I Don't Know What I'm Doing

Oh...shoot...was that title a little too vague? That's okay. I like vague.

[gghero]

college teacher: i’ll be emailing you the class powerpoint later today

college teacher:

[karrakazz]

me, mentally projecting at other women on the night bus: we are allies. if you need me, i will come to your aid

other women on the night bus, returning my mental projection: allies we are. also i love your raincoat.

[theorangedeath]

allosexuals: If I were asexual I’d get so much more done!

me: *re-watching avatar the last airbender for 27 hours*

[writing-prompt-s]

Four roommates are extraterrestrials who have taken human form in the hopes of learning about Earth’s culture. Unfortunately, each alien is from a different planet and believes the other three are normal humans.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I would read this

[ekjohnston]

OH MY GOD

[aaron2point0]

Starring Jack Black, The Rock, Jeff Goldblum and Taika Waititi 

[artemis69]

And Mads Mikkelsen, the human neighbour that is weird enough that all the aliens think he’s an alien too.

[byjove-cannibalcove]

they all are sure hes an alien and will go talk to him about how hard it is being an alien on earth, will even talk really frankly to him about it, but weirdly no matter what they say hes always like ‘oh yeah i can relate’

[sentimental-apathy]

It got about a thousand times better than the last time I reblogged this I think.

[culterioncollection]

i want to meet her

[culterioncollection]

i need to meet her

[pulmonary-poultry]

I love how yokai range from “You smiled at me a little bit so now I will kill you with my razor-sharp hair.” to “Hey man, heard you were feeling down on yourself again so I thought I’d drop by and do a funny little dance.”

[skwyley]

The only heterosexual romance in Dirk Gently is basically “we’ve been on the run for months there wasn’t much else to do” And I think that that’s beautiful   

[tsukidaisy]

some of the best customers I’ve had at Dollar General

the woman who comes in every day and buys a single can of cat food. The brand she buys has the deal that if you buy 5 cans, you get them for $2. When I told her that she said “I don’t need five at once. Terrence only needs one a day.”

The old man who came in and asked me “Why do you think McDonalds doesn’t sell hotdogs?” When I told him I didn’t know, he said “Well, I guess it would be hard to keep a straight face and order a McWeenie.”

The teenage girl whose boyfriend held her foot up as she hopped around the store to get her things. Come to find out that she had lost her flip flop and didn’t want to step on the floor with her bare foot.

The elderly spanish man who comes in every day to get a pack of Marlboro Lights. His english isn’t very good, so when I asked him if he wanted shorts or 100s, he looked at me confused. Realizing he didn’t understand, I said “Pequeño ?” His face lit up and nodded enthusiastically. Now every time he leaves, he smiles and says “Hasta mañana” and I say it back.

The other day when I was outside on a smoke break, he was riding on a bike and yelled ”HASTA MANANAAAAAA” as he rode by.

The old woman who came in and bought 24 air fresheners. I asked her if she was stocking up, and she told me about how she got a new boyfriend who lived in a mansion, and that she was putting one in each of the rooms. She then proceeded to tell me about how the mansion is haunted.

The little kid who was probably around 4 or 5 who ripped open a pack of skittles. As me and the people in line watched the skittles scatter across the floor, he looked up and said. “It wasn’t me.” 

[maverlok]

So if my students finish a quiz/test early, I ask them to draw me stuff on the back (partly so those who need more time are less self-conscious about still having the test out, partly because fuck yeah, pictures), and it may be the single best decision of my career.

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve told these kids that (a) the Romans believed there were demons in their public toilets and (b) the word for “janitor” comes from “ianitor”, which means “(door) guard”.

So now I’m getting drawings of superhero janitors taking on toilet demons, and it’s so beautiful.

[maverlok]

Aaaaand today a student showed me a video of himself lighting a fire in his toilet while chanting the conjugation of the word “to be”.

He said he wanted to recreate the ancient toilet demons, and I have concerns.

[interrobang-incorporated]

K… but why conjugations of to be?

[maverlok]

My students kept forgetting how to conjugate esse, so I turned it into a rhythmic chant that I had them say over and over. The problem is that when you chant ANYTHING in Latin it sounds like you’re summoning a demon, which they decided was awesome, so uh. Now I’ll just be randomly walking through the hallway and hear voices chanting, “sum es est! sumus estis sunt!”

I’m 99% sure my colleagues think I’ve started a cult.

[kianahsaro]

Keep doing what you’re doing. I’m sure everyone will turn out all the better for it.

[the-average-gatsby]

[ruinedchildhood]

[lord-kitschener]

[theinturnetexplorer]

[femputations]

mewtwo is savage

[idktimdrake]

I need more pokemon shaming

[perceptionsofabrokenreality]

0 fucks to be offered by Mewtwo

[gh0stcity]

One thing I’ve learned in life, if you act really self-assured and confident you can pretty much get away with anything.

[gh0stcity]

For example, I’ve watched someone walk on to a plane with no passport. Just walked right on.

[jennitheodd]

Once walked out of a dude’s house with a pair of his pants slung over my shoulder. Did all the usual eye-contact, saying-goodbye movements and noises, just… while stealing his pants. He did not notice. 

[razorlightt-deactivated20161221]

I told my English teacher that she graded my final paper(I did not turn one in) and that she told me it was well written. She scrambled 3 days trying to find the nonexistent paper, then apologized to me for losing it and gave me a 96%. Confidence is key

[whiskey-and-a-wry-smile-blog]

my dad’s mate just walked out of a shop with a canoe and didn’t get questioned

[matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll]

Humans are like bees: if they sense you’re an intruder all hell will break loose, but if you get inside the hive they just assume you belong there. Be confident.

[minero-tan]

Bee confident

[gbcnt-blog]

[faytay]

Two characters: *suddenly start making out and undressing each other out of nowhere*

Me, a frustrated asexual who just wants to watch a show about firefighters: Really

[pr1nceshawn]

The Do’s & Don’ts of eating sushi ...

[renoa-deactivated20180930]

her friend is so embarrassed they’re never ever having sushi again

[princessesfanarts]