It Tolls For Thee

bold of you to assume my blog has a cohesive theme

[probuccalfat]

staying silly is all i got left like i got no money no prospects i’m a burden to my parents and i’m frightened

[grawly]

i wish i could see this picture for the first time again

[azzandra]

Every time I see some gamerbro edit of a female video game character to make her 'prettier', I always see something I have mentally dubbed Cockroach Wife Syndrome (in honor of the guy who accidentally conditioned himself to only be aroused by a fantasy of his cockroach wife Ogtha).

That is to say, there is a certain subset of gamerbro who interacts so rarely with real women, that his primary touchstone for how women look is fiction: often video games and anime. So when a video game woman looks too realistic--too close to having traits that one might find in real flesh and blood women--this is foreign to them. This is unattractive. They have been jacking it to hentai and blender animation porn for too many years, and have inadvertently conditioned themselves to only be sexually aroused by the exaggerated cartoonish traits of animated women.

So now every time I see one such edit, I can't help but think. My. What a coincidence you've made her look more like an anime waifu. Truly dedicated to your cockroach wife.

[moth-grrrl-mavis]

You can’t just breeze over something like “the guy who accidentally conditioned himself to only be aroused by a fantasy of his cockroach wife Ogtha” without at least linking a 20 minute video breakdown of this man’s descent into madness.

[kunosoura]

Oh is Ogtha not common knowledge? Eight years ago this was posted on reddit:

Two years ago, we got this update on the life of this roachfucker:

TLDR it's a guy who became obsessed with human-sized roaches with human intelligence after reading Kafka in high school, an obsession which eventually came to monopolize his romantic interests (and has sporadically had catastrophic impacts on his life ever since).

[grawly]

what the fuck happened to my post

[milf-adjacent]

Shh... We're reading about the cockroach wife tulpa

[enki2]

[sunderwight]

Mulan AU where she does get caught by the other fresh recruits while she's bathing but Mushu helps her spin it like the lake is cursed by an evil lizard demon and will turn men into women if they stay in it for too long.

From there it's not actually difficult to get the other soldiers onboard with covering up the fact that poor Ping took one for the team and got afflicted by the vagina curse, especially since it would have been all of them if they hadn't gotten the warning ahead of time. So they agree to help him cover it up, because obviously the army's not going to understand.

Shang is... tentatively glad that the men are bonding and getting along, even if they continue to be deeply weird about it.

[great-art-and-a-purple-tongue]

Ling: Hey man, what's up— you've got boobs?!?!

Mulan: Uh, what boobs? Huh? Where did these come from?

Mushu: *facepalms and thinks quickly* (speaks from the shadows) I AM THE SPIRIT OF THE LAKE! BEWARE MY CURSED WATERS FOR THEY WILL TURN MEN INTO WOMEN!

Ling, Yao, and Chien Po: Oh no! The spirit of the cursed waters!

[scribeofchaos]

Chi-Fu: SHE'S A WOMAN LI SHANG!

Mulan: Look-

Ling, Yao, and Chien Po: WE CAN EXPLAIN!!

[One convoluted, chaotic explanation later]

Shang: ...is this why you've all been insisting we don't camp anywhere that doesn't have a lake.

Shang: and then none of you actually swim in it.

Shang: and you all keep jumping at shadows.

Shang: wait a second Ping did this happen before or after you became insanely good at fighting?

Shang: did you get better at fighting after you became a woman.

Shang: are women better at fighting than us.

Mulan: ....uh. well. maybe? no one's ever tried to find out.

Yao: [thinking very fast] y'know Captain it's just so hard to find recruits these days.

Chien Po: Real shortage of men.

Ling: Lots of women, though.

Mulan: [catching on] Without marriage prospects.

Shang: You're right, men. The spirits must have done this in order to show us that we should be recruiting women as fighters.

Mushu [from the shadows, seeing an opportunity to do the funniest thing]: EXACTLY, LI SHANG. I HAVE TRANSFORMED PING INTO A WOMAN BECAUSE YOU HAVE TOO LONG OVERLOOKED THE TRUE WAY TO WIN THE WAR.

Mulan [seeing an opportunity to get all the stories straight]: O Great Spirit, is it reversible?

Mushu: WHY WOULD YOU WISH TO REJECT MY GIFT? I HAVE SEEN YOUR HEART, CHILD, AND HAVE ALREADY ALTERED THE MEMORIES OF EVERYONE WHO KNEW YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR THE ARMY. YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THEIR DAUGHTER.

Li Shang: Welp, the spirits have spoken. Ping - wait is your name still Ping if you're a woman now?

Mulan: Uh. Actually, I was thinking of renaming myself. How do you feel about Mulan?

BONUS:

Mulan [climbing out of the eleventh lake the men have arranged for her to swim in]: Yeah no, it didn't work. Still got boobs. [tries to appear dejected].

Chien Po: If it makes you feel better, they're very nice boobs.

Mulan: Thanks, Chien Po.

[queer-as-city-folk]

I built a cure little minecraft house

[blogofalostsock]

[queer-as-city-folk]

The trellis's are from the mod Bountiful Fares and the wood types used are Pine and Maple from the mods No Mans land!!

