The Wolfs Out Of The Bag🐺

•She/they•Bisexual•

[fanficthingsworld]

Rosalie: Did you put the trash out yesterday?

Alice: Yeah.

Rosalie: Then why is Edward still here?

[fanficthingsworld]

Alec: We only have one option: Protocol 62.

Jane: Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.

Alec: Then Protocol 63 it is.

Sometime later:

Felix, walking into the throne room: Alec and Jane are planning to fly you into the sun.

Aro: They must've been out of piranhas.

[fanficthingsworld]

Alice: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.

Rosalie: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

[fanficthingsworld]

Seth: Someone’s trying to break in! call the cops!

Jacob: *Loads shotgun* I got this.

Leah: Last week you tripped up the stairs, what do you mean-

[fanficthingsworld]

Jacob: I’ve created a map of all the possible places where Alice could’ve taken Bella

Embry: This is a map of the entire world.

Jacob, crying: I have no idea where the fuck she is.

[fanficthingsworld]

Leah, sips drink: Wow, this is bad.

Jared: Is it? 

Jared, sips Leah’s drink: Wow, yeah, this is bad.

Embry: Let me try.

Embry, sips Leah’s drink: Oh god, that’s terrible.

Quil: Hey what’s going on here?

Leah: My drink is bad.

Quil, sips Leah’s drink: That’s bad 

Seth: The drink is bad?

Seth, sips Leah’s drink: The drink is bad.

Jacob: Did I hear something about a bad drink?

[fanficthingsworld]

The Pack: This can’t get any worse now, can it?

The Cullens: Sure it can, just give me a minute.

[fanficthingsworld]

Paul: How are we gonna beat them?

Jared: I'm not supposed to have any ideas, I'm the hot one.

Paul:

Paul: I'm fucking sure I'm the hot one.

[fanficthingsworld]

Jacob: Making my way downtown.

Jacob: Walking fast.

Leah: Jacob, YOU PIECE OF -

Jacob: WALKING FASTER.

[fanficthingsworld]

Sam: *lost the pack in a crowd*

Sam: Well, that's it. They’re gone.

The Pack: We’re right behind you.

Sam: Gone. Forever.

[fanficthingsworld]

Sam: How are we looking?

Paul: Sexy, but not like we're trying too hard.

Paul: Like, sure, we're trying, but it's almost effortless.

Sam: I was talking about the truck.

Paul: And I was talking about me.

[fanficthingsworld]

Sam: *sees a group of people doing something stupid*

Sam: What idiots.

Sam: *Realizes it's the pack*

Sam: Wait, those’s are my idiots.

[fanficthingsworld]

Carlisle: If someone is trying to kill you, what is the correct course of action?

Emmett: T-posing to assert dominance.

Carlisle: Absolutely not.

Jasper: Saying, 'Thank you, Lord, for this meal I'm about to have’ and then-

Carlisle: Even worse.

Emmett: No, no, let him finish.

[fanficthingsworld]

Jacob: Made you all playlists!

Jacob: Leah, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

Jacob: Embry, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Jacob: And Seth has the ABBA Gold album.

[fanficthingsworld]

Rosalie: *speaking Spanish*

Edward: I know, I know.

Bella: You speak Spanish?

Edward: No. I just know the phrase 'this is all your fault’ in every language Rosalie speaks.

[fanficthingsworld]

Sam: Okay, let’s stop using the term ‘butthurt’, we’re not 12 anymore.

Paul: You sound a little asstroubled.

Embry: A little bootybothered if you ask me.

Jared: Someone’s having a tushytantrum.

[fanficthingsworld]

Leah: Seth, that's mean! What did I tell you about comparing Edward to a mosquito?

Seth: That it's offensive to mosquitos?