Fat Chick High Five

Sassy. Witty. Hungry. Pretty Plus since 1985. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-24316285-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

A Week at the Gym

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. ... Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my husband purchased for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.  ________________________________ MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at  the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair,  dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in Which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from  holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ________________________________ TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on  my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me. _______________________________  WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.  His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. _______________________________ THURSDAY: Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine - which I sank _________________________________ FRIDAY: I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? ________________________________ SATURDAY: Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.. ________________________________ SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

Happy National Love Your Body Day!

     Greetings, beautiful ones. So very sorry that FCH5 has been MIA for the past couple of months. Haley and I have both moved to new cities and have been CrAzY busy getting unpacked, settled, and exploring. 

     I just wanted to share -albeit a little late in the day- that today is National Love Your Body Day. In the spirit of such a fine day, let's all celebrate why we love our bodies. I'll go first:

     I am 5'2" short'n'sassy, wear pant size 18-20, bra size 38DD, shoe size 7.5, and my body is crowned with chin-ish length strawberry blonde hair and greenish eyes. I have a pretty face (though I hate that phrase) with a round nose and a distinct cupid's bow forming my lips. Most of my body is decorated with a dappling of freckles layered over a pale canvas.  I have small hands that I'm honesty a little self conscious of, but they serve me just fine.  I have a few scars, one tattoo, and a enough stretch marks to cover a Rand McNally US map. My vagina is very opinionated but sweet. My thighs are out of control. I have a friction hole forming between the legs of my jeans. Today, my legs are pretty hairy and I don't care.

     Check out the National Organization for Women's website for links to other blogs participating in Love Your Body Day, as well resources for feminist forums and information. 

Be happy.  Be healthy. Be fat. Be loving to your body everyday.

-Amanda

[exobiology-deactivated20130426]

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

cravingsynonyms:

contentsofafaeriespocket:

“This tiger had a litter of premature babies that all died shortly after they were born. She became so depressed after her babies died that the zoologists made little tiger-skin wraps for all of these piglets, and sent them in to improve her health. She is now strong and healthy, and she loves all of her little ‘cubs’”

8C WHY WHY WHY?!!!!

This is so cute!

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

This machine is for your flactoid.

      Sorry for our recent silence, Tumblrbots. Things have been hectic in the lives of the FCH5 gals. Haley and I both landed new jobs and have been scrambling to get things settled for moving and beginning our great new adventures. 

     I've been going to the gym for a couple of weeks now, thanks to the inspiration from my Goal Pants. I think I've put this off forever. I remember the first time I went to the gym when Haley and I were about 16 years old. We busted our asses, quite literally, and we cracked up the entire time. We were sweaty, red-faced teenagers, and we followed our workout with a celebratory meal at Taco Bell. In college, a friend of mine and I went to the UNT Rec Center. We watched. Then we went to get iced lattes. 

     My long-time friend and new gym buddy, Mel, has been showing me the ropes at the gym, and without her I'm sure I would have incurred some serious injuries and embarrassments by now.  Admittedly, I have fallen off of a machine and sat in one backwards. Sure, those machines have handy little diagrams showing you how to properly get in and position yourself, but let's be real - it's too easy to get tangled up in the painter's scaffolding at the gym without the proper knowledge. My favorite comedian, Brian Regan, did this skit about his experience joining a health club that I think many people can relate to with a chuckle:

http://comedians.jokes.com/brian-regan/videos/brian-regan---the-gym

      I've been curious about something: Who would be comfortable with an overweight personal trainer? Going to the gym is probably the single most intimidating thing for a an overweight person.  Mel was telling me about how she would love to be a personal trainer, but she doesn't think she can due to being overweight herself. She has lost 60lbs (FCH5!) and is a totally hoss chick.  We began discussing that many people probably would not want to go to an overweight trainer because that's kind of like eating a meal cooked by a skinny chef. Untrustworthy. I'm really interested in your opinion on the matter, so please leave a comment or email your 2¢ to us at [email protected]. 

                                 Be fat. Be healthy. Be happy. Be a gym buddy.

-Amanda

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

Please Do Not Photoshop The Mannequins

I love a good controversy in the morning.

As soon as I opened my eyes, I was hit with a HuffPo headline that read: " Gap's 'Anorexic' Models Are An International Thing." I'm a fan of Gap brands, so my interest is immediately piqued ... and at the end of the article, I'm left scratching my head. I don't get it.

The article claims that the new Gap mannequins are "anorexic" and sickly thin, but they look like regular mannequins to me.Yeah, she looks a little spindly, but she's wearing skin-tight jeggings for fuck's sake. Keep in mind that mannequins are designed for one thing: to showcase merchandise. That means they will be built to the waifish ideal of a 5'7-size 6-or-smaller frame.

