Defender of Gondor, Prince of Ithilien

there is no honor without hope, yet we still fight on

[elodieunderglass]

trick or treat!! 🎃

You receive my brother my captain my king

[faramirsonofdenethor]

@boromemeofgondor You were baking and didn't tell me?

[boromemeofgondor]

It's a new hobby.

[faramirsonofdenethor]

May I join you?

[elodieunderglass]

trick or treat!! 🎃

You receive my brother my captain my king

[faramirsonofdenethor]

@boromemeofgondor You were baking and didn't tell me?

[only-tiktoks]

[bruno-has-definitely-deactivate]

[littlehen]

[glumshoe]

the White Tree of Gondor

[back-that-sass-up]

bitch that’s cabbage

[glumshoe]

no it’s the White Tree of Gondor

[imontheblacklist]

Both of you are wrong that is an unripe broccoli

[glumshoe]

no it’s the White Tree of Gondor

[fernlom]

Good lord that’s a head of lettuce

[glumshoe]

IT’S THE WHITE TREE OF GONDOR

[maidservant-hecubus]

It’s the White Tree of Gondor.

[cerusee]

the white tree of Gondor is tastiest when baked for 15 minutes at 400 degrees Celsius, then drizzled with melted butter mixed with lemon juice and Dijon mustard, and back into the oven for an additional ten minutes

[faramirsonofdenethor]

I can confirm, that is the White Tree of Gondor.

[horsewithaface]

That, my good friend, is a fucking cauliflower (also known as the White Tree of Gondor).

[faramirsonofdenethor]

"Cauliflower"? That does not sound like an Elvish word. Is it derived from the Entish?

[boromemeofgondor]

Perhaps it is a Dwarven word, brother.

[faramirsonofdenethor]

It seems possible, and yet the Dwarven language is one they rarely share.

[gimlimemesonofgloin]

I can tell you right now we do not have any word involving "flower" nor do we have any word for...whatever that is.

Ask the elves, they like "flowers."

[faramirsonofdenethor]

I speak Elvish about as much as I speak Westron. I don't recognize the word "cauliflower" at all.

[glumshoe]

the White Tree of Gondor

[back-that-sass-up]

bitch that’s cabbage

[glumshoe]

no it’s the White Tree of Gondor

[imontheblacklist]

Both of you are wrong that is an unripe broccoli

[glumshoe]

no it’s the White Tree of Gondor

[fernlom]

Good lord that’s a head of lettuce

[glumshoe]

IT’S THE WHITE TREE OF GONDOR

[maidservant-hecubus]

It’s the White Tree of Gondor.

[cerusee]

the white tree of Gondor is tastiest when baked for 15 minutes at 400 degrees Celsius, then drizzled with melted butter mixed with lemon juice and Dijon mustard, and back into the oven for an additional ten minutes

[faramirsonofdenethor]

I can confirm, that is the White Tree of Gondor.

[horsewithaface]

That, my good friend, is a fucking cauliflower (also known as the White Tree of Gondor).

[faramirsonofdenethor]

"Cauliflower"? That does not sound like an Elvish word. Is it derived from the Entish?

[boromemeofgondor]

Perhaps it is a Dwarven word, brother.

[faramirsonofdenethor]

It seems possible, and yet the Dwarven language is one they rarely share.

[faramirsonofdenethor]

Team bonding among the rangers of Ithilien is a time-honored tradition in which we remove the twigs from the recruits' gear after they climb through a hedge before even leaving the city

[glumshoe]

the White Tree of Gondor

[back-that-sass-up]

bitch that’s cabbage

[glumshoe]

no it’s the White Tree of Gondor

[imontheblacklist]

Both of you are wrong that is an unripe broccoli

[glumshoe]

no it’s the White Tree of Gondor

[fernlom]

Good lord that’s a head of lettuce

[glumshoe]

IT’S THE WHITE TREE OF GONDOR

[maidservant-hecubus]

It’s the White Tree of Gondor.

