presence. âSee, Iâm back, just like I said.â
âNo, actually, I canât see. Iâm still boarded and collared,â you deadpan.
Jack walks over and smiles down at you. He swallows down the flirtatious comment that immediately formed on his tongue. Heâs your doctor. He has to be professional. But he canât stop his eyes from sparkling mischievously. âYour spineâs clear.âÂ
You take in a quick breath and raise your eyebrows, mouth forming a small âoâ as you fake surprise. âIâm truly shocked at this news, Doctor.âÂ
Bridget and Jack help you out of the collar and off the board, rolling you towards Jack who very deliberately keeps his eyes on yours so that you donât think heâs trying to check out your bare ass as much as he would like to. He steps over to the counter and turns his back to you while Bridget helps you get your shirt off and into the gown properly, starts reviewing your chart on the tablet heâs holding.
âThanks, Bridget.â Your words and the absence of the sound of fabric shuffling tell Jack he can turn around again.
âOf course.â She gives you a smile and steps out of the room for a minute. Â
âAnd thank you.â Your eyes find Jackâs. Itâs a thank you for everything heâs done so far, coming over when he really could have just kept walking by, protecting your spine even if you bitched about it. For coming back.Â
âYouâre welcome. Anyone we can call for you? Significant other? Family?â Jack asks lightly, glancing up at you from the computer and trying to keep it casual and professional. But you both know what heâs fishing for and youâre happy to give him the answer.Â
âOh, no, but thank you. Bridget told me my phone survived luckily. If you donât mind handing it to me? Itâs in the bag.â Jack nods and hands you the bag, takes it back from you and sets it down again once youâve gotten your phone out. âAnd Iâm painfully single.âÂ
Heâs looking back down at the tablet but you catch the way the corners of his lips quirk up just slightly for a couple of seconds. He clenches his jaw to avoid verbalizing the âgoodâ or âmaybe not for longâ that want to slip out. Jack settles for nodding at you while he grabs the stool and rolls it over to the side of your bed and sits.Â
âObviously your wrist is broken,â he turns the tablet and holds it towards you so that you can see your x-ray, uses his pen to point to the very obvious line representing the break, but the move isnât condescending. Heâs just showing you. âDistal radius fracture, but itâs a pretty clean break so we just need to reduce it and get it casted, you wonât need surgery or anything.â
âWell thank fuck for that,â you huff. âImagine me having to take time off for surgery a week into starting a new job.â
Jack chuckles. âYour pelvis looks fine on x-ray and you donât have any symptoms of internal bleeding or other injury there, but Iâd like to get a CT just to be sure, have Ortho review both sets of films.â
âThis feels like even more expensive overkill now.â
âI know.â Jack nods slowly. âBut that car hit you pretty good and pelvic injuries can be deceptive and life threatening. I promise you that Iâm not one to order unnecessary tests because I know how expensive it gets. So humor me please.â Jack tilts his head at you for a second. âAlso remember the insurance company of the guy who hit you or your underinsured motorist insurance is going to end up paying for this.â
âFine,â you sigh dramatically. âI guess I can humor you yet again.âÂ
His eyebrows raise a little and he smirks. âDidnât realize youâd humored me before.â
âI could have refused the backboard and collar but I didnât. And I could have refused even coming to the hospital but I didnât.âÂ
âWith that wrist?â He cocks his head at you.
You cock your head back at him. âWe both know a walk to urgent care wouldâve been astronomically cheaper.âÂ
He nods, moving the tablet so that one edge is pressed into his lower abdomen, his wrists crossing as both hands hold the opposite side of the tablet. He leans back a little. âSo why didnât you decline?â
You shrug. âThis really attractive doctor persuaded me to humor him.âÂ
Jack feels his face heat up and glances away. You giggle at the blush that crawls up his neck to his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He knew some answer like that had to be coming but hearing it in your voice still throws him for a couple of seconds. âYou should text or call a friend, ask them to spend the night with you. Maybe two depending on how youâre feeling tomorrow.â
âI donât think thatâs going to work,â you laugh softly. âI just moved here from California. I donât know anyone here and Iâm not about to ask someone back home to take a plane to come take care of me for 24 or 48 hours because I was bumped by a car.â
Jack rolls his eyes at you playfully and you have to bite your lip at it. âIt was a little more than a bump.â He pauses and looks at you for a second. He believes you but itâs still hard to believe that you donât know anyone here and that youâre this chill about being hit by a car in a city you just moved to and are essentially all alone in. âYou really donât know anybody here?â
You shake your head. âNope. I havenât started work yet. So actually, Dr. Abbot, Jack, youâre the first person I met and now know in this city. Oh, but wait,â you hum to yourself, âthatâs right, we donât know each other,â you tease.Â
He laughs and shakes his head. âIâm honored to be the first person you know and to know you in this City.âÂ
âYou shouldnât be,â you laugh with him.Â
He can hear how serious you are about the self-deprecation even as you laugh, can see it in your eyes and how you look away from him. Jack almost reaches out to squeeze your hand and get your attention back. Almost. Heâs your doctor. He has to be professional. So he settles for growing a little more serious so that you know heâs happy to have met you.Â
âAnd yet I still am.â You look back up at him and Jack offers you a small, knowing smile. âWeâll get you in a cast, get the CT and then watch you for a couple hours and have you on your way home, okay?â
âAlright,â you nod, âthat sounds like a plan, thank you.âÂ
âHowâs the pain? You need more meds?â Jack opens the tablet back up to put in the order for the CT of your pelvis.Â
âOh, Iâm okay, but thank you for asking.â Something about the small smile you give him makes Jackâs heart ache in a way he canât describe. Heâs falling for you. Just you and your personality and the way being around you makes him feel because he really doesnât know much about you. He knows more about your health history than he does about you as a person. Heâs been a doctor for a long time now and this has never happened with a patient.Â
âAlright, Iâll give you more before we reduce your wrist and cast it.â Jack forces himself to push up off the stool and stand. âNeed anything before I go?â You shake your head at him. âOkay. Call button is there if you do need anything,â he points to it, âand weâll get you casted and scanned here shortly.â
âSounds good, thanks Jack.â You give him a little wave with your good hand as he turns to walk out.Â
Not long after Jack leaves youâre taken to CT and then returned back to your room in the ED. A little over an hour later and youâre surprised when itâs Jack who walks in with all the reduction and casting supplies.Â
âHey. How are you doing?â he greets you as he steps back in the room and sets everything down.Â
âHi.â You canât help but giggle and it makes you feel like a teenager in front of her crush all over again. âIâm okay. How are you? Howâs the day?â
Jack laughs to himself as he starts getting things set up. âI have to tell you that you are the most polite patient I think Iâve ever had. Youâve thanked me more than I get thanked by all my patients combined in an entire shift most nights. And I genuinely canât recall the last time I had a patient ask how I was and how my day was going.â
You give him a shy smile and shrug a little, look down at your good hand where it picks at a non-existent piece of fuzz on your blanket.Â
âIâm alright. Havenât been hit by a car today, so Iâve got that going for me,â he teases you with a small smirk.Â
You laugh. âGlad one of us can say that.âÂ
âAnd the day has been fine, so far. Canât really complain.â Jack shrugs and gives you an easy smile as he wheels the tray with everything set up over by your bed and sits on the stool and rolls over to you.
âEspecially because you have me as a patient,â you stage whisper and wink at him.Â
He wants to say it back to you in confirmation, to tell you that you actually have no idea how much easier and better youâre making this shift for him. Instead he just nods at you. But you know. You know heâs confirming it. Itâs obvious in how bright his eyes are. âIâm going to give you some more morphine, then reduce your wrist and have some post reduction films taken. Then Iâm going to start casting you before the films even come back because Iâm pretty confident itâll be aligned since itâs a clean break. And if itâs not then I cut it off and we start over. Sound good?â
âAre you asking for my professional medical opinion again?â You smirk while nodding so that he knows youâre okay with it.Â
Jack laughs as he pulls his gloves on because your answer was so unexpected and so you as heâs coming to learn. After prepping your IV Jack sticks the needle with morphine in and finds your eyes as he presses the plunger down. âI donât think I asked for your professional medical opinion last time, I asked if it was your professional medical opinion.âÂ
âA trivial distinction.â You can feel the morphine hit your system and you let out a breath. âHit harder that time, wow.âÂ
âBecause youâve already had some and that was a bigger dose,â Jack chuckles. âI need you nice and relaxed for this and donât want it to hurt.âÂ
Thereâs so much you want to say to that last sentence but you donât because words are a little hard as you adjust to the morphine. âMission accomplished, Doc, thanks.â You breathe a laugh, acutely aware of how it feels like youâre floating. Youâre momentarily wrapped up in the feeling enough that you miss the way Jackâs jaw clenches at you calling him Doc.Â
Despite the morphine it still smarts pretty good when Jack reduces your wrist and palpates it after to check the alignment. It brings you right back to reality, the slight haze of the morphine clearing, though youâre still feeling good from it.Â
âWhat color cast do you want?â Jack asks you as the techs wheel in the portable x-ray to shoot your post reduction films. It takes you a few seconds to answer because you become almost transfixed on watching his hands as he takes his gloves off. Something about it is stupidly hot.Â
âUm,â you start, desperately trying to think about what color cast you want. You like red, but black makes the most sense because it matches everything. âSorry, Iâll have black, please. Thank you.âÂ
Jackâs lips press together in a small smile as he nods at you and steps out of the room to grab the black fiberglass.Youâre still so polite. He finds it so incredibly endearing.Â
By the time Jack gets back to your room with the fiberglass theyâve just finished your x-rays and are wheeling the machine out. âDoing okay?â Jack checks with you again as he sits back on the stool and slides on another pair of gloves before starting on your cast.
âIâm good, yeah, thanks for asking.â You tilt your head as you watch Jack start. âThough this feels like a job for an intern if not a med student.â
Jackâs hands slow and he looks at you as he wraps the cotton around the stockinette on your arm. âYou trying to get rid of me?â He smirks, letting his eyes linger on yours for a few seconds before looking back to your arm.
âNo, no.â You shake your head. That is the absolute last thing youâre trying to do and you both know he knows it. âIt was just an observation.â
âItâs good for me to do one every now and then.â He tilts his head and shrugs. âKeep up my skills.â
âWell Iâm very glad I can provide this opportunity for you, Dr. Abbot.â You smile at him even though heâs not looking at you. But Jack knows you are. He can hear the smile in your voice and can just feel it radiating off you.
âPost reduction films are back,â Bridget lets Jack know as she walks in the room with a tablet. Jack rolls on the stool towards her and she flicks through the images for him so that Jack doesnât have to take his gloves off.Â
âLooks good, thanks Bridget.â Jack nods and smiles at her before starting to roll back over to you.
âThanks Bridget!â
âYouâre both welcome,â she chuckles to herself as she walks back out of the room.Â
âSo you run this place?â you ask Jack as he finishes with the cotton and starts getting some fiberglass strips ready. You remember Jack saying someone had to run the place when he was leaving you initially.
âAt night, yeah.â Jack grabs one of the strips and starts wrapping your arm with it. âIâm the senior attending when Iâm on.âÂ
âThe man in charge.â He can already hear the smirk in your voice. âHot.â
âYou know, Robby is technically somewhat above me because I donât want to deal with the admin side of things in any capacity.â He glances up at you for a second.
âDr. Robby doesnât have salt and pepper curls that threaten to put me into cardiac arrest.â You think thatâs a thought youâre saying to yourself in your head until Jack stifles a laugh and glances at you again with slightly flushed cheeks this time. âOh fuck I said that out loud.âÂ
âYou did indeed,â Jack confirms amusedly.
You take in a breath and hold it for a second before letting it out. âIâm blaming that on the morphine this time.âÂ
Jack chuckles at you and shakes his head. âYouâre too much,â he laughs under his breath.
You catch it. You know exactly what he means by too much, know that he means it in a good way. âToo much or a challenge?â
âA challenge, yeah. Fits better for some reason.â He nods as he puts another piece of fiberglass around your arm.
âAnd do you like a good challenge Dr. Abbot?â Youâve dropped your voice just a little.
He stills for a second and youâre ready to apologize for going too far but before you can he makes that intense eye contact he seems to have a proclivity for with you. He knows he should look away from you and back at your cast and make some casual comment to keep the conversation moving along, but he doesnât want to. And telling you this is just telling you something about his personality that you asked about, right?Â
Jack drops his voice a little too. âI love a good challenge.âÂ
You and Jack share an especially intense moment of eye contact before he turns back to your cast. It doesnât take much longer for him to finish it up and leave you to rest, promising his return once your CT results were back and he had a chance to check them out.Â
And Jack does return to check on you and let you know your CT looks fine. He lingers though, sitting on the stool by the edge of your bed just chatting with you until he knows he has to get back on the floor. An hour or so later he checks on you again, bringing you food this time. He brings some for himself too, says he figured heâd just multitask and check in on you while having lunch. You know itâs bullshit and an excuse to spend more time with you. Jack knows you know itâs bullshit. Both of you love it, the time together.Â
Heâs back in your room checking in on you for a third time now and after talking for a bit you finally canât help but tease him about it a little. âYou know, Jack, Iâve been watching you and you donât seem to spend this much time checking in on your other patients.âÂ
âNone of my other patients are as cute and funny as you.â The sentence slips off his tongue before Jack has any hope of stopping himself.Â
You grin at him. âIs that why youâre keeping me here?âÂ
âNo.â He trips on the word just a little, slightly flustered that he just said that to you at work while acting as your doctor. âI really did want to keep you under observation for a while since youâre going home alone. Getting to stop in and see and talk to you, thatâs justâŠâ He trails off as he searches for the right words.Â
âA nice bonus?â you offer, repeating his words from earlier.
Jack smiles at you and nods slowly. âA nice bonus, yeah.â
âHey Jack,â Bridget sticks her head in your room and you both look at her, âSTEMI two minutes out.â
âIâll be right there.â Bridget nods and walks off. Jack turns his attention back to you as he gets up and walks backwards towards the door of your room. âIâm discharging you. Theyâll get the paperwork all ready and get you out of here, okay?â
Heâs turned around and speed walking towards the ambulance bay before you can even respond. You feel so ridiculous with the way your heart sinks. You know itâs his job and itâs busy and shit happens and you donât hold it against him of course, and you know that the two of you arenât anything anyway and try to tell yourself that this was just some harmless flirting, but you thought youâd at least be able to say a real goodbye and give him a real thank you. And yeah, maybe get his number or give him yours.Â
You guess it just wasnât meant to be because youâre certain youâre not seeing Jack again today and you know heâs not the type to pull your number from your patient chart to text you. It surprises you a little because you really felt like there was something there for both of you. Your certainty grows when Dr. Shen swings by to review your discharge paperwork with you, telling you Jack is caught up in a trauma and they donât know how long heâll be and didnât want to keep you waiting. You sign what you need to and Dr. Shen removes your IV before leaving you to get dressed and letting you know a nurse would be in to wheel you out soon. You get yourself dressed once heâs pulled the curtain and left, and you feel every single second of it already. You know tomorrow is going to be something.Â
After thirty minutes or so Bridget comes into your room with a wheelchair and the two of you chat as she wheels you towards the street exit.
âBridget!â You really want to hate the way you smile to yourself when you hear Jackâs voice, but you canât. Bridget stops walking and you both look over at Jack whoâs walking towards you briskly.Â
âYeah?â She smirks at him, clearly already knowing whatâs coming.Â
âShen asked for you in north 2.â Jack notices the way you look kind of surprised to see him. âI can wheel her out.â
Her smirk grows and she glances down at you, shaking her head a little. âOkay, thanks.â
You smile at her. âThank you Bridget, for everything.â
âOf course, Honey.âÂ
âMy uber is picking me up at the designated spot out front,â you tell Jack as Bridget walks away.
âOkay.â Jack grabs the handles on your wheelchair and continues in the direction Bridget was taking you. âYou didnât really think I was going to let you leave without saying goodbye, did you?â He asks once youâre outside.Â
You shrug. âDr. Shen went over the discharge paperwork with me. Youâre a busy doctor. Youâd finished treating me. Youâre the senior attending,â you sing that last part a little before growing a bit more serious. âYou have much more important and better things to be doing with your time than saying goodbye to me.â
Jack wants to tell you that nothing could be more important than seeing you again, and that there is nothing better he could possibly be doing than spending time with you. But heâs pretty sure verbalizing that would make him sound way too intense at this point.Â
âIâm not that busy.â Itâs not really a lie in the scope of things but heâll have to hustle to make up for spending this time outside with you. More than worth it to him though. He rolls you over towards a bench and positions you so that he can sit on the bench and the two of you can see each other. âAnd even if I was that busy, I would have made time to say goodbye to you.â
You have to bite the inside of your lower lip and smile to yourself at that. âBecause Iâm the cutest and the funniest?â you tease him.Â
Jack chuckles, his eyes glittering in this light. He nods. âBecause youâre the cutest and the funniest,â he confirms.
The two of you share a laugh and you glance down at your phone, glad for once that your uber is taking a bit longer to get here. Your eyes catch on the silver sharpie in the pocket of Jackâs scrub top.Â
You look back at him for a second. âYou wanna sign my cast?â Your eyes flick down to his chest pocket and back up.Â
Jack looks down and sees the sharpie. Heâd used it earlier for a kid who wanted a black cast and all the doctors and nurses to sign it. He smiles as he pulls it out and uncaps it. âSure.âÂ
You hold your casted arm out to him and Jack pauses for a second, trying to decide whether he should really do this or not. But youâre not his patient anymore technically and he knows youâre interested in him. He starts writing his name and then continues.Â
âTaking an awfully long time to write Jack.â Just as you start teasing him Jack pulls away and caps the sharpie as you bring your arm back and look where he signed. He hasnât just written Jack or even Dr. Abbot or Dr. Jack Abbot like you thought he might have. Heâs written Jack followed by his phone number.Â
âOh,â you laugh breathily when you see it, âthat was smooth, Dr. Abbot.â You look up at him with a wide smile, your eyes glittering just like his. âIâm impressed.â
Jack nods just a little, self-satisfied smirk decorating his face. âI figure you can black it out with sharpie once youâve got it down.â You nod but hold your phone out for him to put his number into so that you know you have it correctly. Heâs quick to type it in and give you your phone back, his eyes finding yours again. âAnd I just want you to know that I promise youâre the only patient or former patient Iâve ever⊠flirted like this with and given my number and that youâre the only one Iâve ever wanted to flirt like this with and give my number to.â
You canât help what has to be the most love sick idiot screaming smile that pulls onto your face at his words. âIâm special?âÂ
âVery.â Jackâs smirk has morphed into a smile that matches your own.
You push your bottom lip out in a small, fake pout. âBecause you feel bad for me not knowing anyone?âÂ
âNo.â Jack doesnât miss a beat. âBecause thereâs something about you. Something that makes me happy and want to be around you.âÂ
Thereâs a poignant pause and your soft smile of disbelief that melts into one of adoration makes Jack want to scream because youâre so precious. After a few seconds you find words. Not particularly good ones, but words nonetheless. âYeah⊠I feel the same.â Your phone chiming interrupts the moment. âOh, shit! Thatâs my ride.â
Jack stands and wheels you over to the car you point out, offers you his hand to help you out of it. âLet me know you make it home safely, yeah?âÂ
You take Jackâs hand and let him help you. Between the laying in the hospital bed and sitting in the wheelchair youâre pretty stiff. âI will.âÂ
âThank you,â he murmurs, opening the door for you and helping you into the car.
âJack.â He looks at you with slightly raised brows, hand on the door ready to close it. âThank you for everything. I really appreciate your care and kindness.âÂ
He smiles and gives you a single nod. âYouâre welcome. Get home safe, okay? Doctorâs orders.â
âOkay,â you giggle as Jack shuts the door.Â
Less than ten minutes pass before Jackâs phone buzzes in his pocket.Â
You - Made it home
You - In one piece and everything
He smiles to himself.
J - Good. Get in bed and rest
You - Yes, Sir đ«Ą
Jackâs so fucking glad heâs in the breakroom alone and can adjust himself as he reads you calling him Sir over and over again. He swears it makes him a little lightheaded and he has to tell himself to pull it together.
J - Let me know if you need anythingÂ
J - Iâm off at 7 (in theory) and will be asleep during the day since Iâm back on tomorrow night, so youâll probably have to call if you do need something
You smile to yourself now because he really is so sweet and caring, especially towards someone he barely knows and just met.
You - I will and good to know, thank you
J - Sleep well
For some reason your heart flutters at that.Â
You - You tooÂ
You - Eventually đ
You - And let me know you make it home safely
J - I willÂ
Youâre asleep when Jack texts you around 8:30 in the morning. Itâs not that he forgot to text you, he just got off late.Â
J - Was there late but made it home. In one piece and everything ;)
Jack isnât surprised when you donât respond to his text. While heâd love to get to chat with you for a bit heâs glad youâre managing to get some sleep.Â
You wake up around ten and smile when you see a message from Jack, bite your lip at the way he echoes your words. Youâre both fond of doing that.
You - Thatâs what I like to hear
You spend the day lounging in bed, dozing on and off and watching your favorite show. Youâre beyond sore.Â
Itâs around four when your phone chimes, your heart racing at the prospect of it being Jack. Jack smiles to himself when he wakes up to a message from you. He knows heâs so done for you with you.Â
J - Iâm awake. How are you feeling?
You - Like I got hit by a car
J - Not just bumped?
You roll your eyes and shake your head at him but are beaming because itâs him and heâs funny and he makes your heart race and butterflies flutter in your stomach.
You - đ Rude of you to use my own words against me
He chuckles to himself, sitting up in bed and running a hand over his face.
J - You like it
You - Yeah, I do đ Bet Iâll end up giving you a lot of my own words to use against me đ
Now that youâre not his patient, Jack can more openly flirt with you and heâs chomping at the bit for the opportunity. So when you give it to him he takes it. Again and again and again as itâll turn out.
J - Oh, I expect nothing less, Sweetheart. You strike me as quite the bratÂ
J - And yes, I do like it đ
J - But only from you
Your eyebrows shoot up. Heâs not wrong in the slightest, he was just so relatively reserved last night that his forwardness now is augmented. You greatly enjoy it. You can feel how much you enjoy it between your legs.Â
You - đłđ„”
You - Kinky
You - Your flirting game is joining your salt and pepper curls as something about you that threatens to send me into cardiac arrest
You - And Iâm down my dominant fingers. Whatâs a girl to do?
Jack swallows a groan. He canât help the way his palm glides along himself over his boxers. He woke up hard and youâre just making it worse. The smile he wears is smug as he types out and sends his next two messages.
J - Thereâs my little challenge
J - Is that your way of asking for help? Because if you want anything youâre going to have to ask properly Sweetheart, and I expect a please and Sir in there somewhere
Your heart races at the way he calls you his little challenge, but your jaw actually drops open a little at his second message. This man might actually be the death of you. Heâll absolutely be the little death of you because you just know his confidence is earned and that he has a big dick and knows how to use it. Knows how to fuck.Â
You - JACKÂ
J - Yes?
You - Youâre going to fucking kill me before you even get the chance
You - You have no idea how serious I am, oh my god
He chuckles to himself.
J - Not god, just me
J - And I would never let that happen
J - Iâm going to get spotty as I get ready for work, I promise Iâm not ignoring you. You need anything?
J - On a serious level
You swear youâre fucking vibrating over him. You might have to find a vibrator, or you would if you knew it wouldnât just hurt and not in a fun way with how sore you are, especially in your pelvis since it took the brunt of the impact. But youâre also melting because the man can communicate and keep you from slipping into anxiety or even panic at the change in response time. Itâs just as big of a turn on as the rest of his words and self.Â
You - On a serious level I canât tell you how much I appreciate you telling me that. And I think Iâm okay for now, thank you for asking
You - Though I was going to make a lot of good jokes about what I need
J - Why do you think I added the on a serious level?
J - Let me know if that changes. My ability to look at my phone at work is inconsistent at best, but Iâll do my best to check
You - Because Iâm special?Â
Jack smiles, rolls his eyes at you affectionately even though you canât see.Â
J - Yes
J - And the cutest and funniest
The man is so fucking sweet you could scream and you do actually kick your feet in bed a little before abruptly stopping and wincing.Â
You - Baby đ„șđ« Iâm melting
You - You are so unbelievably sweet, Jack
J - I aim to please
You - You succeedÂ
J - I know
You - Confident but not cocky. I like itÂ
You - I might end up falling asleep, so if I donât reply thatâs why
Jack is equally as appreciative of you communicating and letting him know that you might stop responding so that he doesnât worry about you in a physical sense since youâve just been hit by a car, but also in the sense of wondering if he did something wrong or if you lost interest or if he made you mad.Â
J - Good. Thank you for letting me know. As much as Iâll miss you the rest is good for you đ
When you donât respond Jack figures you do end up falling asleep. Itâs why heâs particularly concerned when Lupe comes and finds him at the hub talking with Robby around 6:45 and lets him know that you asked for him and are waiting in chairs, but that she can get rid of you if he wants.
âNo, no.â His face clouds with concern. âIâll get her.â Jack doesnât even end his conversation with Robby, really. He just takes off.Â
He walks over and opens the door to chairs, walking towards you quickly as you walk towards him once you see him. He hates how antalgic your gait is. Even though youâre smiling at him you look like youâre in a fair amount of pain. He canât help how he goes straight to something being wrong.Â
âHey, you okay? Whatâs up?â He asks with deep furrowed brows and a slight frown as he rests his hand on the small of your back and guides you into the closest open exam room, leaving the door open but pulling the curtain so you have a little privacy. Â
âHey. Nothing is wrong, I didnât mean to worry you.â You give him a reassuring smile and are relieved when his face smooths out and he smiles a bit. But you still feel a little bad now for making him worry at all. âMy wrist has just really been hurting.âÂ
âDid you take your meds? Did you re-injure it somehow?â he queries, ready to go into doctor mode.Â
âI donât think so and yeah, I took them. They just donât work well.â You shrug a little, a shy smirk pulling on your face. âI was thinking maybe you could just kiss it better.â
Jack lets out a relieved chuckle and rocks back for a second. âItâs casted. Iâm afraid I canât kiss it better Sweetheart.âÂ
âHmmm,â you hum. âWell, I think kissing me elsewhere might make it feel better.â You take a step closer to him.Â
âOh yeah?â Jack closes the last of the distance between you, hands feather light at your waist so that he doesnât hurt you.Â
âYeah,â you breathe out, resting your good hand on his chest and keeping the other off to the side.Â
âProbably worth a try,â he murmurs as he leans his head down. Your lips meet in an achingly sweet kiss. You both pull away just slightly and open your eyes to take in the otherâs, both sets of eyes hooded, with pupils that have blown wide. Youâre quick to lean back in for another kiss, and then another, and another that gets a little more heated, lips moving against each other like satin. You nip at Jackâs bottom lip as he pulls away. âFeeling better?âÂ
âOh, so much better,â you laugh breathily before leaning back into him and letting Jack kiss you again. Youâd let this man do whatever the fuck he wanted with you, would hand yourself over to him, body, mind, and soul. You already know it.Â
Jack knows this is really not the place to be doing this but he just canât bring himself to care right now. He lets his tongue swipe along the seam of your lips and licks into your mouth when you open for him, groaning softly at the taste of you. He has to force himself to pull away and while youâre just as sad as he is about it, you understand and respect it.Â
âHowâd you know Iâd be here early?â He takes your casted arm and brings your hand up so that he can gently kiss at your fingers.
âYou just have that air about you. And you wouldâve been early yesterday if you hadnât gotten involved with me,â you giggle.Â
âObservant,â he murmurs against your fingers before gently bringing your hands back down together. âCan I check out the bruise on your side while youâre here? Please.â
You fake a scandalized gasp. âAre you asking me to take my pants off for you? Because you got that for free yesterday, but now itâs going to require dinner first.â
âNo,â he shakes his head at you with a knowing and slightly smirked smile, âIâm asking you to pull your shirt up a little and the waistband of your pants down just slightly so that I, as a medical doctor, can evaluate the bruise and make sure youâre okay.âÂ
âYouâre not my doctor anymore,â you point out.
âAnd yet youâre here asking me for pain relief,â heâs quick to fire back with a smirk. Itâs hot how fast the words slipped off his tongue. âWhich I happily gave you and will continue to give you.âÂ
âI want to ask you out to dinner, believe me,â Jack sighs. His eyes are so earnest as he smiles at you, almost imploring you to believe him like you donât already. âAnd I was planning on it tomorrow when I had a chance to call you, but right now in this conversation I donât want you to think that you have to say yes or that Iâm only asking you out to find out if youâre really okay or that I expect you to take your pants off for me at the end of the date.âÂ
You soften, your hand still on his chest rubbing at it softly in what you hope is reassurance. âJack, please donât worry about any of that. None of that ever occurred to me with you. I know youâre not like that.â
âGood.â Jack raises his eyebrows just a touch and widens his eyes a little, tilts his face. âShow me that bruise please,â he whispers.
You laugh softly and nod, adjust your purse and then pull down the waistband of your pants. Jack helps and lifts up your shirt just enough for him to see. He winces as the bruise comes into view.Â
âYou can see the grill marks, itâs kind of cool,â you laugh.
He grimaces as he looks up at you, unamused at the way the grill marks of a car are bruised into your skin and the thought of you hurting as much as you must be. âPain hasnât changed? No new symptoms or anything?â
âNope.â Jack drops your shirt back down and you pull your waistband back up.
Heâs in full Dr. Abbot mode now. âNo abdominal tenderness or distention? You donât feel bloated or anything? No blood in your urine?â
You give him what can probably only be described as a gooey smile. âNo, Dr. Abbot,â you murmur.
âWhat?â The lightest blush colors his cheeks at the way youâre looking at him.
You shrug gently. âI just think youâre incredibly sweet. Worrying like this about me.âÂ
âI told you,â he cups your jaw in one of his large hands, thumb brushing over your cheek, âthereâs something about you.â
âThereâs something about you too, Jack.â You wrap your good hand around the wrist of his hand that cups your jaw, anchoring him there. He leans down and the two of you kiss again, slow and soft and achingly sweet.Â
Youâre both grinning like idiots at each other when you break apart.
âYou really came here just to see if you could get a kiss?â Jack raises his eyebrows slightly and moves his hand back to your waist when you let go of his wrist, your hand settling on his chest again. âYou have to be in a lot of pain. I know you are. I can see it in how youâre walking.âÂ
âI mean yeah, some. Itâs not so bad though. Especially not after the kisses. Iâm only two blocks away so itâs not like it was a ton of walking. And in addition to seeing if I could get a kiss, I also had a hunch getting to see me would help ease some of your worry and I donât like you worrying.â That makes Jackâs heart melt. You donât like him worrying. You care about him enough to walk the two blocks down here to see him just so he could lay eyes on you and reassure himself that youâre okay. Heâs not sure if he deserves that. âPlus I forgot my insurance card last night. But I waited all day to come get it so that I could see you!â
Jack huffs with mock offense. âSo it wasnât even me!â
âNo, thatâs not true! It was you. I couldâve had them mail the insurance card back to me or picked it up during the day when you werenât here. Getting to pick up my insurance card was just a nice bonus.â You wink at him.
Jack laughs and shakes his head. You have to laugh with him because his laugh is so infectious and hearing it makes you happy.
He smiles at you like youâre the only thing in the world that makes him happy as his laughter trails off. âSo will you let me take you out on a date?â
âI thought youâd never ask Dr. Abbot.â You nod and bite your lip, thumb brushing across his chest. âIâd really like that.âÂ
âGood,â he gives you a quick kiss, âI can start showing you Pittsburghâs best.â
âI think you already have,â you giggle.Â
You and Jack both start laughing again. âThat was terrible,â he teases.Â
âHey, it made you laugh.â Youâre falling for the sound, chasing it already. âAnd itâs true.â
Jack shrugs and blushes again as he thinks about your words. âIâm the first person youâve met here. You have nothing to compare me to. I could be Pittsburghâs worst. Maybe you just think Iâm the best because Iâm the first.â
âI know youâre not the worst.â You shake your head. âYouâre the best. Of everywhere. Youâre just the best.âÂ
âI mean,â he draws the words out a little. âIâm this old and single. Could mean something.âÂ
âYeah, it does,â you say simply. âIt means youâre a doctor and a workaholic.âÂ
âThat obvious, huh?â He cocks his head.
You cock yours back at him. âMaybe the universe kept you single because I hadnât moved to Pittsburgh yet and it knew Iâd be the one who could handle and be okay with you being an emergency room physician and workaholic.â
Jack grows a bit more serious. You can tell this is something thatâs burned him before. âCould you? Handle it? The hours and⊠workaholic-ism? If this went somewhere? Because Iâd really like it to.âÂ
âI could, yeah. Weâll work it out together. Promise.â This is something thatâs burned you before too. âCould you?â you ask quietly, letting him know that youâre also somewhat of a workaholic with long hours. âBecause Iâd really like this to go somewhere too.â
âI could,â he nods, gives you a lopsided smile. âLike you said, weâll work it out together.â Jack leans in and gives you another lingering kiss before murmuring against your lips. âPromise.â
I hope it was okay and silly and fluffy and a little hot! I really love hearing your thoughts and comments, they give me so much inspiration and liking, replies and reblogging are always so so appreciated! My inbox and DMs are always open for thoughts, comments, and general screaming, I'm always up to chat!
Want more Jack? Check out my masterlist here!
Want to be added to my Jack tag list? Interact with this post!
