look how they shine for you

  I know you said that you don’t like it complicated, that we should try to keep it simple but love is never ever simple, no.

[fcknathann]

sydneywilde:

Giving him a small smile, she shook her head once. “Don’t worry about it. It won’t be a habit. It was just a one time, I totally forgot about it, thing. Promise.” While she didn’t want him to worry about her, Sydney appreciated that he really cared about her that much, even if she hadn’t expected anything else. He had always been the caring type, while she felt rather careless as long as she stood next to him. She really had missed him. There was no doubt about it now, even if her old self most likely would have denied all of it. Her fear had a way of destroying all relationships around her, but she wouldn’t let it when it comes to him. Not again. The time he hadn’t been in her life seemed like an entire dark lifetime, looking back at it now. She wouldn’t want to risk losing him again, even when it probably was for the best back then. Now they knew that they did belong together and didn’t want to be without the other. Everything will always have their advantages and disadvantages, this as well. “That sounds wonderful.” Sydney agreed with a wide smile, reaching for his hand with her own as she gave him a soft squeeze. “Let’s go to our first official date.” She declared happily.

Nate was aware that he had been a total dick towards her the times that they weren't together, he didn't speak to her at school or just plainly ignoring her. It was immature and he would never do that ever again, he felt like a total dipshit for not choosing their friendship, how he was so selfish that he was thinking about himself. He would try to make it up to her, now and forever. "Let's!" He smiled at her, holding her hand tightly, his thumb brushing along the back of her hand as he told the waitress of their reservation, it was quite expensive in this place so he worked extra hours to actually afford it. Once they were settled in the side of the room, he was sitting opposite to her, he cleared his throat. "What do you want?" He was looking at the menu and most of the dishes were words he cannot seem to pronounce except for the roast beef so he ordered that instead of embarrassing himself. "This is not like our thing right?" He asked her looking at the place, they seems to be out of place in the restaurant but we should at least enjoy this."

[fcknathann]

sydneywilde:

A smile was playing on her lips at his response, nodding slowly. Part of her was still contemplating on complaining how she didn’t even think about getting something for him, but chose to drop it. For now. It’s not like they won’t see each other again after today and she’d be able to make it up. Regardless of her fears and doubts, besides the overwhelming feeling of first love, Sydney was just happy to have him back in her life. Even when technically were in a relationship now, at least she thought this was the case, Nate also always had been her best friend. The time she wasn’t able to call him in the middle of the night and talk about her father or anything else that happened he day with him were just terrible. He had always been a big part of her life and to lose him had hurt much more than anticipated. Now that Nate was back in her life she felt ecstatic, as if her general mood could brighten up more than already.·“Good.” She hummed, nodding once again.·“I haven’t eaten in hours, I can’t wait to get some food in me.” She agreed as she went on further. Over choosing her outfit and talking back and forth with her mother about the date, Sydney just kind of forget to have some snack in-between. Not that she minded all too much in the overall picture.

"Seriously, Syd," Nate frowned, he doesn't like that she didn't eat anything, he had always been a caring best friend and now, an extra caring boyfriend. "You should have ate something, don't miss any meals," He wasn't going to dampen their mood by being too clingy towards her. He just cares about her, more now than before, he lost her once and that would never, ever happen again. He cannot imagine how he went two years without talking to her, it was the longest days of his life, he had jumped from one relationship to another to fill the gap that was once Sydney. Now, she is back in his life and he would never let anything happen again. He was a dick. He cannot accept the fact that she just saw him as a friend at that time, but he was going to make it up to her. Parking the car at an empty slot, he stopped the engine before smiling at her, "Fancy dinner, just the two of us, this counts as our first date right? And not those time that we had to hide from everyone else," He feels bad about it, he doesn't want them to judge Sydney for his life choices but now, they wanted the world to know that they are together. "Let's go?"