[cerusee]

the white tree of Gondor is tastiest when baked for 15 minutes at 400 degrees Celsius, then drizzled with melted butter mixed with lemon juice and Dijon mustard, and back into the oven for an additional ten minutes

[faramirsonofdenethor]

I can confirm, that is the White Tree of Gondor.

[horsewithaface]

That, my good friend, is a fucking cauliflower (also known as the White Tree of Gondor).

[faramirsonofdenethor]

"Cauliflower"? That does not sound like an Elvish word. Is it derived from the Entish?

[saurons-pr-department]

No

[faramirsonofdenethor]

hello

[penny-anna]

I think Arwen should be rly tall. Just like, 8 feet tall.

[penny-anna]

Aragorn is freakishly tall & then he's like 'here is my wife' and she's a full foot taller than him and everyone's like 'what the fuck'

[glumshoe]

the White Tree of Gondor

[back-that-sass-up]

bitch that’s cabbage

[glumshoe]

no it’s the White Tree of Gondor

[imontheblacklist]

Both of you are wrong that is an unripe broccoli

[glumshoe]

no it’s the White Tree of Gondor

[fernlom]

Good lord that’s a head of lettuce

[glumshoe]

IT’S THE WHITE TREE OF GONDOR

[maidservant-hecubus]

It’s the White Tree of Gondor.

[cerusee]

the white tree of Gondor is tastiest when baked for 15 minutes at 400 degrees Celsius, then drizzled with melted butter mixed with lemon juice and Dijon mustard, and back into the oven for an additional ten minutes

[faramirsonofdenethor]

I can confirm, that is the White Tree of Gondor.

[colien]

a pretty old eowyn sketchhh

[mirkwoodest]

Damn I just realized that since the Rohirrim didn’t read or write (wise but unlearned, writing no books but singing many songs) that means Eowyn couldn’t read or write and since she marries Nerdboy McGee who loves reading and writing more than anything you can your bottom dollar one of the first thing that happens in their courtship/marriage is Faramir and Eowyn wholesome tutoring sessions in the Minas Tirith library (!) 

[mirkwoodest]

#STOP eowyn really is the dumb jock of my dreams… 

the best addition to this post by far. 

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

#what would you do if we kissed in the minas tirith library [50 emojis]

[clefairymoon]

I feel like it’d be an exchange; Faramir teaches Eowyn his love of books and writing and in return she teaches him the many, MANY, songs of the Rohirrim that have never been written anywhere.

[mirkwoodest]

I’m crying……….. because what if they co-author a book of Rohhirim folk tales and history together T_T

Also Faramir keeps trying to over-analyze everything like “Ah, I see, the horse keeps tripping because we all must stumble our way through the unpredictable nature of this world” and she’s like “No babe, the horse keeps tripping because it’s funny and this is a story used to cheer up frightened children.”

[faramirsonofdenethor]

Meriadoc Brandybuck is our co-author.

[earendil-was-a-mariner]

Similarities between Feanor and Sauron

Both created objects which led to continental warfare

Both considered very good looking

Both were of great use to Morgoth

Both deceived elves for personal use

Both clearly had a thing for fire

[faramirsonofdenethor]

I’m not sure I like where this is going...

[faramirsonofdenethor]

they say “don’t google yourself” but apparently this means I keep not noticing when people start gofundmes on my behalf

[gandalf-the-meme]

Well, we just want you to be happy, Faramir!

[faramirsonofdenethor]

thank you? thank you.

I just keep forgetting the internet exists really

[faramirsonofdenethor]

they say “don’t google yourself” but apparently this means I keep not noticing when people start gofundmes on my behalf

[gandalf-the-meme]

I saw an AO3 tag today, and would like to remind people that it’s not always my fault.

