hambarglar

[geekysteven]

[ID: skeet by lolennui.bsky.social "(me making fun of your crop rotation idea and thereby holding our people back another 5000 years) jeff thinks the beans have to take turns Imao"]

[infectiouspiss]

i love him that’s why i need to see him tortured to within an inch of his life covered in his own blood and tears

[daughterofsarenrae]

[ID: a picture of the Gävlebocken, captioned "If you're cold, they're cold. Set them on fire."]

[filmnoirsbian]

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[filmnoirsbian]

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

[filmnoirsbian]

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

gshsjb

[filmnoirsbian]

[fancysasquatchfortheblind]

[Image: The second reblog has a screenshot of a tag that says "This is cute but don't offer snacks and drinks to children." The next reblog has another tag that says "Let children starve" with the words separated by clapping emojis. The final reblog has another tag that just says Sweden.

[localpubliclibrary]

Okay hi new question for everyone:

Please reblog and tag this with 1) what you consider your cultural affiliation to be and 2) if you would turn down an initial offer of refreshment (food and/or drink) in somebody else's home. Answer options 1) Never 2) Maybe depending on how I'm feeling 3) Always

[localpubliclibrary]

People are so defensive that they might be accused of being swedish lol. I'm just curious, no right or wrong answers!

[ceasarslegion]

Ive been playing Portal 2 for the first time and im loving this new british orb thing they introduced hes my best friend

[ceasarslegion]

[fancysasquatchfortheblind]

[Image: The reblog has a picture of Captain Holt from Brooklyn 99 at a funeral saying "Never love anything."]

[compyuter]

nobody really drops anvils that make people have funny birds and stars spin around their head anymore… they should do start doing that again

[paperandpencilsandskips]

So true, btw can you stand on this x over here? I think there’s buried treasure under there

[compyuter]

treasure? YIPPEE!!! (starts digging!!!!!)

[paperandpencilsandskips]

THOUSAND ENERGY BEAMS ATTACK

[compyuter]

[what-even-is-thiss]

I love this genre of tumblr posts that’s basically the online equivalent of playing power rangers on the playground

[officialbabayaga]

when i say i’m never leaving this site

[professorw0lf]

Didn’t even watch the movie

[fancysasquatchfortheblind]

[Image: The original post has a screenshot of a sponsored tumblr post. The post says "Is it really possible for a vampire and a republican presidential candidate to be in a relationship?" Beneath that is a photoshopped picture showing Jeb Bush and Morbius in a passionate embrace, also Morbius is wearing a flower crown. Beneath the picture is a synopsis that reads "Morbius gets magically transported to the tail end of Jeb Bush's 2016 presidential election campaign. Angsty homosexuality ensues. Jeb voice: Please read it." The reblog has a screenshot of an author's note that says "My only research for this fic consists of the wikipedia page for Morbius 2022 and the wikipedia page for Jeb Bush's 2016 presidential campaign."]

[comicsiswild]

Batman: Widening Gyre (2009) #1

[arguablysomaya]

my favorite responses

[comicsiswild]

thanks

[donesparce]

posting this panel was a mistake on my part

[mataurin]

[fancysasquatchfortheblind]

[Image: The original post has a panel from a Batman comic. Batman is standing in a plant-filled environment in front of Poison Ivy. Only Poison Ivy's leg is visible and it is prominently featured in the panel, wrapped with vines but with no clothing visible. The visual implication is that she is attempting to seduce him. She says "I'll let you mmm explore hidden parts of the jungle the little lady back home might not." Batman's inner monologue explains "But her noxious aphrodisiac hasn't worked on me since I synthesized an antidote from her blood years ago." Batman says "I'll pass." The first reblog contains a series of responses taken from the tags. The first one says "Cool pussy I guess? I don't really care." One says "How big's that dick? Small now leave me alone." One says "Boo I hate your hole so much I synthesized and antidote for it." One says "Batman has an antidote for coochie, meanwhile I have that trait naturally. I am better than Batman." One says "Bruce when Poison Ivy shows up in The Batman 2" above a screenshot of Twilight showing Edward Cullen covering his nose in disgust. One says "mlm wlw rivalry." One say "synthesized anti pussy elixer." One says "Batman's been on the job for 10 slutty slutty years." One says "Is she talking about her fucking asshole?" One says "Terrible puss. Zero stars." One says "hole vaccine." One says "What's the thing? He's gay af I would have gone crazy." The last one says "Look at his fucking expression oh my god. Outta my way gay boy I will do it if you don't." The final reblog has a fanmade comic. The first panel is a recreation of the original picture with a frowning batman saying "I won't. I pass" to Poison Ivy's vine-covered leg. The second panel shows Harley Quinn smacking Batman aside and taking his place saying "Outta my way gay boy."]