[fcknathann]

sydneywilde:

Laughing a little at his comment, she nudged his shoulder once. “Not more than usual.” She teased, before her expression soften and she kissed his cheek once. “You could never look like shit. Not even if you tried.” Even when she was constantly denying her feelings for him, Sydney noticed that with each year he has gotten more handsome. Maybe that made it even harder for her to stop thinking about him. If he would’ve at least stayed the little boy that once threw sand in her face, she might have been able to only seen him as such as well. But the two of them grew up and the more she noticed her falling for his jokes, his witts, his persona as a whole, he also started to look less like the boy she promised eternal friendship to. Even though she did try to play it down as such. For her there as no one she could imagine a relationship with other than him. Even when she was scared of what the future might bring, she was happy to sit in his car right next to him, able to reach for his hand whenever she wanted to. “Of course. I don’t really have anything for you so – I feel bad.” She laughed a little, turning her head in her seat to look at him. “I’m happy. Don’t worry about something like the quality of the flowers you give to me when – it’s already amazing that you’re here with me.”

Nathan still cannot believe that after a long time, him and Sydney are finallly together. The road towards them was hard, he had a few girlfriends, he was a dick towards her because she cannot just accept the fact that she was not into him and he regretted every single thing he had done in the past, he just hoped to have a great future with Sydney. He tilted his head towards her, laughing softly under his breath before reaching his arm out to caress her cheek, "Nah, no need to bring me anything, you, here with me is more than enough," He honestly told her, he was not going to be as happy as he is now if she wasn't right beside him, Sydney was his bestfriend and now, they're dating, he wasn't sure if he should call her his girlfriend though it seems to be the case, he just wanted to take things slow with her, this is something he had been waiting for a while now so he doesn't want to fuck it all up. "We'll be there in a few minutes, I'm quite starving," He admitted, he hasn't eaten anything ever since lunch since he was all over the place planning this date, he knew that there was no reason for him go over-the-top but this will be their first real date.

[sydneywilde]

Her lips curling in a smile, Sydney couldn’t help but look down at herself once more, shoulders shrugging once. “Either way I don’t mind you repeating it. After all this was a lot of work.” She joked, nudging him once. “Though you should check you don’t compliment me too often or it gets to my head.” It was relaxing to be able to just laugh with him, flirting softly. Even when the fear was always present in the back of her mind, she was glad that things turned out this way. At least she was right now. As his lips were one hers again, even when it was just a quick kiss, she could feel her heart flutter inside of her chest. Biting her lip slightly as she got into the car and slide onto the passenger seat before she said anything. “I mean better now than when you’re driving. When it comes to me this would be pretty much the only time I don’t want your lips anywhere near mine.” Glancing over towards him to catch his reaction to her confession, she would a tiny smile steal it’s way onto her lips yet again. Somehow he managed to always make her smile. This was a good ground to build a relationship on, right? “I would never laugh at something you planned for me. Except it involves dressing up. That’s something for stage three in dating, sorry.” She mused before taking the flowers from him. Eyeing them for a moment, a light chuckle escaped her. “They’re fine, don’t worry. The thought counts – thank you.”

[fcknathann]

It was nice to hear that Sydney actually took time to get ready for their date even though it doesn't really matter. She could look like she haven't washed her hair for days and he would still look at her and think that she looks great. "Well, I hope I don't look like shit next to you," Nate chuckled, he was dressed up but not as great as her, anyone right next to her looks shit anyways, he was just hoping that he would look like a decent shit. He was trying his best to be a good boyfriend to her, the past couple of weeks they were in hiding and that's definitely a good thing. He was firm with their relationship but he just broke up with his ex when he got together with her, like minutes apart and he doesn't want her to be judged by the things he had done. It was his own doing anyways, jumping from the end of his relationship to the girl who he had dreamed of ever since he was a kid who was technically his ex-bestfriend. He let out a soft sigh as he drove, he knew that he should be himself since it was just Sydney but he cannot help but at least try to be a better version of himself. "I hope you like the flowers though it's you know," He glanced at her before smiling, they were off to a rather bad start but he was hoping the rest of the night would run smoothly.

