[scamguy]

the few minutes between the moment u yap in someones dms and they dont answer and you feel like you should get painfully dismembered for the crime of talking to someone vs the instant relief of normalcy you get when they text back and no ones killed you yet

[crabussy]

just misread "comparing apples to oranges" as "comparing alphas to omegas" I think I should go and stand on the side of the road with my thumb out and hitchhike to a field in the middle of nowhere and lie down in it and close my eyes and maybe cry a single tear

[llatimeria]

ive also come to the conclusion that "laziness" is probably the stupidest, most hurtful, least useful, deliberately cruel concept in the world

[llatimeria]

I don't think I've ever seen anyone benefit from being called lazy but I've seen hundreds of people destroying their bodies and minds trying to avoid being called lazy because at some point someone decided that if someone wasn't miserable then that means they're a bad person

[its-a-seikret]

Tbh I don't understand anyone who denies their favorite character's flaws and acts like they've never done anything wrong when that is like consistently the most interesting part of any character ever

[ratbastarddotfuck]

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

[molabuddy]

[dogpuppy]

[vancruejovi]

Could you imagine being Sherlock’s client though? You go to this random man’s house, he invites his mate who you don’t know to listen in, says he can tell you rode your bike there because your shoes have three (3) splashes of a specific type of mud on them, he then looks like he falls asleep on the couch while you’re telling your deepest trauma, then farts around your garden for a while before accusing your uncle by saying he has a secret pet monkey or something. And you know what the best part is? He’s right

[galaxywarp]

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

[koiagain]

why is embarrassing children so funny to adults Stop this or i’ll kill myself in front of you

[severalowls]

fuck people who reblog posts which contradict each other. no! be explicitly clear

[satyriconmp3]

admire folks who reblog posts which contradict eachother. exactly! keep em guessing

[honeybunchesobees]

with how terrible the indie sphere is about not being racist, i think yall need to be put on game with a very good upcoming pilot of an animated sitcom about BLACK PEOPLE. that's right, real black people!

watch this. watch it all the way through. isn't it awesome? isn't it indie and lowkey like all you guys want? hm? it has such a catchy theme song, yall love catchy songs right? watch it.

[endlessver]

i tried to make her mute. now shes just whispers with some evil ass voice

[laserwalnut]

Oh hey girl

[mikhaelwrites]

World's most bisexual man is lulled to sleep by his flatmate just to dream about a woman he met twenty-four hours ago. (This is the greed they talk about in the bible.)

The Sign of the Four by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

[molabuddy]

its good when band names are things that are nice to think about. 'imagine dragons' well i am & its awesome. 'owl city' awww cute. 'barenaked ladies' hell yeah