Interact with this post if you'd like to join my Robby tag list, and this post if you'd like to join my Andrew Pope Cody tag list! Each tag list is separate, so be sure to interact with each post for each character you'd like to be tagged for!
clark kent đ± đ«đđđđđ«Â
đđđ đŹ / đđ° â 18+, MDNI, secret admirer au, slowburn romance, mutual pining, radical acceptance and love is the real punk rock, yearning, clark is a softie, smut, piv, oral sex (f!recieving), fingering, creampie, touch starved clark KentÂ
word count: 18k
Summary: You start getting anonymous love notes at the Daily Planetâsoft, sincere, impossibly romantic. You fall for the words first, then realize they sound a lot like Clark Kent. And just when the truth begins to unravel, you start to suspect he might be more than just the writer⊠he might be Superman himself.Â
notes â not proofread and my first full Clark Kent fic!
â reblogs comments & likes are appreciated
The first thing you notice isnât the coffeeâitâs the smell.
Sharp espresso. The exact blend you order on days when the world feels like sandpaper. Dark, hot, and just a touch too strong. But when you reach your desk and set your bag down, the cup is already waiting for you, balanced on the corner of your keyboard like it belongs there.
A single post-it clings to the cardboard sleeve, the ink a little smudged from condensation:
âYou looked like you had a long night.â
No name. No heart. Just that.
You stare at it for a second too long. The office hums around youâphones ringing, printers whining, the low buzz of voicesâbut your ears tune it all out as you reread the handwriting. Rounded letters. Slight right slant. You canât place it.
And no one in this building knows your coffee order. You made sure of that.
Across the bullpen, Jimmy Olsen drops into his chair with a paper bag in his teeth and two cameras slung around his neck.
âSomeoneâs got a secret admirer,â he sings, catching sight of the note.
You glance up, but try to play it cool. âCould be a delivery mistake.â
He snorts. âRight. And Iâm dating Wonder Woman.â
Lois, passing by with a stack of mock-ups under one arm, pauses just long enough to lift a perfectly sculpted brow. âWhoâs dating Wonder Woman?â
âJimmy,â you and Jimmy say in unison.
âRight,â she says, deadpan, and moves on.
You feel a little heat crawl up your neck. You pull the cup closer. The lidâs still warm.
Youâre still turning the note over in your hand when Clark Kent rounds the corner. His hair is a little damp at the ends, like he didnât have time to dry it properly, already curling from the late-summer humidity. His tieâstriped, loud, undeniably Clarkâis halfway undone, the knot drifting lower by the second. His glasses are slipping down his nose like theyâre trying to abandon ship.
Heâs juggling three manila folders, a spiral-bound notebook balanced on top, a half-eaten blueberry muffin in his teeth, and what youâre almost certain is the entire city councilâs budget report from 2024 spilling out of the bottom folder. Itâs absurd. Kind of impressive. Very him.
âClarkâcareful,â you call out, mostly on instinct.
He startles at the sound of your voice and turns a little too fast. The top file slips. He manages to catch it, barely, with an awkward swipe of his forearm, the muffin top bouncing to the floor with a quiet thwup. He rights the stack again with both arms now locked tight around the paperwork, and when he looks at you, heâs already wearing one of those sheepish, winded smiles.
âMorning sweetheart,â he says breathlessly. His voice is warm. Rough around the edges like he hasnât spoken yet today. âSorry, Iâm lateâPerry wanted the zoning report and the express line was⊠not express.â
You donât answer right away. Because his eyes flick toward your deskâspecifically the coffee cup sitting at the edge of your keyboard. And the note stuck to its sleeve. He freezes. Just for a second. A micro-hesitation. One breath caught too long in his chest. Itâs nothing.
Except⊠itâs not.
Then he clears his throatâloud and awkward, like he swallowed gravelâand shuffles the stack in his arms like it suddenly needs reorganizing. âNew⊠uh, budget drafts,â he says quickly, eyes very intentionally not on the post-it. âI left the tag on that one by mistakeâignore the highlighter. I had a system. Kind of.â
You blink at him, watching his ears start to go red. ââŠYou okay?â
âOh, yeah,â he says, waving one hand too fast, almost drops everything again. âIâm fine, sweetheart. Just, you know. Monday.â
He flashes you the smile againâcrooked, a little boyish, like he still isnât sure if he belongs here even after all this time. Thatâs always been the thing about Clark. He doesnât posture. Doesnât strut. Heâs got this open-face sincerity, like the world is still worth showing up for, even when it kicks you in the ribs.
And youâve seen him work. Heâs brilliant. Way too observant to be as clumsy as he pretends to be. But itâs charming. In that small-town, too-tall-for-his-own-good, mutters-puns-when-heâs-nervous kind of way.
You like him. Thatâs⊠not the problem. The problem isâ He turns to walk past you, misjudges the distance, and thunks his thigh into the sharp edge of your desk with a grunt.
You flinch. âYou good?â
âYep.â He winces, but manages a thumbs-up. âJust, uh⊠recalibrating my ankles.â
Then heâs gone, retreating to the safe, familiar walls of his cubicle, still muttering to himself. Something about rechecking source notes and whether anyone notices when hyperlinks are one shade too blue.
Youâre left staring at the cup. At the note.
You run your thumb over the y again, the way it loops low and curls back. Thereâs something oddly familiar about the penmanship. Not perfect. Neat, but casual. Like whoever wrote it didnât plan to stop writing once they started. Like they meant it.
You donât say it aloudânot even to yourselfâbut the truth is whispering at the edge of your brain.
It looks like his. It feels like his. But no. That would beâ Clark Kent is thoughtful, sure. Heâs the kind of guy who remembers how you like your takeout and always lets you borrow his chargers. He holds elevators and never interrupts, and he stays late when you need someone to double-check your interview transcript even though itâs technically not his beat.
Heâs the kind of guy who brings you a jacket during late-night stakeouts without asking. Heâs the kind of guy who makes you laugh without trying. But he couldnât be the secret admirer.
âŠCould he?
You glance toward his cubicle. You canât see him, but you can feel him there. The way his presence always lingers, somehow warmer than everyone elseâs. Quieter.
You tuck the note into the back pocket of your notebook.
Just in case.
-
You forget about the note by lunch.
Mostly.
The newsroom doesnât really give you space to linger in your thoughtsâphones ringing, printers jamming, interns darting between desks like caffeinated ghosts. Itâs chaos, always is, and you thrive in it. But even as youâre skimming through edits and fixing a headline Jimmy typoâd into a minor war crime, part of your brain keeps circling back to that one y.
By the time you head back from a sandwich run with mustard on your sleeve and a half-dozen emails on your phone, thereâs another cup on your desk. Same order. No receipt. No name.
But this time, the note reads:
âThe line you cut in paragraph six was my favorite. About hope not being the same thing as naivety.â
You freeze mid-step, bag still dangling from one hand.Â
You hadnât published that line. You wrote it. Typed it, then stared at it for twenty minutes before deleting itâthought it was too sentimental, too soft for the piece. You didnât want to seem like you were editorializing. And yet⊠it had meant something. Youâd loved that line.
And someone else had read it. Which meansâŠ
Your eyes flick up. Around.
The bullpen looks the same as always: fluorescent lights buzzing, keys clacking, the faint scent of stale coffee and fast food. Jimmyâs arguing with someone about lens filters. Lois is deep in a phone call, gesturing with a pen like she might stab whoeverâs on the other end.
And thenâClark. Sitting at his desk, halfway behind the divider. Fiddling with his glasses like they wonât sit quite right on the bridge of his nose. He glances up at you and smiles. Soft. A little crooked. Familiar in a way that does something deeply unhelpful to your chest.
You stare for a second too long.
He blinks. Looks down quickly. Reaches for his pen, drops it, fumbles, curses under his breath. You see the top of his ears turning red.
Something inside you shifts. The notes are sweet, yes. But this is specific. This is someone who read your draft. Someone who noticed the cut line.
You never shared it outside your initial file. Not even with Lois. You almost didnât send it to copy at all. So⊠who the hell couldâve read it? How could they have seen it?Â
You return to your chair slowly, like it might help the pieces click into place. Your eyes catch the handwriting again.
The loops. The slight leftward tilt.
Clark does have neat handwriting. Youâve seen his notebook, all tidy bullet points and overly polite margin notes.
You tuck this note into your drawer. Next to the other one.
You donât say anything.
-
Later that afternoon, the newsroomâs background noise crescendos into something louderâLois and Dan from editorial locked in another philosophical brawl about media framing. Youâre not part of the fight, but apparently your latest piece is.
âItâs fluffy,â Dan says, waving the printed article like it personally offended him. âIt doesnât do anything. Whatâs the point of it, other than making people feel things?â
You open your mouthâjust barelyâready to defend yourself even though itâs exhausting. You donât get the chance. Clark beats you to it.
âI think it was insightful, actually,â he says from across the bullpen, voice louder than usual. âAnd emotionally resonant.â
The silence is sharp. Dan arches a brow. âListen, Kent. No one asked you.â
Clark straightens his tie. âWell, maybe they should.â
Now everyoneâs looking. Lois leans back in her chair, visibly suppressing a smile. Dan scoffs and mutters something about sentimentality being a plague.
You just stare at Clark. He meets your eyes, then seems to realize what heâs done and looks at his notebook like itâs suddenly the most fascinating object in the known universe.
Your heart does something inconvenient. Because now youâre wondering if it is him. Not just because he defended you, or because he could have somehow read the line that didnât make it to print, but because of the way he did it. The way his voice shook just a little. The way he looked furious on your behalf.
Clark is soft, yes. Awkward, often. But thereâs something sharp underneath it. A quiet kind of intensity that only shows up when it matters. Like someone whoâs spent a long time listening, and even longer choosing his moments.
You make a show of checking your notes. Pretending like your stomach didnât just flip. You donât look at him again. But you feel him looking.
-
The office after midnight doesnât feel like the same building. The lights buzz quieter. The chairs stop squeaking. Thereâs an eerie sort of calm that settles once the rush hour of deadlines has passed and only the ghosts and last-minute layout edits remain.
Clark is two desks away, sleeves rolled up, tie finally abandoned and flung haphazardly over the back of his chair. Heâs squinting at the screen like heâs trying to will the copy into formatting itself.
Youâre just as tiredâthough slightly less heroic-looking about it. Somewhere behind you, the printer groans. A rogue page slides off the tray and flutters to the floor like itâs giving up on life.
Clark gets up to grab it before you can.
âYouâre going to hurt yourself,â you say as he crouches to retrieve it. âOr fall asleep with your face on the carpet and get stuck there forever.â
He offers a smile, crooked and half-asleep. âIâve survived worse. Once fell asleep in a compost pile back in high school.â
You pause. âWhy?â
âThere was a dare,â he says, deadpan. âAnd a cow. The rest is classified, sweetheart.â
You snort before you can stop it.
Itâs late. Youâre punchy. The kind of tired that makes everything a little funnier, a little looser around the edges. He sits back down, stretching long limbs with a groan, and you let the quiet settle again.
âYou know Clark, sometimes I feel invisible here.â You donât mean to say it. It just slips out, quiet and rough from somewhere behind your ribcage.Â
Clark looks up instantly.
You keep staring at your screen. âItâs all bylines and deadlines, and then the story prints and nobody remembers who wrote it. Doesnât matter if itâs good or not. No one sees you.â You tap the corner of your spacebar absently. âFeels like yelling into a tunnel most days.â
You expect him to say something vague. Supportive. A standard âno, youâre great!â brush-off. But when you finally glance over, Clark is staring at you with his brow furrowed like someone just insulted his mom.
âThatâs ridiculous,â he mutters. âYouâre one of the most important voices in the room.â
The words are firm. Not flustered. Not dorky. Certain. It disarms you a little.
You blink. âClarkââ
âNo. I mean it, sweetheart," he says, almost stubborn. âYou make people care. Even when they donât want to. Thatâs rare.â
He looks down at his coffee like maybe it betrayed him by going cold too fast. You donât say anything. But that ache in your chest eases, just a little.
-
The next morning, youâre halfway through your walk to work when you find it.
Tucked into the side pocket of your coatâthe one you only use for receipts and empty gum wrappers. Folded carefully. Familiar ink.
âEven whispers echo when theyâre true.â
You stop walking. Stand there frozen on the corner outside a coffee shop as cars blur past and someone curses at a cab a few feet away. You read the note twice, then a third time.
Itâs simple. No flourish. No name. Just wordsâquiet, certain, and meant for you.
You donât know why it lands the way it does. Maybe because it doesnât try to dismiss how you feel. It just⊠reframes it. You may feel invisible, small, unheardâbut this person is saying: that doesnât make your truth meaningless. You matter, even if it feels like no oneâs listening.
You fold the note gently, like it might tear. You donât tuck this one into your notebook. You keep it in your coat pocket. All day.
Like armor.
-
By midafternoon, the bullpenâs usual noise has shapeshifted into something louderâone of those half-serious, half-combative newsroom debates that always starts in one cubicle and ends up consuming half the floor.
This time, itâs the great Superman Property Damage Discourse, sparkedâunsurprisinglyâby Lois Lane slapping a freshly printed article onto her desk like it insulted her directly.
âHe destroyed the entire north side of the building,â she says, exasperated, as if sheâs already had this argument with the universe and lost.
You donât look up right away. Youâre knee-deep in notes for your community housing series and trying to keep your lunch from leaking onto your desk. But the words still hit.
âTo stop a tanker explosion,â you point out without much heat, eyes still scanning your page. âThere were twenty-seven people inside.â
âMy point,â Lois says, crossing her arms, âis that someone has to pay for all that glass.â
âPretty sure itâs the insurance companies,â you mutter.
Lois raises a brow at you, but doesnât push it. Sheâs used to you playing devilâs advocateâusually itâs just for fun. She doesnât know this oneâs starting to feel a little personal.
And then Clark walks in. Heâs balancing two coffee cups and what looks like a roll of blueprints tucked under one arm, sleeves rolled up and tie already loose like the dayâs been longer than it shouldâve been. His hairâs a mess, wind-tousled and curling near the back of his neck, and heâs got that familiar expression onâhalf-focused, half-apologetic, like heâs perpetually arriving a few seconds after he meant to.
He slows as he approaches, catches the tail end of Loisâs rant, and hesitates. Just a second. Just long enough for something behind his glasses to tighten. Then, without warning or warm-up, he steps in like a man walking into traffic.
âHeâs doing his best, okay?â he blurts. âHe canât help the building fellâthere was a fireball.â
The bullpen quiets a beat. Just enough for the words to settle and sting. Lois doesnât even look up from her monitor. âYou sound like a fanboy.â
âI justââ Clark huffs. âHeâs trying to protect people. Thatâs not⊠easy.â
He lifts his hand to gesture, but his elbow clips the corner of his desk and sends his coffee tipping. The paper cup wobbles, then crashes onto the floor in a slosh of brown across your loose notes.
âClark!â You shove back in your chair, startled.
âSorryâsorryâhang onââ He lunges for a stack of printer paper, overcorrects, and knocks over another folder in the process. Its contents scatter like leaves in the wind. He flails to grab what he can, muttering apologies the whole time.
The tension breaksânot because of what he said, but because of the way he said it. Because heâs suddenly in a mess of his own making, trying to mop it up with a handful of flyers and an empty paper towel roll, red-faced and flustered.Â
You canât help it. You smile. Just a little.
Lois glances sideways at the scene, then turns to you, tone dry as dust. âWell. Heâs⊠passionate.â
You arch a brow. âThatâs one word for it.â
She doesnât notice the way your eyes linger on him. She doesnât see the shift in your chest when you watch him drop to one knee, scooping up wet files with shaking hands, his jaw tightânot from embarrassment, but from something quieter. Fiercer.
Because Clark hadnât just jumped to Supermanâs defense.
Heâd meant it.
Like someone who knows what it feels like to try and still fall short. Like someone whoâs carried the weight of peopleâs expectations. Like someone whoâs watched something burn and had to live with the cost of saving it.
You know itâs ridiculous. You know itâs a stretch. But still⊠your breath catches.
He steadies the last folder against his desk, rubs the back of his neck, and looks upâright at you. Your eyes meet for a second too long.
You offer him a look that says itâs okay. He returns one that says thanks. And then the moment passes. You turn back to your screen, heart pounding for reasons you wonât name. And Clark returns to quietly drying his desk with a half-crumpled press release.
You donât say anything. But youâre not watching him by accident anymore.
-
Youâve read the latest note a dozen times.
âSometimes I wish I could just be honest with you. But I canâtânot yet.â
Thereâs no flourish. No compliment. Just rawness, stripped of any careful metaphor or charm. Itâs still anonymous, but the voice⊠it feels closer now. Less like a mystery, more like someone standing just out of sight.
Someone with hands that tremble when they pass you a coffee. Someone who knows how your voice sounds when youâre frustrated. Someone who once told you, very softly, that your words matter.
You start thinking about Clark again. And once the thought roots, itâs impossible to pull it free.
-
You test him. Itâs petty, maybe. Pointless, probably. But you do it anyway. That afternoon, youâre both holed up near the copy desk, reviewing your latest layout. Clarkâs seated beside you, sleeves pushed up, his pen tapping lightly against the margin of your column draft. His knee keeps bumping yours under the desk, and every time, he apologizes with a shy smile that doesnât quite meet your eyes.
Youâre running on too little sleep and too many thoughts. So you try it. âYou ever hear that phrase? âEven whispers echo when theyâre trueâ?â
He looks up from the page. Blinks behind his smudged glasses. âUh⊠sure. I mean, not in everyday conversation, but yeah. Sounds poetic.â
You tilt your head, eyes narrowing just slightly. âI read it recently,â you say, like youâre thinking aloud. âCanât stop turning it over. I donât knowâit stuck with me.â
He stares at you for a beat too long. Then clears his throat and drops his gaze, pen suddenly very busy again. âYeah. Itâs⊠itâs a good line.â
âYou donât think itâs a little dramatic?â
âNo,â he says too quickly. âI meanâitâs true. Sometimes the quietest things are the ones worth listening to.â
You nod, pretending to go back to your edits. But his pen taps a little faster. The corner of his mouth twitches. Heâs trying to look neutral, maybe even confused. But Clark Kent couldnât lie his way out of a grocery list.
And if he did write it, that means he knows youâre testing him.
You donât call him on it.
Not yet.
-
Later that evening, he helps you file your story. Technically, Clarkâs already done for the dayâhe couldâve clocked out an hour ago, couldâve gone home and slipped into his flannel pajamas and vanished into whatever quiet life he keeps outside these walls. But instead, he lingers.
His jacket is folded neatly over the back of your chair, sleeves still warm from his arms. His glasses sit low on his nose, catching the screenâs glow, one smudge blooming near the top corner where heâs pushed them up too many times with the side of his thumb.
He leans over the desk beside you, one palm braced flat against the surface, the other gently scrolling through your draft. His frame takes up too much space in that warm, grounding wayâshoulder brushing yours occasionally, breath warm at your temple when he leans in to squint at a sentence.
Youâre quiet, but not for lack of things to say. Itâs the way heâs readingâcarefully, like every word deserves to be held. Thereâs no red pen. No quick fixes. Just soft soundless reverence, like your work is already whole and heâs just lucky to witness it.
And his hands.
God, his hands.
You try not to look, but theyâre impossible to ignore. Big and capable, yes, but gentle in the way he uses themâfingers skimming the edge of the printout like the paper might bruise, thumb stroking over the corner where the page curls, slow and absentminded. The pads of his fingers are slightly ink-stained, callused just at the tips. He smells faintly like cheap soap and newsroom toner and something you canât name but have already begun to crave.
You wonderâjust for a momentâwhat it would be like to feel those hands touch you with purpose instead of hesitation. Without the paper buffer. Without the quiet restraint.
He leans a little closer. You can feel the press of his shirt sleeve against your arm now, soft cotton against skin. âLooks perfect to me,â he murmurs.
Itâs not the words. Itâs the way he says themâlike heâs not just talking about the story. You swallow, pulse jumping. You wonder if he hears it. You wonder if he feels it.
His eyes flick to yours for just a second. Something hangs in the airâfragile, charged. Then the phone rings down the hall, and the spell breaks like steam off hot glass. He steps back. You exhale like youâve been holding your breath for three paragraphs.
You donât look at him as he grabs his jacket. You just nod and whisper, âThanks.â
And he just smilesâsoft and private, like a secret passed from his mouth to your chest.
-
You donât go home right away. You sit at your desk long after Clark and the rest of the bullpen has emptied out, coat draped over your shoulders like a blanket, fingers toying with the folded edge of the note in your lap.
âSometimes I wish I could just be honest with you. But I canâtânot yet.â
Youâve read it enough times to have it memorized. Still, your eyes trace the handwriting againâcareful lettering, no signature, just that quiet ache bleeding between the lines.
Itâs the first one that feels more than just flirtation. This one hurts a little. So you do something you havenât done before.
You pull a post-it from the stack beside your monitor, scribble down one sentenceâno flourish, no punctuation.
âThen tell me in person.âÂ
You slide it beneath your stapler before you leave. A deliberate offering. You donât know how heâs been getting the others to youâif itâs during your lunch break or when youâre in the print room or bent over in the archives. But somehow, he knows.
So this time, you let him find something waiting.
And when you finally shrug on your coat and step into the elevator, the empty quiet of the newsroom echoes behind you like a held breath.
-
The next morning, thereâs no reply. Not on your desk. Not slipped into your coat pocket. Not scribbled in the margin of your planner or tucked beneath your coffee cup. Just silence.
You try not to feel disappointed. You try not to spiral. Maybe heâs waiting. Maybe heâs scared. Maybe youâre wrong and itâs not who you think. But your chest feels hollow all the sameâlike something almost happened and didnât.
So that night, you write again. Your hands shake more than they should for something so simple. A sticky note. A few words. But this one names it.
âOne chance. One sunset. Centennial Park. Bench by the lion statue. Tomorrow.â
You stare at the words a long time before setting it down. This oneâs not a joke. Not a dare. Not a flirtation scribbled in passing. This is an invitation. A door left open.
You slide it under your stapler the same way youâve received every one of his notesâunassuming, tucked in plain sight. If he wants to find it, he will. Youâve stopped questioning how he does it. Maybe itâs timing. Maybe itâs instinct. Maybe itâs something else entirely.
But you know heâll see it.
You pack up slowly. Shoulders tight. Bag heavier than usual. The newsroom is quiet at this hourâjust the low hum of the overhead fluorescents and the soft, endless churn of printers in the back. You turn off your monitor, loop your coat over your arm, and make your way to the elevator.
Halfway there, something makes you stop. You glance back. Clark is still at his desk.
You hadnât heard him return. You hadnât even noticed the light at his station flick back on. But there he isâelbows on the desk, hands folded in front of him, eyes already lifted.
Watching you.
His face is unreadable, but his gaze lingers longer than it should. Soft. Searching. Almost caught. You feel the air shift. Not a word is exchanged. Just that one look.
Then the elevator dings. You turn away before you can lose your nerve.
And Clark? He doesnât look down. Not until the doors slide shut in front of your face.
-
You tell yourself it doesnât matter. You tell yourself it was probably nothing. A game. A passing flirtation. Maybe Jimmy, playing an elaborate prank heâll one day claim was performance art.
But stillâyou dress carefully.
You pull out that one sweater that always makes you feel like the best version of yourself, and you smooth your collar twice before you leave. You wear lip balm that smells faintly like vanilla and leave the office ten minutes early just in case traffic is worse than expected. Just in case heâs early.
You get there first. The bench is colder than you remember. Stone weathered and a little damp from last nightâs rain. Your coffee steams in your hands, and for a while, thatâs enough to keep you warm.
The sky begins to soften around the edges. First blush pink, then golden orange, then the faintest sweep of violet, like a bruise blooming across the clouds. You watch the city skyline fade into silhouettes. The sun drips lower behind the glass towers, catching the river in a moment of molten reflection. Itâs beautiful.
Itâs also empty.
You wait. A couple strolls past, fingers laced, talking softly like theyâve been in love for years. A jogger nods as they pass, earbuds in, a scruffy golden retriever trotting faithfully beside them. The dog looks up at you like it knows somethingâlike it sees something.
The wind kicks up. You pull your coat tighter. You tell yourself to give it five more minutes. Then five more.
And thenâ
Nothing. No footsteps. No note. No him.
Your coffee goes cold between your palms. The stone starts to seep into your bones. And somewhere deep in your chest, something you hadnât even dared name⊠wilts.
Eventually, you stand. Walk home with your coat buttoned all the way up, even though itâs not that cold. You donât cry.
You just go quiet.
-
The next morning, the bullpen hums with the usual Monday static. Phones ringing. Keys clacking. Perryâs voice barking something about a missed quote from the sanitation board. Jimmyâs camera shutter clicking in staccato bursts behind you. The Daily Planet in full swingâordinary chaos wrapped in coffee breath and fluorescent lighting.
You move through it on autopilot. Your smile is small, tight around the edges. Youâve become a master of folding disappointment into your postureâchin lifted, eyes clear, mouth curved just enough to seem fine.
âGuess the secret admirer thing was just a prank after all.â You drop your bag beside your desk, shuffle through the morning copy logs, and say it lightly. Offhand. Like a joke. âShouldâve known better.â You make sure your voice carries just far enough. Not loud, but not a whisper. Casual. A throwaway comment designed to sound unaffected. And then you laugh. Itâs short. Hollow. It dies in your throat before it even fully escapes.
Lois glances up from her monitor, eyes narrowing faintly behind dark lashes. She doesnât laugh with you. She doesnât smile. She just watches you for a beat too long. Not with judgment. Not even pity. Just⊠knowing. But she says nothing. And neither do you.
What you donât see is the hallwayâjust twenty feet awayâwhere Clark Kent stands frozen in place. Heâd just walked inâlate, coat slung over one arm, takeout coffee in the other. He had stopped just inside the threshold to adjust his glasses. Heâd meant to offer you a second coffee, the one he bought on impulse after circling the block too many times.
And then he heard it. Your voice. âGuess the secret admirer thing was just a prank after all.â And then your laugh. That awful, paper-thin laugh.
He goes still. Like someone pulled the oxygen from the room. His hand tightens around the coffee cup until the lid creaks. The other arm drops slack at his side, coat nearly slipping from his grasp. His jaw tenses. Shoulders stiffen beneath his white button-down, and for one awful second, he forgets how to breathe.
Because you sound like someone trying not to care. And it cuts deeper than he expects. Because heâd meant to come. Because he tried. Because he was so close.
But none of that matters now. All you know is that he didnât show up. And now you think the whole thing was a joke. A stupid, secret game. His game. And he canât even explainânot without tearing everything open.
He stares down the corridor, eyes fixed on the edge of your desk, on the shape of your shoulders turned slightly away. He watches as you pick up your coffee and blow gently across the lid like it might chase the bitterness from your chest.
You donât turn around. You donât see the way he stands thereâgutted, unmoving, undone. The cup trembles in his hand. He turns away before it spills.
-
That night, you go back to the office. You tell yourself itâs for the deadline. A follow-up piece on the housing committee. Edits on the west-side zoning profile. Anything to fill the time between sunset and sleepâbecause if you sleep, youâll just dream of that bench.
The newsroom is quiet now. All overhead lights dimmed except for the halo of your desk lamp and the soft thrum of a copy machine left cycling in the corner.
You drop your bag with a sigh. Stretch your shoulders. Slide your desk drawer open without thinking. And find it. A note. No envelope. No tape. No ceremony. Just a single sheet of cream stationery folded in thirds. Familiar handwriting. Neat loops. Unshaking.
You unfold it slowly.
âIâm sorry. I wanted to be there. I canât explain why I couldnâtâ
But it wasnât a joke. It was never a joke. Please believe that.â
The words hit like a breath you didnât know you were holding. Then they blur. You read it again. Then again. But the ache in your chest doesnât settle. Because how do you believe someone who wonât show their face? How do you believe someone who keeps slipping between your fingers?
You hold the note to your chest. Close your eyes. You want to believe him. God, you want to. But you donât know how anymore.
-
What you couldnât know is this: Clark Kent was already running. Heâd been on his wayâcoat flapping behind him, tie unspooling in the wind, breath fogging as he dashed through traffic, one hand wrapped tight around a note he planned to deliver in person for the first time. Heâd rehearsed it. Practiced what heâd say. Built up to it with every beat of a terrified heart.
He saw the park lights up ahead. Saw the lion statue. Saw the shape of a figure sitting alone on that bench.
And then the air split open. The sky went green. A fifth-dimensional impânot even from this universeâtore through Metropolis like a child flipping pages in a pop-up book. Reality folded. Buildings bent sideways. Streetlamps started singing jazz standards.
Clark barely had time to take a deep breath before he vanished into smoke and flame, spinning upward in a blur of red and blue. Somewhere across town, Superman joined Guy Gardner, Hawk Girl, Mr. Terrific, and Metamorpho in trying to contain the chaos before the city unmade itself entirely.Â
He never got the chance to reach the bench. He never got the chance to say anything. The note stayed in his pocket until it was soaked with rain and streaked with ash. Until it was too late.
-
Itâs supposed to be routine. Youâre only there to cover a zoning dispute. A boring, mid-week council press event thatâs been rescheduled three times already. The air is heavy with heat and bureaucracy. You and your photographer barely make it past the front barricades before the scene spirals into chaos.
First itâs the downed power linesâsparking in rapid bursts as something hits the utility pole two blocks down. Then a car screeches over the median. Then someone starts screaming.
Youâre still trying to piece it together when the crowd surgesâsomeone shouts about a gun. People scatter. A window shatters across the street. A chunk of concrete falls from the sky like a thrown brick.
Your feet move before your brain catches up. You hit the pavement just as something explodes behind you. A jolt rings through your bones, sharp and high and metallic. Dust clouds the air. Thereâs shouting, then screaming, and your ears go fuzzy for one split second.
And then he lands.
Superman.
Cape whipping behind him like itâs caught in its own storm, boots cracking against the sidewalk as he drops down between the wreckage and the people still trying to flee. He moves like nothing youâve ever seen.
Not just fastâbut impossible. His body a blur of motion, heat, and purpose. He rips a crumpled lamppost off a trapped woman like it weighs nothing. Hurls it aside and crouches low beside her, voice firm but gentle as he checks her pulse, her leg, her name.
Youâre frozen where you crouch, half behind a parking meter, hand pressed to your chest like it can keep your heart from tearing loose.
And then be turns. Looks straight at you. His expression shifts. Just for a moment. Just for you. He steps forward, dust streaking his suit, eyes dark with something you donât have time to name. He reaches you in three strides, body angled between you and the chaos, hand raised in warning before you can speak.
âStay here, sweetheart. Please.â
Your stomach drops. Not at the danger. Not at the sound of buildings groaning in the distance or the flash of gunmetal tucked into a strangerâs hand.
Itâs him. That word. That voice. The exact way of saying itâlike itâs muscle memory. Like heâs said it a thousand times before.
Like Clark says it.
It stuns you more than the explosion did.
You blink up at him, speechless, heart stuttering behind your ribs as he holds your gaze just a second longer than he should. His brow furrows. Then heâs goneâinto the fray, into the fire, into the part of the story where your pen canât follow.
You donât remember standing. You donât remember how you get back to the press line, only that your legs shake and your palms burn and every time you try to replay what just happened, your brain gets stuck on one word.
Sweetheart.
Youâve heard it beforeâdozens of times. Always soft. Always accidental. Always from behind thick glasses and a crooked tie and a mouth still chewing the edge of a muffin while he scrolls through zoning reports.
Clark says it when he forgets youâre not his to claim. Clark says it when youâre both the last ones in the office and he thinks youâre asleep at your desk. Clark says it like a secret. Like a slip.
And Superman just said it exactly the same way. Same tone. Same warmth. Same quiet ache beneath it.
But thatâs not possible. Because Superman isâSuperman. Bold. Dazzling. Fire-forged. He walks like he owns the sky. He speaks like a storm made flesh. He radiates power and perfection.
And Clark? Clark is all flannel and stammering jokes and soft eyes behind big frames. Heâs gentle. A little clumsy. His swagger is borrowed from farm porches and storybooks. Heâs sweet in a way Superman couldnât possibly be.
Couldnât⊠Right? You chalk it up to coincidence. You have to.
âŠSort of.
-
You donât sleep well the night after the incident. You keep replaying itâframe by impossible frame. The gunshot, the smoke, the sky splitting in half. The crack of his landing, the rush of wind off his cape. The weight of his body between you and danger. And then that voice.
âStay here, sweetheart. Please.â
You flinch every time it echoes in your head. Every time your brain folds it over the countless memories you have of Clark saying it in passing, like it was nothing. Like it meant nothing.
But it means something now.
You come into the office the next day wired and quiet, adrenaline still burning faintly at the edges of your skin. You arenât sure what to say, or to whom, so you say nothing. You stare too long at your coffee. You snap at a printer jam. You forget your lunch in the breakroom fridge.
Clark notices. He hovers by your desk that morning, a second coffee in handâone of those specialty orders from that corner place he knows you like but always pretends he doesnât remember.
âRough day?â he asks gently. His tone is careful. Soft. As if youâre a glass already rattling on the edge of the shelf.
You donât look up. âItâs fine.â
He hesitates. Then sets the coffee down beside your elbow, just far enough that you have to choose whether or not to reach for it. âI heard about the power line thing,â he adds. âYou okay?â
âI said Iâm fine, Clark.â
A beat.
You hate the way his face flickers at thatâhurt, barely masked. He pushes his glasses up and nods like he deserves it. Like heâs been expecting it. He doesnât press. He just walks away.
-
You find yourself whispering to Lois over takeout later that afternoonâhalf a conversation muttered between bites of noodles and the hum of flickering overheads.