[sydneywilde]

Snuggling into his chest even if it was just for a second, a light laugh bubbled up inside of her. “I thought that I rather go with a simple handsome than list all of the adjectives that cross my mind once I see you.” She mused, a hand running through his dark hair once. Somehow Sydney was unable to keep her hands off him, always wanting to touch bits of him that she couldn’t before out of fear what it would mean for her. Whenever she used to think about touching anything but his upper arm it felt like she was crossing a line, one she shouldn’t. Ever. But now that the walls were down, it was the complete opposite – though she tried to control herself as she instead now just absently reached for his hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “Couldn’t be anymore ready than I am now.” She told him, her shoulders shrugging once. The nerves started to kick in just again, afraid of this thing blowing into her face but she swallowed it right back down. It was silly, given that the date hasn’t even started and she wanted to give it a chance. Hell, she – she really liked Nate. Loved him even maybe, even she actually allowed herself to define her feelings for him without freaking out. He was the one for her, the one she trusted so she shouldn’t just lose her mind five minutes into their first date. So she just pulled a little at him, smiling. “Let’s go already!”

[fcknathann]

"Aha," Nate laughed shaking his head, handsome was enough especially if it came out of Sydney's plump lips, because she described him as such, it seems like Nathan's favorite description of himself was how Sydney tells him that he looks handsome. He squeezed her hand back before smiling down at her, "Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight? Well, you actually look great always," He always thought so even back when they were younger, he had developed that huge crush on her but he kept mum about it until that one time and he got rejected. But the wait was pretty much worth it. He opened the door of his car before sneaking a small kiss on her lips, he grinned, "Never thought I could do that," He mumbled under his breath before helping her inside the car, "Just don't laugh with how I planned out tonight, okay?" He told her, though they were both low maintenance when it comes to their relationship, tonight, he actually put an effort in this date, he reserved a table in a fancy restaurant and actually bought flowers which he totally forgot, he reached out at the backseat before handing a bouquet of already dry flowers, "Seriously, those were nice looking this morning, sorry, but that's for you."

[sydneywilde]

Staring at her reflection in the mirror, Sydney couldn’t tear her eyes away from the image in front of her. So many years the girls had avoided any kind of relationships, she knew was exposed to a fairly new spectrum of her life. Sure, she had some experience in the physical apartment of a relationship but the girl really couldn’t remember when she last was on a date before. Unreasonable anxiety had been controlling her this whole day, the wish for this to be perfect, even more than the simple fact that she was going out with Nate. His name actually brought a smile onto her lips, all so natural that she would’ve rolled her eyes in the past at how giddily she was getting. Stroking her dark blue, almost black dress again, Sydney couldn’t help but wonder if she had the time to get changed – again. She’s been going through outfits today like nothing else, this being her twelfth one, middle length grown that was softly sparkling if the light fell from the right angle. It was too fancy for her usual style, meaning she had tone it down on her make up with only a red lipstick as an eye-catching accent and her dark, raven-hair open, falling behind her shoulders. Upon checking the time, she realized that Nate has sent a text about two minutes ago which led her to push any remaining thoughts and panic aside, reaching for her bag as she quickly sprinted down the stairs up to the front door. “I’m going out mum. Will be back later!” She quickly called out before opening the door wide, a little breathless but a cheerful smile playing on her lips. “Hey there, handsome.” She greeted him, as she checked him over, grinning.

