Life and Work Ethic Skills
I’ll be turning 18 in February, so I made a list of all the practical life skills and goals I might need to focus on in adulthood. I figured I might share, just in case anyone else here might need it. Stay safe lovelies, and stay savvy.
You may be a legal adult now, but you really don’t know everything yet. Hell, you barely even qualify as an adult; you might as well still be a teenager. Don’t get cocky. And acknowledge that you WILL make mistakes, and that does not mean you’re an instantaneous failure who needs to quit life all-together. In the game of life, it’s not about how many times you stray, it’s about how many times you can rebound and refocus yourself.
Never underestimate the power of Politeness. Even if you’re at your last straw, being able to kindly and professionally explain your stress to others will save you more than you could ever know. Showing up to court or professional occasions in a suit, toning down the swearing and being polite and humble even in tough situations will grant you better things that you probably think.
Be dependable. Do what you say you’re gonna do. And if you struggle with executive dysfunction like I do, there’s still ways you can grow this skill. Set timers and reminders for tasks. Put things in obvious, findable places so you can remember to do them. Clean up your space so your brain is a bit less cluttered and you can find things and work easier. If something’s not going to plan, be honest and upfront with the person you’re completing the task for, and work out a plan. Follow up with people, hold yourself accountable when you mess up, try to be as organized as possible. Reputation will get you more than you may think in life.
The slower pace is often the more successful. Be the tortoise, not the hare. You’ll likely feel like you need to do certain things to be an adult. That is a lie. Especially if you’re Neurodivergent/Chronically Ill/Disabled in some way, you will benefit from taking the time to consider things. Ask the big questions, and think critically. Explore your interests, consider all your options, ask questions to those more experienced than you. Trust me, these things will benefit you in the long-run.
You don’t necessarily have to go to College. Trade Schools, Apprenticeships, Freelancing and other non-college oriented options are perfectly fine too, and won’t automatically doom you. Don’t spend the money, time or energy unless it’s necessary to complete your goals.
Networking and connections will save your ass sometimes. If you have people to vouch for you, you’ll be on the road to success. And if you don’t have those people right now, don’t worry. Don’t be afraid to reach out, ask questions, call or email people who can help you get the things you need. You can gain recognition by being dependable, hard-working, and polite. It won’t always be fun, actually for the most part it really won’t be, but it’ll lead to better things down the road. Compromise will be your best friend.
Romanticize life, enjoy the little things. Practice mindfulness. Learn what calms you down. For me, it’s pacing, writing, drawing, talking it out with someone, grounding exercises, having tea, and even just crying it out. Identify the things that work for you, and capitalize on them. Take the time to enjoy life whenever possible. Take the scenic route home from work. Invite someone out for tea. Walk around town just to take in the atmosphere and people-watch, not necessarily to even but something. Make a collage of comforting images or funny videos to look at when you feel stressed.
When working, eliminate distractions. Charge your phone during online class, turn off your notifications, build a schedule for yourself, give yourself breaks when needed, jot down ideas that come in the moment so you can expand on them later, get the most dreaded tasks done first, and cut toxic people from your life so they can’t unfocus you from what matters.
Take care of yourself. Negotiate when you need to. You can’t perform as well when you’re sick, whether mentally or physically, no matter how much you think you can manage it.
Set your own standards of excellence. Be mindful of others, but don’t compare yourself to them too much. You set your own goals, they don’t. Look up to others, but don’t be them. Take inspiration, but don’t rip things whole-sale. What do you want to achieve? Set your standards based on that, not what others think they should be.
Don’t base your life around a single person. I know that you’re in love, but people are fickle creatures, and it’s unwise to build a life solely based on someone else. A true partner has their own goals and ambitions. And if they’re the one, they’ll be fine with you achieving your own goals. You can build a life together once you’ve set a good foundation, both with yourself and with one another. Remember, be the tortoise, not the hare. Don’t rush to build a life with someone so soon.
Don’t be afraid to take up hobbies that aren’t automatically monetized. Remember, JRR Tolkien made Elvish and Middle Earth for fun. If you have a hobby that brings you comfort, you don’t automatically need to turn that into a career. And that’s fine! It’s often the little things in life that feel the best. Do nice things for the sake of doing them, not for the potential profit they might bring.
Identify things that bring you joy, comfort you, and help you perform your best. For me, that’s waking up as early as possible, writing letters, taking time to enjoy the scenery, writing, spending time with like-minded people, having some nice private time, and getting clean and organized. Identify what works best for you, and incorporate those into your life as often as possible.
Build tolerance and learn to keep your momentum. If you struggle to stay in the classroom or office for too long, to the point where you actively avoid it, you probably need to build tolerance. I know it sucks, but there’s some things you just have to accept in life, and uncomfortable people and environments are one of them. You don’t need to build that tolerance overnight, it’s a gradual process. Identify your coping skills, practice using them in the moment. Start with 5 minutes in the environment, then 10, then 15, and keep building up until you can stand to be there for as long as you need to. It won’t be easy, and it won’t be fun, but developing tolerance will save your ass in the long run. And by momentum, you know those times when you say “While I’m at it, I’ll go ahead and do this”? That’s an example of good momentum. Keep the ball rolling, but take breaks when needed. Stay busy during the day, that will make the evening’s rest and relaxation all the sweeter. Find these to do, and things that help you jumpstart momentum at the beginning of the day, like waking up early or getting a nice meal or drink before you start your day.
Learn to cook, do laundry, take care of financials efficiently and other basic life skills. Just trust me on this one, it will save your ass sometimes. Also, have a roll of toilet paper or a bath towel that your roommates don’t know about. You don’t realize how helpful that is until you really don’t want to have that realization.
Identify the things you need to improve on, and learn not to be embarrassed when seeking help. Let down your pride, you rarely need it anyways. For instance, I’m a very sentimental person, so I don’t like giving things away. But after seeing a compulsive hoarder, I’ve been working to break myself of that habit so I don’t end up the same way. Identify what things you need to work on, make a list of them, and start healing. We all need to do it, even if most of us don’t realize or follow through with it. Trust me, your healing process will only benefit you in the long run, even if it might be challenging now.
Learn effective time management skills, for the love of everything holy. You can’t tackle everything at once, and you can’t keep putting everything off for later. Set timers, use a calendar, set your goals correctly, learn to prioritize, take breaks after tasks to avoid burnout, stay organized as often as possible, and plan ahead while still staying present.
Everyone your age has a bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in them. It’s fine if you could only save one person. And it’s fine if that one person is yourself.
