project hail mary is insane bc the first half is like oh my god the world is dying and there's alien bacteria eating the sun and there's some guy alone on a ship and he's having a breakdown and the flashbacks are getting darker and this is a tragedy the likes of which i have never seen. then BAM andy weir says fuck you actually. here's this pokemon guy he's here to save the day with the power of friendship. and it's the best thing you've ever seen in your life
[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over
Character duo where one *remembers I don’t like fitting characters into trope boxes* is a completely fleshed out and realised person *remembers treating characters as real people and not story devices written with intent is bad* who is written by the author and *remembers death of the author* uh. And *fumbles and drops my pile of queue cards* ah fuck wait no *the menacing horse* what was that.
You all need to understand that autonomy and especially bodily autonomy NEEDS to include being allowed to do things that are bad for you. True bodily autonomy includes being allowed to do things that are risky, drugs, cosmetic procedures and the like. Bodily autonomy needs to include being allowed to get high or smoke or get a BBL. The important part is education about the risks
[EDIT please stop mentioning suicide in the reblogs, I agree with you but I don’t want to see it in my notes every 15 minutes ]
Preachhhh, my body my choice should apply to EVERYTHING! Even if it’s harmful! Ofc we shouldn’t be encouraging it but everyone should be allowed to make their own decisions
your mom jokes don't work when you know someone too well. I would never be in bed with such a wicked woman. That's not even what I had your mom saying last night. I wouldn't speak to her.
january is one of those months where you experience every feeling on the human spectrum and you just have to go about your day like that isn't happening
wanting to talk to people is so fucking embarrassing. literally hi it's me again I wanted to have a conversation with you because I think you're fun to talk to. oh god you can just fucking kill me if you want sorry
So.. even tho it’s august I figured I should probably finish posting all my whumpay fics, sooo heres my continuation of “Let Him Go” (you don’t have to read it to understand)
Aka Raph’s reaction after getting home from his encounter with Slash, lots of brotherly love, lots of Raph feels, and I hope you enjoy!!
Tw: Self hate and brief mentions of injuries
The trek back to the lair was quiet.
In the beginning, Raph had given a halfhearted explanation for Spike’s—Slashes mutation, to which Leo had said the same thing everyone else had.
“Way to keep the mutagen safe, Raph.”
The conversation wilted after that. The weight of everyone’s injuries felt like a heavy blanket, suffocating them with pain and short breaths. Mikey had insisted he could walk on his own, taking the lead with Leo. Raph had carried Donnie most of the way back, not wanting his immediate younger brother to put any more pressure on his sprained ankle. Donnie had refused at first, but after his third time falling to the ground he finally let Raph carry him back.
Raph still had their masks tied around his wrist.
Once they reached the lair Raph passed over the masks, Leonardo accepted them with a grim smile. He tied them to his own wrist, taking Donnie out of his hands before bee lining it to the lab. Raph stood there with his head throbbing, his muscles aching, not saying a word. Mikey came up next to him, giving him a bright and reassuring smile.
“It’s okay bro,” he said, patting his shoulder. For once, Raph didn’t try to stop him. “It wasn’t your fault. Slash was totally crazy.”
He sighed, but the guilt didn’t go away. It was still his fault—his fault that Spike mutated into that.. thing. It was his fault his brothers were taken. Slash was only repeating his own words—things he said. This was his fault. All his fault.
Instead of saying that, he gave Mikey a small smile, his eyes softening at the shorter turtles attempt to cheer him up.
“Thanks, little brother.”
Mikey beamed at him, giving his shoulder a firm shake before he bounded after Leo and Donnie. Raph watched him go, a nauseating feeling settling deep in his stomach. He looked down at himself, at the soot and grime covering his body, his own cuts and bruises. With a roll of his eyes he walked towards the bathroom. He just needed to clean himself off, all his wounds were superficial.
Unlike Donnie.
Unlike Mikey.
The sound of the door closing behind him was pure bliss and he leaned his head back onto the metal with a heavy sigh. He stayed there for a moment breathing deeply, his hands shaking ever so slightly.