[fcknathann]

This is actually one of those moments that Nate waited all his life, to finally go on a date with his bestfriend. The past few months were very complicated but if he only that this would lead to this, then he wouldn't be complaining about the wait, it was all worth it. He has been cranky and bitter about the fact that she friendzoned him but he should know better, but leaving those negative thoughts behind, he waited for her, drumming his fingers on the table right outside, he didn't even realized that he was holding his breath until he got a sight of her, his bestfriend, the love of his life, he have always imagined this day would come and he couldn't believe that it did happen, but it did. Nate couldn't help but smile at her, "Handsome? Just handsome, that's an understatement, I literally ironed my clothes and I just get handsome?" He jokingly told her, his arm wrapping around her shoulder, before pressing a small kiss on her cheek. "Ready?" He asked her, raising his brow, he reserved a table and they're due to go there in like thirty-minutes so they better get going or else the restaurant would give the table to other guests.

[fcknathann]

To say the least Nate has been waiting for this for years but his relationship with Sydney was fairly young, maybe that’s why there’s still a little bit of doubt in his mind. He literally knows her since they were young but being in a relationship with each other was just a few weeks old. Sure, they were going strong, he thinks that they are, he took her to eat, hide away from the world and eat take outs, those kinda stuff but today, it was different, Nate would try to take her to a place which would eventually be important to them. He’s taking her to their first date, it wasn’t that of a big deal, some people say but if you’re literally been in love with the girl since you were ten and now, she actually accepted you as more than a friend, going on the first date was a big deal. He walked back and forth, he was actually dressed quite nicely, light blue crisp polo shirt and pants that his mother even ironed the one he was wearing. He sent Sydney a message telling her that he was waiting outside her door, he didn’t press the doorbell yet, he was quite scared like he was twelve all over again. 

[fcknathann]

;001

[sydneywilde]

As she saw his thumbs up, Sydney couldn’t help butbite her lip slightly and turn around as the familiar smile made it’s way toher lips. Sure, she was still terrified of what is going to happen, if she hasmade the right decision or should have kept this strange feeling inside of herchest but right now, there was just nothing that felt more true and honest. Atthis moment she doesn’t want to think about the fact that her parents probablyhave thought the same, given that they even married – this just had to work.And if they fall apart, it doesn’t have to be in a plane crash, going up inflames in the end. It could be a clear cut, something they’d both feel asnecessary and right. Though right now it seemed so far away, the thought ofletting this go too unreal. For so long she has buried these feelings inside ofher as an impossibility, they seem to overwhelm her right now as she finallylet them out. Maybe this was suppose to happen from the beginning, maybe theywould celebrate their anniversary right now if she just had said yes last timeas he told her about his feelings for her.

But now Sydney was actually and truly ready – at leastin a way she couldn’t have been in the past. Her palms might be a little sweatyand her heart seem to race but – the smile on her lips just doesn’t seem tovanish. Keeping her head low, she left the school as quickly as possible. Onlyhearing his footsteps behind her could brighten up her face and as he reachedfor her hand, she made sure to keep her grip tight as she ran beside him.Stopping in front of his car, Sydney felt a little breathless, her eyesfollowing his hands as he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear as shequickly leaned forward to kiss his lips once gently. It actually still made herheart skip a beat. Upon letting go, she still kept her face close to his,titling her head slightly to one side. “I don’t think I need anything – do you?I mean, we could get something anyway, comes up to how long you plan on stayingin the park for.” Sydney mused, furrowing her eyebrows together. When it comesto her, she could stay there with him until the sun sets, as long as she wasright beside him and there was nothing she had to worry about. But then againyou can never really know when something turns out horribly wrong – and ifthat’s going to happen, Sydney won’t think and only run. Pushing the thoughtfirmly out of her mind, she shook her head slightly to herself and focused backon Nate. “I wouldn’t mind either option.”

[fcknathann]

The long wait was over, Nate was very careful not to fuck this all up. The day didn't went how he actually wanted to, but it only got better. To say the least, it was a whirlwind kinda day, like he was so sure when he woke up that he and Sydney wouldn't be talking, he would be drowned by his ex's perfume when she kisses him, and the day would pass by how it did yesterday. He didn't except it to end this way but he was more than happy that it did, good things come to those who wait, as they said, and he waited for Sydney to realize that she has feelings for him too. It was a long and hard journey but they finally realized that they were for each other, it made everything worth it. He was smiling at himself, and everyone seems to think that he was a fool for doing that like he wasn't with anyone but his smile was from one ear to the other. There was a nagging feeling as well though, like what if it wouldn't work out at all, after everything, what if they cannot put aside their individual differences and instead being happy, they'd be miserable together. Shaking those ugly thoughts away, he just concentrated on the present, it would be him and her, and they will be happy.