I'm going to let the photos speak for themselves. The first photo is from BoingBoing.net and seems to be what started the firestorm. (I personally think its looks like it was Photoshopped and circled it). The second one is from the Huffington Post follow up article.

The moral of the story is, mannequins are not real people. They do not have curves, emotions, personality... half the time they are missing their freaking head. Don't beat yourself because an over-priced-under-quality Banana Republic blouse looks better on them. 

Be fat. Be happy. Be healthy. Be realistic.

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

This shirt said "My blog is more fashionable than yours," but I couldn't fit it all in the frame. :)

FCH5!

-Amanda

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

Happy Belated Fat N' Fabulous Friday!

It's been an off kilter week here at FCH5 HQ's. I hope all of our fluffy friends are doing well!

Not to worry, we've got lots of interesting things coming for you in the next few days.

I'll be taking some time off this weekend to relax and un-"wine" with my sister in Houston. It's White Linen Nights in The Heights tomorrow and Fat Cat Creamery will be selling scoops at Antidote Coffee. Rest assured, I will give my full report!

We will have a guest blogger joining us this week! She will be sharing her harrowing tale of resale shopping gone bad at Plato's Closet. Should resale shops advertise or specify if they only take certain sizes?

One last thing to chew on over the weekend: If you're looking for some fat-friendly non fiction, pick up Kimberly Brittingham's "Read My Hips". I devoured this book (no pun intended) over lunch yesterday in Barnes & Noble. Yes, over a lunch! It was an amazing read, I found myself literally laughing out loud.

Be fat. Be healthy. Be happy. Read my hips!

-Haley

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

The Numbers Game

There is an interesting hash tag going around on Twitter of #publichumiliationdiet. The idea is that tweeting your actual weight to millions of people around the world will make you think twice before falling off the diet wagon. Amanda and I used to keep a food journal for this same purpose and it ended up doing us more harm than good, I think.

Instead of "I'm so embarrased that I've been emotional binging on Hershey's Special Dark and Chick-Fil-A", it was more like "Look at how fucking DELICIOUS this meal was. Be glad you are 6 hours away, because your head would explode with the awesomness of what I just ate".  But hey, what are friends for?

One day last week I was clicking through some things on the Internet when an ad for Talbot's Boutique caught my eye. They were pushing their new Fall 2011 line of pearls and animal prints (Two my favourites!) but what really piqued my curiosity is that they offer their clothing in several different sizes:  Misses, Petites, Womens, and Womens Petites. (Which by the way, their "womens" sizes start at a 12. I don't know how I feel about that.)

My immediate response is "Hell yes, women's petite! Finally, someone understands what a short fat chick needs! No more tailoring!" 

Then I figured there had to be a catch. What exactly is the difference between misses and womens? How do you know which one to pick with out trying on a frillion different cuts and sizes? After doing a little digging, here is what I have found:

A fit model, who is usually a size 8 or 10, is used to determine clothing sizes. Each size up or down is measured by an inch larger or smaller.

A traditional size 16 (Misses) is 3 inches larger than the standard size 10, but in the waist only. The sleeve length and other measurements, including the bust line, are still tailored to the smaller frame. 

A 16W (Women's) takes the traditional size 16 and adds room in all the measurement areas (bust, waist and seat). Depending on the brand, it can be anywhere between a few centimeters and a few inches.

Women's sizes also tend to be less-tailored to the body and cut "loser" than traditional Misses' clothing.

A 16P (Petite) subtracts from the measurement areas, and is usually best for women with shorter arm or a smaller bust. Again, the measurements can also vary between a few centimeters and a few inches.

Fluffy friends, I know you are all feeling the frustration! Unfortunately, it looks like there is no escape from the numbers game when it comes to sizing. Even at full-figured retailers like The Avenue and Lane Bryant, it can be impossible to get the "perfect" fit.

For example, this super chic and fat chick friendly blazer from Talbot's is available in all four size categories - but let's look at the measurements for the back length, shall we? (We'd hate for our readers to have to do that 'big girl' thing where you adjust your clothes and pull your jacket down across your bottom...)

Misses - 24"

Petites - 23"

Womens - 26" 

Womens Petites - 24"

What if a 14M fits, but falls a bit short? Jumping over to a 14W will give you an additional THREE inches in the back. A 14P would be TOO short, and a 14WP is the EXACT same length, just boxier.

Le sigh. Looks like we'll just have to keep our favorite tailor on speed dial until the Fat Chick Consumer's Revolt hits the fashion world.

Be fat. Be healthy. Be happy. Be fat chic.