Eventually he moved, walking over to the shower. He turned it up to the highest setting, taking off his gear and tossing it into a pile while he waited for the water to heat up. Raph wasn’t sure how long he stayed in there, but he knew it was long enough that his skin was a darker green and every last piece of dirt was gone, scrubbed clean from his body.
He had just been standing there, letting the stream run over his face when he heard a knock. He rolled his eyes, shutting off the water before he climbed out with a grumble. He grabbed one of the towels, drying himself off as quickly as he could. Whoever was outside knocked again and he groaned loudly.
“Give me a minute,” he snapped, drying off his face. He dropped the towel on top of his gear—he’d wash it later.
The person knocked again and Raph started growling, unlocked the door before he threw it open with a glare.
“What?” He snapped, staring up at Leo. The blue banded turtle looked unimpressed, crossing his arms with a huff.
“You’ve been in there for an hour.” He stated, raising a non existent eyebrow.
“Whatever man.” Raph rolled his eyes and shoved past him, muttering incoherently under his breath.
Leo stumbled back and dropped his arms, glaring at his brother while he walked away. “Seriously?” He snapped, grabbing his shoulder before he pulled him back. Raphael dam near growled, shoving the hand off him. “The hell is your problem?”
Leo stared at Raph like he’d asked if he had three eyes. “My problem?” He scoffed, taking a step closer. “My problem is this. You.”
Raphael narrowed his eyes, getting up into his brother’s face. “Oh right, I forgot, because when am I not your problem?”
Leo planted both hands on Raph’s chest, shoving him away with a snarl. “Can you stop acting like a jerk for two seconds—“
“Can you leave me alone?” Raph shot back, unfazed by the aggressive push. “I don’t feel like listening to your lecture for the next hour.”
Leo balled his fists, dropping them to his sides with a frustrated huff. He opened his mouth to say something but seemed to think better of it, pausing. He pressed his lips together before he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Raph had tensed, waiting for some sort of punch or verbal attack but it never happened. Instead, Leo relaxed, letting his hands fall loose before he looked back at Raph.
“I’m sorry.” He said softly, looking away. “I didn’t come here to argue, I just wanted to see if you were okay.”
Raph snorted, crossing his arms overtop of his chest. “Could’ve fooled me.”
The older turtle winced but moved past it, he didn’t blame Raph for being angry, but god..
Raph rolled his eyes again, looking at the floor for a few seconds. Eventually he looked up, somehow appearing more vulnerable than he had a minute ago. With a shaky voice, he asked. “Are they.. okay?”
Leo’s eyes softened and he smiled sadly. “Mikey has a few cracks in his shell,” he started slowly, glancing over to the wall. “We were worried about a concussion but he’s not showing any symptoms. Donnie’s gonna need a splint for a while and he has a nasty sprain in his ankle, but he’s looking good.”
Raph nodded at that, his gaze shifting to what he could see of the kitchen. He couldn’t see his brothers, but if he concentrated enough he could hear them bickering. “So.. they’ll be fine.. right?”
After an awkward silence, Leo shifted on his feet. Raph watched his face morph between worry, frustration, anger and confusion before he finally settled on concern. He opened his mouth, looking him dead in the eyes as he asked him. “Are you okay?”
Raph stood still, his body tensed up. Was he? No. But he wasn’t hurt like Donnie or Mikey.
“Does that matter?” He said, a lot softer than he intended. He looked at the floor, absentmindedly tapping a finger on his arm. Raph felt guilty. He felt like it was his own fault. He was angry at Sp-Slash. He was angry at his brothers for getting hurt. He was angry at himself for letting them get hurt. He was angry at Leo for ditching them. He was angry at everything.
Leo took a hesitant step forwards, placing a hand on his shoulder. The feeling was comforting, grounding Raphael and taking him out of his thoughts. Raph’s gaze shifted to him, a cautious look in his eyes.
“It matters to me.” The eldest said, and the worst part was he sounded genuine. Like he actually cared.
Raph knew it was stupid to say that, of course Leo cared, but sometimes it was easy to forget. They got on each other’s nerves so much that this—whatever was going on, felt foreign. Like they weren’t allowed to be vulnerable with each other. Like they couldn’t show that they cared for one another.
