Jasper has problems with his gift, he can control it exceedingly well, itâs a secondary survival instinct to be able to control others emotions, to diffuse the tense and uncomfortable feelings that could start a fight. But Jasper canât help feel burdened by his covens feelings.
Carlisle while heâs never upset with any of them; constantly worries about his human patients and the risk of exposure. It burns under his skin, an itch at the back of his head he canât scratch, it bleeds into everything he does. Whether heâs reading through his medical books updating his practices or looking through records of where theyâve lived, even when they hunt he hovers worried theyâre overdoing it in one area. It makes Jaspers skin crawl. He can feel it biting into his head and he finds himself worrying along with Carlisle. He tries to calm the worries, advise him with his years of battle strategy. It helps; Carlisle feels he has someone to confide in, he is no longer worried about burdening his wife with unnecessary fear.
Esme aches when she thinks no one is paying attention, the waves of grief and longing for her baby back sometimes paralyze her for hours. She brushes this aside, trying to keep it suppressed, but Jasper can feel it, a creeping ache under his skin that bubbles when Esme doesnât keep herself busy. She throws herself into knitting, into cooking meals for the homeless, volunteering to read at libraries and gardening in every community garden she can find. She works in animal shelters and schools, taking shifts at the hospital when she can. Sheâs desperate and Jasper never comments how she takes all of her time to help others instead of herself.
Rosalie hates, fury is melded so perfectly with her sadness, her loss Jasper canât help the swell and waves of these two perfectly painful feelings. The anger she directs outwards, pushing it into her façade painfully beautiful as she is angry. The sadness she keeps for home, she hides it away pulling broken and beaten cars in, if she canât save herself she might as well save something someone else left for dead. She feels itâs all sheâs good for.
Emmettâs confusion he buries deep, he even forgets it himself at times but when he takes a moment he swallows it just as much as it swallows him. He does not speak to anyone about his worries, about his fears or questions he still has lingering. Judging from the way he looks at Rose and the shoot of anxiety he feels when she doesnât look Jasper imagines itâs something along the lines of âwhy meâ. He avoids looking Carlisle in the eyes when he has bad days. Heâll go out hunting, overly careful leaving no footprints as he hops from tree to tree. He makes sure no one seeâs him; thereâs no chance of discovery. Jasper followed him once, taking his time and staying downwind he lets Emmett lead him to a clearing, rocks lay in odd forms and sand covers part of it. Jasper leaves after Emmett smashes into the first rock, chipping his own fingers as he hisses a sob. He can hear Emmettâs cries as he makes his way back to the house, apologies over and over, cries and begging of forgiveness from different people. His mother, his sister, his brother, his friends, the people he killed, God, Rosalie, and even Carlisle are all named. Jasper doesnât ask when Emmett comes back, faint white scars on his hands.
Edwardâs entire body is weighed down with melancholy. Jasper had learned this when he was first introduced. It is not the ache of sadness, or anything close to anger. It leers more towards acceptance of monsterhood and Jasper can find he relates. He sits with Edward who sulks and drags himself around his day, dredging himself up to read or hunt. Heâll play chess with Alice or sits and talks with Emmett, he glares and makes snide comments about Rosalie but Jasper can tell they have no real bite. He becomes used to the cloud that covers Edward, careful to not let it bleed too much into his own. He notes the cloud is less when Esme or Carlisle praise him. Jasper smiles at the images of Edward as he truly is, a young boy with a second chance at a family, he wonders when Edward will see it for himself. It startles him to find the familiar cloud gone. He can hear the cello being played but becomes confused when the piano joins it. He follows the sound staring at his family gathered round. Esme seated playing her cello, and Edward eyes closed as his fingers brush against the keys of the piano. Esme stops playing but Edward continues, the song changes, something he must have composed himself. Jasper notes the warmth, love he reasons, that he feels bubbling from under Edwardâs hands, he spies Edwards eyes half open looking to Esme, to his mother with adoration.
Aliceâs feelings never match up with the current moment, sheâs either lagging behind as a vision forces itself on her, or trapped in the futureâs idea of her feelings. Sheâs often sluggish; she overcompensates for her thought of weakness by dialing up her mood, constantly in movement refusing to let her mind linger on anything less than content. She breezes through her emotions as fast as she can refusing to think of their names as she busies herself for the day. When she finally rests, either forced from a vision or at the natural pause of the day is when she collapses. When the fear and nerves bloom against her chest, suffocating her lungs that no longer draw breath. Jasper is always there, a steady comfort. He sits with her, stroking her hair and letting her babble her worries her questions and her visions. He keeps them all in a little notebook tucked on his side of the bed. He wonders if she knows about it. She grips her fingers into his chest and whines as she comes out of a vision, she hisses slightly anger flaring up as she throws her hands out hitting his chest in frustration. He knows this well; she had been searching and had been thrown into something unrelated. He sits and waits stroking her hair until she finally answers his unspoken question in a small scared voice. âThis doesnât bother you? Iâm not a burden?â Jasper has no need for words kissing her forehead and carefully pulling every scrap of love he feels and gently pushing it over her. Alice seems to warm up, her body still tense, curled against him. Yet she ducks her head bashfully trying to hide her smile, he wonders if sheâd be blushing now. He remembers the first time he had done that, nervous when heâd asked her if he could show her how much he loved her. Uncomprehending Alice nodded looking from him to the wedding ring she wore.
Bellaâs human emotions feel almost small to him, he worries sometimes when he tweaks them at Alice or Edwards request, he worries heâll break them. When she wakes after her transformation, Jasper is almost tempted to dial them up, heâs angry sheâs not as uncontrolled as he was, as they all were when the woke and the thirst was all they felt. He tastes it in the air the lack of effort sheâs using to control, to change her emotions, to avoid the thirst makes him bristle. Itâs after it is explained sheâs a shield, after her self control is understood that Jasper is suddenly unable to stay away from her. Her emotions are no longer fragile, and Jasper relishes the untainted happiness radiating off of her. Bella is joy pure incarnate and Jasper is almost drunk off of it. He finds himself naturally hovering around her, besides his order to watch her for emotional snaps that even her control canât prevent. He hovers. He teaches her as well, things the others donât know, he shows her how to run on water, that keeps her happy for months alone, her elation at beating Emmett has him desperate for rematches. Jasper is careful around Renesmee, but one day heâs quiet, carefully asking Bella if he can show her something, much like how he did with Alice.
âWhat is it?â Sheâs curious excited, and Jasper canât help but smile back, he calls Edward over.
âDonât say anything.â He smiles. Pulling everything he can from them, the love they both feel for each other, the love they feel for Renesmee, and Edwards utter relief at not thinking of himself as a monster, Jasper holds it relishing the warmth, noting everyone else has gathered before he pulses it back at them. He wasnât expecting everyone else to feel it, but he notes Esme choking up, gripping Carlisle arm as he presses her almost painfully into his side desperate to be closer. Rosalie and Emmett who canât take their eyes off each other. Bella and Edward who stare amazed at Renesmee sleeping. Jasper looks over to Alice whoâs face is frozen her hands almost vibrating with the overwhelming love she feels, he wraps his arms around her pulling her face into his chest. He can feel her grin splitting her face.
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