[killue]

*scrolling*

not reading that sorry

not reading that sorry

squeak now or forever hold your cheese? lol!

not reading that sorry

[transgenderer]

a girl will be named isabel and then she isnt even a bell

[crazy-brazilian]

[fancysasquatchfortheblind]

[Image: A political cartoon showing a man addressing a crowd from his podium. In the first panel the man is asking "Who wants to morb?" to which everybody in the crowd is raising their hands enthusiastically. In the second panel the man asks "Who wants to watch Morbius 2022?" Everyone in the crowd is avoiding eye contact and no one is raising a hand.]

[what-even-is-thiss]

I’m watching this reality show with my brother that’s like a blacksmithing competition and some of these people look exactly like you’d expect blacksmiths to look and others look like the person in movies that blacksmiths would kick out of the tavern.

[leontibarton]

Is it Forged in Fire? Because if it is I totally agree.

[what-even-is-thiss]

It is.

[thelockenessmonster]

There are 2 types of people in this world: blacksmiths and also blacksmiths but they don't look like it

[desertretro]

The funny part is that sometimes it’s the guys that look like blacksmiths that are actually the ones that get sent home

[what-even-is-thiss]

Well it takes more than just a pretty face to forge a knife you know

[kingofthenorth]

THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS, but also my family relentlessly mocks the host for being painfully masculine in a seemingly performative sort of way, leading to my dad begging me to make this image:

[fancysasquatchfortheblind]

[Image: The second reblog has two photos of contestants from Forged in Fire. One contestant looks like a blacksmith with a bald head, long macho beard, and thick chain necklace. The other contestant looks more like a computer programmer, he is clean cut with glasses and a flannel shirt. The final reblog has a promotional image showing the host casually holding a sword over his shoulders while standing in front of a blacksmith. In the corner is a name card indicating his name is "Balls Ballson" and saying that he "Thinks his dick is huge."]

[johnnycrass]

where's the tweet thats like high value art heists should be legal and should be like a national pass time between countries like capture the flag. thats my platform

[johnnycrass]

like i'd stay in museum security as a job just for that like to be on the defending team against some other country's art heist team. could be like eurovision but more fun. no bloodshed allowed no weapons u gotta use ur hands only. we should also be allowed to trade players between nations

[sadboychild]

Oh so you think you have hoes? That’s interesting... name 5

[2man222]

This man has you covered

[sadboychild]

Who’s this guy? -_-

[2man222]

[fancysasquatchfortheblind]

[Image: The first reblog has a photo of musician Lou Bega. The third reblog has another photo of musician Lou Bega with text over the picture that says "She cannot recognize Lou Bega by photo."

[tilthat]

TIL the first known case of “dying from laughing” involved the greek man called Chrysippus, who, after giving figs to his donkey, cried out “Now give the donkey a drink of pure wine to wash down the figs”, had a fit of laughter afterwards and died.

via reddit.com

[honted]

pretty funny i guess

[pastabot]

had to be there

[somespicyshrimp]

i enter the lesbian bar wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the phrase: ask me about my favorite fallacy. copious beautiful women proceed to do so. “it’s the argument from fallacy” i tell them. “the fallacy of claiming that because an argument contains a fallacy, that argument’s conclusion must therefore be false.” murmurs of appreciation, as this is an underrated, even unorthodox choice. “but there’s more,“ i say. the women listen, their attention piqued. “let’s call an argument containing some random fallacy Argument A. if you claim that Argument A’s conclusion is false because it commits a fallacy to get there, you have, of course, committed the argument from fallacy. but here’s where it gets interesting.” the women lean in, enraptured. someone turns the music off. “if i claim that your conclusion (that Argument A’s conclusion is false) is false because you committed a fallacy (the argument from fallacy), i too have committed the same fallacy.” i am met with exclamations of delight and disbelief. “it’s like fallacyception,” i say. the women burst into applause, charmed by my firm grasp of logic and reasoning. i exit the lesbian bar covered in lipstick kiss marks like in a cartoon