fattytoking

5'7" SW:205 CW:?? GW:155 ish. Depression and bipolar survivor. Join me into the struggles and triumphs of my life

[fattytofireman]

I got this app where I can listen to music without ads. I started to listen to all the old songs back in the day, mostly around my college times. Listening, they were many heartbreaking songs, like I was subconsciously telling myself that I really needed help. It’s not normal to think that sleep is better than my everyday life. Or how I would steep so low in life and have such a hard time just getting back on my feet. It shouldn’t feel normal to be reckless in life or have anger outbursts. Today I feel better in life, I am finally able to cope to the best of my ability when life gives me shit for living. I recently talked with my psychiatrist and I was able to convince her to make my appointments every 6 months instead of three because of how well I am progressing. Life might be shit but Hakuna Matata. Today, I am subconsciously deciding to make amends with my past but its time to move on and be the person that I wanted to be. 

I’m taking a break from this Tumblr to focus on myself, sometimes I feel like its not good for my mental health because of reasons that I don’t have to explain here. My weight loss and life will continue. I will have my ups and downs but I will still stand every damn time. Every damn time.

[purplebuddhaproject]

“I’m going to tell you a secret: You don’t have to believe every thought that pops into your head.”

— (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[fattytofireman]

I was scared to put on my work pants today. Especially the 36 size, I decided not to try those on because I didn’t think I would fit them so I put on my old 40. Their still loose so that makes me feel a little bit better. I just don’t have the mental capacity to be disappointed right now. I want to feel like I did a month ago. I want that feeling back...

[shrinkingcourt]

If you’re anything like me this is the biggest struggle of all! As soon as I start to see really noticeable results and feel really happy with how my body is looking I seem to lose the plot and undo all of my hard work! And so it continues, I will not give up!

[fattytofireman]

Looking for ppl just like me

Black women down for weight loss!! Looking to follow and encourage each other

[defineyourgrind]

[fattytofireman]

Staying steady

My workout for today is complete. I’ve been taking it a little slow because I feel like those 5 days of doing absolutely nothing but eating and sleeping hurt me hard on my gains. But really it’s not the case, I can still lift the same amount that I’ve been lifting so I’m happy that I didn’t lose my strength. It’s always the cardio that needs to be worked up to where I was at before. None the less I did it.

Tomorrow I have to work so I’ll try to do a nice cardio session, nothing too strenuous. My weigh in day is on the 12th, I don’t know if I want to weigh in but I have to face my fear and see what I put my body through. Maybe if I kick ass this week I’ll see a loss on the scale so im going for that. I just want to be back on track again and not try to fall off. Shark week has started so maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling off and wanted to eat everything a week before. Yeah let’s just blame that instead of me lol. Meal prep Saturday has begun so I will be all stocked up on my meals for the week 💪🏾💪🏾👍🏾👍🏾

[inspiration-and-motivation]

[fattytofireman]

This week has been a disaster. Eating like shit makes me feel like shit, which makes a lazy as hell and becomes a revolving door. Well today hopefully I can break this cycle. I’ve decided to make some goals for myself till the end of the year.

1. Look so damn strong that when I bump into someone I want them to apologise

2. Talk shit to people who think they can out lift or out run me and be able to back that up

3. Be able to take off my shirt and just see my muscles boulging out

4. Honestly be strong as fuck that no one will mess with me.

5. Reach my first goal weight

👍🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾👍🏾

[sunsetquotes]

“Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity, or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere.”

— Paulo Coelho

[fattytofireman]

I haven’t been eating well over the past two days. Yesterday all I had was two pizzas and a lot of juice. The day before that were a lot of fast food restaurants. All that eating like shit lead me to long sweaty sleeps and waking up to eat like shit again and my depression slowly creeping it’s ugly head in. I’ve been so tired and I understand why. The fuel that I’ve been using is not what this engine wants to run on. I woke up today and I had no energy so I called out of work. My mind isn’t right and I have an exam today so I need to bring my focus back in. I need to get back on track, it’s not fun falling off or miscalculating as they say. I have to remember why I started and what it means to finish. I can’t be perfect all the time, but I shouldnt sabatoge myself either. *get back on track*

I usually try and hide from posting here because I feel so ashamed. But I should post about my failures because maybe someone whose reading this knows that sometimes you will fail and that’s okay, as long as you hop back on. And if my blog is always sunshine and rainbows people will feel like their failures arent natural. Don’t believe that I will no longer always post my highlights, I want to post my failures as well. 👍🏾👍🏾💪🏾💪🏾🥗

[quotes-motivational]

[officialviviennui]

