There's this One (1) idea I keep trying to capture about Sebastian and Ciel's dynamic and I'm not sure if I've managed to quite get at it properly in my previous takes so. Guess I'm gonna go for it one more time ahahhaha =3=" (SPOILER WARNING FOR THE USUAL SHIT)
It all goes back to This Fucking Page, which I've seen plaguing the minds of at least a couple of people around here more than a few times. The question is clear: how the hell can Ciel not trust Sebastian at this point? After years of putting his life directly into Sebastian's hands, not only pulled from danger but doted on constantly, fed, bathed, and protected at all times by him 24/7-- even after all that, he still claims to trust him the least. Is he lying? Fucking with him? Making a joke?
I'd argue: none of the above. Regardless of how their relationship may actually function on a base level, Ciel is telling the truth as he believes it here, and revealing a key part of what drives him in doing so.
To fully understand this moment, I think we have to take a step back for a second and really look at what Ciel's motivations are, and also the origin of his contract with Sebastian. Specifically, the points I'd like to focus on here are as follows: what was o!Ciel's emotional state of mind like in the weeks after their introduction to the cult, and what changed at the exact moment that he summoned the demon?
In the case of the first question, we get a pretty clear answer: o!Ciel believed.
Despite the insanely horrific child abuse these kids were forced through at the hands of the cult, o!Ciel still managed to find hope and peace in the form of his protective older brother. He believed, had faith-- in God, and also his brother (same difference?). It is made quite clear throughout not only these chapters but also the few flashbacks we get pre-129 and onward that r!Ciel was the primary thing getting o!Ciel through this period of time, the one constant he could rely on. Everything about their lives changed on that day-- their parents were dead, their house destroyed, their lives and futures and known universe entirely ripped apart as their entire existence was groomed to turn them into the ideal sacrificial lambs for someone else's gain. Through it all, they had nothing but each other.
To put this another way: o!Ciel trusted his brother.
It is clear from the way in which o!Ciel talks about himself, in the few instances that we get of his most bare-faced honest narration, that he does not think highly of himself. Frankly, the fact that he felt the need at all to impersonate his brother is proof of this. o!Ciel did not grow up respecting or trusting himself, always easily accepting the view that he was simply the Spare, the sickly extra that had to stay inside and watch while everyone else got to play outside. Ciel was the brave one, the one that proudly introduced himself to strangers, who was mentored directly by their father for a job o!Ciel would never have. Ciel was the strong one, the capable one, the one powerful enough to stand on his own feet and support his brother as well. Ciel was the one to check the house, to fulfill his duty and protect him.
For all their appearances as mirrors of one another, it is clear from the moment of their birth that the twins were not and never would be truly equal. The elder, Ciel, is the future Earl of Phantomhive-- the other is only there to pick up the pieces he may or may not leave behind.
It is a dynamic ingrained in these two deeply enough that it follows through even as the rest of their lives are torn away from them. r!Ciel protects and o!Ciel believes, trusts that his big brother will always know the right path. There is thus little need for o!Ciel to ever take action or make any major decisions when it comes to ensuring their future. r!Ciel swallows the ring-- all o!Ciel has to do is keep the secret. Maybe in their previous life he could've worried about toy stores or games or making a living for himself outside of the Phantomhive manor-- but right now, when the two of them are still very much stuck in Survival Mode, all he needs to do is trust.
The object of his trust is torn away from him. They are separated, wholly and utterly, forever-- for nothing that is lost can ever again be regained. And suddenly, there is nothing left to believe in.
Thus, we reach our second point: o!Ciel's mental state at the moment he summons the demon. Faith in God/Ciel is broken, all hope is lost, familial blood has been spilled on the sacrificial altar and o!Ciel is still locked in his damn cage. Trust has disappeared entirely-- all o!Ciel wants now is power, control over his life and the shit happening to him, the exact thing he has lacked all this time, really his entire life.
KEY POINT: o!Ciel does not want (another) hero. If there is one thing that this moment proves to him, it is that he cannot ever again put all of his faith into another person to save him. Rather, what o!Ciel wants is agency, the power to decide his own fate for himself.