âHe called me sweetheart.â
She raises an eyebrow. âClark?â
âNo. Superman.â
Her chewing slows.
You keep your eyes on the edge of your desk. âThatâs⊠weird, right?â
Lois makes a soundâsomewhere between a scoff and a laugh. âHeâs a superhero. They charm every pretty girl they pull out of a burning building.â
You poke at your noodles. âStill. It feltâŠâ
âWeird?â she teases again, nudging her knee against yours.
You shrug like it doesnât matter. Like it hasnât been clawing at the back of your brain for three days straight. Lois doesnât press. Just watches you for a second longer than necessary. Then she moves on, launching into a tirade about Perryâs passive-aggressive post-it notes and the fact that someone keeps stealing her pens.
But the damage is already done. Because you start thinking maybe youâve just been projecting. Maybe you want your secret admirer to be Clark so badly that your brainâs rewriting realityâlatching onto any voice, any phrase, any fleeting resemblance and assigning it meaning.
Sweetheart.
Itâs a common word. It doesnât mean anything. Maybe Superman says it to everyone. Maybe he has a whole roster of soft pet names for dazed civilians. Maybe youâre the delusional oneâsitting here wondering if your awkward, sweet, left-footed coworker moonlights as a god.
The idea is so absurd it actually makes you laugh. Quietly. Bitterly. Right into your carton of lo mein. You tell yourself to let it go. But you donât.
You canât. Because somewhere deep down, it doesnât feel absurd at all. It feels⊠close. Like youâre brushing against the edge of something true. And if you get just a little closerâ
You might fall right through it.
-
Clark pulls back after that. Subtly. Slowly. Like heâs dimming himself on purpose. Heâs still thereâstill kind, still thoughtful, still Clark. But the rhythm changes.
The coffees stop appearing on your desk each morning. No more sticky notes with half-legible puns or awkward smiley faces. No more jokes under his breath during staff meetings. No more warm glances across the bullpen when youâre stuck late and your screen is giving you a headache.
His chair now sits just a little farther from yours in the layout room. Not enough to be obvious. Just enough to feel. You notice it the way you notice when the air shifts before a storm. Quiet. Inevitable.
Even his messages change. Once, his texts used to come with too many exclamation marks and a tendency to type out haha when he was nervous. Now theyâre brief. Punctuated. Polite.
âGot your quote. Sending now.â
âPerry said weâre cleared for page A3.â
âHope your meeting went okay.â
You reread them more than you should. Not because of what they sayâbut because of what they donât. It feels like being ghosted by someone who still waves to you across the room.
You try to talk yourself down. Maybe heâs just busy. Maybe heâs stressed. Maybe youâve been projecting. Maybe itâs not your admirerâs handwriting that matches his. Maybe itâs not his voice that slipped out of Supermanâs mouth like a secret.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
But the space he used to fill next to you⊠feels like a light thatâs been quietly turned off. And you are the one still blinking against the dark.
And yet, one afternoon, someone in the bullpen makes a snide remark about your latest piece. You donât even catch the beginningâjust the tail end of it, lazy and smug.
ââbasically just fluff, right? Sheâs been coasting lately.â
Youâre about to ignore it. Youâre tired. Too tired. And whatâs the point in arguing with someone who thinks nuance is a liability?
But thenâClark speaks. Not from beside you, but from across the room. Youâre not even sure how he could have possibly heard the guy talking across all the hustle and bustle of the bullpen. But his voice cuts through the noise like someone snapping a ruler against a desk.
âI just think her work actually matters, okay?â
Silence follows. Not because of the volumeâhe wasnât loud. Just certain. Unflinching. Like heâd been holding it in. The words hang in the air, charged and too real.
Clark looks immediately horrified with himself. He goes red. Not a faint flushâcrimson. Mouth parting like he wants to take it back but doesnât know how. He tries to recover, to smooth it overâbut nothing comes. Just a flustered shake of his head and a noise that mightâve been his name.
The other reporter stares. ââŠOkay, man. Chill.â
Clark mumbles something about grabbing a file from archives and practically stumbles for the hallway, papers clenched awkwardly in one hand like a shield.
You donât follow. You just⊠sit there. Staring at the space he left behind. Because that momentâthose wordsâit wasnât just instinct. It wasnât just kindness. It was him.
The way he said it. The emotion in it. The rhythm of it. It felt like the notes. Like the quiet encouragements tucked into the margins of your day. Like someone watching, quietly, gently, hoping youâll see yourself the way they do.
You think about the phrases heâs used before.
âThe line you cut in paragraph six was my favorite. About hope not being the same thing as naivety.â
âEven whispers echo when theyâre true.â
And now:
âHer work actually matters.â
All said like they were true, not convenient. All said like they were about you.
You start to notice more after that. The way Clark compliments your writingâalways specific. Never lazy. The way his eyes crinkle when heâs proud of something you said, even when he doesnât speak up. The way he turns the thermostat up exactly two degrees every time you bring your sweater into work. The way he walks a half-step behind you when you both leave late at night.
Itâs not a confession. Not yet. But itâs a pattern. And once you start seeing itâ
You canât stop.
-
Itâs a quiet afternoon in the bullpen. The kind where the overhead lights hum just loud enough to notice and everything smells like stale coffee and highlighter ink.
Clarkâs sprawled in front of his monitor, sleeves rolled to his elbows, brow furrowed with the kind of intensity he usually saves for city zoning laws and double-checked citations. Youâre helping him sort through quotesâmost of which came from a reluctant press secretary and one very talkative dog walker who may or may not be a credible witness.
âCan you check the time stamp on the third transcript?â he asks, not looking up from his notes. âI think I messed it up when I formatted.â
You nod, flipping through the stack of papers he passed you earlier. Thatâs when you see it. Folded beneath the top printout, half-tucked into the margin of a city planning spreadsheet, is a different kind of note. A loose sheet, scribbled across in black ink. Not typedâwritten. Slanted lines. A few false starts crossed out.
At first, you think itâs a headline draft. A brainstorm. But the longer you stare, the more it reads like⊠something else.
âThe city is loud today. Not just noise, but motion. Memory. The way people hum when they think no oneâs listening.â
âI canât stop watching her move through it like she belongs to it. Like it belongs to her.â
You freeze. Your eyes track down the page slowly, like touching something sacred.
The letters are familiar. The lowercase y curls the same way as the one on your very first noteâthe one that came with your coffee. The ink is the same soft black, slightly smudged in the corners, like whoever wrote it holds the pen too tight when theyâre thinking. The paper is the same notepad stock heâs used before. The same faint red line down the margin.
You donât mean to do it, but your fingers curl around the page. Your chest goes tight. Because itâs not just similar.
Itâs exact.
You hear him coming before you see himâthose long, careful strides and the faint jangle of the lanyard he keeps forgetting to take off.
You tuck the paper into your notebook. Quick. Smooth. Automatic.
âHey, sorry,â he says, rounding the corner with two mugs of tea and a slightly sheepish smile. âPrinterâs jammed again. I may have made it worse.â
You nod. Too fast. You canât quite make your voice work yet. Clark hands you your teaâjust the way you like it, no commentâand sits across from you like nothingâs wrong. Like your whole world hasnât tilted six degrees to the left.
He launches into a ramble about column widths and quote placement, about whether a serif font looks more âestablishedâ than sans serif.
You donât hear a word of it. You just⊠watch him. The way he gestures too big with his hands. The way his glasses slip down his nose mid-sentence and he doesnât bother to fix them until theyâre practically falling off. The way his voice drops a little when heâs thinking hardâlow and warm and utterly unselfconscious.
He has no idea you know. No idea what you just found.
You murmur something about needing to catch a meeting and excuse yourself early. He nods. Worries at his bottom lip like heâs debating whether to walk you out. Decides against it.
âThanks for the help,â he says quietly, as you shoulder your bag. âSeriously. I couldnâtâve done this draft without you.â
You give him a look you donât quite know how to name. Something between thank you and I see you.Â
Then you go.
-
That night, you sit on your bedroom floor with the drawer open. Every note. Every folded scrap. Every secret tucked under your stapler or slid into your sleeve or left beside your coffee cup. You line them up in rows. You flatten them with careful hands. And you compare. One by one.
The loops. The lines. The uneven spacing. The curl of the r. The hush in every sentence, like he was writing them with his heart too close to the surface.Â
Thereâs no room for doubt anymore. Itâs him. Itâs been him this whole time.
Clark Kent.
And somehowâsomehowâheâs still never said your name aloud when he writes about you. Not once. But every letter reads like a whisper of it. Like a promise waiting to be spoken.
-
The office is quiet by the time you find the nerve.
Desks are abandoned, chairs turned at angles, the windows dark with city glow. Outside, Metropolis hums in its usual low thrumâsirens and neon and distant jazz from a rooftop barâbut here, in the bullpen, itâs just the steady tick of the wall clock and the slow, careful steps you take toward his desk.
Clark doesnât hear you at first. Heâs bent over a red pen and a half-finished draft, glasses low on his nose, the curve of his back hunched the way it always is when heâs lost in edits. His tie is loosened. His sleeves are pushed up. Thereâs a smear of ink on his thumb. He looks soft in the way people do when they think no oneâs watching.Â
You speak before you lose your nerve. âWhy didnât you just tell me?â
Clark startles. Not dramaticallyâjust a sharp breath and a too-quick motion to sit upright, like a kid caught doodling in the margins. âIâwhat?â
You donât let your voice shake. âThat it was you. The notes. The park. All of it.â
He stares at you. Then down at his desk. Then back again. His mouth opens like it wants to offer a lie, but nothing comes out. Just silence. His fingers twitch toward the edge of the desk and stop there, curling into his palm.
âIââ he tries again, softer now, ââI didnât think you knew.â
âI didnât.â Your voice is gentle. But not easy. âNot at first. Not really. But then I saw that list on your desk and⊠I went home and checked the handwriting.â
He winces. âI knew I left that out somewhere.â
You cross your arms, not out of angerâmore like self-protection. âYou couldâve told me. At any point. I asked you.â
âI know.â He swallows hard. âI know. I wanted to. I⊠tried.â
You watch him. Wait.Â
And then he says it. Not loud. Not dramatic. Just the truth, raw and shaky and so Clark it nearly breaks you. âBecause if I told you it was me⊠you might look at me different. Or worse⊠The same.â
You donât know what to say to that. Not right away. Your heart clenches. Because itâs so himâto assume your affection could only live in the mystery. That the truth of himâsoft, clumsy, brilliant, realâwould somehow undo the magic.
âClarkâŠâ you start, but your voice slips.
He rubs the back of his neck. âIâm just the guy who spills coffee on his own notes and forgets to refill the paper tray. Youâre⊠you. You write like youâre on fire. You walk into a room and it listens. I didnât think someone like you would ever want someone like me.â
You stare at him. Really stare. At the flushed cheeks. The nervous hands. The boyish smile heâs trying to bury under self-deprecation. And then you say it. âI saved every note.â
He blinks.
You keep going. âI read them when I felt invisible. When I thought no one gave a damn what I was doing here. They mattered.â
Clarkâs breath catches. He opens his mouth. Closes it again. He takes a slow step forward, tentative. Like heâs afraid to break the spell. His eyes search yours, and for a momentâfor a second so still it might as well last an hourâhe leans in. Not close enough to kiss you. But almost. His hand brushes yours. He stops. The air is heavy between you, buzzing with something fragile and enormous. But it isnât enough. Not yet.
You draw in a breath, quiet but steady. âWhy didnât you meet me?â
Clark goes still. You can see it happenâthe way the question lands. The way he folds in on himself just slightly, like the truth is too heavy to hold upright.
âIâŠâ He tries, but the word doesnât land. His jaw flexes. His eyes drop to the floor, then back up. He wants to tell you. He almost does. But he canât. Not without unraveling everything. Not without unraveling himself.
âI wanted to,â he says finally, voice rough at the edges. âMore than anything.â
âBut?â you press, gently.
He just looks at you and says nothing. You nod, slowly. The silence says enough. Your chest achesânot in a sharp, bitter way. In the dull, familiar way of something you already suspected being confirmed.
You glance down at where your hand still brushes his, then look back at himâreally look. âI wish youâd told me,â you whisper. âI sat there thinking it was a joke. That I made it all up. That I was stupid for believing in any of it.â
âI know,â he murmurs. âAnd Iâm sorry.â
Your throat tightens. You swallow past it. âI just⊠I need time. To process. To think.â
Clarkâs eyes flickerâhope and heartbreak, all tangled up in one look. âOf course,â he says immediately. âTake whatever you need. I mean it.â
A beat passes before you say the part that makes his breath catch. âIâm happy it was you.â
He freezes.
You offer the smallest smile. âI wanted it to be you.â
And for the first time in minutes, something in his shoulders unknots. Thereâs a shift. Gentle. Quiet. His hand lingers near yours again, knuckles brushing. He doesnât lean in. Doesnât push.
But God, he wants to. And maybe⊠maybe you do too. The moment stretches, unspoken and warm and not quite ready to be anything more.
You both stay like thatâclose, not touching. Breathing the same charged air. Then he laughs under his breath. Nervous. Boyish.
âIâm probably gonna trip over something the second you walk away.â
You smile back. âJust recalibrate your ankles.â
He huffs out a laugh, head ducking. âI deserved that.â
You start to turn away. Just a little. But his voice stops you againâquiet, sincere, something earnest catching in it. âIâm really glad it was me, too.â
And your heart flutters all over again.
-
Lois is perched on the edge of your desk, a paper takeout box balanced on her knee, chopsticks waving in lazy circles while you pick at your own dinner with a little too much focus.
You havenât told her everything. Not the everything everything. Not the way your heart nearly cracked open when Clark looked at you like you were made of starlight and library books. Not how close he got before pulling back. Not how you pulled back too, even though your whole body ached to close the distance.
But you have told her about the notes. About the mystery. About the strange tenderness of it all, how it wrapped around your days like a string you didnât know you were following until it tugged. And LoisâLois has been unusually quiet about it. Until now.Â
âIâm setting you up,â she says between bites, like sheâs discussing filing taxes.
You blink. âWhat?â
âA date. Just one. Guy from the Features desk at the Tribune. Youâll like him. Heâs taller than you, decent jawline, wears socks that match. Heâs got strong opinions about punctuation, which I figure is basically foreplay for you.â
You stare at her. âYou donât even believe in setups.â
âI donât,â she agrees. âBut youâve been spiraling in circles for weeks, and at this point, I either push you toward a date or stage an intervention with PowerPoint slides.â
You laugh despite yourself. âYou have PowerPoint slides?â
âOf course not,â she scoffs. âI have a Google Doc.â
You roll your eyes. âLoisââ
âListen,â she says, gentler now. âI know youâre in deep with whoever this guy is. And if it is Clark⊠well. I can see why.â
Your stomach flips.
âBut maybe stepping outside of the Planet for two hours wouldnât kill you. Let someone else flirt with you for once. Let yourself figure out what you actually want.â
You press your lips together. Look down at your barely-touched food.
âYou donât have to fall for him,â she adds, softly. âJust let yourself be seen.â
You exhale through your nose. âHe better be cute.â
âOh, he is. Total sweater vest energy.â
You snort. âSo your type.â
âExactly.â She lifts her takeout carton in a mock toast. âTo emotionally compromised coworkers and their tragic love lives.â
You clink your chopsticks against hers like itâs the saddest champagne flute in the world. And later, when youâre getting ready, you still feel the weight of Clarkâs almost-kiss behind your ribs. But you go anyway. Because Lois is right. You need to know what it is youâre choosing. Even if, deep down, you already do.
-
The date isnât bad. Thatâs the most frustrating part. Heâs nice. Polished in that media school kind of wayâcrisp shirt, clean shave, a practiced smile that belongs on a campaign poster. He compliments your bylines and talks about his dream of running an independent magazine one day. He orders the good whiskey and laughs at your jokes.
But itâs the wrong laugh. Off by a beat. The rhythmâs not right.
When he leans in, you donât. When he talks, your thoughts driftâto mismatched socks and printer toner smudges. To how someone else always remembers your coffee order. To how someone else listens, not to respond, but to see.
You realize it halfway through the second drink. Youâre thinking about Clark again.
The softness of him. The steadiness. The way he over-apologizes in texts but never hesitates when someone challenges your work. The way his voice tilts a little higher when heâs nervous. The way his laugh never lands in the right place, but somehow makes the whole room feel warmer.
You pull your coat tighter when you leave the restaurant, cheeks stinging from the wind and the slow unraveling of a night that shouldâve meant something. It doesnât. Not in the way that matters.
So you walk. You tell yourself youâre just passing by the Daily Planet. That maybe you left your notes there. That itâs just a habit, stopping in this late. But when you scan your ID badge and push through the heavy glass doors, you already know the truth. Youâre hoping heâs still here.
And he is.
The bullpen is almost entirely dark, save for a single desk lamp casting gold across the layout section. Heâs hunched over itâtie loosened, sleeves rolled up, shirt rumpled like heâs been pacing, thinking, rewriting. His glasses are folded beside him on the desk. His hairâs a messâfingers clearly run through it too many times.
He rubs at his eyes with the heel of his palm, breathing out hard through his nose. You donât say anything. You just⊠watch. It hits you in one perfect, unshakable moment. The slope of his shoulders. The cut of his jaw. The furrow in his brow when heâs thinking too hard.
He looks like Superman.
No glasses. No slouch. No excuses. But more than thatâhe looks like Clark. Like the man who learned your coffee order. Like the one who saves all his best edits for last so he can tell you in person how good your writing is. The one who panicked when you got too close to the truth, but couldnât stop leaving notes anyway.
And when he finally lifts his head and sees you standing thereâstill in your coat, fingers tight around your notebookâyou watch something shift in his expression. A flicker of surprise. Panic. Bare, open emotion. Because youâre seeing him without the glasses.
âCouldnât sleep,â you murmur. âThought Iâd grab my notes.â
He smiles, slow and unsure. âYou⊠left them by the scanner.â
You nod, like that matters. Like you came here for paper and not for him. Then you walk over, slow and deliberate, and retrieve your notes from the edge of the scanner beside him. He swallows hard, watching you.
Then clears his throat. âSo⊠how was the date?â
You pause. âFine,â you say. âHe was nice. Funny. Smart.â
Clark nods, but youâre not finished.
âBut when he laughed, it was the wrong rhythm. And when he spoke, I didnât lean in.â
You meet his eyesâclear blue, unhidden now. âI made up my mind halfway through the second drink.â His lips part. Barely. You move to the edge of his desk and set your notebook down. Thenâcarefully, slowlyâyou pull out the chair beside his and sit. The air between you goes molten.
Clark leans in a little, eyes flicking to your mouth, then back to your eyes. One hand moves down, like heâs going to say something, but instead, he reaches for the leg of your chairâfingers curling around it. And pulls you toward him. The scrape of wood against tile echoes, loud and deliberate. Your thighs knock his. Your breath stutters.
Heâs so close now you can feel the heat rolling off him. The weight of his gaze. Your heart hammers in your chest. And lower.
âClarkââ But you donât finish because he meets you halfway. The kiss is fire and breath and years of want pressed between two mouths. His hands come upâone to your jaw, the other to the back of your headâand tilt your face just so. Fingers tangle in your hair, anchoring you to him like heâs afraid you might vanish.
You moan into his mouth. Soft. Surprised. He groans back. Rougher. You reach for his shirt blindly, fists curling in the cotton as he pulls you fully into his lapâinto the chair with him, your legs straddling his thighs. His hands donât know where to land. Your waist. Your thighs. Your face again.
âYouâre it,â he whispers against your mouth. âYouâve always been it.â
You know he means it. Because youâve seen it. In every note. Every glance. Every moment he looked at you like you were already his. And now, with your bodies tangled, mouths tasting each other, breathing the same heatâyou finally believe it.
You donât say it yet. But the way you kiss him again says it for you. Youâre his. You always have been.
His hands roam, but never rush. Your fingers are tangled in his shirt, your knees pressing to either side of his hips, and you feel himâall of himâunderneath you, solid and steady and shaking just slightly. The chair creaks with every breath you share. His mouth is still on yours, slow now, like heâs memorizing the shape of you. Like heâs afraid if he goes too fast, youâll disappear again.
When he finally pulls backâjust enough to breatheâitâs with a soft, reverent exhale. His nose brushes yours. âYouâre really here,â he murmurs, voice hoarse. âGod, youâre really here.â
You blink at him, your hands sliding to either side of his jaw, thumbs brushing the high flush of his cheeks. He looks so open. Like youâve peeled back every layer of him with just a kiss. And maybe you have.
His lips find the edge of your jaw next, slow and aching. A kiss. Then another, just beneath your ear. Then one lower, along the soft skin of your neck. Each press of his mouth feels like a confession. Like something that was buried too long, finally given air.
âYou donât know,â he whispers. âYou donât know what itâs been like, watching you and not getting toââ Another kiss, right beneath your cheekbone. âI used to rehearse things Iâd say to you, and then Iâd get to work and youâd smile and Iâd forget how to talk.â
A laugh huffs out of you, but it melts fast when he leans in again, his breath fanning warm across your skin. âI didnât think Iâd ever get this close. I didnât think Iâd get to touch you like this.â
You shift in his lap, chest brushing his, and his hands squeeze your waist gently like heâs grounding himself. His mouth finds your temple. Your cheek. The corner of your mouth again.
âYouâre soââ he breaks off. Tries again. âYouâre everything.â Your pulse thrums in your throat. Clarkâs hands stay respectful, but they wanderâcurving up your back, smoothing over your shoulders, settling at your ribs like he wants to hold you together.
âI used to write those notes late at night,â he admits against your collarbone. âDidnât even think youâd read them at first. But you did. You kept them.â
âI kept every one,â you whisper.
His breath catches. You tilt his face back up to yours, studying him in the low, golden light. His hairâs a little messy now from your fingers. His lips pink and kiss-swollen. His chest rising and falling like heâs just run a marathon. And still, even nowâheâs looking at you like heâs the one whoâs lucky.
Clark kisses you againâsoft, like a promise. Then a trail of them, across your cheek, your jaw, your throat. Slow enough to make your skin shiver and your hips shift instinctively against his lap. He groans quietly at thatâbarely audibleâbut doesnât press for more. He just holds you tighter.
âIâd wait forever for you,â he murmurs into your skin. âI donât need anything else. Just this. Just you.â You bury your face in his shoulder, overwhelmed, heart pounding like a war drum. You donât say anything back. You just press another kiss to his throat, and feel him smile where your mouth lands.
-
The city is quieter at nightâits edges softened under streetlamp glow, concrete warming beneath the fading breath of the day. Thereâs a breeze that tugs gently at your coat as you and Clark walk side by side, your fingers still loosely laced with his. His hand is big. Warm. Rough in the places that tell stories. Gentle in the ways that say everything else.
Neither of you speaks at first. The silence isnât awkward. Itâs thick with something tender. Like a string strung tight between your ribs and his, humming with each shared step.
When he glances down at you, his smile is small and almost shy. âI canât believe I didnât knock over the chair,â he says after a few blocks, voice pitched low with laughter.
You grin. âYou were close. I think my thigh is bruised.â
He groans. âDonât say thatâIâll lose sleep.â
You look at him sidelong. âYou werenât going to sleep anyway.â That earns you a pink flush down the side of his neck, and you tuck that image away for safekeeping.Â
Your building looms closer, brick and ivy-wrapped and familiar in the soft hush of the hour. You slow as you reach the front step, turning to face him.
âThank you,â you murmur. You donât mean just for the walk.
He holds your hand a beat longer. Then, without a word, he lifts itâpresses his lips to your knuckles. Itâs soft. Reverent.
Your breath catches in your throat. And maybe thatâs what breaks the spellâmaybe thatâs what makes it all too much and not enough at onceâbecause the next second, youâre reaching. Or maybe he is. It doesnât matter. He kisses you againâthis time fuller, deeperâyour back brushing against the door behind you, his other hand cradling your cheek like heâs afraid youâll vanish if he doesnât hold you just right.
It doesnât last long. Just long enough to taste the weight of whatâs shifting between you. To feel it crest again in your chest.
When he finally pulls back, his lips hover a breath away from yours. âIâll see you tomorrow,â he says softly.
You nod. You canât quite say anything back yet. He gives your hand one last squeeze, then turns and disappears down the street, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders curved slightly inward like heâs holding in a smile he doesnât know what to do with.
You unlock the door. Step inside. But you donât go to bed right away. You walk to the front window insteadâbare feet quiet on hardwood, heart still hammering. Through the glass, you spot him half a block away. He thinks youâre gone. Which is probably why, under the streetlight, Clark Kent jumps up and smacks the edge of a low-hanging banner like heâs testing his vertical. He catches it on the second try, swinging from it for all of two seconds before nearly tripping over his own feet.
You snort. Your hand presses against your mouth to muffle the sound. And then you smile. That kind of soft, aching smile that tugs at something deep in your chest. Because thatâs him. Thatâs the man who writes you poems under the cover of anonymity and nearly breaks your chair kissing you in a newsroom.
Thatâs the one you wanted it to be. And now that it isâyou donât think your heartâs ever going to stop fluttering.
-
The bullpen is alive again. Phones ring. Keys clatter. Someoneâs arguing over copy edits near the back printer, and Jimmy streaks past with a half-eaten bagel clamped between his teeth and a stack of photos fluttering behind him like confetti. Itâs chaos.
But none of it touches you. The world moves at its usual speed, but everything inside you has slowed. Like someone turned the volume down on everything that isnât him.
Your eyes find Clark without meaning to. Heâs already at his deskâglasses on, shirt pressed, tie straighter than usual. He mustâve fixed it three times this morning. His sleeves are rolled to the elbow, a pen already tucked behind one ear. Heâs doing that thing he does when heâs thinkingâlip caught gently between his teeth, brows drawn, tapping the space bar like it owes him money.
But thereâs a softness to him this morning, too. A looseness in his shoulders. A quiet sort of glow around the edges, like some part of him hasnât fully come down from last night either. Like heâs still vibrating with the same electricity thatâs still thrumming low behind your ribs.
And then he looks up. He finds you just as easily as you found him. You expect him to look awayâbashful, flustered, maybe even embarrassed now that the newsroom lights are on and youâre both pretending not to be lit matches pretending not to burn.
But he doesnât. He holds your gaze. And the quiet that opens up between you is louder than anything else in the building. The low hum of printers. The whirr of the HVAC. The hiss of steam from the office espresso machine.
You swallow hard. Then you look back at your screen like it matters. You try to focus. You really do.
Less than ten minutes later, heâs there. He approaches slow, like heâs afraid of breaking something delicate. His hand appears first, gently setting a familiar to-go cup on your desk.
âI figured you forgot yours,â he says, voice low.
You glance up at him. âI didnât.â
A smile curls at the corner of his mouth. Soft. A little sheepish. âOh. WellâŠâ He shrugs. âNow you have two.â
You take the coffee anyway. Your fingers brush his as you do. He doesnât pull away. Not this time. His hand lingers for half a second longer than it shouldâjust enough to make your pulse jump in your wristâand then slowly drops back to his side. The silence between you now isnât awkward. Itâs taut. Weightless. Like standing at the edge of something enormous, staring over the drop, and realizing heâs right there beside youâready to jump too.
âWalk with me?â he asks, voice barely above the clatter around you. You nod. Because youâd follow him anywhere.
Downstairs, the building atrium hums with the low murmur of morning traffic and the soft shuffle of people cutting through the lobby on their way to bigger, faster things. But hereâbeneath the high, glass-paneled ceiling where sunlight pours in like gold through waterâthe city feels a little farther away. A little quieter. Just the two of you, caught in that hush between chaos and clarity.
Clark hands you a sugar packet without a word, and you take it, fingers brushing his again. He watchesânot your hands, but your faceâas you tear it open and shake it into your cup. Like memorizing the way you take your coffee might somehow tell him more than youâre ready to say aloud.
You glance at him, just in time to catch itâthat look. Barely there, but soft. Full. He looks at you like heâs trying to learn you by heart.
You raise a brow. âWhat?â
He blinks, caught. âNothing.â
But youâre smiling now, just a little. A private, corner-of-your-mouth kind of smile. âYou look tired,â you murmur, stirring slowly.
His lips twitch. âLate night.â
âEditing from home?â
He hesitates. You watch the way his shoulders shift, the subtle catch in his breath. Then, finally, he shakes his head. âNot exactly.â
You hum. Say nothing more. The moment lingers, warm as the cup in your hand. He stands beside you, tall and still, but thereâs something new in the way he holds himselfâlike gravityâs just a little lighter around him this morning. Like your presence pulls him into a softer orbit. Thereâs a beat of silence.
âYou⊠seemed quiet last night,â he says, voice gentler now. âWhen you saw me.â
You glance at him from over the rim of your cup. Steam curls up between you, catching in the morning light like spun sugar. âI saw you,â you say.
He studies you. Carefully. âYou sure?â
You lower your coffee. âYeah. Iâm sure.â
His brows pull together slightly, the line between them deepening. Heâs trying to read you. Trying to solve an equation heâs too close to see clearly. Thereâs a question in his eyesânot just about last night, but about everything that came before it. The letters. The glances. The ache.
But you donât give him the answer. Not out loud. Because what you donât say hangs heavier than what you do. You donât say: Iâm pretty certain heâs you. You donât say: I think my heart has known for a while now. You donât say: Iâm not afraid of what youâre hiding. Instead, you let the silence stretch between youâsoft and silken, tethering you to something deeper than confession. You sip your coffee, heart steady now, eyes warm.
And when he opens his mouth againâwhen he leans forward like he might finally give himself away entirelyâyou smile. Just a soft curve of your lips. A quiet reassurance. âDonât worry,â you say, voice low. âI liked what I saw.â
He freezes. Then flushes, color blooming high on his cheeks. His gaze drops to the floor like itâs safer there, like looking at you too long might unravel him completelyâbut when he glances back up, the smile on his face is small and helpless and utterly undone. A breath escapes him, barely audibleâbut you hear it. You feel it. Relief.
He walks you back upstairs without another word. The movement is easy. Comfortable. But his hand hovers near yours the whole time. Not quite touching. Just⊠there. Like gravity pulling two halves of the same secret closer.
And as you re-enter the hum of the bullpen, nothing looks different. But everything feels like itâs just about to change.
-
That night, after the city has quietedâafter the neon pulse of Metropolis blurs into puddle reflections and distant sirensâthe Daily Planet is almost reverent in its silence. No ringing phones. No newsroom chatter. Just the soft hum of a printer in standby mode and the creak of the elevator cables descending behind you.
You let yourself in with your keycard. The lock clicks louder than expected in the stillness. You donât know why youâre here, really. You told yourself it was to grab the folder you forgot. To double-check something on your last draft. But the truth is quieter than that.
You were hoping heâd be here. Heâs not. His desk lamp is off. His chair turned inward, as if he left in a hurry. No half-eaten sandwich or scribbled drafts left behindâjust a tidied workspace and absence thick enough to feel.
You sigh, the sound swallowed whole by the vast emptiness of the bullpen. Then you see it. At your desk. Tucked half-under your keyboard like a secret trying not to be. One folded piece of paper.
No envelope this time. No clever line on the front. Just your name, handwritten in a looping scrawl youâve come to know better than your own signature. A rhythm youâve studied and traced in the quiet of your apartment, night after night.
You slide it free with careful fingers. Your heart stutters as you unfold it. The ink is darker this timeâless tentative. The strokes more deliberate, like he knew, at last, he didnât have to hide.
âFor once I donât have to imagine what itâs like to have your lips on mine. But I still think about it anyway.â
âC.K.
You stare at the words until the paper goes soft in your hands. Until your chest feels too full and too fragile all at once. Until the noise of your own heartbeat drowns out everything else.
Then you press the note to your chest and close your eyes. His initials burn through the paper like a touch. Not a secret admirer anymore. Not a mystery in the margins. Just him.
Clark. Your friend. Your almost. Your maybe.
You donât need the rest of the truth. Not tonight. Not if it costs this fragile thing blooming between youâthis quiet, aching sweetness. This slow, deliberate unraveling of walls and fears and the long-held breath you didnât realize you were holding.
Whatever youâre building together, itâs happening one heartbeat at a time. One almost-confession. One note left behind in the dark. And youâd rather have thisâthis steady climb into something realâthan rush toward the edge of revelation and risk it all crumbling.
So you tuck the note gently into your bag, where the others wait. Every word heâs given you, kept safe like a promise. You donât know what happens next. But for the first time in weeks, maybe months, youâre not afraid of finding out.
-
Youâre not official.
Not in the way people expect it. Thereâs no label, no group announcement, no big display. But youâre definitely something nowâsomething solid and golden and real in the space between words.
Itâs not office gossip. Not yet. But it could be. Because you linger a little too long near his desk. Because he lights up when you enter a room like itâs instinct. Because when he passes you in the bullpen, his hand brushes yoursâjust barelyâand you both pause like the air just changed. Thereâs no denying it.
And then comes the hallway kiss. Itâs after hours. The building is quiet, the newsroom lights dimmed to half. Youâre both walking toward the elevators, your footsteps echoing against the tile.
Clark fumbles for the call button, mumbling something about how slow the system is when itâs late, and how the elevator always seems to stall on the wrong floor. You donât answer. You just reach for his tie. A gentle tug. A silent question. He exhales, soft and shaky. Then he leans in.
The kiss is slow. Unhurried. Like youâre both tasting something thatâs been simmering between you for years. His hands find your waist, yours curl into his shirt, and the elevator dings somewhere in the distance, but neither of you move.
You part only when the second ding reminds you where you are. His forehead presses to yours, warm and close. You breathe the same air. And then the doors close behind you, and he walks you out with his hand ghosting the small of your back.