Raph sucked in a breath, tensing his arms. His eyes drifted past Leo’s head again to what he could see of the kitchen. He could hear distant laughter and a few shrieks, the sound of his brothers goofing off. He reminded himself that they were okay, they were going to be alright.
He finally sighed, his eyes closing while his body slumped like a puppet who just had his strings cut. His arms fell to his sides, his head hung low, almost resting on Leo’s plastron. He couldn’t see his face, but he could perfectly picture his frown.
“No.” He muttered quietly. “I’m… I’m not—”
He didn’t even finish saying it before Leo had him wrapped in a hug. Raph paused for a second, not quite expecting this, before he hugged him back. He tucked his face into Leo’s shoulder and wrapped his arms tightly around his carapace. A surge of emotions ran through his body, the feeling of being protected, cared for, loved. The idea that he was safe because Leo was here—that Leo would protect him. That was something he hadn’t experienced since they were all tots. Hell, he barely remembered it as is.
He sniffed before he could stop himself, fighting back tears. This was bad enough as it was, he was not going to cry. Leo’s thumb rubbed gentle circles into his shell, and he could feel his head leaning on his.
Raphael was not going to cry.
Absolutely not.
…
Fucking christ.
The dam broke before he could stop it, but he wasn’t loud. His shoulders shook silently and he bit his lip to avoid making any noise. Hell, this was embarrassing enough as it is. Leo, to his credit, didn’t say anything. Instead he was quiet, a consistent and comforting presence. He wasn’t rushing him, he wasn’t calming him down, he wasn’t mad at him or telling him to let it all out. He was just there, comforting without being overwhelming.
Raph wasn’t sure how long they stood there in that dimly lit hallway, how long he spent crying into his brother’s shoulder. It was long enough that he felt dehydrated, his eyes red and puffy. Leo didn’t say anything the entire time. When Raph finally let go, sniffing one more time as he wiped his eyes, Leo gave him a soft smile, the kind of smile he usually reserved for Mikey. Raph’s heart cracked a bit at that, blinking back the last of his tears.
They didn’t say anything, but the silence between them said enough. This wasn’t going to fix everything, but.. it helped.
————————————————————
Hours later, Raph leant against the pinball machine, holding the leaves he used to feed Spike. He wasn’t angry anymore, just upset. He could hear his brothers at the arcade machine, yelling and acting as if nothing happened. Donnie had been patched up with a new sling and was told to keep pressure off his ankle. Mikey had a few cracks in his shell, but besides that he looked good as new. Leo was smiling, cheering on his brother while he shouted instructions and tips for Mikey to follow. He heard Mikey’s loss, his defeated groan ringing throughout the lair, but he didn’t look up. He was still staring at the leaf in his hand, the small bite marks leftover from Spike.
He wasn’t angry at Slash anymore, but he missed Spike. He missed his pet, his best friend if you would. He just felt… empty, drained.
In his peripheral he could see his father stop in front of him, his cane clicking on the ground. Raphael looked up with a defeated expression and a heavy heart.
“He’s still out there, somewhere.” He said quietly, looking out towards the entrance of the lair. His voice was raspy from crying, and his eyes burned from the tears.
“Raphael,” Splinter said softly, looking from his son to the other three. “Do you know what I do when I miss my loved ones from the past?”
“No.” He said, his shoulders slumped, head bowed between them while he stared at the floor.
“I focus on the friends I am surrounded by in the present.” He turned to look down at his son, giving him a knowing look.
Raphael looked up, over to his brothers. He knew his father was giving him that look, the one that he always had when he dropped life changing life lessons. As he watched his siblings cheering each other on, yelling and having fun like the teenagers they were, he smiled softly. He stood slowly, glancing up at his father.
“Thanks, Master Splinter.” The rat nodded his head and Raph smiled just a little wider, placing the half eaten leaf down on the pinball machine. He walked over to his brothers feeling lighter. Not perfect, but lighter.
“Hey, what’s a guy gotta do to get in your little competition, huh?
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