[belugalord]

Babygirl that is NOT THE ELEPJANT

[queer-as-city-folk]

The shelf block is there because I'm using a backport mod to add features from the game drop era to 1.21.1

[ouzel-time]

[kittypilledtransbian]

what are the platform type things tho :o

[queer-as-city-folk]

Also from No Mans Land, I think they were just called Wooden Platforms

[helooproto]

[queer-as-city-folk]

Orange tree is from Bountiful Fares!!

[judadisyourjudaddy]

[queer-as-city-folk]

I think I gave you most of the mods used in the build

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[kirikomamura]

whenever the conversation about difficulty and accessibility in games come up i want to slam my head into a wall because noone thats speaking has anything more than a surface level understanding of what "difficulty" even is

[kirikomamura]

your game should have accessibility options, but if your only accessibility options are "turn off central game mechanics" then you have made shit accessibility options.

[kirikomamura]

you know what accessibility option doesnt completely fucking butcher your game while allowing almost everyone to play it? an option that is not available in 99.99% of all games ever made? easy:

[kirikomamura]

bonus points: if you put a game speed slider in your game you can also allow Absolute Fucking Freaks to turn it higher than 100%

[rockergiirl]

*test driving a car with the salesperson in the car with me* hey do you mind if i test the sound system with my music?

yeah sure go ahead

*connect my mp3 player*

*song starts and the vocals are clearly my voice*

i love crashing my car, crashing the car i'm driving is my favourite, the only thing i love more than crashing cars is crashing cars with other people in the car with me

[imperviousthot]

thanks for making me this hot tea bro. Why did the steam make the shape of a skull and crossbones when you stirred it lol

[animentality]

[sunshinetomorrow]

my grubhub being delivered by a wizard or some sort of apostle

[pileofknives]

[dragoncarrion]

Anytime i see a bunch of pride flags i have to restrain myself from saying "where mexico" bc i doubt anyone will know I'm referencing this

[tortol]

picture i got at pride last week; here mexico

[ellie-insertsurnamehere]

This is very dumb but hey

[tongue-twists]

btw dating sucks as a concept.

[tongue-twists]

meeting up with someone with the explicit goal of figuring out whether or not you want a relationship with them spoils the dynamic. it sucks. it's terrible. fall in love with your friends like normal people.

[tongue-twists]

as expected this one is a hit with the autism website

[dankxsinatra]

[roxylalonde]

[anistarrose]

[ID 1: a tweet by miauravilhas with an image of a cat laying on its back with all four legs up, on the ground right next to a wet floor sign. The tweet, translated from Portuguese, reads "Poor thing, he slipped because he can't read."

ID 2: same image but the graphic of the person falling on the wet floor sign has been replaced with the image of the cat on its back. End ID.]

[komaedalovemail]

i fucking hated your shoelaces this entire time

[butterfirefly]

for the uninitiated

[not-your-average-url]

I think trauma bonded should mean what we all think it means instead of the actual meaning. The real meaning is not at all common knowledge and the implied meaning makes a lot more sense. Words change over time and meanings change over time. Just let this one happen

[not-your-average-url]

I miss when ads were a single click and then they’re gone. Now every ad has a minimum of three phases where you watch a video, exit the still frame of fake gameplay, and then exit the app download. That doesn’t even touch on the ones that forcibly take you to another app after opening a tab in safari without you ever touching the screen.

I hate advertising. I hate that you can’t do anything without companies jumping down your throat with mostly bullshit ads. I hate that billboards exist. I hate that every company unanimously decided to make their ads longer and longer. I hate that ad blockers try to charge you money and there are in app purchases to remove ads. I hate that my attention has become commodified. I hate that there’s nothing I can do about it.

[not-your-average-url]

I’m back cause I got mad again. I’ve been listening to wtnv on and off pretty much since it started. Back in the day it was always “the fans are how we keep this going” blah blah blah. And then they started getting ad opportunities and it’s like ok support yourself. I understand that this is a lot of effort and you gotta pay people so putting ads in the front of the show is reasonable. Then they started adding them to the end of the show before the credits and proverb and I’m like… ok. I’d rather it at the very end so I can skip but whatever. And then they started adding it after the weather and before Cecil starts talking again. And that’s crossing a line.

I listen to this to go to bed and Cecil’s voice is what really knocks me out so I’ll be listening and then the weather plays and then I’m awoken by some bitch advertising better help or some shit because OBVIOUSLY the ad needs to be louder than the show. For FUCKS sake I understand that some people are using advertisements to support their work and I hate it but I get it. But mid roll ads out of no where in a podcast where you have said from jump street that you are all about the fans is wild. Not to mention there are fake ads in this podcast so hearing a real ad in the middle of the fucking show is so jarring.

I think I’d be less upset if it was Cecil doing an ad read instead of some shit you’d literally hear on the radio during a commercial break because again I listen to this to go to bed. His voice is what helps me sleep. I’d still be upset but I’d be a lot less upset than this makes me. And I have this thought literally every episode. And people have complained and we the fans have said “hey we don’t like this” but nothing changed. Idk if it’s greed or they really need the ad cents but FUCK does it piss me off every night