When his lips met hers, he couldn't help but smile on the kiss, like a genuine smile that hasn't shown up on his face for quite some time. He looked down at her as he wrapped his arm tightly around her for a little bit, "Well, I only need you and maybe food," He suggested, they haven't had lunch since he told her that he was skipping and she had tagged along, he made her skip lunch so the only thing he can do for her was to buy her food. "How does pizza sound?" He raised his brow as he started the car, he couldn't help but glance at her every once in a while as he was driving towards that pizza parlour he would always go to whenever he was lazy to cook. "I actually missed you. Like a lot." He was being honest to her, and that's the only thing he will on the course of their relationship, he needs to redeem himself after being mad at her for the longest time.

[fcknathann]

;001

[fcknathann]

Sydney stared absently in her locker, not really looking at anything or even trying as if she seemed to be doing that. Her mind was racing, the events of the day were just quiet a lot if you would really think about it. But then it was like that exactly when her family had fallen apart completely. One day everything had been fine and the next she was able to hear the glass shattering from under her blanket. For a moment she had considered asking her mother for advice, sending her a quick text, knowing that not one teacher would be really bothered by her doing it as long as it was in a break. Still she wasn’t able to talk about it yet – not exactly that she was getting with Nate or anything. But to this day Sydney had firmly tried to avoid any confrontation about what happened with her father. Surely, the topic had been brought up by her mother countless times and once Sydney had tried to cheer her up when she had found her mother reaching for next glass of wine midnight, already culled in a ball on the couch. Anything else she had collected by listening to the conversations her mother had with her best friends, knowing that if it was too much for her, she’d be able to just run away again. Breaking this bond of silence just seemed to be always too early for her.

Regardless of any of the days progresses, after she had been assigned Nate’s partner for that group work Sydney had already decided that she would skip school for the rest of the day. Reaching for her books she would need to repeat what they would take about today in the different lessons and put it in her bag as she suddenly saw Nate approach her. A light smile curled up her lips as she watched him, her hand frozen in the action until he had been close enough to hand her the note. Sydney furrowed her eyebrows together just a little before it crossed her mind that it was probably too soon to be too friendly with each other in the school hallway when everybody was able to watch them. Quickly reading the note, the smile on her lips got a little brighter by the sheer thought that she’d be able to spend the time with Nate. Taking a deep breathe she closed her locker, crumpling the note in her hands and swiftly drop it in her bag before shouldering it. As she moved a step in the other direction, Sydney leaned over to Nate for a brief moment to whisper in his ear. “I’m in. Though we should maybe meet somewhere outside school, how about the parking space on the right at the front doors? So nobody would spot us walking together and everything.” As she leaned away again, she gave him a quick smile, continuing to walk towards the door at the end of the hallway before once glancing back to see if he would agree with her plan before she would be actually walking out of the doors.

This was not the way he wanted to ask Sydney out, it should be more romantic and no one getting hurt but the process was gruesome and he had hurt more people than he had imagined (he did date quite a few before managing to admit that he was still in love with his bestfriend) but after everything, it will be worth it. There was no doubt there, because even though his ex-girlfriend just slapped him a couple of minutes ago, the love of his life was waiting for him in front of her locker. He fought the urge to envelope her into his arms and just hug her until everything was fine. He knew that it won't be easy, with Sydney's hesitation and his ex-girlfriend might be seeking revenge as well, that's not a very good idea but today, he was just going to focus on the future of his relationship with Sydney. They have not talked to each other for a while and he was not sure if she was still the same Sydney that has been his bestfriend, he was just hoping that there wouldn't be awkwardness or something in the likes of that.