-
You start learning the rhythm of Clark Kent. He talks more when heâs nervousâlittle rambles about traffic patterns or article formatting, or how heâs still not entirely sure he installed his dishwasher correctly. Sometimes he trails off mid-thought, like heâs remembering something urgent but canât explain it.
He always carries your groceries. All of them. No negotiation. Heâll take the heavier bags first, sling them both over one shoulder and pretend like itâs nothing. And somehow, he always forgets his own umbrellaâbut never forgets yours. You donât know how many he owns, but one always appears when the clouds roll in. Like magic. Like preparation. Like heâs thought of you in every version of the day.
You donât ask.
You just start to keep one in your own bag for him.
-
The third kiss happens on your couch.
Youâve been watching some old movie neither of you are paying attention to, his arm slung lazily across your shoulders. Your legs are tangled. His fingers are tracing idle shapes against your thigh through the fabric of your leggings.
He kisses you onceâsoft and slowâand then again. Longer. Like heâs memorizing the shape of your mouth. Like he might need it later.
Then his phone buzzes.
He stiffens.
You feel the change instantlyâthe way his body pulls back, the air between you tightens. He glances at the screen. You donât catch the name. But you see the look in his eyes.
Regret. Apology. Something deeper.
âIâIâm so sorry,â he says, already moving. âI have toâsomething came up. Itâsââ
You sit up, brushing your hand against his arm. âGo,â you say softly.
âButââ
âItâs okay. Just⊠be safe.â
And God, the way he looks at you. Like youâve given him something priceless. Something he didnât know he was allowed to want.
He kisses your temple like a promise and disappears into the night.
-
It happens again. And again.
Missed dinners. Sudden goodbyes. Rainy nights where he shows up soaked, out of breath, murmuring apologies and curling into you like he doesnât know how to be held.
You never ask. You donât need to.
Because he always comes back.
-
One night, youâre curled into each other on your couch, your legs thrown over his, your cheek resting against his chest. The movieâs playing, forgotten. Your fingers are idly brushing the hem of his shirt where itâs ridden up. He smells like rain and ink and whatever soap he always uses that lingers on your pillow now.
Then his voice, quiet in the dark, âI donât always know how to be⊠enough.â
You blink. Look up. Heâs staring at the ceiling. Not quite breathing evenly. Like the words cost him something.
You reach up and cradle his face in your hands.
His eyes finally meet yours.
âYou are,â you whisper. âAs you are.â
You donât say: Even if you are who I think you are.
You donât need to. You just kiss him again. Soft. Long. Steady. Because whatever heâs carrying, youâve already started holding part of it too.
And he lets you.
-
The night starts quiet.
Takeout boxes sit half-forgotten on the coffee tableâone still open, rice going cold, soy sauce packet untouched. Your legs are draped across Clarkâs lap, one foot nudged against the curve of his thigh, and his hand rests there now. Not possessively. Not deliberately.
Just⊠there.
Itâs late. The kind of late where the whole city softens. No sirens outside. No blinking inbox. Just the low hum of the lamp on the side table and the warmth of the man beside you.
Clarkâs eyes are on you. Theyâve been there most of the night.
He hasnât said much since dinnerâjust little smiles, quiet sounds of agreement, the occasional brush of his thumb against your ankle like a thought he forgot to speak aloud. But itâs not a bad silence. Itâs dense. Full.
You shift, angling toward him slightly, and his gaze flicks to your mouth. Thatâs all it takes.
He leans in.
The kiss is soft at first. Familiar. A shared breath. A quiet hello in a room where no one had spoken for minutes. But then his hand curls behind your knee, guiding your leg further over his lap, and his mouth opens against yours like heâs been holding back for hours.
He kisses you like heâs starving. Like heâs spent all day wanting thisâaching for the shape of you, the weight of your body in his hands. And when you moan into it, just a little, he shudders.
His hands start to move. One tracing the line of your spine, the other resting against your hip like a question he doesnât need to ask. You answer anywayâpressing in closer, threading your fingers through his hair, sighing into the heat of his mouth.
You donât know who climbs into whose lap first, only that you end up straddling him on the couch. Your knees on either side of his thighs. His hands gripping your waist now, fingers curling in your shirt like he doesnât trust himself not to break it.
And then something shifts.
Not emotionalâphysical.
Clark stands.
He lifts you with him, effortlessly, like you donât weigh anything at all. Not a grunt. Not a stagger. Justâup. Smooth and sure. His mouth never leaves yours.
You gasp into the kiss as he walks you backwards, steps confident and fast despite the way your arms tighten around his shoulders. Your spine meets the wall in the next second. Not hard. Just sudden.
Your heart thunders.
âClarkââ
He doesnât answer. Just breathes against your mouth like he needs the oxygen from your lungs. Like yours is the only air that keeps him grounded.
His hips press into yours, one thigh sliding between your legs, and your back arches instinctively. His hands span your ribs now, thumbs brushing just beneath your bra. You feel the tremble in themânot from fear. From restraint.
âClark,â you whisper again, and his forehead drops to yours.
âYou okay?â he asks, voice rough and close.
You nod, breath catching. âYou?â
He hesitates. Not long. But long enough to count. âYeah. Just⊠feel a little off tonight.â
You pull back just enough to look at him.
Heâs flushed. Eyes darker than usual. But not winded. Not breathless. Not anything like you are. His chest doesnât even rise fast beneath your hands. Still, he smilesâlike he can will the oddness awayâand kisses you again. Deeper this time. Like distraction.
Like he doesnât want to stop.
You donât want him to either.
Not yet.
His mouth finds yours againâslower this time, more purposeful. Like heâs savoring it. Like heâs waited for this exact moment, this exact pressure of your hips against his, for longer than heâs willing to admit.
You gasp when his hands slide under your shirt, palms broad and steady, dragging upward in a path that sets every nerve on fire. He doesnât fumble. Doesnât rush. Just exploresâlike heâs memorizing, not taking.
âCan I?â he murmurs against your mouth, fingers brushing the underside of your bra.
You nod, breathless. âYes.â
He exhales, soft and reverent, and lifts your shirt over your head. Itâs discarded without ceremony. Then his hands are on you againâwarm, slow, mapping out the shape of you with open palms and patient awe.
âGod, youâre beautiful,â he murmurs, more breath than voice. His mouth finds the edge of your jaw, trailing kisses down to the hollow beneath your ear. âI think about this⊠so much.â
You shudder.
His hands move againâdown this time, gripping your thighs as he sinks to his knees in front of you. You barely have time to react before heâs tugging your pants down, slow and careful, mouth following the descent with lingering kisses along your hips, the dip of your pelvis, the inside of your thigh.
He looks up at you from the floor.
You nearly forget how to breathe.
âIâve wanted to take my time with you,â he admits, voice rough and low. âWanted to learn you slow. Learn how you taste. How you fall apart.â
And then he does.
He leans in and licks a long, deliberate stripe over the center of your underwear, still watching your face.
You whimper.
He smiles, just slightly, and does it again.
By the time he peels your underwear down and presses an open-mouthed kiss to your inner thigh, your knees are trembling.
Clark hooks one arm under your leg, lifting it over his shoulder like itâs nothing, and buries his mouth between your thighs with a groan that rattles through your whole body.
His tongue is warm and soft and maddeningly slowâcircling, tasting, teasing. He doesnât rush. Not even when your fingers knot in his hair and your hips rock forward with pure desperation.
âClarkââ
He hums against you, and the sound sends a full-body shiver up your spine.
âIâve got you,â he whispers, lips brushing you as he speaks. âLet me.â
You do.
You let him wreck you.
Heâs methodical about itâlike heâs following a map only he can see. One hand holding you steady, the other splayed against your stomach, keeping you anchored while he works you open with mouth and tongue and quiet, praising murmurs.
âSo sweet⊠thatâs it, sweetheart⊠you taste like heaven.â
Youâre already close when he slips a thick finger inside you. Then another. Slow, patient, curling exactly where you need him. His mouth never stops. His rhythm is steady. Focused. Unrelenting.
You come like thatâpanting, gripping his shoulders, thighs shaking around his ears as he groans and keeps going, riding it out with you until youâre trembling too hard to stand.
He rises slowly.
His lips are slick. His eyes are dark.
And youâve never seen anyone look at you like this.
âCome here,â you whisper.
He kisses you thenâdeep and possessive and tasting like you. Youâre the one tugging at his shirt now, unbuttoning in frantic clumsy swipes. You need him. Need him closer. Need him inside.
But when you reach for his belt, he stills your hands gently.
âNot yet,â he says, voice like thunder wrapped in velvet. âLet me take care of you first.â
You blink. âClark, Iââ
He kisses you againâsoft, lingering.
âIâve waited too long for this to rush it,â he murmurs, brushing hair from your face with the back of his knuckles. âYou deserve slow.â
Then he lifts you againâlike you weigh nothingâand carries you to the bed. He lays you down like youâre fragileâbut the look in his eyes says he knows youâre anything but. That youâre something rare. Something heâs been aching for. His palms skim over your thighs again, slow and deliberate, before he spreads you open beneath him.
He doesnât ask this time. Just settles between your legs like he belongs there, arms hooked under your thighs, holding you wide.
âClarkââ
âI know, sweetheart,â he murmurs, voice low and raw. âIâve got you.â
And he does.
His mouth finds you againâwarm, skilled, confident now. No hesitation, just long, wet strokes of his tongue that build on everything he already learned. And thenâwithout warningâhe slides two fingers back inside you.
You cry out, hips jolting.
He groans into you, fingers moving in tandem with his mouthâcurling just right, matching every flick of his tongue, every wet press of his lips. He doesnât stop. Doesnât falter. He watches you the whole time, eyes dark and hungry and so in love with the way you fall apart for him.
You grip the sheets, gasping his name, over and over, until your voice breaks on a sob of pleasure.
âClarkâGod, IâI canâtââ
âYes, you can,â he breathes. âYouâre almost there. Let go for me.â
You do. With a cry, with shaking thighs, with your fingers tangled in his hair and your back arching off the bed.
And he doesnât stop.
He rides your orgasm out with slow, worshipful strokes, kissing your thighs, murmuring into your skin, âSo good for me. Youâre perfect. Youâre everything.â
By the time he pulls back, youâre bonelessâdazed and trembling, your chest heaving as he kisses his way up your stomach.
But the way he looks at you thenâlike he needs to be closerâtells you this isnât over.
His hands brace on either side of your head as he leans over you. âCan IâŠ?â
Your hips answer for youâtilting up, chasing the heat and weight of him already pressed between your thighs.
âYes,â you whisper. âPlease.â
Clark groans low in his throat as he pushes his boxers down just enough, lining himself upâhis cock flushed and thick, already leaking, and you feel the weight of him between your thighs and gasp.
âGod, ClarkâŠâ
âI know,â he murmurs, forehead resting against yours, hips rocking forward just barely, teasing you with the head of his cock, dragging it through the slick mess he made with his mouth and fingers. âI know, baby. Justâjust let meâŠâ
He nudges in slow.
The stretch is slow and steady, his breath catching as your body parts for him. Heâs thick. Too thick, maybe, except your body wants himâtakes him like it was made to.
You whimper, and his jaw clenches tight.
âYou okay?â
âYâyeah,â you breathe. âDonât stop.â
He doesnât. Not even for a second. Inch by inch, he sinks into you, whispering your name, kissing your temple, gripping the backs of your thighs as you wrap your legs around his waist.
âFuck,â he hisses when he bottoms out, buried deep, balls pressed flush against you. âYou feelâJesus, you feel unbelievable.â
Youâre too far gone to answer. You just cling to him, nails dragging lightly down his back, moaning into his mouth when he kisses you again.
The first few thrusts are slow. Deep. Measured. He pulls out just enough to feel you grip him on the way back in, then does it againâand againâand again.
And then something shifts.
Your body clenches around him in a way that makes his head drop to your shoulder with a groan.
âOh my god, sweetheartâdonât do thatâIâm gonnaâfuckââ
He thrusts harder.
Not rough, not yet, but firmer. Hungrier. The control he started with begins to slip. You can feel it in his grip, in the sharp edge of his breath, in the tremble of the arm braced beside your head.
âBeen thinkinâ about this,â he grits out, voice low and wrecked. âEvery nightâevery goddamn night since the first note. You donât even know what you do to me.â
You whine, rolling your hips up to meet him, and he snapsâhips slamming forward hard enough to punch the air from your lungs.
âClarkââ
âIâve got you,â he gasps, fucking into you harder now, his voice filthy and tender all at once. âIâve got you, babyâso fuckinâ tightâcanât stopâdonât wanna stopââ
Youâre clinging to him now, crying out with every thrust. Itâs not just the way he fills youâitâs the way he worships you while he does it. The way he moans when you clench. The way he growls your name like a prayer. The way he falls apart in real time, just from the feel of you.
He grabs one of your hands, laces your fingers with his, pins it beside your head.
âYouâre mine,â he grits. âYou have to be mine.â
âYes,â you gasp. âYesâClarkâdonât stopââ
âNever,â he groans. âNever stopping. Not when you feel like thisâfuckââ
You can feel him getting closeâthe way his rhythm starts to stutter, the broken sounds escaping his throat, the way he buries his face against your neck and pants your name like heâs desperate to take you with him.
And youâre almost there too.
You donât even realize your hand is slipping until heâs gripping it againâpinned tight to the pillow, your fingers laced in his and clenched so tight it aches. The bed frame is starting to shudder beneath you now, the headboard knocking a rhythm into the wall, and Clark is gasping like heâs in pain from how good it feels.
His hips snap forward againâharder this time. Deeper. More desperate.
âFuckâfuckâIâm sorry,â he grits, voice ragged and thick, âIâm trying toâbabyâI canâtâhold backââ
You moan so loud it makes him flinch.
And then he breaks.
One second heâs pulling your name from his lungs like itâs the only word he knowsâand the next, he slams into you so hard the bed shifts a full inch. The lamp on the bedside table flickers. The candle flame bursts just slightly higher than beforeâflickering hot and fast, the wick blackening with a thin curl of smoke. It doesnât go out. It just burns.
Clarkâs back arches.
His cock drags over everything inside you in just the right way, hitting that spot again and again until youâre clutching at his shoulders, babbling nonsense against his skin.
âI canâtâI canâtâClark!â
âYou can,â he pants. âPleaseâplease, baby, cum with meâI can feel youâI can feel it.â
Your body goes taut.
A white-hot snap of pleasure punches through your spine, and your vision blacks out at the edges. You tighten around himâclenching, pulsing, dragging him over the edge with youâand he loses it.
Clark cursesâactually cursesâand growls something between a moan and a sob as he slams into you one last time, spilling deep inside you. His body locks, every muscle trembling. His teeth scrape the soft skin of your throatânot biting, just grounding himself. Like if he lets go, heâll come undone completely.
The lights flicker again.
The candle sputters once and steadies.
He breathes like a man starved. His chest heaves. But you can feel itâunder your hand, against your skin. His heartâs not racing.
Not like it should be.
Youâre gasping. Dazed. Boneless under him. But Clark⊠Clarkâs barely even winded. And yetâhis hands are trembling. Just slightly. Still laced in yours. Still holding on.
After, you lie thereâchests pressed close, legs tangled, the sheets barely clinging to your hips.
Clarkâs arm is slung across your waist, palm wide and warm over your belly like it belongs there. Like he doesnât ever want to move. His nose is tucked against your temple, breath stirring your hair in soft little pulses. He keeps kissing you. Your cheek. Your jaw. The edge of your brow. He doesnât stop, like heâs afraid this is a dream and kissing you might anchor it in place.
âStill with me?â he whispers into your skin.
You nod. Drowsy. Sated. Floating.
âGood.â His hand runs down your side in one long, reverent stroke. âDidnât mean to⊠get so carried away.â
You hum. âYou say that like I didnât enjoy every second.â
He smiles against your neck. You feel the curve of it, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.
A moment passes.
Then another.
âI think you short-circuited my bedside lamp somehow.â
Clark freezes. ââŠDid I?â
You roll your head to look at him. âIt flickered. Right as youââ
His ears turn bright red. âMaybe just⊠a power surge?â
You arch a brow. âRight. A romantic, orgasm-timed power surge.â
He mutters something into your shoulder that sounds vaguely like kill me now.
You grin. File it away.
Exhibit 7: Lightbulb went dim at the exact second he came. Candle flame doubled in height.
-
Later that night, long after youâve both dozed off, you wake to find Clark still holding you. One of his hands is under your shirt, splayed low across your stomach. Protective. Possessive in the gentlest way. His body is still curled around yours like a question mark, like heâs checking for all your answers in how your breath rises and falls.
You shift just slightlyâand his grip tightens instinctively, like even in sleep, he canât let go.
Exhibit 8: He doesnât sleep like a person. Sleeps like a sentry.
-
In the morning, you wake to the scent of coffee.
Your kitchen is suspiciously spotless for someone who swears heâs clumsy. The pot is full, the mugs pre-warmed, your favorite creamer already swirled in.
Clark is flipping pancakes.
Barefoot.
Wearing one of your sleep shirts. The tight one.
You lean against the doorframe, watching him. His back muscles flex when he flips the pan one-handed.
âMorning,â he says without turning.
You blink. âHowâd you know I was standing here?â
âI, uhâŠâ He falters, then gestures at the sizzling pan. âHeard footsteps. I assumed.â
You hum.
Exhibit 9: He heard me from across the apartment, over the sound of a frying pan.
-
Youâre brushing your teeth later when you spot the mirror fogged from the shower.
You reach for a towelâand notice itâs already been run under warm water.
You glance at him, and he just shrugs. âFigured youâd want it not freezing.â
âFigured?â you repeat.
He leans against the doorframe, smiling. âLucky guess.â
You donât respond. Just kiss his cheek with toothpaste still in your mouth.
Exhibit 10: He always guesses exactly what I need. Down to the second.
-
That night, he falls asleep on your couch during movie night, head on your thigh, hand around your wrist like a lifeline.
You swear you see the movie reflected in his eyesâlike the light isnât just hitting them but moving inside them. You blink. Itâs gone.
You look down at him. His lashes are impossibly long. His mouth is parted. His breathing is steadyâbut not quite⊠human. Too even. Too perfect.
Exhibit 11: His pupils did a thing. I donât know how to describe it. But they did a thing.
-
The next day, a car splashes a wave of slush toward you both on the sidewalk.
You brace for impact.
But Clark steps in front of you, faster than you can blink. The water hits him. Not you.
You didnât even see him move.
You narrow your eyes. He just smiles. âReflexes.â
âClark. Be honest. Do you secretly run marathons at night?â
He laughs. âNope. Just really hate laundry.â
Exhibit 12: Literally teleported into the splash zone to shield me. Probably didnât even get wet.
-
And still⊠you donât say it.
You donât ask.
Because heâs not just some blur of strength or spectacle.
Heâs the man who folds your laundry while pretending itâs because heâs âbad at relaxing.â Who scribbles notes in the margins of your drafts, calling your metaphors âdangerously good.â Who kisses your forehead with a kind of reverence like youâre the one whoâs unreal.
You know.
You know.
And he knows you know.
Because heâs hiding it from you. Not really.
When he stumbles over his own sentences, when his smile falters after a late return, when his jaw tenses at the sound of your name whispered too softlyâyou donât see evasion. You see weight. You see care.
Heâs protecting something.
And youâre trying to figure out how to tell him that you already know. That itâs okay. That youâre still here. That you love him anyway.
You havenât said it yetânot the knowing, not the loving. But it lives just under your skin. A second heartbeat. A full body truth. You think maybe, if you just look him in the eye long enough next time, heâll understand.
But still neither of you says it yet. Because the space between whatâs said and unsaidâthatâs where everything soft lives.
And youâre not ready to let it go.
-
The morning feels ordinary.
Thereâs a crack in the coffee pot. A printer jam. Perry yelling something about deadlines from his office. Jimmyâs camera bag spills open across your desk, and he swears heâll fix it after his coffee, and Lois is pacing, muttering about sources.
And then the screens change.
Itâs subtle at firstâjust a flicker. Then the feed cuts mid-commercial. Every monitor in the bullpen goes black, then red. Emergency alert. A shrill tone splits the air. Someone turns up the volume.
You look up.
And everything shifts.
The broadcast blares through the newsroom speakers, raw footage streaming in from a local news chopper.
Metropolis. Midtown. Chaos. A building half-collapsed. Smoke curling upward in a thick, unnatural spiral.
The camera joltsâand then there he is.
Superman.
Thrown through a brick wall.
You feel it in your bones before your brain catches up. Thatâs him. Thatâs Clark.
Heâs on his knees in the wreckage, panting, bleedingâfrom his temple, from his ribs, from a gash you canât see the end of. The suit is torn. His cape is shredded. Heâs never looked so human.
He tries to stand. Wobbles. Collapses.
You stop breathing.
âIs Superman going to be ok?â someone behind you murmurs.
âJesus,â Jimmy whispers.
âHeâll be fine,â Lois says, too casually. She leans back in her chair, sipping her coffee like itâs any other news cycle. âHe always is.â
You want to scream. Because thatâs not a story on a screen. Thatâs not some distant, untouchable god.
Thatâs your boyfriend.
Thatâs the man who brought you coffee this morning with one sugar and just the right amount of cream. The man who kissed your wrist in the elevator, whose hands trembled when he whispered I want to be enough. Who holds you like youâre something holy and bruises like heâs made of skin after all.
Heâs not fine. Heâs bleeding.
Heâs not getting up.
You freeze.
The bullpen keeps moving around youâhalf-aware, half-horrifiedâbut you canât speak. Canât blink. Canât breathe.
Your hands start to shake.
You grip the edge of your desk like it might anchor you to the floor, like if you let go youâll run straight out the door, out into the chaos, toward the wreckage and the fire and the thing trying to kill him.
A part of you already has.
A hit lands on the feedâsomething massive slamming him into the pavementâand your knees almost buckle from the force of it. Not physically. Not really. But somewhere deep. Something inside you fractures.
You donât know what the enemy is.
Alien, maybe. Or worse.
But itâs not the shape of the thing that terrifies youâitâs him. Itâs how slow he is to get up. How much his mouth is bleeding. How his eyes are unfocused. How youâve never seen him look like this.
You want to run.
You want to be there.
But youâre not. Youâre here. In your dress pants and button-up, in your neat little office chair, with your badge clipped to your hip and your heart breaking quietly.
Because no one else knows. No one else understands whatâs really at stake. No one else sees the man behind the cape.
Not like you do.
Your vision blurs.
You wipe your eyes. Pretend itâs nothing. The bullpen is too loud to hear your breath catch.
But stillâyour hands tremble and your heart pounds so violently it hurts.
And you cry.
Quietly.
You cry like the city might if it could feel. You cry like the sky should. You cry like someone already grievingâlike someone who knows what it means to lose him.
The footage wonât stop. Superman reels across the screenâhis suit torn, the shoulder scorched through in a blackened, jagged arc. Blood smears the corner of his mouth. Thereâs a limp in his gait now, one he keeps trying to mask. The camera catches it anyway.
The newsroom is silent now save for the hiss of static and the low voice of the anchor describing the damage downtown.
You sit frozen at your desk, the plastic edge biting into your palms as you grip it like it might stop your body from unraveling. The taste of bile has settled at the back of your throat. Your coffeeâs gone cold in its cup.
Across the bullpen, someone mutters, âJesus. He took a hit.â
âLook at the suit,â Lois says flatly, standing by one of the screens. âHeâs never looked that rough before.â
âDudeâs limping,â Jimmy adds, pushing his glasses up. âThat alien thingâwhat even was that?â
Their words feel like background noise. Distant. Warped. You canât seem to hear anything over the white-hot panic blistering in your chest.
You blink, your eyes burning, throat tight. You canât just sit here and cry. Not in front of Lois and Perry and half the bullpen. But your body is trembling anyway. You clench your hands in your lap, nails digging crescent moons into your skin.
Heâs hurt.
And heâs still out there.
Fighting.
Alone.
You canât just sit here.
You shove your chair back hard enough that it scrapes against the floor. âIâm going.â
Lois turns toward you. âGoing where?â
âIâm covering it. The attack. The fallout. Whateverâs leftâI want to see it firsthand.â
Loisâs brow lifts. âSince when do you make reckless calls like this?â
âI donât,â you snap, already grabbing your coat. âBut I am now.â
Jimmyâs already halfway to the door. âIf weâre going, Iâm bringing the camera.â
Lois hesitates. Then sighs. âHell. You twoâll get yourselves killed without me.â
You donât wait for her to finish grabbing her phone. Youâre already out the door.
-
Downtown is a war zone.
The smell of scorched concrete clings to the air. Smoke spirals in uneven plumes from the carcass of a building that must have been beautiful once. Sirens scream in every direction, red and blue lights flashing off every pane of shattered glass.
You arrive just as the dust begins to settle.
The battle is over but the wreckage tells you how bad it was.
The Justice Gang moves through the remains like figures out of a dreamâtattered and bloodied, but upright.
Guy Gardner limps past, muttering curses. âNext time, Iâm bringing a bigger damn ring.â Kendra SaundersâHawkgirlâhas one wing half-folded and streaked with blood. She ignores it as she checks on a paramedicâs bandages. Mr. Terrific is already coordinating with local emergency crews, directing flow with a hand to his ear. And MetamorphoâGod, he looks like heâs melting and re-solidifying with every breath.
And thenâŠ
Him.
He descends from the smoke. Not in a blur. Not with a boom of sonic air. Slowly. Controlled.
But not untouched.
He lands in a crouch, shoulders tight, the line of his jaw drawn sharp with tension. His boots crunch against broken concrete. His cape is torn at one edge, flapping limply behind him.
Heâs hurt.
Heâs so clearly hurt.
And even through all of itâthrough the dirt and blood and painâhe sees you. His eyes lock onto yours in an instant. The rest of the world falls away. Thereâs no press. No chaos. No destruction.
Just him.
And you.
The corner of his mouth liftsâjust a flicker. Not a smile. Just⊠recognition.
And something deeper behind it.
You know know.Â
And he is letting you know.
But he straightens a second later, lifting his chin, slotting the mask back into place like a practiced motion. He squares his shoulders, winces barely perceptible, and turns to face the press.
Lois is already stepping forward, questions in hand. âSuperman. What can you tell us about the enemy?â
His voice is steady, but you can hear it nowâhear the strain. The breath that doesnât quite come easy. The syllables that drag like theyâre fighting his tongue. âIt wasnât local,â he says. âSome kind of dimensional breach. We had help closing it.â
Jimmyâs camera clicks. Kendra coughs into her hand.
Youâre not writing.
Youâre just watching.
Watching the soot along his cheekbone. The split in his lip. The way he shifts his weight to favor one side. The way the âsâ in âjusticeâ drags like it hurts to say.
He looks tired.
But more than thatâhe looks like Clark.
And itâs never been more obvious than right now, standing under broken sky, trying to pretend like nothingâs changed.
You want to run to him. You want to hold him up.
But you stay rooted.
When the questions start to slow and the press begins murmuring among themselves, he glances over. Just at you.
âAre you okay?â he asks, barely audible.
You nod. âAre you?â
He hesitates. Then says, âGetting there.â
Itâs not a performance. Not for them. Just for you.
You nod again. The look you share says more than anything else could.
I know.
Iâm not leaving.
You donât have to say it.
When he flies awayâslower this time, one hand brushing briefly against his ribsâitâs not dramatic. Thereâs no sonic boom. No heat trail. Just wind and distance.
Lois exhales. âHe looked rough.â
Jimmy nods. âStill hot, though.â
You say nothing. You just stare up at the empty sky. And press your shaking hand over your heart.
-
You fake calm.
You smile when Jimmy slaps your shoulder and says something about getting the footage up by morning. You nod through Loisâs sharp-eyed stare and mutter something about your deadline, your byline, your blood sugarâanything to get her to stop watching you like she knows what youâre not saying.
But the second youâre alone?
You run. Itâs not a sprint, not really. Just that jittery, full-body urgencyâthe kind that makes your hands shake and your legs move faster than your thoughts can follow. You donât remember the trip home. Just the chaos of your own pulse, the way your chest wonât stop aching.
You replay the scene again and again in your mind: his landing, the blood on his lip, the flicker of pain when he looked at you. That not-quite smile. That nearly imperceptible tremble.
Youâd never wanted to hold someone more in your life.
And when you reach your door, keys fumbling, heart still hammering? Heâs already there.
You pause halfway through the doorway.
Heâs standing in your living room, like heâs been waiting hours. Heâs not in the suit. No cape. No crest. Just a plain black T-shirt and flannel pajama pants, his hair still damp like he just showered.
He looks like Clark. Except⊠tonight you know thereâs no difference.
âHi,â he says quietly. His voice is soft. Familiar. âI didnât mean to startle you.â
You blink. âDid you break through my patio door?â
He winces. âYes. Sort of.â
You lift a brow. âYou owe me a new lock.â
âIt doesnât work like that.â He says with a roll of his eyes.Â
A silence stretches between you. Itâs not tense. Not angry. Just full of everything neither of you said earlier.
He takes a step toward you, then stops. âHow long have you known?â
You drop your keys in the bowl by the door and toe off your shoes before answering. âSince the lamp. And the candle,â you say. âBut⊠mostly tonight.â
He nods like that hurts. Like he wishes he couldâve done better. Like he wishes he couldâve told you in some perfect, movie-moment way.
âI didnât want you to find out like that,â he says quietly.
You walk to the couch and sit, your limbs finally catching up to the adrenaline crash still sweeping through you. âIâm glad I found out at all.â
Thatâs what makes him move. He sinks down beside you, hands on his knees. You can see it in his profileâthe exhaustion, the regret, the weight heâs been carrying for so long. Youâre not sure heâs ever looked more human.
âIâve been hiding so long,â he says, voice barely above a whisper. âI forgot how to be seen. And with you⊠I didnât want to lie. But I didnât want to lose it either. I didnât want to lose you.â
Your throat tightens. âYou wonât,â you say. And you mean it.
His head turns then, slowly, eyes meeting yours like heâs trying to memorize your face from this distance. You donât look away.
When he kisses you, itâs not careful. Itâs not shy. Itâs like something breaks open inside himâsoftly. The dam finally giving way.
His hands cradle your face like youâre something heâs terrified to shatter but needs to feel. His mouth is hot and open, reverent, desperate in the way it deepens. He kisses like heâs anchoring himself to the earth through your lips. Like everything in him is still shaking from battle and youâre the only thing that still feels real.
You reach for him. Thread your fingers into his hair. Pull him closer.
It builds like a slow swellâhands tangling, breathing harder, heat coiling low in your stomach. He pushes you back gently against the cushions, his body moving over yours with careful precision. Not to pin. Just to hold.
You feel it in every motion: the restraint. The effort. He could crush steel and heâs using that strength to cradle your ribs.
He undresses you with reverence. His fingers tremble when they touch your bare skin. Not from hesitationâbut because heâs finally allowed to want. To have. To be seen.
You undress him too. That soft black T-shirt comes off first. Then the flannel. His chest is mottled with bruises, a dark one blooming across his side where that alien creature mustâve hit him. Your fingertips trace the edge of it.
He exhales, shaky. But he doesnât stop you.
Youâre straddling his lap before you realize it, chest to chest, foreheads pressed together.
âAre you scared?â he whispers.
Your thumb brushes his cheek. âNever of you.â
He kisses you againâslower this time. More control, but more depth too. His hands glide down your back and settle at your hips, thumbs pressing into your skin like he needs the reminder that youâre here. That you chose this.
The rest unfolds like prayer. The way he touches youâthorough, patient, hungryâitâs worship. Every gasp you make pulls a soft, broken sound from his throat. Every arch of your back makes his eyes flutter shut like heâs overwhelmed by the sight of you. The way he moves inside you is deep and aching and full of something larger than either of you.
Not rough. But desperate. Raw. True.
And even when he faltersâwhen his hands grip too tight or the air warms just a little too fastâyou hold his face and whisper, âI know. Itâs okay. I want all of you.â And he gives it. All of him. Until the only thing either of you can do is fall apart. Together.
Later, when youâre curled up on the couch in a tangle of limbs and quiet breathing, he rests his forehead against your temple.
The city buzzes somewhere far away.
He whispers into your skin: âNext time⊠donât let me fly off like that.â
Your smile is soft, tired. âNext time, come straight to me.â
He nods, eyes already fluttering shut.
And finally, for the first time since this beganâyou both sleep without secrets between you.
-
You wake to sunlight. Not loud, not harshâjust soft beams slipping through the blinds, spilling across the floor, warming the space where your bare shoulder meets the sheets. You blink slowly, the weight of sleep still thick behind your eyes, and shift just slightly in the tangle of limbs wrapped around you. He doesnât stir. Not even a little.
Clark is still curled around you like the night never endedâhis chest at your back, legs tangled with yours, one arm snug around your waist and the other folded up against your ribs, fingers resting over your heart like heâs guarding it in his sleep.
You donât move. You canât. Because itâs perfect. You let your cheek rest against his arm, warm and solid beneath you, and you just listenâto the steady rhythm of his heart, to the rise and fall of his breathing, to the way the silence doesnât feel empty anymore. You donât know if youâve ever felt more grounded than you do right now, held like this. It isnât the cape. It isnât the flight. It isnât the power that quiets the noise in your chest.
Itâs him. Just Clark. And for once, you donât need anything else.
He stumbles into the kitchen half an hour later in your robe. Your actual, honest-to-god, fuzzy gray robe. Itâs oversized on you, which means it fits him like a second skinâbelt tied loose at the hips, collar gaping just enough to make you lose your train of thought. His hair is a mess, sticking up in soft black tufts. His glasses are nowhere to be found. He scratches the back of his neck, blinking at the cabinets like heâs not entirely sure how kitchens work.