Today I rather eloquently explained to someone how you can sneakily gain 100 pounds without realizing it. Let’s say you’ve been the same healthy weight for a long time and get seriously injured, or you have a child or start a career that takes up the majority of your time.  You continue to eat the exact same way that you always have.  The difference is that you are no longer getting as much activity and your stress levels just went up dramatically.   So, let’s say that you gain 20 pounds that first year.  20 pounds over one year is 0.39 pounds per week.  Hardly noticeable until you have to buy a size up after a few months.   Then, because you are so focused on getting ahead in your career or taking care of your new child… you spend another four years doing that exact same thing.  Not changing ANYTHING about your habits other than upping the stress and (without actually making excuses because you’ve become earnestly busy) decreasing your activity.   By year five you have now put on 100 pounds… and you aren’t sure why!  You are suddenly aware that you’re bigger than you’ve ever been.  Maybe because you went to get a physical, or you needed to fit into a dress you wore two years ago, or you saw yourself in a photo and were surprised at how much weight you put on (yes… this happens to women all the time).   How didn’t you notice!?  It seems like it happened over night.  Or, maybe your hormones changed?  Is this because I’m aging!? What is going on with my body!? It feels like a mystery!!!!!  Regardless… you now realize “crap, I have a fucking issue, here, and something MUST be done!“  You get motivated to change your entire life. So, you take the advice of the diet industry that promises you “Fast Results” and “Quickly Burn Fat, NOW NOW NOW!”  and “10 DIET TIPS TO REDUCE BELLY FAT OVER NIGHT!”… and all of these unrealistic weight-loss fantasies that will not only help you burn the weight off, but also feel better about yourself while doing it (were you really depressed and hating your body while you were too busy with life?  I don’t think that’s the case).  After three months of overworking your body and under-feeding yourself you lose 25 pounds… but, you still have 75 left!  You feel like a fucking FAILURE because you’ve barely made a dent in your weight-loss.  When, really… all you ever needed to do was get a decent amount of exercise for just 15-30 minutes a day.  Just a walk… or some swimming… or a hike.  Just enough to start to lose 0.4 pounds a week. Just enough that you can continue your other habits like normal… and barely notice the lifestyle change (so that you can stick to it indefinitely).   And, after five years… you’re suddenly at the size/weight you were before your injury, career or child.  And, it felt effortless.  

No shame.   No self-hatred.   Nobody bullying you into hating your body to change it.  

Just, a small change that made a big difference over time… which was exactly how you gained the weight to begin with. This isn’t me telling you that you should (or have to) lose weight.  This is me trying to explain to body shamers and fat activists alike how these subtle changes can cause life to build up on you.  You should never HATE your body (and no one else should either).  No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself.  But, if you want to… you can make the smallest tiniest change in your life and lose weight over a long period of time instead of feeling the social pressure to abuse yourself to gain respect (from yourself or others). Whatever your body journey… you SHOULD love yourself!  Love yourself every step of the way.  Wear what you want every single day.  Feel good about the body you are in.  Pay attention to it.  Listen to it.  Don’t do drastic things to hurt it.  You’ve got a lot of time left in this life and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.  If you want to make a change… start small.  Start today.  Make it easy and effortless.    Food for thought.  <3

[fat-acceptance-dropout]

Huh, I actually agree with you. 

Weight gain doesn’t just happen over night so expecting weight loss to happen instantaneously is a big mistake that leads people to try all sorts of unhealthy diets. 

I believe that weight loss, permanent weight loss, happens as a result of small changes in your diet and activity levels. It’s not a secret, it’s not magic, it’s not even hard to understand. 

It’s not easy, because it takes a while –and depending on the changes you’re making, it might take longer for you than it takes for others– but it can be done if you want to do it. 

[fattytofireman]

Woke up today around 2pm. I had a really long study session after class and I didn’t go to sleep until 4am or something I did get in a little meal prep though. I made crockpot chicken and dumpling and buffalo chicken drumstick casserole. Haven’t decided on doing a work out for today. I did do my min of two workouts a week but I know I’ll get a workout in on Sunday. I have a pediatric conference tomorrow starting at 7am and I have to drive an hour to get there so I atleast have to be up by 5. I’m feeling better today, not being so down on myself. I said no to having some hot Cheetos on Sunday and stuck with the plan to just go to sonic as my treat meal and not make it some sort of free for all to eat whatever I want. Gotta stay focused! Today more studies and I’ll take a little break and carve some pumpkins with the fiancé👍🏾👍🏾💪🏾💪🏾

[chaosseeking]

i just love buff girls so much

[athleticsistas]

[fattytofireman]

I woke up today really not feeling it. Debated on whether I should go to the gym or not, but I put on my shoes and went. I upped my stair stepper to 7 I wanted to quit after 3min but I made it to 11min before I had to slow down. I didn’t stop so I finished out my 18min increasing resistance as I went. Finished up with some weightlifting, I was lifting heavier than I usually do so it took me a while to hit the number of reps that I wanted. So that’s complete. Idk I’m feeling fat today and just want to go to sleep. I had a bag of hot Cheetos yesterday and I just feel so guilty, why can’t I just enjoy things and move on. Idk. Just makes me feel like I’m taking a step backwards and I can’t look like I did back in the day. I can’t and won’t be that person again. Today is going to be a sad day for me.

[quotes-motivational]