To say the least. he was surprised when Sydney moved forward and told him that she will be coming with him, he does not want to be a bad influence but today, spending time with her was something that he cannot deny to himself. There is a possibility that people might put the two together (how he broke up with his girlfriend and him and Sydney suddenly disappearing for the rest of the day) but though he wanted to tell her that she should stay in class, he cannot, it is quite exciting to think of spending the rest of the day with each other. He just smiled at him and gave her a thumb's up, understanding that they have to keep whatever they have to themselves first. He watched as she made her way out of the door, in less than five minutes, he followed her, it was exciting to do this, as if they were two convicts running out for their lives, just like the movies. When he caught up with her outside, making sure that no one was around, he grabbed her hand and run towards his car, with her right behind him, he smiled once they were near his car but far from the school, "Before going to the park, is there anything you want? Food?" He brushed the hair that was on her cheek, tucking it behind her ear, he cannot help but smile because he just realized that this was the start of their story. Not a separate story. But a story together.

[fcknathann]

;001

[fcknathann]

Sydney took in a deep breathe as she wandered down the few steps that she needed to take to reach her locker. It only took her a few minutes to open up the door, her gaze immediately landing on a picture of her mother and father. It had been taken when their family was still somewhat happy, leaving her to be only about seven back then. Biting her lip slightly, she couldn’t help but study it slightly. If you would take a look on it now, you could see the family crumbling by just watching their eyes carefully but back when Sydney had got it, it had been her favorite picture ever. Right then, she focused on the picture right underneath. It was one with Nate and her when they were about thirteen. Even after what happened, the girl couldn’t have helped herself but put it up, avoiding to bring one of her friends whenever she needed to get her stuff. The pictures now in front of her eyes, right next to each other she decided that it wouldn’t be the same. Her father had always swallowed down what bothered him until their relationship had been falling apart already, going as far as cheating on her mother. If they had been honest with each other, maybe none of this would have happened. It wasn’t the fault of their emotions but how they handled the whole situation. Everything is going to be completely different. Still Sydney couldn’t entirely tell if that feeling was only there because she wanted it to work between her and Nate or because it was the truth.

Her head jerked right up as she heard the screaming of what only could be the voice of Nate’s girlfriend. Ex. Whatever. Quickly shutting her locker, only once glancing back at the pictures and reaching for a book she needed for her homework later, Sydney tiptoed back down the hallway to watch what is happening in a safe distance. In a way it just hypnotized her, taking all her attention. Absently playing with her hair, she barely flinched at how often words were hinting about her own presence. Then there was the slap. From all around her she could hear the different gasps, whispers as some other people had watched it all happening, some might even have taken pictures but Sydney didn’t had the same reaction. Slowly lowering herself, the girl had hidden her face in her hands. While she didn’t regret for one bit what happened between her and Nate, it still felt like too much of an reminder to what she had witnessed between her parents – or her worst fear. Loving someone and getting hurt in the end. What if they ended just like that, in a hallway screaming at each other, watching everything fall apart as the other students would gossip about it? Crying her heart out in a pillow at night, hoping that her mother wouldn’t hear her so it wouldn’t be too much of a deja vu? Sydney couldn’t bear the thought – but swallowed it down anyway, letting out the breathe she didn’t realize she was holding and got back to her feet. No. This time she wouldn’t be afraid or get lost in what if’s. Not this time. She wouldn’t give her father this satisfaction or break her own heart like that. And with that she turned her back to the two of them and get back to her locker.