You lean against the counter with your arms folded, watching him with open amusement. âYou own too much flannel.â
Clark glances over, eyes squinting against the light. âIâll have you know, that robe is a Metropolis winter essential.â
âYouâre bulletproof.â
âI get cold emotionally.â
You snort. âYouâre such a menace in the morning.â
âAnd yet,â he says, opening the fridge and retrieving eggs with the careful precision of someone whoâs clearly trying not to break them with super strength, âyou let me stay.â
You grin. âYouâre lucky youâre cute.â
He burns the first pancake. Which is honestly impressive, considering you werenât even sure it was physically possible for someone with super speed and heat vision to ruin breakfast. But he flips it too fastâlike way too fastâand the thing launches halfway across the skillet before folding in on itself and sizzling dramatically.
You raise an eyebrow. Clark stares down at the pancake like it betrayed him. âI didnât account for surface tension.â
âDid you just say âsurface tensionâ while making pancakes?â
âIâm a complex man,â he says solemnly.
You lean over and pluck a piece of fruit from the cutting board he forgot he was slicing. âYouâre a menace and a dork.â
He pouts. Full, actual pout. Then shuffles over and kisses your shoulder. âIâll get better with practice.â
You roll your eyes. But your skinâs still buzzing where his lips brushed it.
Later, you sit on the counter while he stands between your knees, coffee in one hand, the other resting warm on your thigh. Itâs quiet. Not awkward or forcedâjust soft. Full of little glances and sips and contented silence. Thereâs no fear in him now. No carefully placed pauses. No skirting around things. He just⊠is. Clark Kent. The boy who spilled coffee on your notes three times. The man who kept writing to you in secret even when you didnât see him.
âYouâre not what I expected,â you say, fingers brushing his arm.
He lifts an eyebrow. âOh?â
âI donât know. I guess I thought Superman would be⊠shinier. Less flannel. More invincible.â
âAre you saying Iâm not shiny enough for you?â
âIâm saying youâre better.â
He blinks. And thenâjust like thatâhe smiles. Not the bashful one. Not the public one. The real one. Small and warm and honest. The kind of smile you only give someone when you feel safe. And maybe thatâs what this is now. Safety. Not the absence of dangerâbut the presence of someone who will always come back.
His communicator buzzes from somewhere in the bedroom. Clark lets out the most exhausted groan youâve ever heard and buries his face in your shoulder like itâll make the world go away.
âYou have to go?â you ask gently, threading your fingers through his hair.
âSoon.â
âYouâll come back?â
He lifts his head. Meets your eyes. âEvery time.â
You kiss him thenâslow and deep and familiar now. The kind of kiss that tastes like mornings and memory and maybe something closer to forever. He kisses you back like he already misses you. And when he finally pulls away and disappears into the sky outside your windowâless streak of light, more quiet partingâyou just stand there for a moment. Barefoot. Wrapped in your robe. Heart full.
Youâre about to start cleaning up the kitchen when you see it. A post-it note, stuck to the fridge. Just a small square of yellow. Written in the same handwriting you could spot anywhere now.
âYou always look soft in the mornings. I like seeing you like this.â
âC.K.
You read it three times. Then you smile. You walk to the cabinet above the sink, open the doorâand stick it right next to all the others. The secret ones. The old ones. The ones that helped you feel seen before you even knew whose eyes were watching.
And now you know. Now you see him too.
All of him.
And you wouldnât trade it for anything.
-
tags: Â @eeveedream m @anxiousscribbling @pancake-05 @borhapparker @dreammiiee @benbarnesprettygurl @insidethegardenwall @butterflies-on-my-ashes s @maplesyrizzup @rockwoodchevy @jasontoddswhitestreak @loganficsonly @overwintering-soldier @hits-different-cause-its-you @eclipsedplanet @wordacadabra @itzmeme e @cecesilver @crisis-unaverted-recs @indigoyoons @chili4prez @thetruthisintheirdreams @ethanhoewke (<â it wouldnât let me tag some blogs Iâm so sorry!!)
Summary: Things aren't looking too good for you, sitting alone at the Hard Deck waiting for a man who might not show. Until Bradley Bradshaw sits down across from you and turns your entire night upside down.
Pairing: Bradley âRoosterâ Bradshaw x Reader
Length: 7.7k
Warnings: fluff, so much flirting, and an italicized oh
Going on a first date on Valentineâs Day is unarguably the worst possible idea that anyone has ever had.And while the sure to be terrible, no good, horribly bad idea hadnât been yours, you werenât entirely sure what you were thinking when youâd even agreed to it in the first place.
The guy you were planning to meet tonight was cute enough, even if you were still undecided about the mustache. And while the chats between the two of you had been pretty good as far as it goes getting to know a literal stranger, you were hopeful that it could be even better in person. The fact he was in the Navy was still a bit of a consideration for you, but not a deal breaker.
In retrospect, the name of the bar should have been your first clue and the location paired with the causal beachy exterior covered in planes should have been the second.
You had been expecting to see more than one girl all done up in pinks and reds tonight, but you couldnât have been more wrong. And you swear to god, somewhere you hear a record scratch as you step into the Hard Deck, because you are surrounded by nothing but a sea of olive green and khaki and denim.
And you have never been so clearly out of place in your entire life.
There was nothing about your ensemble that was even remotely fitting for the literal Navy bar youâd found yourself in.
The ice pink mini slip dress youâd dug out of your closet was admittedly a little much for a first date, but since it was Valentineâs Day you figured why not lean into it a bit. And well, if your date didnât appreciate it, then that was a him problem.
Or so youâd thought at the time, because now it was a decidedly you problem.
The silhouette was simple enough, with the gentle drape of the cowl neck and the barely-there spaghetti straps, but the shiny sheen of the fabric made a statement of its own. It wasnât something you got to wear very often for as much as you loved it.
But then youâd gone ahead and paired it with the tallest, most ostentation heels you had. The effort had been worth it though because the pearl encrusted block heels made your legs look like they went on for days. Even if it had been a feat trying to get the dainty buckle done with the way youâd been rushing out of the house with your beaded bag in tow.
The whole look was something youâd sure would come with Cher Horowitzâs seal of approval. However, the patrons of the Hard Deck you were less sure about. And even though there were civilians- like yourself- scattered about the bar, none were anywhere near as dressed up as you.
There are more than a few pairs of eyes on you as you stand there with your feet glued to the uneven wooden floors, as the door with its porthole-shaped window slowly closes behind you with a squeaky creak. The twinkle lights above your head felt more like a spotlight, illuminating how out of place you are in this moment.
Your hand is still clutched on the handle unsure whether youâre going to make a run for it or not. You are more than a little tempted to hightail it back to the parking lot and text your date to claim a bout of food poisoning from the safety of the driverâs seat in your car.
But chances are if your date is here then he has already seen you. A bright beacon of pink amongst varying shades of brown and woodgrain.
âOh my god,â you mutter under your breath, trying not to panic. Officially a victim of your own bad decision making.
You take a quick scan of the room, trying to decide what your next move should be. Thereâs a woman behind the bar with kind but clearly inquisitive eyes. A blonde with a wolfish smile eyes you from where he stands next to a man with broad shoulders bent over what must be the pool table, hidden behind the paneled half wall. By a dart board, there are a couple men with their heads turned towards you, the game seemingly forgotten as they discuss the spectacle that is you.
There are hundreds of planes dangling over the bar, patches and plaques littering the walls and rafters, rounders suspended from the ceiling laden with too many ceramic mugs to count. It was all done with a heavy-handed, maximalistic approach that youâd take a moment to appreciate under any other given circumstances.
When you spot an open table tucked away in the corner of the room it feels like life raft to the iceberg of a situation youâve put yourself in. Mindful of the scuffed, uneven floors- because the last thing you need is to eat shit or twist an ankle in front of room full of curious onlookers- you hustle over to the spot in hopes of having a moment to regroup. Â
Once youâre situated- shrugging off the ivory cardigan youâd topped your outfit, trying to keep the nervous sweat that wanted to break out over your body at bay- you pull out your phone and check the time only to realize youâre devastatingly on time. Five minutes early, to be specific.
So you wait.
And check your phone again and the notifications in the dating app, just in case you missed something.
And wait.
You try to play it cool, skimming posts on Instagram and replying to some overdue texts. Finding anything you can to keep yourself occupied to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach the longer you sit there. Alone.
Now youâre not just simply embarrassed, youâre mortified.
You can still feel the eyes, the energy steadily shifting from curiosity to sympathy over the last thirty minutes youâve been waiting all alone in the corner of a Navy bar you had no business being in for a man who clearly wasnât going to show.
So much for doing it for the plot, you think to yourself with a shake of your head.
Another minute ticks by with no message and you decide youâre more than ready to hightail it out of there. Fully aware that youâre about to become a topic of conversation that wonât have to be restricted to only covert glances and muffled whispers. But hopefully, theyâll at least wait until the door closes behind you before the chatter starts up for real.
With a sigh, you reach for your beaded bag, just as a large body slips into the chair across from you, with an ease that is in contrast to the bulk of muscles you catch in your peripheral vision.
âYou look like youâre in need of a date,â a warm, raspy voice offers.
Itâs the smile that you catch first. Not quite a grin, but something familiar and friendly and charming in the way it crookedly pulled to the left. Followed closely by the rich chocolate brown eyes that were squarely trained on you with a look that was just as earnest as it was playful. But what surprised you the most was the way he was sitting in the stool across from you just as comfortably as if he was supposed to be there all along.
There was no way you could have prepared yourself for the sheer level of attractiveness of this man.
He was in a league of his own with those curls and wide shoulders. The white and olive green stripped crochet shirt he was wearing didnât hurt either, especially the way the top buttons were undone giving you glimpse of a chain around his neck and the chest underneath it. He didnât need to be in uniform- or even in a Navy bar- for you to tell he was a military man. Not with the confident way he held himself.
Even if the mustache he was sporting made it feel like the universe was playing tricks on you, but he more than wore it well.
You huff out a self-deprecating laugh. âWhat gave it away?â you ask. âThe way Iâve been watching the door? Or just the general look of regret and embarrassment?â
âEmbarrassed? What do you have to be embarrassed about?â His eyebrows pull together, perplexed. He shakes his head like he disagrees with even the suggestion of it. âI think the only person who should be embarrassed is the guy who is missing out on sitting across from you right now.â
You give him a soft smile of your own in return for the cinnamon sweet words. Thereâs a genuineness in his tone that makes some of the tightness that had settled in your shoulders from the moment youâd walked in release.
âThatâs kind of you, but I think Iâm going to head out,â you say, nodding to the door you never should have stepped through in the first place.
He gives you a teasing tsk. âAnd let a dress like that go to waste? Now that would be a shame.â
The appreciative look in his gaze that sets off a swarm of butterflies in your stomach. And then his eyebrow ticks up, just a little. Part invitation, part dare. And you canât say youâre not intrigued.
Thereâs a decision to make.
You could leave now and cut your losses. There was a reason you had a back-up pizza in the fridge and had left you well-loved copy of Youâve Got Mail sitting out on your coffee table.
Or you could stick around and see what happens next.
You tilt your head at him, just as teasing. âWould it now?â
âIt would,â he states, sincerely.
Before you can reply, your phone lights up with a new notification, pulling you out of the whisky haze youâd found yourself in.Â
His eyes dip down to your illuminated screen. âIs that him?â
âIt is,â you confirm, almost regretfully. You open the app and skim the message. And then read it again.
Thereâs no sorry, no apology for cancelling a half an hour after the time for the date that had been his idea in the first place. And then heâd even had the audacity to tack on a cavalier maybe another time at the end.
Unbelievable.
He lets out a low whistle. âThat bad, huh?â
âApparently, I should have been the one to remind him that the fourteenth of February is a calendar holiday and a fan favorite day of the greeting card companies.â Itâs so ridiculous youâd laugh if you werenât so annoyed by the lack of consideration and the not-so-subtle blame heâd tried to shift on you. âEven though I did double check if he was sure about meeting up today, I guess I didnât realize I actually needed to spell out âValentineâs Dayâ for him.â
The man across from you doesnât bother holding back the less than impressed look on his face. And you decide you like that about him, that he wears his thoughts so openly. Itâs refreshing.
âDo you mind if I take a look at his profile?â
You shrug and pass your phone over. You were planning on blocking West the second you had a moment anyways. You see him roll his eyes and guess it has something to do with the amount of shirtless gym selfies.
He snorts as he scrolls, âPlease, his mustache has nothing on mine.â
An amused laugh escapes you. âAre we ranking mustaches now? Because if thatâs the case, Iâm sorry to say that Iâd have to give it to Selleck.â
âFair enough,â he concedes good-naturedly, as he hands you back your phone. âBut am I at least a close second?â Thereâs no mistaking the flirtatious tone in his voice.
You hum and take full advantage of the opportunity to look at him unabashedly, mapping the contours of his face because you can.
To simply call him handsome would be an understatement.
The way the golden light of the sunset is hitting him you catch some sunkissed strands in those soft looking waves of his hair. Thereâs the beginning of some crinkles around the edges of his eyes. You notice the scars on his face, some that look long healed and others that are still a light pink- like the one on the side of his neck and beneath is ear. And that mustache on him worked for you, one hundred percent.
Thereâs a playful glint in his eyes as he lets you assess him that leaves no question as to whether or not heâs been flirting with you. You like the way heâs looking at you and the way heâs easily made you forget about being overdressed and how uncomfortable you were even just five minutes ago. Youâre having fun. And while you still havenât answered his question from earlier, you have no doubt that heâd show you a good time if you let him.
âMaybe not a close second, but yours is certainly up there,â you tease.
He grins. âI can work with that.â Thereâs something about the way he adds on for now that has a spark dancing up along your spine. And then he sticks out his hand, âIâm Bradley.â
Itâs a good name. It suits him. Itâs one you think youâll enjoy the way your tongue will curl around the letters of it in your mouth.
When you give him yours in return, he sits up straighter in his seat, like heâs won a small victory.
You donât doubt that heâs the chivalrous type, the fact that heâs gone out of his way to come over to try and turn this evening around for you says more about him than any dating profile with nonsense questions and overthought answers ever could. But with a man like him, one whoâd swoop in to save the night of a stranger because she looks like a damsel in distress, thereâs an answer to a question you need to hear first.
âBradley, this isnât a pity thing, is it?â You were right, you like the way saying his name feels. You drop your hands into your lap, as you search his eyes. âBecause if it is, thatâll make me feel worse than being stood up did.â
The way the words were sitting out and open on the table between the two of you made you feel vulnerable in a way you didnât like. But youâd rather know now before anything goes further. Doing it for the plot or not, your ego could only take so much bruising in one evening.
He pins you with a look so serious that you feel it down to your toes. âTrust me, this is furthest thing from a âpity thingâ, as you put it,â Bradley says, his tone slipping down a few gravelly notes. âBecause if Iâm being honest, if that asshole had actually shown up, I donât know if I would have played fair.â
Oh.
A thrilling rush of warmth courses through you as your cheeks heat up.
You nod, trying to not look as affected as you feel. âOk, I believe you.â
âGood,â he smirks, his gaze dropping down and lingering on your lips. You didnât realize youâd trapped your lower lip between your teeth, you release it immediately. âBecause you should know, I would have come over sooner- the second I saw you, actually- if Iâd known. Thatâs some dress, sweetheart,â Bradley continues, âPlus, youâd be doing me a favor.â
You couldnât help but be curious, so you lean in closer. âOh, how so?â
Bradley mirrors you, crossing his thick forearms over each other and leans in that much closer. âI havenât had a Valentine in years,â he says it like heâs letting you in on a secret.
For the first time all night, you donât regret wearing the dress. You donât regret the ostentatious shoes or the glimmering beaded bag. You donât regret walking through that creaky door. You donât regret showing up tonight.
How could you when youâve just been served the best plot twist youâve possibly ever experienced? A meetcute you never could have seen coming.
You realize just how close your faces have gotten and lean back in your seat, from fear of thinking you might do something stupid, like kiss him. âWill you stop with the big cow eyes, if I agree?â
Those crinkles around his eyes deepen, âGood to know they still work, I wasnât sure if I still had it.â
You press your lips together trying to hide your smile, all too thoroughly charmed, but the corners of your mouth curl up all the same.
âTrust me, you have plenty.â
And Bradleyâs own smile gets even wider.
Anyone in the bar can see how pleased with himself he is at your words. It rolls off of him in steady waves and swirls around your shins and ankles.
He makes a show of settling further into his seat, now that it is officially his seat. âWhatâre we thinking? One milkshake, two straws?â
You play along and pretend to ponder the offer for a moment. âThat seems more like a second date type of activity, does it not?â
âYouâre right, something to look forward to for next time,â he responds, not missing a beat. âSo, can I buy you a drink?â
âIâll allow it.â
âI was hoping youâd say that.â
There wasnât a menu or anything on the table when you sat down, so you arenât sure what all is offered here. You thought you might have caught a glimpse of a laminated stack near register when youâd first walked in, but you hadnât wanted to draw any more attention to yourself at the time by getting up again and wandering around and reminding people just how out of place youâd been.
You look around and see a mix of ceramic steins, pint glasses, beer bottles, and a few stems of wine on tabletops and in the hands of the other patrons.
The noise of the bar had become a faint white noise in your ears as the two of you talked, but it comes back in full force now.
Bradleyâs lips twitch up. Not in a smirk, but something caught between amused and something else you canât quite describe.
You try not to fidget under his warm gaze, âWhat?â
He slides out of his stool and rounds the table, setting a big hand on the armrest near your elbow, âThereâs something you should know about me, sweetheart.â
âAnd whatâs that?â you ask, more than a little breathlessly. Feeling a little high off of the smell of his leather and vanilla cologne, and something underneath that that reminds you of kerosene in a way that makes you want to breathe him in even more.
Bradley dips down close, his lips just a whisper from your ear, and murmurs, âPink is my favorite color.â
Your head tips back on its own as you laugh. Its unabashedly loud and bright and delighted thing that fills the nooks and crannies of the corner youâd tucked yourself away into. And if a few heads turn your way because of it, thatâs alright with you.
You donât believe him, not one little bit. But thatâs part of the fun. The back and forth, the flirting, the banter, the teasing. Heâs so quickly turned this night around for you, you already know your cheeks are going to hurt by the end of it.
The sound of Bradleyâs own laughter chases after yours. Itâs warm and raspy and boyish, and you like the sound of it. You like him.
You catch his wrist, his skin warm under your palm. âWait, whatâs it really?â
âRed,â Bradley says, then gives you a slow once over, making your pulse spark in your veins. âBut youâve got me second guessing myself now.â He gives you a wink and then heads towards the bar.
You watch stunned as he saunters away, admiring the way the light wash jeans heâs wearing form to his long legs, before taking a moment to send a string of words punctuated with more than a few exclamation points to the group chat.
When he comes back, only a few minutes later, he has glass of familiar pink wine in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other. And oddly enough, a straw tucked into the pocket on his shirt.
âItâs almost a perfect match,â he notes, when he sets it in front of you.
âAt least I wonât have to worry about staining if I end up spilling on myself.â
Bradley chuckles and moves his stool in closer to yours, sitting back down with more smooth grace than a man with his build has any right to move. He tips the neck of his beer towards you, and you lightly tap your wine glass against it.
You take a sweet sip. âSo.â
âSo,â he repeats, with a teasing lift of his eyebrow.
âWhatâs your move?â you ask, running a glossy tipped finger around the rim of your wineglass.
âMy move?â And thereâs that grin again, one he doesnât try to hide as he takes a sip of his own. Â ââm pretty sure Iâve been showing you my moves since I sat down. Iâve never been good at being subtle.â
Bradley pulls the straw from his pocket and taps it a few times against the shellacked woodgrain table top. He takes the flimsy wrapper carefully starts twisting it, a little furrow of concentration forms between his brows, spiraling it until itâs pulled taut against itself. Â
You set an elbow on the edge, resting your chin on your hand as you study him. âBut whatâs the big move? I know you have one,â you press further.
His hands are big, calloused and rough, but capable. You want to know the story behind the scar thatâs near the base of his thumb. You note that he wears his watch on the right instead of the left, and you pocket that new discovery for yourself the way a kid enthusiastically collects rocks in a park.
Bradley takes that piece of paper and folds it in half before twisting it again.
You watch in fascination as that pleased grin transforms into a confident smirk, like heâs enjoying even just the thought of showing you his big move. He looks like good trouble.
Bradleyâs eyes slowly lift to yours, his hands pausing whatever heâs doing with that wrapper. He shoots a thumb to the left towards the end of the oval shaped bar. âYou see that piano over there?â
âMhm.â Itâs an almost purr.
âThatâs my big move.â
You feel your eyebrows lift in surprise. Bradley gave off such hometown golden boy vibes, youâd never have expected that heâd be the musical type too. The idea of seeing those hands fly over a set of black and white piano keys made your stomach tighten deliciously in anticipation.
âAm I going to get to see it?â
His gaze is steady on you when he replies, âYeah, sweetheart, Iâll show you my move.â
A grin stretches across your face and you feel downright giddy, as you wiggle your shoulders in triumph.
Bradley shakes his head amused, and then refocuses his efforts on the task heâd started with the straw wrapper. He struggles only for a moment- those large fingers getting in the way- as he tries to open the end just enough to slip the tail though. He gives it one more final twist, securing the loop, before inspecting his handiwork.
âNow, since weâre valentines and all, it seemed only fitting that I get you- well, make you- a little something.â Bradley gives you a soft, boyish smile as he holds out his palm towards you, and in the center of it is a perfectly crafted paper ring. âSorry, I couldnât find you a Ring Pop on short notice.â
The words escape you for a moment at the sheer sweetness of the gesture.
Gently, you take it from his outstretched hand, and slip it onto the pointer finger of your right hand, adjusting it with care until you have it situated just right.
âI usually wouldnât be able to accept something so grand on a first date. But for you, Iâll make an exception,â you say, liltingly. âThank you, Bradley.â
You look down to appreciate it again, more than a little tempted to take it off and tuck it securely into your purse for safekeeping. For as much as you liked your dress and bag and your shoes, that little paper ring was now your favorite piece of the outfit you were wearing.
When you glance back up at him, his cheeks have the faintest pink hue to them. The little nonchalant shrug he tries to give you does nothing to hide how pleased he looks. âI make a mean daisy chain too. We might have to wait a couple months for Spring, but Iâm good for it.â
Your mind flashes with an image of you and him in a park with a picnic basket sat between the two of you, and those large hands of his threading celery green stems together. Itâs a pretty picture.
âWell, arenât you just a regular modern day Renaissance man.â
âIâm a man of many talents,â he rasps, silky smooth. It makes goosebumps raise along your arms. âNow, Iâve told you mine. Canât say Iâm not dying to know what your big move is. Am I going to get to see it, sweetheart?â
âMaybe,â you muse, lifting your glass to take another sip, âIf youâre good.â
Bradley hooks a foot under you stool and tugs you just a few inches closer. âJust out of curiosity, whatâs your position on kissing on a first date?â
You bend forward towards him and think you hear his breath hitch, you smile. âIâll keep you posted.â
Youâre still looking at his lips when a shout from across the bar startles you both.
âBradshaw!â
Bradley mutters a string of curses and then blows out a breath, giving you a smoldering look that tells you that the conversation is far from over. Youâre more than willing to let him try and change your mind about where he lands in the mustache rankings.
You look over your shoulder to see the with the sharp smile from earlier waving your date over to the pool table. âI take it you know, Malibu Ken?â
âUnfortunately.â A mischievous look coasts over his face. âBut Iâll get you all the Ring Pops you could ever want if you say that to his face.â
You laugh. âIâm holding out for that daisy chain.â
Another holler rings out from across the room, the same Southern drawl as before.
âSeems like he wants your attention. Is he a Leo?â
He snorts. âYou know what, he just might be. But more like heâs been waiting for the right moment to annoy me since I ditched him to come talk to a pretty girl instead.â
You try not to preen at the compliment.
âThe relentless type, huh?â
âYou donât know the half of it. I think Iâm about thirty seconds from him queuing up âYou Make Me Feel So Youngâ on repeat just to fuck with me,â Bradley explains. Thereâs a story there and you want to know more. âI know I still owe you the big move, but is it alright if I try to show off a little for you now? Just to get off my back for the rest of the night, then Iâm all yours.â
You feel like youâve just pulled an ace from your pocket.
âWhat are the stakes?â you ask, intrigued.
âTwo hundred dollars and a whiskey,â Bradley replies.
You let out a low whistle, trying to school the catlike grin that wants to overtake your face. âThatâs a lot of Ring Pops.â
The corners of his mouth curl up. âI was thinking dinner for our third date,â he says. âIâm buying for our second, of course. But itâs only right that we split the spoils of war.â
The sound of a brass band rings out over the staticky speakers and Bradley hangs his head down and lets out a long-suffering groan. You playfully pat his shoulder in faux commiseration.
You pretend to consider it for a moment, but you already know your answer. âOkay,â you agree, âJust as long as youâre okay with a little respectful ogling. You like my dress, and I like those jeans youâre wearing.â
He laughs, itâs a throaty rich sound. âIâd be offended if you didnât.â
You gather for you purse and sweater as Bradley stands. His hands come to your waist, helping you off the chair, your bodies closer than close. Itâs a forward move- he knows it, you know it- but with him, you donât mind at all.
Bradley offers you his hand and you take it in yours; his fingers slip between yours easily like the two of you have already done this before. Â
The two of you only make it a few steps before you tug on his hand, waiting until he looks at you from over his shoulder before asking, with a lifted brow, âBradley Bradshaw?â
He huffs out a not-so-exasperated sigh, âI blame it on the 80âs.â
âWhatever you say, Brad-Brad.â Itâs the one and only time youâre ever going to say it, you decide. You like saying his name too much to shorten it. And his back may be turned to you now, but that now familiar chuckle still makes its way to your ears.
He tucks it right back into your purse as the sound of brass instruments starts up yet again.
âLike a dog with a goddamn bone,â you hear him mumble. And you press your lips together to keep from laughing. Sure, youâd rather be seeing his big move, but you canât claim not to be amused by all of this.
He nods to a group of people in the corner near the popcorn machine when the two of you enter the alcove with pool table. Some of his other friends of his you assume.
You send them a little wave, one that they return in greeting. You can tell theyâre curious, but youâre grateful when they resume their conversation instead of making you feel like your date with Bradley had become a spectator sport for their viewing entertainment.
The first thing Bradley does is introduce you to his friend. Itâs a little thing, but he does it without prompt or awkwardly leaving you to take the initiative yourself. You appreciate the way he is still prioritizing your comfort the way heâs been doing it since he first sat down across from you.
The second thing he does is pull out a chair for you. Not with a fanfare, not with a flourish. But like itâs something thatâs innately ingrained in him. You get the sense that the gentleman thing isnât an act with him, itâs who he is.
Jake rests a hip against the table. âSorry to interrupt your date, but Bradshaw and I had some unfinished business.â
You wave him off, itâs not a big deal. Not when youâll have the rest of the night with Bradley. Plus, youâre eager to watch this play out between them, curious about their gameplay.
âYeah, yeah. Letâs get this over with,â Bradley rumbles, as he arranges the balls in the rack. And you wonder if he lost the lag before heâd made his way over to your table for one.
He comes back over to you, and leans on the ledge next to you as he chalks his cue. Youâd thought about slipping your sweater back on, with the outside chill pressing against the line of glass windows at your back, but Bradley had more than enough warmth radiating off of him that you didnât need to.
âYou that eager to be out a couple hundred, Bradshaw?â Jake grins, as he leans over the side of the table. He turns his gaze to you and sends you a wink right before he breaks, sending the cue ball barreling into the others with a resounding clack, scattering them across the table.
And then theyâre off.
Itâs a rapid fire of back-and-forth banter between the men as they take their shots. Mostly good natured, but undeniably competitive. Smirking when they land their shots, and snarking over fouls. Clear that neither of them wants to lose.
Jake is all confident posturing, playing low over the cue with a lightly too tight grip. Itâs the only thing that gives him away that heâs not the easygoing player as he wants people to think he is. Choosing higher risk shots that would highlight his ability versus some of the more straightforward options laid out for him, and skilled enough that it pays off most of the time. But after a couple rounds you note heâs too quick to stand up after taking his shot, not enough follow through because heâs too eager to see if his gamble pays off.
Bradley is all loose-limbed ease, clearly comfortable in both his skin and at the table. You can tell heâs probably playing quicker than he normally does, clearly trying to hurry up the game for your sake, even though he doesnât need to. Although he does take his time as he positions himself around the table, only adjusting his bridge every now and then. Always with a 1-2 shot, a warm-up stroke followed by a steady hit. Watching him you catch his tendency to throw out his elbow of the follow through.
The two are pretty well matched in skill, you observe with keen eyes, as the balls skate across the Top Gun insignia, against the rails, and into pockets.
When Bradleyâs not up to play, heâs by your side, right at your elbow. And when he is, itâs your eyes heâs looking into the moment he stands back up, seeking out your reaction. But more than once you feel his eyes on you as you watch them play.
True to your word, you to admire him in those snug fitting jeans. And when he catches your appreciative gaze, he sends you a wink before lining up his next shot.
Jake sinks another solid into the pocket heâd called only moments ago, and turns his dimpled smile at you, âYou still sure about your date with the old man, chickadee? I bet I could show him up in that department too.â
The way he says it, you know heâs just teasing, probably just to rile you date up and get a reaction from him.
âUnfortunately for you, I think I have a thing for mustaches now,â you toss back, unbothered. And Bradley smiles into his drink.
You watch as Jake lines up his next shot and hits the white with a compact stroke.
âDouble hit,â you declare.
âDammit,â Jake curses.
You look over to see Bradley looking at you with a focused look on his face. Like thereâs a theory clicking into place, one he needs the answer to. Wordlessly, he hands you the cue.
âYou sure?â you ask.
âTwo hundred dollars sure,â he states.
You take it from him with a sly grin.
Bradleyâs thighs brush against the front of your knees, you know if you parted them even a couple inches, that heâd fit just right between them. His hands landing on your waist again as he assists you off the stool youâve been perched on. And youâre starting to think he just likes an excuse to touch you, not that he needs one because you already more than like the feel of his hands on your body.
You walk the pool table, running a finger around the rails as you do. Evaluating the balls on the table like theyâre chess pieces. The slow clip of your heels on the floor like the tick of a clock as you take your time deciding your approach.
âYouâre the stripes,â Jake offers helpfully. âDonât worry, Iâll even let you have a free shot.â
And you canât help but laugh because this is going to be fun.
âBradley?â you ask, leisurely chalking your cue.
âYeah, sweetheart?â
âDo you mind?â You gesture to the spot behind you, and he catches on quick with a not-so-subtle glance at the short hem of your skirt.
He sets his beer down and comes to stand behind you, thereâs just enough space between the two of you that you donât have to worry about hitting him with the cue, his broad from proving you the coverage you needed to bend over the table. While you donât think youâd mind Bradley seeing the silk thong you had on underneath your dress, you werenât exactly up for flashing the whole bar.
You havenât played in a while, but itâs a muscle memory at this point, as you map out your moves. Seeing the lines and angles and arcs in your mindâs eye before anchoring your bridge.
You look at Bradley from over your shoulder, only to see his eyes are trained on the ceiling with his tongue pressed against his cheek. A gentleman, albeit not an unaffected one. A tendril of smokey gratification curls its way along your spine. You turn your head back to the pool table looking between the cue, target, cue ball, target.
Itâs a smooth stroke with a satisfying crack. A clean three-rail shot that lands the striped five into the pock youâd intended for it.
âDamnâ is all Jake says. His eyes you up, clearly impressed.
âYou sure about that free shot, Jake?â You stand up and smooth out your dress, just for the show of it. âOr do you want to make it double or nothing instead, Malibu Ken?â You hear Bradley snort from behind you.
And just like you thought, he wasnât one to back down from a challenge, âDeal.â Jake turns to Bradley. âI just let your girl hustle me, didnât I?â
âYou sure did,â Bradley says with a grin, but his eyes are on you.
Neither are surprised when you sink your next shot too. The six sailing into the left corner pocket.
On your next shot, you may or may not deliberately foul. A tactical choice that sets Jake up with a less than ideal position on the table, knowing itâll be a difficult shot for him to make.
âNow youâre just toying with me, arenât you?â Jake grouses.
Surprisingly, he banks it. But his good luck only lasting through that one play. Because on his next, the ball glances off the side rail at too acute an angle to reach the intended pocket and he groans.
Not quite ready to be done, you ease off a little. Enough that they both know youâre going easy on him to extend the game longer, just so that he can catch up to you.
But soon enough, soon thereâs only your eight ball left on the table.
âLooks like youâre about to be out four hundred dollars, Jake,â you say with a self-satisfied smirk.
âJust put me out of my misery already.â
You turn to Bradley, who has been carefully positioning himself behind you the whole time. You hold out the cue to him and ask, âDo you want the honors?â
He shakes his head. âGo on, finish him off, sweetheart. Iâm enjoying the show.â
And when your final ball tips into the side pocket, Jakes resounding groan is drown out by the whistle Bradley lets loose between his thumb and pointer finger, as you turn towards him beaming.
âThe atmâs by the restroom.â Bradley sounds only too happy to remind Jake as he closes the gap between the two of you.
You look over his wide shoulder, âAs for the whiskey, something expensive please, Malibu Ken.â
Jake huffs a grumble but nods all the same as he goes to round up your winnings.
âScored four hundred dollars and a valentine, thatâs not too shabby, if I do say so myself,â you preen to Bradley.
