“Don’t you fucking get it?! He made a little bitch of me. I got him that rope. The rope that tied them up. It was like I helped him kill those kids!”
"Seth… he would’ve killed them anyway…" Gareth whispered.
It had now been six hours since Seth had sat himself at Gareth’s dining table facing out the large window. He didn’t think twice about straight up tossing Seth’s tattered and blood-soaked clothes into the trash and after he had gotten him as cleaned up as he was going to get without a shower, he fetched a pair of his own basketball shorts for him to wear temporarily. They hung low on his pale hips but Seth hadn’t paid any attention. It was too painful for him to lift his arms very high and he walked out of the bedroom before Gareth could offer him a shirt.
His friend’s cigarettes had been crushed during the fight and he thought about going to the store and picking up some for him but he didn’t dare leave Seth alone. So instead, he had gotten out his box and began rolling joint after joint until he had used up all of his stash and had seven lined up on the coffee table in front of him at the ready.
Seth had fallen silent after his breakdown and once he had dressed he had gone straight to the dining table and sat down. At first Gareth hadn’t known quite what to do and then half an hour later he took five joints and laid them out on the table by Seth, putting two between his lips and lighting them both up, keeping one for himself and giving the other to his friend.
After the first hour spent in silence Gareth couldn’t take it so he had turned on one of the iTunes radio stations on his laptop but kept the volume quite low. It only helped a little but it was better than nothing and Seth didn’t have any reaction.
Three hours into Seth’s vigil Gareth had practically paced trenches into his entire apartment. He had kept his own watch over his friend, gotten him a glass of ice water, an ashtray. He had made himself some grilled cheese after his first high had begun to wear off and he had even set one sandwich next to Seth just because. He had noticed then that Seth’s second joint had burned down about two thirds of the way so Gareth gently took it from him and lit another and put it to his friend’s lips. He brought the neglected roach to his own lips and finished it off.
He wasn’t fazed when the sandwich went untouched.
An hour and a half later Gareth woke up from where he had apparently dozed off on the couch. He jumped up in a panic but relaxed when he saw that Seth hadn’t really moved an inch. He had just stood there and watched as his friend sat motionless, his gaze far, far away as he could see the reflection in the glass of the window. Something shivered deep inside of Gareth then and he nearly doubled over and felt as if he were going to vomit. He had turned around and crouched to his knees, covered his face and took deep breaths. All of a sudden he felt overwhelmed as the reality of the situation finally hit him. He had felt sick initially when Seth had told him what had happened. For the past almost five hours he had been focused on his friend but his imagination then started to put images together in his head as his mind sped through all of the possibilities and what this now meant.
Morgan and his men had tried to kill Seth. If Gareth hadn’t believed in God before he certainly did now because it was nothing short of miraculous that Seth had escaped and made it all the way here while injured. Seth had discovered Morgan and his group’s evil secret and there was no doubt in Gareth’s mind that they would need to get rid of him. Any minute his front door could be bashed in and they both could be gunned down.
The thought of death didn’t bother him much, it happens, but he realized he feared for Seth more than he could describe.
Seth was, at the end of each day, just a simple and innocent being. He was compassionate, fiery and so positive. He was full of hope and dedicated to never being chained down in any way and never wavered in the face of obstacles. He had such strong faith in things that Gareth couldn’t see nor wrap his mind around. Sure, the guy could be an asshole at times but he didn’t hate anyone, never disrespected anyone, never hurt anyone. With all his sense of fairness and understanding he was a sympathetic and merciful soul. And he had yet to show any hint of fear or hesitation in the face of life.
And that flat out terrified Gareth because this whole night he could feel raw fear radiating off his friend and charging the air. Even though he himself had never harbored any maliciousness toward anyone, it was not beyond him to go to the extreme, if the situation called for it. His own sense of justice and righteousness was stronger than his moral compass, as fucked up as that sounded. He was numb to most of the emotional effects of human action thus approached the world with logic and acceptance. Sometimes he felt heartless for his indifferent and passive attitude, sometimes feeling as if it were a burden. But then Seth had come along and over time, the man had helped him see the bigger picture, the higher meaning of everything and even though the details and acceptance of all things good and bad were important, Seth taught him that it was also important to not forget the complete structure that the details are a part of, that it was ok to feel and think the way he did but to always remember that everything is a part of everything else, that there is meaning to everything. And that sentiment truly helped the truth and the details and the harsh realities feel more like an anchor to Gareth rather than a burden, a burden that makes no sense for anyone to bear. It is what it is, as he always said, but it’s not all there is, his friend would turn and say to him.
He took a deep breath, swallowed a few times then stood and went to go check on Seth. He was met with a slightly odd sight; Seth had cleared the table and lay down on his back, staring up at the ceiling with that same faraway look in his normally bright blue eyes that were now dulled. He had a fresh joint between his fingers and it looked as if he were more aware of the business of smoking it, looking deep in thought, with purpose, even though it didn’t reach his eyes. The radio still played softly and echoed in the otherwise silent apartment.
Gareth felt like he wanted to cry.
Gareth watched his friend for a few more moments before a song on the radio caught his attention. With only a moment’s consideration, he went and turned up the volume, causing Seth to blink out of his stupor and turn to look at him. He walked over to Seth and stood in front of him, face blank but relaxed. He reached forward and took his friend’s hands and began to pull to and fro, slowly moving to the beat of the music, walking Seth away from the window. Gareth tried to contain a smile as he began to sway his hips in an exaggerated fashion. Seth looked at him strangely.
Being careful not to lift his friend’s arms too high, Gareth gently swung him around by one arm and wrapped one of his own around Seth’s chest and then spun him back around. A low, annoyed laughed escaped Seth as he realized that Gareth was dancing with him.
Together they danced for the duration of the song; silly and comical movements that lacked any form of grace or affinity but they laughed, laughed and laughed, and in these four minutes nothing else mattered.
At the end of the song they both fell to the floor and Seth groaned as his sore body landed on the hardwood floor but he was mostly fine. As they caught their breath and listened to the end of the song, they both laid back on the floor side by side, staring unseeingly up at the ceiling.
Gareth didn’t know how much time passed as they lay there together in the still and foreboding silence. And when Seth finally spoke with calm conviction, Gareth was unsurprised at his words.
"I’m going to kill them."
"I know. And I can’t stop you."
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