-Haley

[book-aesthete-blog]

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

book-aesthete:

The New and Complete Book of Martyrs John Foxe. ca 1780

Engraved frontispiece and 78 plates, small ink stamp in corner of each, contemporary half calf, covers detached, Alex. Hogg, [c.1780]not subject to return

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

"If my husband called me fat, I'd murder him." - Adele

     In contemplating today's Fat'N'Fabulous Friday while listening to my iTunes on shuffle, Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" took a turn to play. In terms of current media, Adele is among the most out and fat-proud of the Divas. If given the opportunity, I would most definitely fat chick high-five Adele with great vigor. At 5'9", Adele is between a mighty fine size 14-16. 

                     YouTube videos aren't exactly backed up with much intellectual commentary or real credentials, but nonetheless, her physique seems to be a hot topic for discussion, rather than her explosive vocal talent. Adele states in several interviews and articles that she is comfortable with her body: "'I like looking nice, but I always put comfort over fashion, ' she says, tucking her legs up under her, doing that big-girl thing of first pulling her cardie down over her bottom, then pulling it across her chest. 'I don't find thin girls attractive; be happy and healthy. I've never had a problem with the way I look. I'd rather have lunch with my friends than go to a gym.'"

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1135182/Adele-I-say-I-power-I-do.html#ixzz1S8p2GA1H

                                                                                                                   (Just a brief aside, but I was slightly bothered by the above mentioned quote regarding that "big-girl thing." I didn't realize that adjusting one's clothing was a thing limited to big girls.)  

     I was thrilled when Adele was featured in the April 2009 issue of Vogue. It's rare to see a positive representation of a plus-sized woman in a mainstream, high end fashion publication. Now, as previously mentioned, Adele is comfortable with herself and her appearance. I would hope that her confidence would be accurately translated not only throughout the Vogue editorial but also in the accompanying photography. Adele was photographed by Annie Leibovitz for Vogue. Leibovitz is known for creating a rich and distinctive moodiness in many of her photographs. The photograph below is not typical of other images you would find if you did a Google image search of Adele. Through use of positioning, clothing, and angles (perhaps some photo editing?), a far more slimmed-down version of Adele was published in Vogue over two years ago. 

     Granted, she looked great for that spread, but she also looks great in many other, more realistic, photos in the media. Who am I to say? Perhaps she chose to slim down for Vogue, though that seems a bit unlikely to me. I'm wondering if, perhaps, the readers of Vogue would have been upset/ offended by a more accurate representation of her. The photo in Vogue seems more in line with a classic pinup girl: curvy, flirty, coy, and thin. 

                                  That's it! I need to get started on a plus-sized pin up calendar. If you're interested, email us at [email protected]. Seriously. (Check out this site I just found for plus size pinup clothing!)

     Adele has gone on record (reference the above link to her Vogue spread) to state that the only feature of her body that she does not like is her upper arms. In the spirit of my first Fat'n'Fabulous Friday blog, I challege you, Adele, to wear a saucy little sleeveless dress. 

Be happy. Be healthy. Be fat. Strike a fat pose.

-Amanda

P.S. I love that her record label is called XL Recordings. 

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

A Fat Chick Walks Into A Gym...

                                            Closet Confessions : Part Two

I'm also suffering from the jean blues. I have an entire closet full of size 10 - 14 jeans, and it pains me to say that I only have 2 pair that I can squeeze into and still breathe unassisted. (Ironically, they are American Eagle size 12s.) My goal pants are a size 10 Levi's. This time last week (pre-gym) I couldn't even button them. I tried them on again today, and lets just say they were a little snug. But They. Got. Buttoned.

I owe a lot my semi-success at the gym to the Pink Pearl, my first generation hot pink iPod nano.

That's right, a whopping 4 GB of teenage angst and emo for my ear.

S ince she is getting up in years, I only have my all time favourite tunes programmed into the Pearl. Lots of Beatles, Michael Jackson, EELS, Billy Joel, Rise Against, Alexisonfire and a smattering of mix CDs I've collected over the years. I know all the words, the break downs, all the little " woah woah"s and the "yeah yeah"s. And there is usually a fair amount of air guitar and drums thrown in just for good measure. I get in the zone and forget that I have earbuds in, I am in a public place (NOT the sound proofed comfort of my car with the windows up) and I start belting it out.

Not a good idea when you are jogging on the treadmill.

 In an attempt to curb my operatic out bursts, I decided to flip on the treadmill TV. Call me crazy, but I am not a big fan of daytime programming. (Unless it's TLC's What Not To Wear - my #1 guilty pleasure!) So, in the spirit of go with what you know, I flipped it over to Food Network instead.

Big Mistake.