âThink that might have been the best thing Iâve seen all year,â Bradley announces. âThe hottest too, if Iâm being honest.â You feel your cheeks heat under his gaze. His finger slips under the thin strap of your dress that had fallen off your shoulder somewhere along the way. He slides it back up and into place, treating it like some delicate thing the same way he did that paper wrapper. âWhereâd you learn to play like that?â
Normally, this is when youâd rerack, but youâve never had a Bradley Bradshaw looking at you before.
âI took a class in college over the summer as an elective credit, and it turns out I had a knack for it,â you explain with a playful little shrug.
âIâll say.â He takes another step closer. âDid you just show me your move, sweetheart?â
âOne of them,â you grin.
You donât have to press up to his height, not with your pearly heels.
You wrap your arms around his neck and bring his lips to yours for a kiss. A sound of surprise escapes from his throat. You feel the curve of a smile before his hands slide around your waist to pull you closer.
The scrape of his mustache against your upper lip sends electricity racing along every nerve ending in your body. In that moment you are Midas touched, the blood thrumming through your veins feels like liquid gold. Itâs unhurried, like heâs been waiting to savor the feel of your mouth against his. Exciting and new as you learn the taste and touch of him. You knew it was going to be good, but even so, itâs better than you could have expected.
âThink you just snagged that number one spot of my list of favorite mustached men,â you say against his lips.
âSuck it, Selleck,â he rasps.
You inhale the amusement of his light chuckle, letting it go to your head like champagne bubbles, before he slips a hand around the base of your neck and pulling you in close once again.
A couple hours later, you find yourself at home on the couch. Your cheeks a little sore from how much smiling youâd done tonight, as Tom and Meg trade words over a plate of caviar on screen.
It was only much later that night youâd gotten to see Bradleyâs big move.
Heâd surprised you with his voice and the talented way his fingers glided over the white and black keys. An expensive glass of amber colored liquor sitting atop the old piano as he played, and four hundred dollars tucked safely away in your purse.
Youâd given him your number when heâd walked you to your car, only distracting you for a few extra minutes with his mouth, before youâd left for the night, hoping that youâd hear from him soon.
A notification lights up your phone, and a ribbon of thrill unspools through you.
You sigh when you see that itâs a notification from your dating app. Youâre wary to open it, not wanting anything to color your night, but you figure now is as good of time as any to block the guy who had nothing on the one youâd spent your evening with.
When you see the name of the person whoâd sent you a message, you click into his profile with lightning-fast fingers, skimming all the details to things you hadnât had a chance to learn yet.
There is a picture of him in uniform, grinning to someone out of the frame. And another one of him shirtless on the beach, surrounded by some of the faces youâd seen tonight at the Hard Deck.
But itâs the answers to the prompts that heâd picked, that set your heart fluttering.
And you canât help but grin to yourself as look at that paper ring still on your finger. Because you know, this app wonât be on your phone for much longer.
Not now that youâve met him.
Happy Hearts Day, friends! Thank you for reading!
And a big thank you to Jordan ( @gretagerwigsmuse) for all the support and encouragement and general woogirling over Bradley Bradshaw!
Knight in Shining Glasses : ÌÌâ Robert "Bob" Floyd x Reader
Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Reader
Summary: All you wanted to do was enjoy your first night in San Diego at the bar recommended to you by your father, but a hot-shot new to the Top Gun program was intent on bringing you home with him, or at least couldn't take a hint. Lucky for you, there's a knight in shining glasses ready to save you.
Warnings: 18+ ONLY (I am not responsible for the media you choose to consume), fluff, language, kind of a pushy douchebag guy is in this, female reader, language, probably incorrect descriptions of the Navy (my dad was a Marine, I'm doing my best lol but I did do a ton of research so hopefully it's accurate-ish), suggestive and steamy but no smut (but boy did we get real close), like a TINY maybe hint of angst for 0.2 seconds
Word Count: 11,044 words
Requests are open! : ÌÌâ Find my masterlist here
You nodded your head at the gorgeous woman behind the bar, who was already sliding a beer your way before youâd even answered, as if she could read your mind. You gave her a smile in thanks, sighing the second your hand touched the cool glass of the bottle.
San Diego was hot, too hot for your liking. Every piece of fabric on your body felt as if it was clinging to your body right now in a way that had you begging the world just to make it legal to walk around naked. You much preferred the weather back in New England, on the complete opposite side of the country, but you had promised to come to town for a bit. It had been years since youâd seen your father, not since his promotion and subsequent move to San Diego, your conflicting work schedules making it impossible to make the cross-country trip, even if you missed him.
You were here now, though, seated in the bar that had come highly recommended to you straight from him: The Hard Deck, located right on Coronado Beach, just minutes from the Naval Air Station of North Island.
âLocal beer?â you questioned the woman as yet another group of rowdy, young Naval aviators came bursting through the doors of the bar, disturbing some of the other guests in the packed bar. The woman, whose nametag you could now see said Penny, just laughed at the antics of her new guests before nodding at you.
âYeah, local company. Theyâre pretty popular around here, so I always have to keep them in stock,â you hummed, taking another sip of the drink in your hands. Rich in flavor, maybe with a hint of sweetness that complemented the bitterness it left behind. You could see why it was popular around here. Penny wiped the bar directly in front of you, flashing you a smile. âNow, I know most of my regulars here, and you certainly arenât one. Whereâd you blow into town from?â
âWatertown, New York,â you told her as another group of Naval aviators passed by you in their service khakis, older than the group that had just come in. Your eyes followed them for just a moment, lingering as they moved to the back of the room to the pool tables as if they were there every night, before looking back at Penny. âMy father is in the Navy, stationed here in San Diego. Thought it was finally time I visited him.â
âGood, means you know how to deal with the rowdy bunch I have here,â you both laughed as she gestured toward the group of young pilots that had just come through. Someone called to her from further down the bar, and she paid you one final smile. âHoller if you need anything, or if anyoneâs giving you trouble.â
âWill do,â
With the jukebox playing off in the corner, Summer of â69 by Bryan Adams filling the air, it gave you a chance to really take in the atmosphere. Given the proximity to the Naval Air Station, you werenât surprised by the amount of Navy paraphernalia that decorated the entire bar. Mugs hung from the ceiling with F18s on them, plenty of pictures of those monster jets hung up around the tables as well. And with the clientele that Penny seemed to attract here, judging by the number of young pilots scattered around, you werenât surprised that this seemed to have turned into a place many in the Navy flocked to after a long day on base.
The young group of aviators, who seemed to have met up with another group of friends, were loud and rambunctious over by the dart board as they took bets on who could make a bullseye first. You rolled your eyes at their antics with a slight smile, reminded of the stories your father had told of his days, and looked over your shoulder toward that older group by the pool tables.
Easily your age, or at least older and more experienced than the group by the dart board. There was one woman among the groups of men with darker hair, already kicking their asses at the pool game they were playing. That alone quirked your lips up just slightly as you watched Penny deliver a tray of drinks to the group that seemed very personally friendly with her. Ah, so they must be stationed here at North Island and be regulars of the Hard Deck.
They were quite the bunch, from what you observed from the bartop. There was the young man playing alongside the woman, and what seemed like his best friend pestering him after another missed shot. There was a taller, tan blonde who you could tell from here exuded confidence in an over-the-top way, and a friend beside him who also seemed to have that arrogant confidence about him. The man taking the tray from Penny and passing out the drinks had that same confidence and charm, but it almost seemed to roll off of him naturally as if he wasnât even trying to charm those around him.
It was the one sitting off to the side, silently observing his friends, that caught your eye.
He didnât exude confidence in the same way that his friends did. He wasnât walking sex on legs like many would think the tall, overconfident friends of his wereâŠbut he was to you. Quiet, simply observing his friends with a tiny smile that stirred something in your chest. One hand holding onto the neck of his beer bottle, the same one you were drinking, and the other casually snacking on a cup of peanuts. You tried, and failed, to keep your eyes from lingering on those long, slender fingers of his, or the fact that, even from here, you could tell his hands were large in a delicious way that had your mind imagining what theyâd feel like settled on your bare-
Okay, yeah, maybe it was time to say âfuck itâ to your no hook-up rule and get laid on this vacation. You couldnât be thinking like this over a man youâd been looking at for less than a minute, didnât even know his name, or had yet to make eye contact with.
But then, when your eyes finally left those slender hands, you were making eye contact with him.
There was an adorable flush crawling across his cheeks, and god were you a sucker for a cute man in some glasses. His lips quirked up in a shy smile as he met your gaze, giving you a tiny nod. A similar flush crept up your neck at being caught staring, giving him a small wink before turning back around to not seem like a creep watching him.
With Penny off taking orders as the bar only seemed to get busier by the minute, and no one around you seemed like good options for a conversation, you found yourself spun around to lean against the bar and observe the room. No time like a crowded bar to people watch.
With a few work emails checked to ensure you werenât missing anything pressing on your vacation, and a text sent to your father to thank him for the bar recommendation, you found your eyes drifting back to that same Naval aviator once more.
The woman had dragged him from his seat, his beer and peanuts left behind as a pool cue was shoved into his hands as his friends cheered, bringing a grin to your face. Your eyes tracked him as he bent over the table to line up his shot, his friends engrossed in a conversation together, but then his eyes flicked up and met yours again. Your eyebrow shot up as you raised a beer to him, a simultaneous encouragement for him to sink his shot and also a challenge to see if he could. His lips quirked up at that as, without even glancing down to his cue, he took his shot: directly in the pocket without interference. His friends clapped for him, patting him on the back, but his eyes stayed on you. Even with another flush crawling up his neck and nerves practically stitched into his smile, he shot you a wink this time, and you couldnât stop the giddy grin on your lips.
âWell, never seen girl as pretty you before,â
You didnât want to stop looking at that gorgeous man in glasses across the bar, but you were intrigued to know who was speaking to you.
He wasnât the worst-looking man, he was attractive. Dark hair that matched the mustache and the beard that was growing in, which was definitely against grooming standards for the Navy. Pretty brown eyesâŠbut he wasnât your shy, glasses-sporting boy across the room. Plus, you recognized him from that rowdy bunch of pilots that had walked in beforehand. The smile youâd given the man across the bar dropped into the smallest, friendliest one you could muster as you looked at the name on his badge: Jackson.
âWell, thatâs definitely a way to open up a conversation,â you shot back. The man only laughed, leaning against the bar next to you with a charming, over-confident grin on his lips.
âWarrant Officer Daniel Jackson,â he held out his hand to shake yours, and you reluctantly gave it to him. You regretted it the moment he brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, and you quickly took your hand back and slyly wiped it along the side of your jeans. âFriends call me Caveman.â
âInteresting callsign,â you shot back with a fake laugh, tilting your head. âYou get that from the unkempt beard thatâs clearly not within grooming protocols?
He laughed again, but it did nothing to lift your smile from where it was frozen to be polite. He took a swig from his own beer that heâd brought over with him before leaning closer.
âFunny, and you know the Navy,â you laughed uncomfortably again, taking a subconscious scoot backward on your chair to get away from him. âBrand new to Top Gun, friends and I got in earlier. About to become the best of the bestâŠâ
He continued talking, droning on and on about Top Gun and the âprestigeâ that came with being one of the best of the best (if he could actually get through the vigorous training). In the interest of being polite and not pissing off a man your first night in town, you laughed politely when appropriate and pretended to be listening.
When your eyes glanced back at that man in the glasses, though, he was already looking at you. Back to standing near the seat heâd occupied before, peanuts in his hands and the pool game abandoned as he seemed to be watching you. You gave him a dramatic roll of your eyes, pitching your head toward the pilot still talking your ear off as if to say âget a load of this guy,â and you could see him laugh from across the bar. That simple action sent a flutter through your chest, and god, what you wouldnât give to actually hear that laugh.
â...I could show you base sometime,â your attention was, sadly, brought back to Caveman beside you, who was still smiling at you as if you were a prize heâd won and wanted to flaunt around the entire bar to each and every patron. âCould sponsor ya for the day, give ya a private tour.â
âThatâs sweet, but Iâm sure if I wanted to visit the base, my father would happily sponsor me,â you shot back, trying to turn him down as politely as you possibly could. Your comment only seemed to brighten his mood even more.
âNavy dad, you say?â heâd leaned in closer once more, and you were running out of room on the little stool to lean away from him. âGuess that means you know a lot. Dad have rules aboutâŠdating pilots?â
Yeah, no, now you were uncomfortable. There was no being polite now, heâd made his intentions clear and could clearly not read your body language. Your body instantly tensed as your eyes avoided his, still trying to keep the most polite smile you could on your lips. Penny was nowhere in sight to help, so your eyes immediately found your pilot across the room.
He was already watching you, it seemed, but when you locked eyes again, he stood up a little straighter, the smile he had on his face dropping slightly. It was as if he could see the way your demeanor had suddenly changed, and god, you hoped he could see it.
âIâm flattered, but Iâm not looking for anything like that,â youâd awkwardly laughed out as you looked back at him finally. âIâm just here on vacation.â
That was when his hand settled on top of your knee, and your heart leapt into your throat. The heat of his hand felt like it was burning a hole in your jeans as he squeezed just so.
âDonât got to be anything serious, Iâm down for some fun,â
That polite smile was gone off your face in an instant as you tried to yank your leg from him, but he squeezed it just slightly tighter.
âOkay, Caveman, sounds like you mustâve got your nickname from how you treat women,â that snide comment seemed to drop his confident demeanor immediately. âIâve turned you down, Iâve made it clear Iâm not interested. So I suggest you let me go.â
âCome on, I think you just need to-â
âIâm pretty sure she said let her go, Caveman,â
There was an edge to the voice that cut in, but not one that made you feel on edge yourself. A hand clamped down on your shoulder from behind, firm but not uncomfortable in the way that the hand on your knee was. Grounding, and when it squeezed your shoulder just slightly, it felt comforting. Protective, in a way. And when you finally turned your head and noticed those familiar glasses youâd been staring at all night, and those gorgeous blue eyes hiding behind them, you immediately relaxed into his touch.
Cavemanâs hand immediately left your knee as he seemed to sit up a little straighter, putting his hands up in surrender as he looked at the man standing at your side now.
âLieutenant Floyd-â
âThings are looking tense over here!â those two pilots youâd observed earlier, the ones who exuded confidence in your eyes, suddenly appeared behind Caveman. The taller blonde placed his hand down on his shoulder just as Lieutenant Floydâs was on yours, and you glanced at their tags: Lt. Seresin and Lt. Bradshaw. The blonde pointed to Caveman, raising an eyebrow at the man at your side. âBaby-on-board, is this man causing trouble?â
Your shoulder was squeezed once more as you turned back to look at the man at your side, feeling another flutter in your chest as you got a good look at those sky blue eyes up close, which made him even more attractive in your eyes. He gave you a small smile, tilting his head toward your âfriendâ just like you had earlier on.
âIs he bothering you?â
Youâd glanced back at Caveman, who seemed semi-scared shitless around these guys, and a smirk curled up on your lips.
âYes, yes he is,â
âDisrespecting a lady?â it was Pennyâs voice now as she reappeared behind the bar, her glare set on that poor pilot that everyone was ganging up on. She âtskedâ in his direction, before stepping back to point to a sign hanging just behind her. âItâs your first night here, you should probably check the rules before you get comfortable.â
Disrespect a lady, the Navy, or put your cellphone on my barâŠyou buy a round.
Alright, Penny might be your new favorite person, besides the hot ass pilot in glasses still comfortably resting his hand on your shoulder as the scene played out before you all.
Caveman never even got a chance to defend himself, as Penny had stepped up to the bell hanging from the ceiling beside the sign, the ring of it echoing throughout the bar. Within seconds, there were chants of âOVERBOARD!â heard throughout the room before Lt. Seresin and Lt. Bradshaw had the man hooked under their arms, dragging him out to the parking lot as his friends quickly followed behind.
âA-Are you okay?â
Your eyes found your pilotâs brilliant blue ones again, this time in front of you as he chose to now occupy the seat Caveman was sitting in just moments prior. You simply stared at him for a moment, still trying to process the entire interaction, before a smile stretched wide across your face.
âYou know, I thought the Knight in all the fairytales was wearing shining armor?â you posed it like a question, a teasing tone present in your words as you took a quick swig of your beer, eyes never leaving his, and your smile turning into a slight smirk. âDidnât know mine was going to come bearing shining glasses, instead.â
Heâd laughed, that laugh just minutes ago you wouldâve burned this bar down to hear, and my god, did you adore it. You adored it more than you should, given that you still didnât know this mystery manâs name.
âNo woman deserves to be treated like that, maâam,â he tried to dismiss you, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose as your eyes trailed over those hands once again, now that they were so close. You could see the redness in his cheeks from this close now, too. âT-The way he was acting, my mom wouldâve torn me a new one if I didnât step in.â
âAnd is that the only reason?â you quipped back immediately, placing your beer down on the counter just so you could really look at him, study him. âThat you stepped in?â
You could see the way he hesitated for a moment, but not as if he didnât want to answer you. No, you could see that flush deepening in his skin: you were flirting with him, and he knew it, he just didnât know how to handle it.
âN-No, no, thatâs not the only reason,â there was a shy smile on his face as he huffed out a sheepish laugh, looking down at his lap for a moment, before looking back to you. âI should actually thank him, his incompetence gave me the balls to come over here and talk to you.â
Heâd made you laugh, a boisterous one that caught the attention of a few lingering around the area of the bartop you were sat at, and you knew already that you were screwed when it came to this man. Youâd offered your name immediately after that, a hand out to shake, and he took it in his own as he gave his name: Bob Floyd.
You tried desperately not to think about the way his hand had felt against yours, or the way it had absolutely engulfed your hand due to its sheer size alone. You forced your gaze to the badges that adorned the left side of his khaki uniform, glancing back up at him with a grin as you pulled your hand away.
âSo, a Lieutenant?â you commented, gesturing toward the two silver bars on the collar of his uniform, before pointing with your beer bottle to the golden wings centered above his heart. âFlight officer badge. Youâre a Weapons Systems Officer?â
âYes, maâam,â he gave you another kind grin as Penny swung by quickly, shooting a wink in both of your directions as you slid you both another beer each, muttering something about it being on the house. Bob took his with a sheepish smile, thanking Penny quietly before his attention refocused on you. âTop Gun graduate.â
âAh, that and the rank explain why Caveman was so scared shitless to see you and your friends,â heâd laughed again at that comment as you finished off the last of your beer, a sly smirk appearing as it was hard to miss the way that Bobâs eyes flickered down to your neck as you tilted you head back to finish off the bottle. âTypically, youâre only recalled here for special detachments and sent home to your squadrons, unless youâre here to train newbies like our friend in the sand outside.â
âWe were brought in for a mission months ago,â Bobâs attention was turned away as Lt. Seresin and Lt. Bradshaw reentered the bar. They both gave you polite waves that you happily returned for what theyâd done for you, before making the most obvious of kissy faces toward Bob that had him shaking his head in embarrassment. You tried to hold in your laughter for his own sake. âThey thought we had good team dynamics, so they formed a special squadron to keep us in town for a while. VFA-73 Dagger Squad, at your service.â
âWell, cheers to you all and a sincere thanks for your service,â he happily clinked the top of his bottle against your own. âMust be one special group to get a new squadron formed, no less made up of the best of the best.â
âOh, theyâre special, alright,â
Youâd quickly come to learn in the next few minutes that Bob Floyd mightâve been the quieter one of his friends, but he was just as charming as the rest seemed to be. Honestly, you werenât sure he understood just how charming he really was. Heâd pointed across the bar toward his friends, naming off their names and the callsigns that you were sure to remember more easily. With each name, he seemed to easily have a story or a quick-witted quip about each one (including the embarrassing story of his Bob ended up his callsign and how Hangman had turned it into baby-on-board) that had you progressively laughing harder, leaning further toward him. You were seated facing one another, bodies angled directly at the other, and his knee was just barely brushing up against yours now with each laugh shared.
âHangman seems like a piece of work, but I bet heâs got a soft side buried somewhere down in there,â youâd shot back, turning Bobâs attention back to you as you leaned closer to him with a grin, launching into a story that Bob seemed gripped to, an easy smile on his own face. âMy dadâs the same way, took my Uncle Solomonânot my real Uncle, but kind of chosen Uncleâto break him down a little bit, get him to loosen up more.â
âSo, your father was in the Navy?â
âStill is, reason that Iâm in town right now,âÂ
With Bob this close, you were losing focus fast. The way he hung onto every word that you said, seemed to genuinely care about what you had to say, had a flutter flying through your chest that you hadnât felt since your first boyfriend back in high school. Sure, youâd had your fair share of relationships in adulthood, but nothing that clicked, no one that made your heart soar or made you want to âpop your footâ as Princess Mia always said in your favorite childhood movie. You were starting to understand her logic, though, because every second around this charming knight in shining glasses had you ready to throw caution to the wind.
So, with a little boost of confidence fueled by the third beer in your hand and the adorable sight of a blush on the Naval aviatorâs face, you moved even closer. Your leg slotted itself between his, pressed between his thighs as your foot rested against the bottom rungs of his chair. You could see him freeze for just a second as his eyes followed you, not apprehensive, but just unsure, like heâd never been here before. With your beer pushed off to the side, not seeing a need for any more liquid courage, your elbow came to rest on the bartop and your head on top of your hand, allowing you to look up at the handsome man before you and watch as he visibly swallowed the lump in his throat.
God, that really had no right to be as hot as it was.
âS-So, heâs stationed here on North Island?â
âMaybe,â you shot back with a smirk, one that brought an easy smile back to his lips as he could surely hear the teasing tone laced through your words as you kept your answer vague. âIâd prefer not to talk about my dad, though, when I could be hearing more about the incredibly handsome WSO who saved this poor damsel in distress.â
Another easy laugh was shared between you both before the floodgates seemed to open up.
Bob had no issue telling you all about his childhood. Heâd grown up in Montana, on a ranch somewhere on the outskirts of Bozeman, which prompted a lengthy debate on whether or not he qualified as a cowboy or not (you thought he did, and when he confessed to owning a few cowboy hats, you declared yourself the winner of the debate). His mother and father, Bonnie and Owen Floyd, had three daughters before finally having Bob, their youngest: Laura, and the twins Sophia and Sierra. Heâd recounted a story from back in high school when theyâd taken a trip to Yellowstone National Park for Bobâs birthday, at his request, where his oldest sister had gotten yelled at by a park ranger for stepping way too close to one of the hot springs.
âThatâs, like, impossible to do!â youâd almost shouted through the bar incredulously as Bob laughed at your reaction. âAll you have to do is stay on the guided paths, right?â
âThatâs what I said!â Bob managed to explain through his own laughter. âLaura swore she saw a bald eagle and was just trying to get a closer look. She then, unbelievably, yelled back at the ranger about how one day she was going to be a conservationist and work there.â
âIn the nicest wayâŠshe sounds like a piece of work sometimes,â
âNo offense taken, the whole family agrees. I like to say she took all the extrovertedness in the family so that there was none left for me,â
Your lips quirked into another bright smile at that, tone slightly teasing once more, but in a soft way.
âI donât know, you donât seem so introverted around me,â
Bob paused at that, that adorable blush still ever present in his skin, as his lips quirked up just slightly higher than they were before.
âYeah, yeah, I donât,â heâd shyly managed to say, eyes never straying from yours. âYou make it easy.â
With more shared laughter, two hearts fluttering just from conversation alone, Bob even told you the story of how heâd decided to join the Navy. Heâd been with his father one day, the family truck getting worked on at the local shop, and his dad had slid him some money to grab them both some snacks from the pharmacy a few doors down. Bob had only been around 10 at the time. In between those two buildings, though, had been a Navy recruitment center where heâd overheard the conversation inside with some high school students, and the rest was history. He suddenly had every book known to man about the Navy, was watching every movie that even mentioned the Navy in passing, and had sheepishly admitted to even starting a collection of model planes heâd built, dreaming one day of flying them.
God, if that wasnât somehow the cutest story in the world, but also the hottest moment of vulnerability youâd seen from a man your age in years, you were practically ready to swoon and drop to the floor right there in the middle of the bar. You had a feeling that Penny wouldnât take kindly to that, even if she seemed to like you and Bobâs friend group.
In turn, youâd told Bob everything about yourself, too. Growing up in a town in New York that felt more like it was part of Canada than New York, given your proximity to the border. You were an only child, your father (who had you skirting around any details that Bob asked about him) was too focused on his career to think about having another kid. But he always swore that you were enough for him. His workaholic nature and deep love for the Navy and moving up the ranks strained the relationship he had with your mother until they divorced. How you never got to see him often, but he always managed to call at least once a week to talk to his âperfect girl.â
With the depressing comparison of your childhoods and family dynamics, youâd told him the happy stories and memories, too. Ones that you didnât normally divulge to a man you had just met. Youâd been on a softball team all through high school with your best friends, won multiple championships, and even gotten a scholarship to Boston University because of it. There were multiple stories about how your parents always bribed you with Cold Stone Creamery, and how it was still your favorite ice cream place today. That time your friends had gotten caught sneaking alcohol into the punch bowls at prom (that story had Bob laughing, as he recounted a similar one that Hangman had told them from his high school days). And, of course, the thrilling stories of your very mundane marketing job back in your hometown, the one you never managed to escape.
âYou at least like your job, though, right?â Bob had asked, and with the way you were now sitting together, it would probably be more comfortable and practical to just climb into his lap and use him as a chair. Legs still wound around one another, both leaning against the bar with beers long forgotten, faces entirely too close together as you sat in your own bubble together. The sun had long since gone down, as it had still been in the beginning stages of setting when youâd first entered the bar.Â
One hour, two? You had no clue how long youâd been talking to Bob Floyd, but every part of you wanted to talk to him for the rest of the night and beyond. It was easy, it was comfortable, and you felt more respected in the entirety of this conversation than you did on any Tinder date youâd been on in years. Safe. Thatâs what you felt. You felt safe around Bob Floyd, a feeling that was a hot commodity in today's dating climate.
âI do. I went to school for it, so I hope I like it,â your eyes drifted to the bartop, finger absentmindedly tracing the water ring left around your discarded beer bottle. âPays well, very well. Just want to do itâŠsomewhere other than my hometown, is all. Love the company I work for, just want a change. If an opportunity presented itself, Iâd leave Watertown immediately.â
âAnd besides your mom, you wouldnât uhâŠyou wouldnât be leaving anyone behind, would you? No like a, uh, a boyfriendâŠor anything?â
Youâd glanced back up at him now, at the way he bit into his bottom lip with both nerves and hope shining in his eyes as he waited with baited breath for your answer. And in turn, you smiled, leaning just the slightest bit closer to him with amusement laced in your words.
âLieutenant Floyd, if you havenât noticed, Iâve been flirting with you all night. I wouldnât do that if there was someone waiting for me,â
He laughed then, and you could almost physically see the tension and nerves leave his body.
âGood, because uh, I-I donât either. Have anyone, I mean,â your head tilted as Bob groaned slightly, running a hand down his face and adjusting his glasses with a deep chuckle. âIâm sorry, Iâm really not good at this.â
âAt flirting?â
âI never really get the chance to, no one ever really notices me,â heâd shrugged it off like it was nothing, but youâd felt a small pang in your chest at that comment. âJake, Bradley, JavyâŠitâs always them, and it doesnât normally bother me. But IâŠI saw you earlier, and you looked at me like you saw me. Like you really saw me. You never looked at them, you kept looking at me. AndâŠIâve never been the one looked at like that, not when Iâm with them. Iâm not the one noticed.â
You shuffled, sitting up slightly now so that you werenât leaning against the bar, as you placed your hand on top of his, where it lay in his lap. Bob simply watched you, a tiny smile never leaving his face, as you reciprocated the look and gave his hand a squeeze.
âIâm not one to flirt with a random guy at a bar, or sit and divulge details of my life story to him for hours on end. Which means you, Bob Floyd, are special. And honestly? Iâm glad the other ladies donât notice you, because I sure did. And that just leaves more for me.â
There was silence for a beat before his hand under your own moved back just slightly, his fingers now splayed out over your own, wrapping around them slightly with a tiny squeeze. And somewhere in that small movement, in the looks exchanged in the never-ending eye contact you seemed to hold with one another, something changed. Those heated looks from earlier held a new weight with the words spoken out loud, the tension on the rope connecting the two of you tighter than it had been from the moment youâd first saw Bob Floyd from across the bar, and it felt like all it was going to take to snap that tension was to lean in-
âBaby-on-board! You done hogging your girl over there so we can meet her?â
AndâŠmoment ruined. Bob immediately shut his eyes, groaning with a mumble under his breath about how he was âgoing to kill Hangmanâ while his friends all laughed from across the bar. Youâd simply laughed, leaning your head down until your forehead rested against Bobâs shoulder, his breath and words ghosting over the side of your face as he finally spoke.
âSorry about them. The one time I have a girl interested in me, they decide to be pricks about it,â
âMaybe theyâre just trying to summon you back over, I have held you hostage long enough,â you commented when you finally lifted your head, glancing down at the watch on his arm to see that you had, in fact, held this man hostage at the bar for almost two hours, even though it had felt like minutes.
âTrust me, this was no hostage situation. Iâd rather be over here with you,â Bob was quick to interject, his smile seeming to stretch wider as you were sure he could see the flush crawling up your own neck. Untangling your legs, Bob rose to his feet beside the chair as a pang of disappointment hit you square in the chest. That was, until he held his hand out to you with a sheepish grin. âCare to join me?â
You were pretty sure you wouldâve followed Bob Floyd anywhere at this point. Was it insane to like a guy this much after barely knowing him for a night? Probably, but you didnât feel like youâd just met him. No, Bob Floyd felt like meeting an old friend again, and god did you love the feeling. Thatâs why you didnât hesitate to put your hand in his.
âLead the way, Lieutenant,â
There was another round of cheers the second you and Bob were finally in their vicinity, another comment from Hangman about âBobby finally bagging a womanâ that ended with a harsh shoulder slap from Phoenix. Youâd only laughed as Bob shook his head at their antics and gratefully accepted the barstool heâd held out for you. Your eyes watched him, like they had been the entire night, as he turned down the invitation to the pool game at hand, taking a seat on the stool directly next to you.
What he probably hadnât expected was for your foot to hook around the leg of his stool, dragging it directly to your side until every part of you that could be pressed up against the handsome WSO was. When he saw the easy smile on your face and the tiny wink you gave him, you could see any last bit of tension leave his body as he easily leaned into you as well.
Theyâd all quickly introduced themselves, though Bob had already given you the rundown before. You greeted them politely with a smile, finally giving them your own name so Bradley didnât have to call you âmystery bar girlâ anymore.
âWell, well, well baby-on-board,â it was Hangman once again, shaking his head as he took a shot on one of his last solids left in play, sinking it easily. âLooks like you snagged a confident one. Too bad, bet I couldâve swept her off her feet if given the chance.â
Flirty. Bob certainly didnât exaggerate just how flirtatious Jake Seresin seemed to be, not that you were interested at all in any comments from him. The comments didnât catch you off guard, but Bobâs actions did.
His hand was immediately on your thigh, closer down toward your knee, but resting there nonetheless. Just the slightest bit of pressure, enough to feel as if it had been meant in a comforting gesture, but it inherently held something a little more to it. Not quite possessiveness, but something akin to staking a claim, to say you were with him and him only. While Cavemanâs hand on any part of you had you wanting to run for the hills, Bobâs firm grip had you leaning into his side more, chasing after the warmth and security he provided. It still sent a flash of heat through every inch of your body, especially when you glanced down to see just how big his hand was when it was resting on such a small part of you. You wished youâd opted for the jean shorts you had picked out earlier now just to feel his hand engulf your bare skin instead.
âKnock it off, Bagman. Clearly, sheâs more interested in the quiet types,â the wink Natasha sent your way made you laugh, a similar chuckle coming from Bob at his front-seaterâs comments, as she whacked Hangman over the shoulder. While lining up to take her own shot in the game, you saw her catch the way Bobâs hand rested on your leg, and a flash of surprise followed by pride seemed to cross her features. âSo, never seen you around before. What brings you to Fightertown?â
âVisiting my dad for a few weeks, heâs stationed here on North Island. ButâŠIâm also here for work,â you could see Bobâs head turn to look at you curiously from the corner of your eye, but you kept your gaze on Natasha. âThe marketing firm I work for has a branch out here in San Diego, over in Chula Vista. They know Iâve been looking to move, so they thought I should come check out their set-up out here to see if I liked it enough to take their offer.â
There was a squeeze to your thigh as you turned your attention back to Bob, who was looking at you quizically.
âYou didnât mention that before,â
âWasnât sure I was going to take their offer earlier,â you shrugged innocently. âSan Diego is hot, Iâm not built for this weather.â
âBut youâŠthink you might take it now?â
You bit into your bottom lip, leaning just a fraction closer to Bob as you tried to hold back your grin as you replied.
âWellâŠmaybe I found another enticing reason to hang around San Diego for a while,â
There was a low murmur of laughter throughout the group at your words, that gorgeous redness settling back into Bobâs cheeks, and you could hear Fanboy mumble out just loud enough a âdamn, sheâs good at thisâ comment.
The group asked their questions, and you answered happily. Where you were from, what all your job entailed, even the stupid little questions like who your celebrity crush was or if you ever thought about joining the Navy like your father.
All the while, Bob never strayed from your side. His thumb had been rubbing little circles into your jeans, just firm enough to feel it on your skin each time the digit moved back and forth, and god, you were really cursing yourself for not wearing those shorts right now. At some point, during a pool rematch between Rooster and Coyote, your head had found itâs way to rest against Bobâs shoulder, and after a brief moment there was the unmistakeable feel of lips pressed to the crown of your head that had a shiver running down your spine and another flash of heat rushing through you, this time heading all south.