It could be literally any of the 5 Wizards behind this and also any and all of the following, in no particular order:

Wargs

Goblins

Orcs

Uruk-Hai

Barrow-Wights

Fell Beasts

Dragons

Balrogs

The Nazgûl

Sauron

Ungoliant

Morgoth

Meriadoc Brandybuck

Peregrin Took

The Tooks (in general)

The Brandybucks (also in general)

The Stubbornness of Dwarves

The Stiff Necks of Elves

The Power-Hunger of Men

A Hoard of Gold So Big That Everyone Who Sees It or Hears Of It (minus Hobbits for Some Reason) Goes Mad

Greed (in general)

Celebrimbor

A Godly Tsunami

A Lack of Common Sense

A Lack Of Any Type Of Sense At All

That One Feud Between Dwarves And Elves That Probably No One Alive Remembers The Beginning Of

The Sons of Feanor

The Palantiri

Feanor

A Literal Volcano

Decisions Made By The Valar Before The Universe Even Existed

The Discord In The Song

The Entire Fucking Song Anyway

Please read and analyse this List before blaming me.

Thank you.

[gimlimemesonofgloin]

Might I add:

34. Thranduil 35. Denethor (specific corollary to #19 and #28) 37. Gollum 38. A Baggins trying to be noble 39. Kili 40. Fili 41. Actually the entire Line of Durin, myself included 42. Unresolved homoerotic tension

[gil-galad-elvenking-of-memes]

43. Fancy jewelry

[gandalf-the-meme]

All fantastic additions which people should definitely note before blaming me!

I should have remembered to include these items and people as well:

44. Thorin Oakenshield (must be Named and Shamed for his Supremely Thick Skull which it is Impossible to Get Anything Into Or Out Of once he Has Made Up His Mind) 45. Shiny Stones 46. Silmarils 47. Rings 48. Ominously Ruined Castles 49. Trolls 50. Ominous Prophecies 51. Long-Lost Blades (in some cases Broken) 52. Barrels 53. Thrones 54. Unnecessarily Specific Terms of Betrothal 55. Sexism (especially That Which Can Be Found In Rohan Which Resulted In Their Princess Disguising Herself As A Man And Hiding So She Could Fight In A Battle Because They Refused To Let Her Otherwise Even Though She Actually Ended Up Holding Her Own And Saving The Rest Of Us From The Witch King Of Angmar In The End #EowynIsAFuckingHeroDamnit) 56. Unnecessarily Specific Circumstances Required For Death 57. Unnecessarily Specific Requirements to Destroy A Tower 58. The Length Of Time Entish Takes To Speak 59. Saruman’s Hypocrisy Over Pipe Weed 60. Caradhras 61. The Sheer Lack Of Railings To Be Found Anywhere In Any Dwarf Kingdom Ever (see #25 and #26) 62. War Pigs 63. Legolas Greenleaf 64. Needless Last Stands Brought On By Depression (I’m Looking At You, Faramir) 65. Giant Spiders 66. Mountain Ranges That Are Impossible To Get Over And You Must Go Under But Beware There Is A Very Dangerous Thing Lurking Under There (And No It Is Not A Spider Despite How This Pass Is Called The Pass Of The Spider How Dare You Think That Have You Gained Common Sense)

[gimlimemesonofgloin]

Is 64 really Faramir’s fault, or does it fall under 35?

[gandalf-the-meme]

I think, possibly, both. I mean, I did warn him.

Either way it’s 99% Denethor’s fault and 1% Faramir’s fault because Faramir is an angel who can Do No Wrong.

Besides that one thing.

[gimlimemesonofgloin]

I think we can give him a pass for both (Temporarily) Dead Brother and Batshit Crazy Father.

[gandalf-the-meme]

True. He has done no other wrong and therefore it must have been a Fluke of Unnatural Proportions.

[boromemeofgondor]

It was most definitely a fluke, my brother has never done anything wrong in his entire life.

[gandalf-the-meme]

He is truly a wonder of the world. He can do nothing bad at all.

[faramirsonofdenethor]

At first I was upset over people calling me out over a very difficult time in my life and now I’m mildly disturbed.

Unfortunately major depression is a common affliction among Numenoreans and I’m not sure if it’s congenital or something about the climate. (Given the tales of the fall of Numenor, it’s almost certainly not the climate.)

[gil-galad-elvenking-of-memes]

May I suggest some…. Therapy, young sir? I think you might need it. You definitely need it.