Again, we can infer that this is a large part of why our twin even bothers to take the name "Ciel" in the first place-- because, at this point in the story, the only way he can even conceive of having that kind of power and independent autonomy is by literally becoming his brother, the object of courage and bravery and protection that he has been looking up to for all this time. And this is something that he doesn't only believe internally, in his own mind, but constantly sees getting affirmed to him externally as well-- because, if "everybody would be happier if Ciel was the one to return," if Ciel is the only one capable of handling the job of the watchdog and fulfilling the Phantomhive duty for the Queen, then the only way he can move forward is by becoming Ciel, and leeching his power that way.
This is the fundamental moment that establishes o!Ciel's relationship with trust and Other People more generally for the entire rest of the series as we get to see it. After having his faith broken in every conceivable way, watching every single member of his family be killed in front of him while he was completely unable to do anything, o!Ciel finally arrives at a decision-- to take the power that has finally been offered to him, regardless of the consequences, just for the chance to finally have some control over his own life and fate.
o!Ciel does not care about the fact that this contract will kill him, about the fact that he is entrusting his soul to a starving demon that will eventually eat him. o!Ciel is perfectly willing to step under his own personalized sword of Damocles, perfectly accepting of the fact that it will eventually lead to his own demise-- all he wants is the power to set it up himself, to decide exactly when it will inevitably fall.
Thus: trust. From this point forward, trusting anyone else is simply not an option. Because if Ciel couldn't protect him, if Ciel couldn't uphold his faith and grant him their hope, then who the fuck could? Frankly, o!Ciel is even kinda granting him a second chance by taking his name as he dedicates himself to his revenge...
...which gets to my biggest point. Trust in other people may no longer be an option. But: trust in himself?
Now we have a chance to keep moving forward.
This is what Sebastian and his whole demon contract schtick Truly grants o!Ciel-- power, agency, and the ability to have faith in his own abilities, to stand up on his own. o!Ciel does not want another hero to save him, he is not going to set himself up for failure like that, and certainly not with the guy whose first big move is to fucking lie directly to his face.
What o!Ciel trusts here is not Sebastian, not directly, but rather his own ability to manipulate Sebastian into doing what he pleases. And this is exactly what he wants!! Again, o!Ciel does not want Sebastian to play the hero for him, to replace that which has already demonstrably failed him. He wants Sebastian to give him the power that he wants, and, perhaps ironically, he grows into a more capable and competent person in order to work as efficiently as he can under the terms of their contract to get that.
Ciel says that Sebastian is the person he can trust the least, and DUH. o!Ciel is not stupid, of course he believes that. There's a reason why every one of the terms of their contract are specifically designed to bind Sebastian down, why his first wish was to ensure that Sebastian would never be able to lie to him like that again. Never forget: Sebastian is dangerous, a starving animal that o!Ciel has only barely got chained back, who in this very arc was fully prepared to eat him alive if his traumatized state of mind made him go back on their contract a little too much.
YET: the intense irony of all of this is that Sebastian's very untrustworthiness is exactly what makes him reliable. o!Ciel knows exactly what the fuck Sebastian wants (him), and how to use that weakness to his advantage. And, in turn, this gives Ciel exactly what he has wanted and needed all this time, the chance to grow and take charge and believe in himself, that he is capable, and meaningful, and that his life has value as more than just The Spare.
It is this exact axis, the contradictory truth that o!Ciel trusts Sebastian to be untrustworthy, that their entire relationship revolves around in my opinion. It is what allows the contract to be such a beneficial force in Ciel's life, what makes Ciel and Sebastian's dynamic so appealing and fascinating to me.
Sebastian isn't a person, he isn't a human that can grow and love and be relied upon in a more traditional romantic sense. He's a domesticated demon, not an enemies-to-lovers bad boy love interest-- his fangs can never be cut. YET. Even so, I see absolutely no reason why Ciel's recognition of this fact must detract from their relationship in any way, or the fun of shipping them together. Rather, it is this exact facet of their dynamic with one another that makes Ciel such an emotionally compelling protagonist to me, and sebaciel more generally such a lovely relationship to explore. ^__^
They're fucked up as hell!! But you don't have to disregard the knives they are constantly holding to one another's throat to also acknowledge the ways in which they are loving, and warm, and build each other up into something they never could've been on their own. Ciel doesn't trust Sebastian, but he never wanted to in the first place. Instead, Sebastian gives him the chance to gain something much more meaningful, that he has never before truly had: trust in himself.
theartofmadeline
dededos
origamiaround
kaledo-art
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
ellievsbear