Charming, sexy in a quiet way that made him seem so non-threatening, and an absolutely sweetheart and a gentlemanâŠit hadnât even been a day, but you knew Bob Floyd had already ruined your standards for men. He was the standard.
âSorry, my favorite fighter pilots,â the attention of everyone crowded by the pool tables turned to Penny, hand on her hip, but an easy smile on her face as she glanced around, eyes lingering on you and the WSO who were still wrapped around one another. âLast call time, going to have to kick you all out now.â
Last call? With a quick glance around the bar, you noticed that there was, in fact, barely any patrons still around. The ones still left behind were already moving toward the door. And with a glance down at Bobâs watch, the time was confirmed: 2 a.m.
âDamn, we almost never stay here until last call,â Rooster laughed, packing up everything on the pool table so that Penny didnât have to deal with it, Fanboy and Paybackl disappearing after offering to help Penny clean up bottles still littered around the bar.
âTime does fly when youâre having fun,â Natasha commented, bumping shoulders with him before she set her sights on you. âWhat about you, our honorary Dagger? Need a ride back to wherever youâre staying?â
âNah, Iâm staying at Hotel del Coronado right down the beach. Perks of the job. I just walked along the beach to get here earlier,â your gaze then flickered over to Bob, his thumb still rubbing circles into your leg where heâd never let go throughout the night. âThough itâs pretty late, Iâd love if there was some knight in shining glasses still hanging around that wouldnât mind walking me back.â
There wasnât a second of hesitation from Bob before he was on his feet, the heat of his hand on your leg disappearing, and then reappearing moments later when his hand wrapped around your own, fingers sliding into place between yours.
âIâve got tomorrow off, Iâll see you guys on base Sunday,â Bob nodded toward his friends, tugging you even closer to his side. âTell Penny Iâll come grab my truck later.â
âMore like in the morning,â Hangman commented, trying to conceal it surrounded by fake coughs. The group had laughed, the comment spurring another bloom of red across Bobâs cheeks and your own, before heâd tugged you out the back door of the Hard Deck and into the sand.
The beach in these early hours of the morning was quiet, beautiful in a way that only these lonely hours of the night could make it. No distant sound of traffic, no families or rowdy groups of teenagers running up and down the sand, just the sand, the waves, and the moon. It cast streaks of light over the water, its reflection rippling in the waves as they crashed to shore, setting the scene of a picturesque night along the stretch of sand that lasts miles.
Bob had held you up as you removed your sandals, carrying them in one hand in order to appreciate the cool sand beneath your feet. Your other hand still stayed wrapped up in Bobâs, the warmth of his skin a delicious contrast to the cool breeze that came with the cool nighttime California air. Conversation hadnât stopped, not once, since youâd both started talking earlier on in the night, but this time it was Bob pointing up at the sky as you lazily moved down the beach at the slowest pace you could, naming constellations visible.
âThat one right over there,â you followed his gaze as he pointed just slightly West in the sky. âThat one is Hercules.â
âAh, absolutely. I can totally see it,â you nodded your head repeatedly, and it was clear that Bob was already starting to laugh at your response. âThe square those stars form, and the little stick arms and legs, definitely gives off a mythological Greek hero to me.â
âWell, actually,â Bob managed to speak through his laughter. âItâs named for his Roman counterpart. Heracles was his Greek counterpart, so theyâre essentially the same thing.â
After a moment, you dropped Bobâs hand, turning and angling your body so that you were facing him head-on, walking backward in the sand. Even in the dark of the night, you could tell there was a tiny blush creeping along his cheeks as you tilted your head toward him.
âBob Floyd, donât tell me youâre also a secret space nerd!â
His laugh echoed down the beach as he hung his head for a moment, adjusting his glasses when he finally looked back up to you with a grin.
âGuilty, hard not to be with the kind of night skies I grew up seeing in Montana. I-I havenâtâŠcompletely ruined my chances now that Iâve nerded outâŠhave I?â
âOn the contrary. I have a thing for smart men,â with another wink, youâd spun on your heel in the sand, continuing your walk toward the hotel. âEspecially this smart, handsome WSO named Bob Floyd that I met tonight.â
Youâd barely gotten a few steps away before there was a sudden tug on your hand, your body spinning back around in the sand until your chest was pressed directly to Bobâs. And before you could utter a single word, his lips were, finally, on yours.
Without a second of hesitation, you fell into him, swept away by the way his fingers traced the line of your jaw, sliding their way to the back of your neck as he held you in place against him. His lips moved against your own with a sense of gentleness that disappeared once it was clear you were reciprocating with vigor, his mouth swallowing yours with the hunger of a starved man.
Almost involuntarily, a delicious little sound you swore youâd never made before tumbled from your lips, swallowed whole by the soft, firm moves of Bobâs lips against your own. A spark grew in the pit of your stomach the second the hand on your waist gripped you just the slightest bit tighter, a spark that was soon a raging inferno that you had no thoughts about taming.Â
It takes no effort to give in to Bob Floyd, not when he holds you like this. Not when heâs kissing you on a moonlit beach as if youâd personally hung the moon in the sky just for him.
There is no question in this kiss, no lingering doubts about whatever had sparked between you both since the moment youâd made eye contact hours ago. When your hands find their way to the nape of his neck, fingers sliding through and tugging lightly on the sandy blonde hair you couldnât even see in the dark, and he elicits a groan that has your knees threatening to give out in the sand, thereâs no question: thereâs a claim. If his hand on your thigh was the precursor, the writing of a contract to claim you as his in a way you didnât even realize you already were, this kiss was the signature. Signed and dated, written in stone. You werenât sure there was another man in the world who could kiss you the way Bob Floyd was kissing you, who could ignite a fire that bright in the depths of your soul.
With reluctance, as if it takes the gods themselves to pull either of you away, you part for the simple need to breathe. And, god, does Bob Floyd look wrecked. Panting, lips red and swollen, the skin of his neck and cheeks flushed red, and an unmistakable bit of fog to his glasses. You laughed then, breathy from your own lack of oxygen, reaching up with the sleeve of your shirt to wipe at the fog, knowing that, given how you felt right now, you surely didnât look any better than he did.
âWellâŠhi,â you managed to huff out, chest still struggling to get air back into your lungs.
âHi,â his voice came out almost like a whisper at first, full of wonder, his hand still cradling your head. His thumb was, once again, drawing little circles into the skin right around your ear, his smile wider than youâd seen all night. âIâŠIâm sorry-â
âDo not apologize for that,â youâd interjected immediately as Bob huffed out a laugh. âPlease, never apologize for that.â
âGood, because I was lying. I-Iâm really not sorry,â the hand against your cheek left you, taking its warmth with it, before both of Bobâs hands settled on your waist. You tightened your arms around his shoulders in response, sandals having been long discarded in the sand somewhere amid the kiss. âIâve wanted to do that for hours. IâŠI like you. Like, a lot. More than I think I should for the few short hours Iâve known you.â
âWell, itâs a good thing weâre on the same page. I donât divulge my entire life story to just any Naval aviator in a bar,â another breathy laugh fell from Bobâs lips as you leaned forward, the tip of your nose brushing against his. âNo, I only tell all those stories to this one guy that I happen to really like. Like, a lot.â
And when Bob Floyd kissed you again, it was blissful. Gentler, still passionate, so full of an emotion that you wouldnât ever dare to call love, not this soon. It was more like affection, adoration, a warmth that had you melting into his arms without a care in the world. Youâd do anything, as long as it meant you got to keep kissing this man.
Maybe Princess Mia had been onto something with that âfoot popâ of a kiss idea, because this sure felt like that moment.
âGod, youâre going to be the death of me,â Bob groaned out against your lips, hands squeezing at your hips again as you laughed, playfully leaning back to swat at his chest as he smiled down at you, illuminated by the moonlight.Â
âHey, youâre the one who keeps kissing me. I think any court of law would find you at fault for that. Also,â you quickly gestured around at your surroundings with a tilt of your head. âHell of a setting for a first kiss. A moonlit beach in the dead of night, did you walk straight out of a rom-com, Bob Floyd?â
âIn all honesty, I was going to wait until I got you back to your hotel room to kiss you and hopefully get your number,â he stated matter-of-factly. âBut then I looked at you andâŠand you were just too beautiful not to. And I was going to kick myself in a few hours if I didnât kiss you.â
If you were ever asked to pinpoint something you adored about Bob Floyd, his ability to make you laugh with the simplest of things would probably be your favorite. He barely even had to try, and he had you laughing like a little schoolgirl.
The entire walk back to the hotel down the beach felt like a dream sequence, like something straight out of a movie that you never believed actually happened to people in real life. Bobâs hand never strayed from yours, swinging between you both as you kicked at the sand. Every few steps, heâd push you away from him slightly, just to be able to pull you back into his side and make you laugh again.
And somehow, in the midst of the walk, youâd ended up engaged in the most spontaneous round of âNever Have I Everâ questions youâd ever been part of. You and Bob had both been caught speeding during college, but Bob had managed to awkwardly sweet-talk his way out of a ticket with the female officer. Youâd been skinny dipping twice before, both on bachelorette trips for two of your college friends, and you didnât miss the way Bob had to swallow the lump in his throat at that confession (no doubt imagining it). He, in turn, had ended up having to confess the embarrassing story that was him having a crush on his high school English teacher.
âIâm sorry, Iâm just trying to wrap my head around that,â youâd managed to say through your laughter that you couldnât contain as you both approached the main doors of the hotel building. âShe was at least young, right?â
âYes, she was in her thirties,â Bob shook his head, obviously amused by how hilarious you found the story. Like the gentleman he was, heâd opened the door for you, a hand resting on the small of your back as he led you into the building. âGirls didnât look at me in high school, okay. She always offered that I could eat lunch with her since she had a free period, and the entire school had agreed that she was objectively pretty. You canât blame me!â
âOkay, fine, but you do have to admit itâs a little funny,â youâd offhandedly waved to the concierge, the same one who had checked you in that morning, now working the graveyard shift, before leading Bob over to the elevators. You rested against the wall, awaiting your ride to arrive, while Bob stood just barely a foot in front of you. âAs for the girls: their loss. If Iâd have gone to high school with you, trust me, I wouldâve looked at you.â
The doors for the elevator slid open with a âdingâ as you quickly moved inside, back turned to Bob.
âAnd trust me, if Iâd have known you back then, weâd be married by now,â
The second the elevator doors shut, you paused, finger hovering over the button for your floor. Turning on your heel back to Bob, head cocked to the side in amusement, you could see the realization flicker over his face as it dawned on him what exactly heâd just said.
âOh, would we now? You saying weâd be high school sweethearts?â Bob sheepishly laughed, fixing his glasses as he looked anywhere but you. âThat kind of sounded like a line straight out of Hangmanâs playbook, and I barely know the guy.â
âYeahâŠy-yeah, it really did, didnât it? Might have to blame the alcohol, I-I donât typically drink much on our nights out,â
You hummed, taking a step toward him with a growing smile as his stuttering came back for just a second, something you realized only ever made an appearance when he was nervous. His eyes were locked on you as you leaned up, nose bumping his.
âDonât worry, I found it cute coming from you,â you leaned back to hit the button for the third floor, and the second you did, Bobâs hand was settled on your hip, pulling you back to him. Teeth gnawing into your bottom lip, you contemplated the words floating around your head for a moment, afraid that whatever was happening here was fragile and your words could break it. âWhen we get up thereâŠdo you want to come in?â
You had read it before, about the way a manâs eyes darkened with âlustâ or in moments such as this, but youâd never witnessed it. Not until now, and once again, Bob Floyd had you weak in the knees.
âIâd love to,â
âGood,â you nodded. âJust knowâŠI donât do hook-ups. I donât do flings.â
âGood,â he responded with his own nod. âBecause neither do I.â
âGood,â
The door of your hotel room had barely been closed before Bob was on you.
His hands on your hips guided you, pressing you up against the closed bathroom door just to the right of the roomâs main door, and his lips descended upon yours as if he were attacking his target. Vigorous, relentless, he kissed you in a way youâd never been kissed before, not even like he did on the beach, and you knew you didnât stand a chance. A wanton moan slipped out of you, parting your lips just enough for Bobâs tongue to sneak through, to savor the taste of you. You savored the taste of him, too: the lingering taste of the beer heâd been sipping all night, and the remnants of your own vanilla chapstick still smeared across his lips.
You moved in tandem, like your bodies were one with each other. It didnât take long before your shirt was off, his lips hot, slicked with spit, dragging themselves over every inch of skin he could get his lips on. Every drag of his lips, every press of a kiss against your neck, your collarbone, the swell of your breasts had your mind going blank, your fingers desperately fumbling with the buttons of his khaki uniform to no avail.
If you just asked, youâd let him have anything he wanted in this moment. Youâd let him take you against this door, the wall next to it, the floor, the bed, hell, youâd let him lean you over the balcony railing where anyone might be able to see you both. Nothing else mattered besides Bob Floyd, as long as he continued to touch you, adore you, worship you the way he was.
In the moments it took Bob to maneuver you from the wall to the bed, youâd finally come back to yourself, able to delicately unbutton his uniform and not ruin it, before tugging it from its place tucked into his pants and tossing it across the room. The white shirt he had on beneath it was gone in seconds, too, and god, you wanted to admire him like a painting on the walls of a museum, like he was the Mona Lisa himself.
Like they say, itâs always the quiet ones. You shouldnât have been surprised; he was in the Navy, after all. But you couldnât deny the heat that pooled between your thighs from just a single look.
With a tiny yelp from your lips, your back hit the bed, and Bob was on top of you in seconds, drawing yet another moan from your lips. At this rate, thereâd surely be a noise complaint in minutes. His leg wedged itself between your thighs, delivering just enough friction to have you squirming, while his lips locked back into your neck. From your jawline, all the way to your collarbone, Bob nipped at every inch of skin he could, blowing a short puff of air across over tender spot before leaving a searing kiss to it that felt like you were being branded. All the while, your hands roamed up and down every expanse of skin you could touch, His forearms to his biceps and every vein that ran along them, popping out from under his skin. The lean body that hovered over you now, nails ghosting along the lines across his stomach toward his chest that had a low grumble emitting from him. And in a moment of boldness, invigorated by the tension that had snapped between you both, your hand traveled lower, just barely grazing over the outline straining against his khaki pants, finally feeling for yourself just how big he truly was. And the groan that left him that time, wrecked and on the verge of falling apart, had a whole new flood of heat rushing through you.
In a show of his strength, Bob rolled you both again with just one arm. Suddenly, there you sat, straddling him as he lay below you, half naked, eyes blown wide behind those glasses, looking absolutely desecrated beneath you. The only sound that flickered through the room was the heavy pants from each of you, once again catching your breath and calming the firestorm of emotions in you both.
âSo,â Bob had breathed out once heâd finally caught enough of his breath. âY-Youâre totally taking that transfer to San Diego, right?â
Youâd let out a breathy laugh, swiping your hand down your face as you sent him a small smirk.
âIn all honestyâŠI already accepted it. That was half the reason for this trip: to see my new office and meet my new coworkers. Meeting you, thoughâŠwell, thatâs just like the cherry on top,â
His grin was infectious, but your mind was elsewhere in the moment as you took your chance, simply grinding yourself down on the man below you with a smirk of amusement still on your lips. His smile was gone instantly, lips straining to hold in a moan as his hands gripped your hips tightly, forcing you to freeze in place so you couldnât make that same move again.
âI-If you do that again, Iâm not going to be able to stop myself,â
âAnd thatâs a bad thing?â
âYes, because I want to do this properly. I want to do this in order,â he huffed out a laugh. âTomorrow, my day off. 7 p.m. Iâll pick you up. Il Fornaio, an Italian restaurant just on the other side of the island, right on the beach, with beautiful views of the water. Weâll eat, weâll drink, and for dessertâŠa Cold Stone Creamery, barely a minute away. And if I can muster up the confidence to do it, Iâll make you mine before youâve even taken a single scoop of your ice cream, because I donât need a second date to know I want this. And then Iâll bring you back here, and then Iâll fuck you the way you deserve to be fucked, to be worshiped. GodâŠI already donât think thereâs a single thing I wouldnât do if you just asked me to.â
If you opened a dictionary, Bob Floyd would be painted under the word âperfection,â and there was no doubt in your mind about it. Hell, heâd remembered the stupid story about your favorite ice cream shop youâd told him hours ago. You were about ready to ravish him on the spot.
âSounds like youâve had this planned out for hours now,â your voice had dropped into a whisper, laced with just pure awe for the man below you.
âSince the moment we first locked eyes across the bar. Had to add the ice cream bit in, later,â
And youâd laughed, something you had done all night with him. For a moment, you paused, smile stretching nervously, as something youâd been meaning to say all night, but had been stuck in your throat, was itching to finally be said. It terrified you, but you had to say it. Bob Floyd was an angel; he deserved to know what he was getting into.
âWell, thatâs a yes to dinner, and everything that comes after. Iâll just have to make sure to tell my father I canât have dinner with him after I visit the base tomorrow afternoon. I hope he doesnât get too upset, you know how the, uhâŠhow the Vice Admiral can be,â
It was like youâd just dropped a bomb, and you could see the aftermath in Bobâs eyes. The way he tilted his head from beneath you, before realization seemed to crawl into every feature of his face.
âTheâŠthe Vice Admiral. As inâŠVice Admiral Beau Simpson, CycloneâŠâ it wasnât a question, it was a statement, and all you could do was nervously nod your head as Bob let out yet another breathy laugh. âYour Uncle SolomonâŠRear Admiral Solomon Bates, Warlock. Wow, how did I not figure that out?â
âBecause I was really careful not to give it away,â youâd tried to laugh, nerves only calmed slightly by the little circles that Bobâs fingers were drawing into the skin of your waist where his hands still lay. âIâm sorry, I shouldâve said something earlier. But you were so sweet, and not to mention attractive, and it was so easy to like youâŠI was scared if you knew, you wouldnât think it was worth it.â
Bobâs eyebrows furrowed as he shifted, sitting up on the hotel room bed now with you still positioned in his lap. One arm fully locked around your waist, the other taking your chin between his fingers to keep your eyes locked on him as he spoke.
âWhy would I think that?â
âI dated a Navy man in college; he was a few years older than I was. He was excited for his reassignment; he was going to be training under my dad. But then, I told him that it was my dad, and he freaked. Thought heâd be treated unfairly if his superior knew he was dating his daughter. I justâŠI just didnât want you to think I wasnât worth the hassle. I know how my dad can be.â
Bob stared at you for just a moment before he pulled you into another kiss. Softer than any previous kiss the entire night, but firm, as if he was trying to drill something into you. Whatever it was, it was working, as your chest fluttered and your hands wound their way back into his hair. And barely a beat later, heâd pulled back, forehead pressed to yours, hand on your chin, cupping your jawline to hold you there with him.
âIf in the end, I get youâŠanything is worth the hassle,â
Jack Abbot x F!Reader - Best friends to lovers!!!!!!!
11.1k || All my content is 18+ MDNI || CW: quickly resolved angst; patient death; coding that veteran for two hours; reference to DUI; suicidal ideation; discussion of Jack's injury; reader wants marriage and kids (I know this is not everyoneâs fave or something everyone wants, but I needed it for the storyline so Iâm sorry if it's not your thing); reader and Jack are idiots; reference to Shenâs wedding;Â reference and allusion to sex; allusion to masturbation; reader is briefly held hostage with a knife to her neck and gets a very light cut; mention of drugs generally; mention of demerol; blood; no use of y/n or related
This is for the A Doctor a Day event hosted by @ananonymousaffair, @clubsoft and @letsgobarbs. Thank you for hosting such an awesome event! My prompt was "You are the very beating and pulse of my heart" and my color was black!
Summary: A message from your college ex changes everything.
AN: I love best friends to lovers. I love when they're so god damn blind to each other's romantic love and interest. I love when they do things that are so beyond what best friends (generally) do. Also for the record I do think people of opposite genders can just be platonic best friends. I challenged myself to stay under 10k and lost, but I was really close so I'm taking it. For some reason I really ended up struggling with this and don't really love or even necessarily particularly like how it came out in the end. I'm just very unsure about it. Could not articulate why to save my life. I hope it ended up coming out and reading okay. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and hope you enjoy!
You met Jack Abbot on the first day of your intern year, night shift.
He was an R4, but with the way he carried himself and practiced and the fact that he was older, you assumed he was your attending. You were both drawn to each other immediately. For both of you it was pretty much love at first sight and interaction. Neither of you could explain why if asked. It just was. By the end of your first twelve hours knowing each other you were in love with each other.Â
Not, of course, that either of you told the other that. Because there was no way the other would feel the same. So instead you became best friends, almost instantly. Like after two weeks everyone had noticed how close you were. People hadnât started assuming you were together at that point but they were assuming it was heading in that direction.Â
Your reasons for not telling each other were slightly different then. For you, you were new and an intern to Jackâs R4, were quite sure Jack was not interested in you like that and, even that early on, having him in your life as a best friend was better than losing him and not having him in your life at all. For Jack, he was an R4 and you were an intern, plus he was older than you and missing a foot, he truly believed you werenât and would never be into him like that and, as it was for you, even that early on, having you in his life as a best friend was better than losing you and not having you in his life at all.
And for a while you really were just best friends. But then over time you both seemed to greatly expand your definition of best friends. And after a while you were doing almost everything a couple did except for kissing and having sex and admitting feelings and saying you loved each other. To you and Jack though, it was all just being best friends, all things best friends did.Â
The true beginning of that expansion was the first time you spent the night at Jackâs house, about three months after you met.Â
Jack is confused when he sees you sitting at the hub eating the other half of the granola bar youâd started and not finished last night. Itâs strange because he just assumed you guys would grab breakfast so why would you be eating. âArenât you off?â he asks you as he walks up to where youâre sitting.
âI am, but I just got a text from my neighbor that the AC in my apartment building is broken and wonât be fixed until this evening so Iâm just gonna hang here.â You shrug. âMaybe work, maybe try to catch some sleep in the on-call room and then head home and pray itâs working.â
It has been disgustingly hot and humid the last week or ten days and being in your AC-less apartment on the fifth floor during the day was simply not happening. Youâd rather be at the hospital getting shitty sleep in the on-call room or working.Â
âWasnât this last shift our sixth straight night on?â Jack asks, with a raise of his brows.
âIndeed it was,â you sigh. âPretty irritating because I would just like to go sleep. But what can you do? Iâm not going home to sleep in this heat.â
âYeah. No, youâre not.â Itâs short, somewhere between disbelief and concern. âYouâre not staying here either. Go grab your shit. You can crash at my place.âÂ
âReally?â
âNo, I just said it to be a dick and take back the offer when you agreed.â Jack gives you a pointed really? look. âYes, really. Now go get your shit before we both end up getting pulled back into something.â
âYou donât have to do that Jack, Iâll be fine. I wouldnât want to intrude like that.â You shake your head at him a little.Â
âI know I donât have to offer, but you need to get some real sleep. I know you know that. Youâll make yourself sick. And youâre not intruding, you know that too.â Jack tilts his head at you.
âAw,â you tease him a little, âare you worried about me?â
Jack rolls his eyes at you. You both know he is and that he does worry about you and that you worry about him. Thatâs what best friends do. âOkay, stay here then.â He shrugs.
âNo, no. Iâll take you up on it if youâre still offering,â you say quickly.Â
âI am.â
âOkay, let me grab my stuff.â You get up and head to the lockers, grab your things and make your way over to Jack.Â
Once youâre out of the Pitt Jack turns to you as you walk towards your guysâ favorite breakfast spot. You havenât discussed going there but itâs just unspoken at this point. âWhy didnât you just ask? How many times now have I told you youâre welcome at my place whenever? Open door or whatever. Itâs not like youâve never been to my place and donât know I have a guest room.â
You shrug as he opens the door for you. âIt felt like there was a difference between come over whenever and spend the night, or whatâs our night, at my place.â
âWell thereâs not,â he tells you as you slide into a booth sitting across from each other. âIâm telling you that now.â
Once you finish breakfast the two of you head to Jackâs place. Like Jack said, youâve been to his place before.Â
âYou should take my bed,â Jack says once youâre at his place and both of you have set all your stuff down. âThe guest bed mattress is really not the greatest. I need to replace it but nobody ever sleeps on it so I just havenât gotten around to it.â
Youâre thrown for a second at the prospect of sleeping in Jackâs bed. Even without him. âItâs alright, I donât mind. My cheap mattress at home isnât really the greatest.âÂ
âNo seriously, youâll probably wake up hurting.â He gives you a firm look. âJust let me take it.âÂ
âOh, yes, because if itâs going to hurt the person who sleeps on it, the best idea is surely to give it to the older of the two of us.â You give him a look.Â
âDid you just call me old?â Jack says in mock offence.Â
âNo, I just said you were older than me.â You soften a little. âI can tell your hip and back are hurting after six straight Jack.â You both know youâre right. This shift in particular he could really feel his hip and back compensating as his prosthetic caused him a little more pain than usual. âSo just let me take the guest room.â
That makes Jack blush a little and you feel bad. You hadnât meant to hit a nerve or make him self-conscious. âHate than you can tell, but alright. You wanna shower before?âÂ
âIf you donât mind.â
âWouldnât have asked if I did. Youâre going to have to use mine though. I donât have any shampoo or whatever in the spare. And Iâll leave you a shirt and some boxers on my bed so you donât have to get back into your scrubs.â He says it so casually, like heâs totally unaffected by it when he is in fact very, very affected. The thought of you in his clothes has him hardening. And the thought of wearing his clothes makes you feel warm and start to get slick between your thighs.Â
You clear your throat. âThank you.âÂ
Jack nods, flick his head to tell you to follow him and you do. He steps into his bathroom for a second and then comes back out. âFresh towel and washcloth on the counter for you. I found a spare toothbrush too. Clothes will be on the bed. Shout if you need anything.â
Itâs not until youâre in Jackâs shower squeezing some of his shampoo into your hand that you realize youâre going to smell like him at the end of this. You get even slicker between your legs at the thought and spend the entire shower telling yourself to stop thinking about him as anything other than your best friend. It doesnât really work.Â
And getting dried off and into Jackâs clothes does nothing to help the matter. His black shirt is oversized on you and he said boxers but he really meant boxer briefs which make you feel far closer to him in a way.Â
You find Jack sitting on his couch reading. âHey. Thank you for the shower and clothes.â Jack looks up at you and has to carefully control his reaction. Heâs glad youâre far enough away that you donât see the way his jaw clenches at how unbelievably hot you look in his clothes. It makes him feel possessive in a way he knows he shouldnât. Heâs also glad heâs sitting far enough away that you canât see the bulge in his pants that starts to grow.Â
âOf course.â
âIâm going to try and get some sleep. Wake me whenever you need me to leave.â Jackâs not waking you up. As far as heâs concerned you never need to leave. âAnd I hope you sleep well.â You give him a shy nod and turn to head back to the guest room.Â
âSleep well,â he calls after you.Â
From then on, going to each otherâs places after work slowly became a thing. By the end of your intern year it was far more common for you to end up at Jackâs place or him to end up at yours after work. Sometimes youâd spend what was your night at Jackâs, sometimes you wouldnât. He only spent the night at yours once when you both fell asleep on your couch. You didnât have a spare room and no way were you making Jack sleep on your couch and you knew heâd never accept your bed with you on the couch.
And then one day about a year and a half after meeting and being best friends both of you were clearly sore from your run of shifts and Jack floated the idea.Â
âYou wanna just sleep in my bed with me? Itâs far more comfortable. And big enough so we donât have to like⊠be particularly close or anything.â It takes a lot for him not to tack on âunless you want.â
âOh.â His offer catches you by surprise. It feels like it should mean something, but best friends sleep in the same beds, right? Itâs not that big of a deal. âYeah, sure. That would be nice, thank you.âÂ
After you both shower you and Jack slide into his bed, staying respectfully at the edge of the side of the bed each of you is on. You wake up much closer, about a foot between you, and both of you have to fight the urge to snuggle into the other and try to use this opportunity to express your real feelings for each other.
After that, sleeping in the same bed became your usual thing. It opened up staying at your place more often after a while when you slowly started sleeping closer together since you had a smaller mattress. And before either of you knew it you had a drawer at Jackâs place and he had a drawer at yours, both of you had your toiletries in the otherâs shower and on the otherâs bathroom counter. It happened so naturally neither of you truly realized the implication for a while, and when you did you convinced yourselves that it was something best friends did.
You also convinced yourselves that getting ready in the bathroom together at the same time, bumping into each other and being close and Jack sometimes shirtless and you sometimes in just a bra and pants or shorts was something best friends did. And you wearing Jackâs clothes just because you liked to, not because you needed to borrow them, without asking him and wearing his shirt and boxer briefs to bed because they were comfortable was a best friends thing. So was Jack sleeping in just a pair of pajama pants and eventually just his boxer briefs in the same bed as you. Laying in his lap with your head on his chest cuddling or him snuggling up to you after a bad day as you watched a movie together was also just something best friends did.Â
And then Jack had a really bad day.Â
âJack,â you say softly, moving your head down to try and get him to look at you as he keeps doing compressions. âWe have to let him go.â Both you and Jack are sweaty, as are most of the people in the room with you. Youâve been coding the patient in front of you for two hours now.Â
âNot your call to make,â he pants out. But itâs laced with anger and frustration. âYouâre an R3 and Iâm the attending. Itâs not your call to make. So either keep running the code or get out.â Itâs pretty close to snarled and makes you grimace. You and everybody in the room know that Jackâs anger and frustration isnât truly at you.Â
Jack knows youâre right but he canât bring himself to stop. Because itâs unfair. Itâs so fucking unfair.Â
âJack. Look at me.â He doesnât stop compressions but he does lift his eyes to yours after a few seconds. âYou know that Iâm with you and just as aggressive as you. You know that if I thought for a second there was even the slightest chance of us getting him back I wouldnât be telling you we have to let him go.â You nod at him, watch his jaw clench. The protective eye glasses heâs wearing might fool others into thinking thatâs whatâs making his eyes shiny but you know better. âHeâs gone, Jack.âÂ
He just looks at you for another minute as he does compressions before he finally stops, panting hard. You both look up at the monitor. âAsystole,â you say quietly. You try to be quicker than Jack but arenât and Jackâs the one to confirm with his stethoscope and you shut the monitor off.Â
He pulls it away and puts it back on his neck as he speaks and glances at his watch. âTime of death 06:57.â
Jack is silent as he pulls his gloves, trauma gown and glasses off, tossing them in the biohazard bin before walking out. You tell everyone thank you before doing the same as Jack and walking out of the trauma room, head on a swivel as you look for him even though youâre pretty sure you know exactly where he is. Itâs all but confirmed for you when you donât see him in the immediate vicinity.Â
It is confirmed when you step out onto the roof. You hate it when he stands on that side of the railing, it always scares the shit out of you because you always worry one day heâs going to do it. And if he was, today would likely be that day. Youâre one of three people who work at the hospital other than Jack who knows that when it hit midnight seven hours ago it became the anniversary of the day of his injury. So yeah. With the significance of the day and the fact that you just coded a veteran for two hours, if he was going to do it, today seems like it could be the day.Â
âYou know youâre not allowed to leave me,â you call to him as you walk closer. Jack doesnât say anything. âSeriously.â You reach the rail right behind him. âWhat the fuck am I gonna do if you jump?âÂ
Jack lets out a heavy sigh. âItâs unfair. Itâs a fucking joke. Surviving over there to come back and be taken out by a drunk driver. Just like that.â He snaps his fingers as he says it. âWhat the fuck is the point? Of any of this anymore?âÂ
âIt is unfair. And itâs pretty fucking cruel of the universe to have this happen ever, but especially to have it happen and put it in front of you today.â You let out a long breath. âAnd I donât know what the point is either sometimes, or I lose sight of it. But I think the point is all the ones you can and do save and help, Jack. And if you jump then you canât save or help anyone else. Civilian, service member or vet. You canât teach others, pass on what youâve learned. Every student and resident who comes through here would be worse off.âÂ
Jack knows youâre right. Some part of him wants to almost be mad at you for the way that youâre right and know what to say. Heâs not though. He looks back at you a little to acknowledge he heard you. To tell you that youâre right and he knows it.Â
âWill you come here, please, Jack?â
He gives a little shake of his head and lets out a shuddery breath before he turns and ducks under the rail so heâs standing right next to you. You turn into him and give him a hug. Jack returns it tightly and you can feel how hard he swallows. You know the last place he wants to show any further emotion is here so you pull out of the hug.Â
âLetâs get out of here.â You grab Jackâs hand and start walking. Jack follows and the two of you only drop hands once someone else gets on the elevator with you.Â
You guys manage to get out fairly quickly and unsurprisingly end up at Jackâs place. You take turns showering before crawling into bed together, both exhausted and ready to just pass out. You roll on your sides and look at each other. You know Jack needs to let some emotion out and you consider going to sleep in the guest room so he can be alone but the thought of him being alone today, especially after that code, makes you sad.
âJack?â you say his name softly. He raises his eyebrows at you. âI know the real question you went up there looking for an answer to. Why were you the one to survive? And Iâm not going to pretend to know the answer. I know this might be selfish of me, but I just want you to know that Iâm really glad you were the one to survive.â
Jackâs mind spins. He canât believe you knew that was the question. He can in a way, because itâs you and you always seem to know but part of him still canât comprehend someone caring for him and knowing him how you do. And he wishes more than anything in the moment that he could kiss you. But he canât. And he canât risk losing you. His mind also spins trying to answer the question, why him, why did he survive over there, why does he survive over here? And it spins like it always does on this day, scenes of this day all those years ago playing in the background of his mind constantly.