I was only 10 minutes and a protein shake into my 45 minute cardio routine, and my stomach was growling. Paula Deen, bless her heart, was making some kind of unholy delicious three meat cheesy pasta foodgasm special and I wanted some.  If you refer back to my "Holy fuck, get you ass in the gym right now" post, I mentioned my Last Supper consisted of a Super Sonic chili cheese coney, fries and a milkshake. I felt like utter crap after eating, it wasn't quite the guilty pleasure I had envisioned for myself. Don't get me wrong, it was damned tasty! But afterwards, I  felt like it was a waste of perfectly good calories. I was almost convinced that Paula would show me what I was missing... 

I switched back over to the RENT soundtrack.

Be fat. Be healthy. Be happy. Measure your self in love.

-Haley

[nationalpost-blog]

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laughingsquid:

How To Throw a Pie

But preferably NOT one made by a staff member of FCH5.

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

Jean blues

     I'm craving veggie pizza with extra cheese. I'm also craving to fit into my jeans comfortably. Friday morning I was about to leave for work: I got dressed, headed out the door, and sat in my car. As soon as I sat down, I felt... different. Looser, maybe. I did a reach-around to feel up my own ass and realized that I had split my jeans the entire length of the left butt-pocket. Great. I got out of the car, went back inside to check out the draft in the mirror. I thought to myself, "It's not that noticeable. I can wear these today." Then I wised up because, knowing my luck, I would bend over or pull some crazy maneuver and probably rip ass even more in front of the Administration or some other professional. Begrudgingly, I changed pants and put on some capris that I typically reserve for weekends, and I trekked onward to work. 

     Mind you, I basically only have two pair of jeans that I currently wear. Make that one pair now. I feel confident that I speak on behalf of fat chicks everywhere - shopping for jeans is in the top five worst experiences ever. Ever. Especially when you're short. If you don't already know this, shopping for short-fat pants is a very daunting task. I last bought jeans two months ago from Torrid, which is a trendy clothing chain geared specifically for plus-size fashion. However, the Torrid brand denim is not only expensive ($58.50 for most of their jeans), they do not hold up well. Two months - ripped ass. Torrid has some other, better quality, albeit more expensive, brand jeans if you want to pay $65-100 per pair. 

     I went to Northpark Center in Dallas yesterday, partially on a quest for replacement jeans. Instead, I hit up a sale at the Gap for a couple of tops for work, and I got these fabulous sandals from Anthropologie:

     However, I left sans pants and disappointed. (Note: I was, in fact, wearing pants when I left the mall, I just had no additional pants in my shopping bags.) I came home and perused the web in search of jeans online, but they're really one of those items that you must try on before purchasing. Otherwise, you better prepare to have that return package prepped and ready to ship. On the way to a birthday party, I made a pit stop at the mall in Denton and again met the same disappointment. 

     This morning, I remembered that I have a pair of almost never worn jeans tucked away in my closet. I bought them a while back without trying them on, as I already owned the same brand/ size, and I think this pair was mislabeled or maybe just a slightly different cut.  I put them in the closet and they have since been Goal Pants. Goal Pants are pants that don't fit yet, but they will. Therefore, I have decided not to buy new jeans. Instead, I will more comfortably fit into the Goal Pants in two weeks. I've been wearing the GP's today in hopes of "breaking them in" a bit. I traded my desire for ice cream for a juicy mango. Win. I have plans to go to to gym this week with a fellow fat chick (Thanks for the inspiration, Haley!) to expedite the fitting of the Goal Pants. Perhaps I'll later reward myself with a *new* pair of jeans. Or some cute new flats. 

     In the meantime, my Spanx and I will be quite cozy in this snug-fitting denim.                                        

Be happy. Be healthy. Be fat. Fit into your Goal Pants. 

-Amanda

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

Before I forget, for today's Fat & Fabulous Friday, I'm focusing in my feet.

I don't normally go for tennis shoes, but I love these because they're so bright and obnoxious. It was shoe love at first sight.

Be fat. Be healthy. Be happy. Fall in shoe love. - Haley

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

Feelin' the burn

After two labor intensive days at the gym, I am definitely "feeling it".

And not in the catchy Blink-182 way. More like the "It hurts to breathe and think" way. I'm pretty sure this is why I stopped going in the first place.

On the upside, even though it has only been two days I swear I am already starting to notice some inches lost.

Sarah Blakely, your stock is about to plummet.

I'm too sore and cranky to think of something witty to write. I'm going to reward my efforts with a single Hershey's dark chocolate nugget and soak my gams in the tub.

Tomorrow is my weight training day, and I need to be on my A game.

Be fat. Be happy. Be healthy. Be ready for a fat-and-fabulous Friday.

-Haley

[kitschyliving]

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

kitschyliving:

book-lovin buddy - pillow

[imremembering]

[fatchickhigh5-blog]

imremembering:

These Pencils

Remembered by Melissa Daniels