Fatema Reads

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[fatemareads]

Despair is a spiritual condition. It's the belief that tomorrow will be just like today.

Brene Brown in Rising Strong, p. 202

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Seven elements of trust - BRAVING Boundaries--You respect my boundaries, and when you're not clear about what's okay and not okay, you ask. You're willing to say no. Reliability--You do what you say you'll do. At work, this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so you don't overpromise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities. Accountability--You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends. Vault--You don't share information or experiences that are not yours to share. I need to know that my confidences are kept, and that you're not sharing with me any information about other people that should be confidential. Integrity--You choose courage over comfort. You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy. And you choose to practice your values rather than simply professing them. Nonjudgment--I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgment.  Generosity--You extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.  BRAVING also works as a powerful tool for assessing our level of self-trust. B--Did I respect my own boundaries? Was I clear about what's okay and what's not okay? R--Was I reliable? Did I do what I said I was going to do? A--Did I hold myself accountable? V--Did I respect the vault and share appropriately? I--Did I act from integrity? N--Did I ask for what I needed? Was I nonjudgmental about needing help? G--Was I generous toward myself?

Brene Brown, Rising Strong, pp. 199-200

[fatemareads]

If our story includes shame, perfectionism, or comparison and we're left feeling isolated or 'less than,' we need to employ two completely counterintuitive strategies. We need to: 1. Talk to ourselves in the same way we'd talk to someone we love.  Yes, you made a mistake. You're human. You don't have to do it like anyone else does. Fixing it and making amends will help. Self-loathing will not. 2. Reach out to someone we trust -- a person who has earned the right to hear our story and who has the capacity to respond with empathy.

Brene Brown in Rising Strong, p.195

[fatemareads]

Perfectionism is not healthy striving. It is not asking, How can I be my best self? Instead, it's asking, What will people think? When lookin gat our own stories, we can benefit from wondering: Did something happen in this story that left me feeling like my cover was blown, revealing that I'm really not what I want people to think I am? Did my pretend/please/perfect/perform/prove house of cards come tumbling down?

Brene Brown in Rising Strong, p. 194

[fatemareads]

“If you love someone, you don’t get to choose how they love you back.” - NK Jemisin in The Stone Sky, p.285

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“For some crimes, there is no fitting justice—only reparation.” - NK Jemisin in The Stone Sky, p.248

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“There are none so frightened, or so strange in their fear, as conquerors. They conjure phantoms endlessly, terrified that their victims will someday do back what was done to them—even if, in truth, their victims couldn’t care less about such pettiness and have moved on. Conquerors live in dread of the day when they are shown to be, not superior, but simply lucky.” - NK Jemisin in The Stone Sky p.210

[fatemareads]

At the heart of loneliness is the absence of meaningful social interaction—an intimate relationship, friendships, family gatherings, or even community or work group connections.

Brene Brown in Braving the Wilderness p.52

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You will always belong anywhere you show up as yourself and talk about yourself and your work in a real way.

Brene Brown in Braving the Wilderness p.26

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Never underestimate the power of being seen—it’s exhausting to keep working against yourself when someone truly sees you and loves you.

Brene Brown in Braving the Wilderness p.17

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Sometimes the most dangerous thing for kids is the silence that allows them to construct their own stories—stories that almost always cast them as alone and unworthy of love and belonging.

Brene Brown in Braving the Wilderness p. 15

[fatemareads]

Even in the context of suffering—poverty, violence, human rights violations—not belonging in our families is still one of the most dangerous hurts. That’s because it has the power to break our heart, our spirit, and our sense of self-worth.

Brene Brown in Braving the Wilderness p. 14

[fatemareads]

the decolonization of the imagination is the most dangerous and subversive form there is: for it is where all other forms of decolonization are born

Walidah Imarisha in Octavia’s Brood

[fatemareads]

Self-care is an attitude toward ourselves and our lives that says, I am responsible for myself. I am responsible for leading or not living my life. I am responsible for tending to my spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial well-being. I am responsible for identifying and meeting my needs. I am responsible for solving my problems or learning to live with those I cannot solve. I am responsible for my choices. I am responsible for what I give and receive. I am also responsible for setting and achieving my goals. I am responsible for how much I enjoy life, for how much pleasure I find in daily activities. I am responsible for whom I love and how I choose to express this love. I am responsible for what I do to others and for what I allow others to do to me. I am responsible for my wants and desires...Self-care is an attitude of mutual respect. It means learning to live our lives responsibly. It means allowing others to live their lives as they choose, as long as they don't interfere with our decisions to live as we choose...taking care of ourselves is an art, and this...giving ourselves what we need.

Melody Beattie in Codependent No More, pp. 114-5

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“The surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people’s business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs.” - Melody Beattie in Codependent No More, p. 113

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“the “obesity epidemic” is really a moral panic that has a lot more to do with diet culture’s skewed beliefs about weight than with any actual threat to public health.” - Christy Harrison in Anti-Diet (p. 47)

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“We react because we’re anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, what is happening...because we have lived with so many crises for so long that crisis reaction has become a habit...because we think things shouldn’t be happening the way they are...because we don’t feel good about ourselves...because most people react...because we think we have to react. We don’t have to.

“We don’t have to be so afraid of people...we don’t have to forfeit our peace...we don’t have to forfeit our power to think and feel for anyone or anything...we don’t have to take things so seriously (ourselves, events, and other people)...we don’t have to take other people’s behaviors as reflections of our self-worth...we don’t have to take rejection as a reflection of our self-worth...we don’t have to take things so personally...we don’t have to take little things personally either...we don’t have to react. We have options.” - Melody Beattie in Codependent No More, pp. 67-9