He shakes his head a little at you, eyes glassy. He really didnât want to cry. âYou can come here, if you want, Jack.âÂ
Jack nods this time and slides over to you. You pull him close to you and wrap your arms around him as he buries his face in your neck and lets himself cry. You run your hands through his hair for the first time without even realizing it and keep doing it. Scratch at his scalp sometimes, play with the curls at the nape of his neck. You wish you could pull his head from your neck and kiss him, tell him you love him and have him know you mean it as more than just a friend.Â
After that it became your guysâ normal. Cuddling together in bed, sleeping tangled up together or you on Jackâs chest or him on yours or with him as the big spoon or you as the big spoon, you running your hands through his hair, something you discovered relaxed him immensely and helped him fall asleep.Â
Neither of you really dated over the years, not as such. It was just another thing that made everyone think you were already together or heavily in denial. As an intern and resident you didnât really have the time, and it just wasnât how you wanted to spend your free time at that point in your life. Jack theoretically had the time but he just didnât want to put the effort into it really. He was content with you, even non-romantically. As you were with him. You did want more though, you did want to get married and have kids one day. With someone. You knew it would never be Jack and that if you wanted that you were eventually going to have to get over Jack and go try. You just never really brought yourself to.
Occasionally over the years each of you would pick someone up at a bar or somewhere and have some casual sex. Sometimes it turned into a bit of a friends with benefits situation and youâd see the person more than once. That was all more common for you. Jack wasnât super into casual sex or friends with benefits. You went on a couple of dates to appease some friends and try to get over Jack. He did the same to try and get over you. Nothing ever went anywhere.Â
People of course noticed how close you and Jack were. The way you always seemed to walk in and out of work together. The times youâd come in wearing Jackâs sweatshirt. The reactions youâd both have at times when the other got flirted with, either at work or when everyone went out to a bar or somewhere.Â
Both of you were constantly getting asked if you were together, some people just assumed it. You both always laughed and said no, you werenât, you didnât know why so many people thought that, youâre just best friends. Bets were placed on when you guys would finally either admit you were together already or realize what literally everyone else could tell, that you were both in love with each other, and finally get together as a couple.
A few people bet on it taking one of you to get worryingly sick or injured or otherwise put in danger for the other to admit their feelings. They were proven wrong one night.Â
Your mistake was something youâd done hundreds of times before. Walking out into the ambulance bay by yourself in the middle of the night. Itâs how you find yourself being held hostage and walked back into the ED with a knife pressed against your throat.Â
Sound seems to go. Youâre only vaguely aware of the guy holding you making demands for drugs. Your eyes drag across the floor looking for a single person. One you canât find. He must be in with a patient. You know heâs the only person who would give you any comfort in this situation but a part of you is almost glad you donât see him.Â
You donât want him to see this. Especially if this guy ends up using the knife on you. You really donât want Jack to see that.Â
The scream a patient lets out and the general collective gasps he hears are Jackâs initial clues something is wrong. The chilly silence that follows is another clue and he decides to go look, makes his way to the door of the exam room heâs in. He doesnât know what he expects to see when he steps out but it sure isnât you with a knife pressed to your throat. And yet thatâs what he sees.
Jackâs entire world stops, the vial of medication he was holding falling out of his hand. His eyes find yours immediately. âIâm sorry,â you mouth to him. He shakes his head. Why the fuck are you sorry? is all he can think.Â
Jack walks forward holding up his hands. âWhat do you want?â he asks the guy.Â
âFinally somebody with some fucking sense. Demerol. 150. To start. Then I want all the fucking vials of it and morphine you have with a bunch of needles.â The guy laughs, thinks heâs about to make out.Â
âAnd then youâll let her go?â Jack asks.
âIâll walk her out with me and then Iâll let her go, yeah.â
âFine,â Jack nods at him. âIâll pull your dose now.â The way the guy laughs as Jack walks over to pull some demerol out makes him want to be sick. If something happens to you, anything at all, if you die, Jack swears heâll die with you. Heâd never forgive himself. Heâs eerily calm and steady for how fast his heart is racing but he knows he needs to be calm and focused to get you out of this alive and physically uninjured. He knows the mental injuries are already there.Â
Jack canât quite pin down how sophisticated this guy is. The laughter makes Jack think heâs not very. That he doesnât really know what heâs doing. So Jack tries it, sees if the guy will tell him to show him the vial first and pull it in front of him and make Jack give himself some to prove itâs nothing dangerous first. He takes a vial of etomidate out and pulls a dose, starts walking over to the guy.Â
Thereâs no questioning. No telling Jack to go back and bring it all over and pull it in front of him, no asking Jack if Jack think heâs stupid. Only that fucking laugh that neither you nor Jack will ever forget.
âNeed a vein,â Jack tells the guy as he gets close.Â
âBack of the hand. The one holding the knife. She can watch,â the guy grunts at Jack and laughs as he tightens his grip on the knife and presses it into your neck hard enough to give you little deeper than a paper cut, but deep enough to draw some blood.Â
The sight of your blood makes him want to be sick because, even though itâs only a few drops, you still have a fucking knife against your throat thatâs making you bleed. Jack nods at you but doesnât say anything. Doesnât want to risk pissing the guy off, not with how tight that knife is against your skin. Jack feels the back of the guys hand for a vein to make sure theyâre not all blown. He finds one and so Jack pushes the med and then steps backÂ
âIâm getting the rest now, okay?â Jack starts walking backwards slowly. Itâs the longest onset time of Jackâs entire life but he can see when it starts to hit the guy and heâs already running back towards you as the etomidate renders the guy unconscious. âEtomidate,â Jack shouts at nobody in particular so at least somebody knows what he gave the guy and can deal with him accordingly.
The second the knife drops from your throat youâre stepping forward and Jack is right there to grab you and pull you away from the guy. Jack crushes you to him. âJack,â you whimper as your hands fist at his scrub top at his chest, his arms wrapping around you and holding you tighter than he ever has before.Â
âFuck,â he breathes out, âfuck, youâre okay.â Youâre shaking in Jackâs arms just as much as heâs shaking having you safe and in his as the adrenaline crashes for you both. âLet me see your neck.âÂ
He tries to pull away but you cling to him and follow him. âItâs fine, itâs fine. Just stay, please.âÂ
Jack wants to look at your neck for himself but he knows youâre right that itâs okay for now and you clearly need him like this and frankly he needs you like this too. Safe in his arms.Â
It makes you feel safe. If youâre in Jackâs arms nothing is going to happen to you. You trust him. You know heâs safe, will keep you safe. âPlease stay,â you whisper, voice shaking. âI need you.âÂ
âIâm not going anywhere,â he promises. âIâve got you. And Iâm not letting you out of my sight.â Jackâs voice is shaky like yours. âI canât lose you.â
Everyone who heard that line and the way Jack said it had thought it meant you in fact werenât together but Jack was going to admit his feelings to you and youâd admit yours back and youâd finally be together and holding hands walking in and calling each other pet names. And Jack almost did admit his feelings to you. But then you guys had gotten home and went about your routine and you were so shaken and clingy that he wasnât able to bring himself to tell you and risk losing you, especially when you needed him so much in the aftermath. So it didnât happen.Â
The calling each other a pet name, however, did. But not in the way anyone expected. To you and Jack the word just became a nickname. One that intensified the confusion about what you and Jack were.Â
Youâre standing at the hub charting when you overhear Jack finishing discharge instructions with a mom and her five or six year old daughter as he walks them towards the door. Youâre finally an R4 about two weeks away from starting the attending position you were offered and accepted. Jack is of course still an attending. Your schedules are almost always identical. It was easy to pull off when most people didnât want to work nights and the two of you volunteered to. You both knew it would be staying that way once you became an attending.
âThank you so much, babe!â You watch the mom tell Jack as she hugs him. You bite your lip to stifle your laugh, continuing to watch as Jack remains completely still. âAnd like we talked about if you ever need anything or get bored, hereâs my number,â she giggles as she presses a post-it note to his chest. Youâd be more jealous if you thought for a single second Jack might actually be interested, but he is so clearly not you almost feel embarrassed for the woman. The whole thing is so funny you have to quickly log out and walk away to keep from laughing.Â
The second the mom is out the door Jack tosses the post-it note with a shake of his head. Jack has always gotten hit on at work. Heâs always gotten flirted with everywhere really. He very, very rarely flirts back. But though he may not have put it together, everyone else, yourself included, has noticed that now that heâs truly gone salt and pepper he gets flirted with far more.Â
Later that night around 1:30 a.m. the two of you are at the hub charting together. âCan you take the eight year old with a possible broken arm from a bunk bed fall with the new med student, Cooper? I said I would but I donât think I can handle another mom right now and I would really love to try and get like four bites of literally anything.â
âI suppose for you I can,â you tease him, bumping your hip against his. âI brought us leftovers from last night too. Theyâre in the fridge.â
âI knew I kept you around for a reason.â You scoff in mock offense as Jack logs off his computer. He looks over at you and waits until you look up at him which doesnât take long. âThank you.â He gives you a flash of a smile and then starts to walk toward the breakroom.Â
The opportunity is too good to pass up. After he gets a step or two away you call out to him. âSure thing, babe!âÂ
Jack stops walking and tilts his head letting out a single huffed laugh as he shakes his head and rolls his eyes before he resumes walking. He canât keep the small smile off his face though.Â
A while later Jack finds you again at the hub, just the two of you. You guys chat for a bit until you get called away. âOh,â you turn back to Jack, âcan you remind me to check if my mascara is dried out when we get home. Iâm going to need some for Shenâs wedding.â
Jack smirks at you and you already know what heâs about to say. âSure thing, babe!âÂ
The nickname stuck and it pretty much became your and Jackâs exclusive way of referring to each other. You both ached for it to be a real pet name. People assumed that calling each other âbabeâ constantly would lead to a conversation and so youâd get together within a month or so. Especially because then youâd be an attending. You wouldnât technically be Jackâs student anymore, youâd be equals. But you still didnât get together.
And once you became an attending and had been one for six months or so and nothing happened, people stopped placing bets. Because surely if it was going to happen it would have already.Â
A year after you became an attending you started to notice it more than you had before. It felt like most of your patients were children with their parents or newlyweds or recently engaged or celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary or pregnant. Marriage and kids were frequently on your mind. But you still couldnât bring yourself to put yourself out there and try to find someone.Â
You talk about it casually with a couple of people at work, that you think youâd like marriage and kids one day, and the interest in you and Jack is renewed and bets start getting placed again.Â
And one day, six years after you met, it finally happens.
You and Jack walk into his place after your shift. You unsurprisingly had to stay late so itâs 9 a.m. or so, your guysâ evening. It wasnât a bad shift in the scope of things, but it wasnât the easiest shift youâve ever had either.Â
Jack keeps semi blackout curtains in his living room and pulls them closed while you grab a drink for yourself and a beer for Jack from his fridge without even asking if he wants one. You donât turn any lights on. The curtains dim the room, but you can still easily see each other.
He sits on the opposite end of the couch from you, leaning into the corner of it and putting the thigh of one leg on it as he tilts his body towards you so that you guys can see each other. Manspreading like always. If only he knew how insane it drove you. You hand him his beer and then settle back into the same position, and if only you knew how insane your legs being relatively spread open drove him.Â
âI guess at least nobody died,â you mutter before taking a drink.Â
Jack nods slowly as he finishes swallowing. âWeâll take the wins where we can.â He tilts his head at you. âDidnât see much of you tonight.âÂ
âIt was busy. I think we kept hitting our free moments at different times. Itâs not like I was ignoring you.â You give him a knowing look, confused about why heâs even commenting on it. Itâs something that just happens sometimes.Â
Heâs commenting because he missed you, quite a lot today for some reason, and especially because he saw you on your phone a decent amount at the beginning of your shift, more than you usually are, and you seemed happy. Of course he wants you to be happy, but he wants to know why. Why you werenât using that time to come see him and let him make you happy. Heâs hoping the explanation isnât another man.Â
âYou seemed to be in an awfully good mood at the beginning of your shift.â He tries to keep it light, like itâs just something he noticed and not him trying to probe for information.
âEh. My college ex boyfriend texted me.â You roll your eyes. âIt was random more than anything.â
He swallows hard. Fuck. It was another man. âOh,â Jack draws the word out, âis that who was making you smile down at your phone until about midnight tonight?â He smirks at you like he isnât internally seething with jealousy.
You roll your eyes again but this time at Jack. âHe sent me the most ridiculous opening line and it was funny, so it made me smile, yes.âÂ
Jackâs jaw sets and he takes a drink of his beer so that he doesnât grind his teeth loud enough for you to hear. âYou sharing or?â
Thereâs the faintest hint of snippiness in his tone that makes you narrow your eyes at him slightly. Jack knows all about your college ex, how he decided he didnât want to move with you for medical school and then again for residency potentially. It broke your heart at the time but things still ended amicably all things considered. You figure the snippiness is related to Jack disliking him.
âHe asked if I went into cardiology because, and I quote âyou are the very beating and pulse of my heart.ââ You start laughing as you finish saying it. Jack hardly even laughs, he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head, shifts to sit straighter on the couch so heâs looking at the black TV in front of him and not over at you. âOh come on,â you nudge his thigh with your foot. âIt was funny.â
Jack takes another swig of his beer and pulls his lips down, shrugs slightly. âWorked on you enough that you memorized it.âÂ
You choke on the sip of your drink you just took, coughing a little. Jack glances over at you for a second just to make sure youâre okay.Â
âWorked on me? It didnât fucking work on me. He sent it to break the ice, babe.â You furrow your brows and shake your head at him, looking at him with a mixture of disbelief and confusion.Â
âWell you liked it enough to remember it and keep talking to him.â He already knows youâre going to go see this guy and probably get into a relationship and thatâll pretty much be the end of your best friends relationship as you know it now.Â
You scoff at him. âI found it funny enough to remember. Thereâs a difference.âÂ
âOkay,â he sings, clearly not believing you and you just shake your head at him. You both take sips of your drinks. Even with Jackâs kind of strange behavior the silence is still comfortable. âSo whyâd he text you after all this time? Itâs been like what? Ten years?â
You shift on the couch and pull your legs up to your chest. âHe moved to Pittsburgh. Asked if Iâd be interested in seeing him.â
Jackâs head snaps over to you. âYou are, arenât you? Youâre going to see him?âÂ
His gaze is so intense it feels like itâs pinning you in place. âYeah.â You shrug. You donât get why this is such a big deal all of the sudden. You need this. You need to move on from Jack. You need to try and have the rest of the life you want, even if itâs not quite how you pictured it. You and Jack would still be best friends and some things might change, but itâs not like everything would change or suddenly youâd just stop hanging out because you got married and had kids.
Jack scoffs at you now. âWhy?â Thereâs a bite behind his tone. Heâs not sure if you have a real reason or if itâs just to reconnect. You squirm under his gaze for a second before you have to look away as you give him another shrug. Thatâs the confirmation he needs. âBull-fucking-shit, you absolutely have a reason.â You let out a breath and occupy your mouth with another sip of your drink. âFine. Then look me in the eye and tell me you donât have a reason.âÂ
You sigh and look back at him. You swear he almost seems mad with how serious he looks, lips pressed in a line, still staring at you with that same intensity, eyes slightly narrowed. You know youâre going to have to tell him because you canât lie to him. As in you couldnât bring yourself to do it and also he would know the second it came out of your mouth.Â
âItâs stupid,â you admit, âitâs stupid and I know it and a big part of me doesnât care. But youâll think itâs stupid too. Think Iâm stupid for even considering it.âÂ
âHey.â Jack shifts on the couch so heâs turned towards you again, features softened. âYouâre not stupid. I know you far too well to know that if there is one thing in this world that you are definitively not, itâs stupid. If itâs a stupid idea, yeah I will tell you that. âÂ
You look down at your hands. You know youâre going to have to tell him eventually. If you end up doing it then itâs going to come out. âWhen we broke up we made this stupid pact together that we both thought was just a funny joke at the time. We said if we reached the age we are now and werenât married or in a serious relationship weâd get married and have kids together.â You pause for a second and swallow. âNeither of us are married or in a serious relationship. So you knowâŠâ
Jackâs jaw falls open a little as his head lolls forward. Adrenaline floods his body so fast he grows cold in seconds, stomach churning. He canât lose you. Not like this. If you dated the guy and fell back in love with him that would be one thing. But this? No. And actually, no in general. He canât lose you. He canât watch you marry someone else and have someone elseâs kids. He knows you really want marriage and kids and he wants that for you, just selfishly only with him. It gets harder to breathe as some actual panic starts to seep into him.Â
He lets out an incredulous laugh. âYouâre actually fucking considering this?âÂ
Tears sting at the back of your eyes. You know heâs not laughing at you and you know heâs not truly judging you but his reaction still hurts in a way you didnât expect it to. All you can do is nod at him.Â
Jack laughs again, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head. âFucking why?â
âBecause Jack!â He shrinks back slightly, eyebrows raising at your response and the emotion he thinks he hears in your voice. âBecause I want to share my life with someone romantically! Because I want to get married and have a house and have kids! I want that life. And Iâm not getting any fucking younger.â
âOh my fucking god,â Jack scoffs. Heâs nearly at a loss for words. âHow can you say that? You havenât even been looking for someone! You donât date and I know youâve been asked out plenty of times. And donât give the excuse of being too busy because we both know thatâs not true anymore.â He shakes his head at you and looks pissed. âDo you even fucking love him?âÂ
You shrug. You have absolutely no justification for why you donât date other than because youâre in love with Jack. So you donât even really try to justify anything. âI havenât been, no, but Iâve still always wanted that stuff and this kind of fell in my lap and so maybe itâs a sign. And as for loving him⊠yeah. No. Kind of? I donât know anymore. Would he be my first pick? No. But heâs nice, he treated me well and heâll be a good dad I think. And maybe now that weâre both grown up there will be more of a spark there.â You knew Jack would think it was a stupid and bad idea but you didnât know heâd react quite this strongly. In part youâre not sure why he cares so much. Heâs your best friend. He should want to see you happy and living the life you want. And this is a way for you to at least be living the life you want and to be happy enough.
âSo what, youâre going to fucking settle? Settle for the guy who broke your heart? The guy who couldnât be fucking asked to move maybe twice for you so that you could do what you dreamed of? The guy who allegedly loved you but not quite enough to make any sacrifices for you?â Jack tilts his head at you. âBabe you deserve so much better. So much fucking better. Donât do this to yourself. Donât even consider it further. PleaseâÂ
âI think maybe I would be enough for him now. He reached out. Remembered. That has to count for something, right? And I want it Jack.â You shrug at him. Youâre a little upset. Not with Jack, just with everything else. With what you donât have. With the way you struggle about whether you really want marriage and kids without Jack now that youâre really thinking about it. âI want that life and I feel like Iâm running out of time and yeah, I havenât been looking so thatâs on me, but still. You can want something and still be okay with not having it. But if the opportunity arose, if it just kind of fell in your lap⊠you know?â
âI know,â Jack whispers before speaking at a normal level. âI just want you to be with someone who you are enough for. Because you are enough. You are so much fucking more than enough.â Jack nods at you, hoping it will help drive his words home. âHe doesnât deserve you. Any fucking part of you. He doesnât deserve another second of your time. I know you wonât be happy with him. Not truly. You would be settling and you know it. But you donât have to settle. You donât. You still have time. You can still have the life you want, just with someone who really makes you happy. Who you really want to live that life with. You still have time to find that person. Your person. So donât do this to yourself. Please.â
Your heart aches. You know and love Jack so deeply, heâs the one you trust with every secret and part of you. You wish that you could tell him you already found your person. You already found the man who makes you really, truly happy. You already found the man you want to live your life with. That youâre staring at him.
âJack, we have to be realistic. When am I going to go find that person? With what time? And where? Itâll take me forever to find someone.â You let out a short breath. âAnd then after I do find them itâs at minimum a year of dating, an engagement, then a wedding, then wanting time as just a couple before kids. I donât have that kind of time. I have a couple of years at best.âÂ
âYouâre giving yourself an artificial timeline.â He shakes his head. Heâs not getting through to you. âYou could still go find them. Or at least do this all, marriage and kids, with someone better.âÂ
âWho, Jack?â You laugh exasperatedly. âWho the fuck is that? Iâd still have to find them. At least I know him. Thatâs better than jumping into this with a stranger. Who the fuck else do I know that I would do this with?âÂ
Thereâs a silence as you and Jack stare at each other.Â
And then Jack raises his eyebrows and tilts his head at you quickly, just a one second or two flash.Â
It hits you.Â
âJack?â you whisper. You need him to say it. Because thereâs no fucking way.
He swallows hard. âPlease just donât do it with him.âÂ
âJack.âÂ
âMe.â He rushes the word out, taking a few heavy breaths. âYou could do it with me.âÂ
You stop breathing for a second as you look at him, expression unreadable in a way that makes him incredibly self-conscious, blush creeping up his neck to his ears and cheeks. Youâre stunned. Beyond stunned. While your body is still and youâre silent your mind is running a million miles an hour screaming seventy things at once. Thereâs no way he means this as a romantic thing. He just has to be volunteering himself because he thinks heâs at least better than your college ex.Â
The breath you take in thirty seconds later is still shocked. You lick your lips quickly and open your mouth to say something, but then close it when you canât think of anything. This happens a couple of times before Jack speaks again. Heâs quite sure he knows what your reaction means. That youâre trying to find a way to turn him down nicely.Â
âI know Iâm not him and Iâm sure I have much less to offer than him.â You stare at Jack as he speaks, bring a hand up to cover your mouth. âAnd I know that I come with baggage and that Iâm older and that Iâm missing a piece of me, literally, but I just think, no I know I could make you happier than he could.âÂ
Youâre silent for a minute. You process what he says but your brain doesnât formulate a reply to it because you need to know exactly what Jack means. You move your hand from your mouth and rest it to the side of you.Â
Your voice is surprisingly even, just like your body is still. You havenât given into the trembling you can feel coming yet. âIs that⊠Would you want that? Or would it just be a pact kind of thing to you?â Youâre still not convinced heâs thinking about this the same way you are. Youâre convinced heâs just offering to take the place of your ex in the pact, not that heâs in love with you like you are with him.
The way you gloss over what he said hurts. He tries to hold onto some modicum of hope that all of this will get figured out and he wonât lose you but itâs getting hard.Â
Jack lets out the saddest laugh youâve ever heard by anyone ever. âOh no, I want that. Iâve wanted that for a long time. Wanted you. Iâve been in love with you since that first day. The first day I met you. And Iâm sorry if knowing it would be really real for me ruins it and makes me not an option. But even if itâs not me you should still find someone better than him.â He shrugs and looks away from you.Â
âAre you being for fucking real?â He nods, still looking down. âNo, Jack.â You move down the couch so that youâre sitting right next to each other, you with your legs crossed facing Jack whoâs still turned into the couch so that he could see you. âLook at me.â He forces himself to look up at you. âAre you serious right now? Do you mean it? You want me? Youâre in love with me? Like more than platonically?âÂ
Jackâs heart breaks because itâs not the declaration of love heâd hoped you give him in return.Â
âYes.â He nods at you, gives you the eye contact you sought, as intense as always even with his glassy and somewhat defeated looking eyes. âI want you. Iâm in love with you. Iâm in love with you like I want to marry you, I want you to be my wife and me to be your husband, I want to give you my last name, I want to confuse the fuck out of everyone on night shift with two Dr. Abbots, I want you to be the mother of my kids, I want to get you pregnant, more than once maybe, I want to grow old holding your hand and kissing your lips and making you laugh. I want you. Iâm in love with you. I love you. I have always loved you.â
You swallow hard, the trembling finally hitting your entire body. âWhy did you never say anything or make a move?âÂ
Your lack of real response to everything he just admitted confirms it for Jack. You donât feel the same way. You donât love him like he does you. Thereâs not going to be any saving this.Â
âBecause I knew youâd never reciprocate and if I said anything or made a move it would make things awkward and if it didnât totally end our friendship it would have at least changed it significantly. And having you in my life like this, as my best friend, like you have been for the past six years was so much better than not having you in my life at all and being tortured seeing you at work.â Jack sniffles a little. âBut then you started talking about marriage and kids with this guy and I know you want that life and that if you were even considering this pact you were either going to do it or probably start seriously dating and looking for someone. And so I sat here and realized Iâd lose you either way. If I admitted my unrequited love Iâd lose you. If you do it with him or go find someone to have that life with we obviously wouldnât be able to continue how we are and so youâd slowly slip away and Iâd lose you. So I figured I might as well throw it out there so that if nothing else you know that you are enough for someone. So much more than enough. And you shouldnât settle for anyone who thinks differently.âÂ
You look at Jack for a few seconds and then you laugh. Hard. Because you cannot think of how else to react in the moment and Jack fucking Abbot is in love with you and youâre in love with him and you both have been forever and youâre both fucking idiots.Â
The sound is a knife through Jackâs heart.Â
You quiet your laughter and smile at Jack. He canât quite believe it because it would be so out of character for you but Jack assumes youâre about to make fun of him. What else could you do?
âKnew Iâd never reciprocate? Unrequited love?â You let out a few giggles this time. âJack Abbot I have loved you every day for the past six years. I fell in love with you the day we met too. I am in love with you. Romantically. I love you.â You laugh again, a few tears slipping down your face, not from the laughter but the other emotions the laughter is just audibly louder than. âYouâre sitting here talking about me going and finding my person and Iâm trying not to fucking lose it because Iâm sitting here fucking staring at my person so sure you would never reciprocate. Youâre the one who makes me happy. The fucking happiest. The happiest Iâve ever been.â You take a breath and look at Jack, laughter leaving you and watery smile pulling up on your face, eyes the brightest Jack has ever seen them even in the relatively low light. âYou are the one I want that life with. Marriage and kids. I said he wasnât my first choice. You know who fucking is? You, Jack. You. Itâs always been you. Iâve always loved you, too.âÂ
âMe?â Thereâs no fucking way.
âYeah, Jack. You!â Youâre beaming at him.
âYouâre being for fucking real now?â He loosely mimics what you asked him earlier. A tentative smile pulls onto his face. Heâs still struggling to believe that you love him. âYouâre in love with me?â
His smile widens and he rests a hand on your thigh. He has to be sure you understand the reality of him though. Or what he thinks the reality of him is. âBut Iâm-â
âOh, donât even start with the Iâm older and missing a piece of myself and have baggage. Iâve got some baggage myself. And I know you fucking know that.â You give him a pointed look though your smile remains. âI donât care how old you are. And itâs hot quite frankly. I mean you are in general but you being older. The salt and pepper drives me fucking insane. Hardest day of my life was when you got enough gray for me to really notice. I had to go back to my place alone after shift and damn near burned out a vibrator over it, I mean jesus fucking christ, I set a personal record, Jack. Your age is hot. Youâre hot. And handsome. Unfairly so.â You grow a little more serious to address the last point Jack had brought up earlier, rest one of your hands over his on your thigh and your other hand on his knee. âAnd yes. Youâre missing a piece of yourself. But that doesnât matter to me Jack. And I know what you think but itâs not unattractive, it doesnât make you less desirable. And it certainly doesnât somehow make you less of a man, Jack.â
His head is spinning. At all of. The whole situation. Him professing his love. You professing yours. The fact that youâre in love with each other. That you both want to get married and have kids. His brain glitched out for a second at almost burned out a vibrator and set a personal record all because you were thinking of him. And the way you read him like a book when all he said was he was heâs missing a piece of himself and reassured him perfectly, textbook example of a reason why he loves you.Â
Jackâs eyes search yours as he beams with you now. He laughs, and he understands why you laughed. A few tears slide down his face, just as happy and emotional as you. âWeâre fucking idiots.â
You laugh with him and nod. âTotal fucking idiots.â
âWe could have had all those years together. Why did you never say anything?â Jack asks, his free hand covering your hand on his knee. Youâre both still so in shock and processing that kissing each other or continuing this conversation with you straddling him or somehow being closer than you are now hasnât come to the forefront of either of your minds.Â
âSame reason you didnât. Having you somehow was better than not at all. And I mean, Jack,â you let out a flustered laugh, âyou have to know like everyone wants you. You could have anybody you wanted and so I never thought youâd want me.â
âHey. Listen to me.â Jack grows more serious though a soft smile remains. He shifts so that he can hold your face in his hands. Heâs held your face like this before, many times, but not like this. This is different. You know you love each other. And while Jack is still your best friend and will always be your best friend, heâs your partner now. Your lover. Your future husband. Your future childrenâs father. And the same is true for Jack. You are and will always be his best friend, but youâre his partner now. His lover. His future wife. His future childrenâs mother. And so Jackâs holding your face like that. Like youâre his, in every sense of the word. âThere is not a single human being on this entire fucking planet who I want more than you. Not a single fucking one. And there isnât one thatâs better for me. Youâre the only woman I see anymore. Youâve been the only woman I see for a long time. You are the only one I want and the only one for me, Babe.â
You grin at the nickname and how it really is a pet name now, how it suddenly holds even more meaning. And you nod at Jackâs words, relish in how they warm your heart and make you feel so needed and wanted and loved. You know he means them. With his entire being. You bring your hands up and wrap them around Jackâs wrists as he holds your face, thumbs rubbing soft circles on the inside of his wrists.Â
âYou are the only one I want and the only for me, Babe,â you repeat to him. You bite your lip and giggle again and it goes straight to Jackâs cock. Now that you can say it you canât help yourself. âAnd I canât wait to marry you one day.â
âOh yeah?â He smirks, confidence back in full force, seductive without even really trying. âYou want it to be soon?â Jack tilts his head and leans his head in a little closer. You both know youâre fucking finally about to kiss.Â
âCould be tomorrow as far as Iâm concerned.â You wink at him. Itâs kind of a joke but also not really. Youâd marry him tomorrow. âBut I do want to wait on kids. I know weâve been dating in a sense for effectively six years, but I want time for us to really be a couple together. Just the two of us. We have a lot of time to make up for.â You look down at Jackâs lips and tilt your head opposite his, lean in even closer expecting him to close the gap.Â
But instead he pulls away, making your face furrow. âSeriously?â Jack asks.Â
âTo which part?â Your confusion at his question and at his pulling back is clear in your tone.
Jack lets go of your face and you let go of his wrists. He stands, confusing you further until he pulls at the fabric of his scrub pants on one leg and sinks onto one knee. âJack.â Your breathing picks up and tears hit your eyes.Â
âIâm sorry I donât have a ring right now. But I will buy you whatever you want-â
âI want whatever you pick out, Jack,â you interrupt him.Â
He huffs a laugh. He loves you so much. You would interrupt his proposal for that. âOkay. Iâm sorry I donât have a ring right now. But I will pick you out one and weâll get wedding bands on our way. I want to do life by your side forever. I love you.â Jack takes in a breath. âWill you marry me? Tomorrow?â
You nod as you start laughing. âYeah. Yes! Of course Iâll marry you, Jack. Tomorrow.âÂ
You and Jack are beaming at each other again as he starts to laugh with you, standing back up and holding his hands out for you. You take them and uncross your legs, let Jack help pull you up. He pulls you close, so that youâre flush against him. And after six years, you both finally get what you want as you tilt your heads and lean in and kiss each other.Â
The first kiss is soft, a lingering expression of love that has the two of you breathless as you focus on feeling each otherâs lips and the electricity it seems to send through you. The second kiss is a little more, turns sucking on each otherâs bottom lips are taken. The third kiss is where things really escalate and before you know it you and Jack are standing in front of his couch properly making out, tongues in each otherâs mouths, Jackâs arms sliding around you to keep you close, one forearm running parallel up your spine and holding the nape of your neck, your hands finding Jackâs hair and running through it, scratching at his scalp and occasionally tugging.Â
âWeâre going to have to go to a different state though,â you laugh against his lips when you finally break apart for air.Â
âWait, what?â His question is a little breathless from kissing and he pulls away a bit so that you can look at each other properly.Â
You nod. âPennsylvania has a three day waiting period after you apply for a marriage license. It almost fucked up Shenâs wedding.âÂ
Jack looks back at you, right in the eyes as usual. âTomorrow we fly to Vegas. Elope.âÂ
You raise your eyebrows and pause, waiting to see if he says more or changes his mind or anything. When he doesnât you bite your lip and nod. Heâs probably not even aware of how loved it makes you feel to know heâs ready to marry you tomorrow. Just like that. But then you being ready to marry him tomorrow makes him feel the same. âSounds like a plan, Dr. Abbot.â Jackâs pupils dilate even more, his hands sliding down your sides and back to grab your ass. âGet your laptop or my iPad, we can book the plane tickets now.â
Jack doesnât move. âYou know youâre going to be Dr. Abbot in less than 48 hours.â The realization has you taking a shallow breath in and subconsciously pressing yourself against Jack even harder. âAnd we can book later, in a couple of hours.â
You raise your eyebrows slightly. âOh? Why the delay?â
I hope it was okay! I love hearing your guys' thoughts and comments, and I appreciate your likes, reblogs and replies so so much!
Although I'm struggling with how I'm feeling about the above, if there was any level of interest I could probably be persuaded to do a smutty part two because I do love some first time together smut and already have some ideas. So let me know if that's something you might like to see!
Thank you again for reading and all your support! â„ïž
Want more Jack? Check out my masterlist here!
Want to be added to my Jack tag list? Interact with this post!
I'm working on some Robby things too so if you'd like to be added to my Robby tag list please interact with this post!