Nate doesn't really know how to react right after this incident, he knew that he was at fault in this situation. Maybe if he broke it down to her slowly but he cannot do that considering he was so eager to be with Sydney, he forgot about other things like his now ex-girlfriend's feelings but it's not like he was sensitive anyways. He sighed softly, he doesn't really think he can handle attending class for the rest of the day, it has been a long day and all he wants to do was sleep and probably talk to Sydney to figure things out, on what they are, on what's their next move. He shouldn't really be this upset over his break up because he can now be with Sydney. Nate moved towards his locker, he was just going to grab his bag and then he will make an excuse like stomachache or he has this persistent headache but knowing how words can go around real quick, people would know that he was leaving school for the day because he dumped someone and felt bad about it. Grabbing his bag from inside his locker room, he looked around to see where Sydney went, he actually spotted her near her locker.

Scribbling a small note, telling her that he was going home and they should meet later at the park where they used to hang out when they were younger after school, he wasn't sure if she wants to skip school with him or he wants to stay after everything that happened today. He walked towards her, smiling as he approached her, handing her the note he had written: 'Skipping school, wanna come along? If not, I'll meet you later at the park where we play swing after school?' He waited for her to nod or something, if she was coming with him or not, he was acting nonchalant as he waited for her answer, trying to look down as much as possible because he doesn't want his ex-girlfriend to come and attack them (which would hurt Sydney of all people). If they decided to give this another chance, they cannot really go on and tell everyone about their relationship yet since other students would tie up everything and think that they broke up because of Sydney which was really true but it wasn't her fault but it was solely on Nate.

[fcknathann]

;001

[fcknathann]

Sydney was sure that this could work out – it had to. There is no way that she could be wrong with what her heart wants and needs. Of course, her mother had been truly in love with Sydney’s father as well but it was a completely different situation. Her father had been an asshole, that didn’t even explain what was happening with him until the very end. How she had known Nate always, he had been a honest person. Still – if he would fall in love with someone else it would probably break her heart. Being honest about it wouldn’t really change it. In the end she couldn’t be sure, she couldn’t know completely what would happen to them, no matter how much she hates it to be left in the dark. Sometimes you have to take a risk to find true happiness. How can she know that a circle is going to repeat itself, when she never even tried to open her heart for love? Slowly, step by step she will let Nate in and then realize if it had been worth it or not. Pushing him away just for a fear of consequences wouldn’t bring them anywhere except breaking their own heart. Which would be quiet irony if you really think about it. Sydney only had two choices and being with him seemed like the only one that could make up the horrifying moments of her life, parts of herself that she never thought were fixable. At least until she realized that being loved doesn’t always destroy you – it could first fulfill you.

Taking a deep, slightly shake breathe, she forced herself to look Nate directly into his eyes. Only after a few moments she nodded slowly, a small smile playing on her lips. “Yes. I do trust you.” After he let go, it felt like a important of her was gone and she couldn’t help but frown for a split second before shaking her head to herself firmly. He had to do this, before even more people at their school could find out about them before he even broke up with his girlfriend. It was necessary. Even when her whole being longed for one more touch, she took another step back and just returned his smile as convincing as possible. “I can’t wait,” she replied simply, not being able to stop herself from giggling very softly – is that what falling in love felt like? All giddy, warm and just the need to be with him every second that passes? It surely felt like the best feeling in the whole world. “Go already – and be gentle to that girl.” She titled her head for a few minutes, thinking about his girlfriend. It must be obvious to her that he never really loved her, but it will hurt regardless. It made her feel a little sick to the stomach that she was the cause of pain for someone else but she chose to rather swallow it down and nod slowly in his direction. “Alright – yeah, I’m excited!” She exclaimed, squeezing his hand back before he already let go which lead her to shoot him one smile before turning his back to him and just head to her locker, so she could do at least something while he was talking to her.

For once in his life, Nate just want things to go as he expected, the first time he told her that he loves her, Nate didn't really expect her not to return his feelings. But this time around, he was hoping that this would change everything, he loves her too much to let her go again. So even if he has to hurt his girlfriend, he would do it to start a new relationship with Sydney who is the love of his life. He doesn't even care what other people would think about him as long as they don't comment on Syd, if he hears one bad retort about her, hell would break loose. He smiled at her one more time as he watched her walked towards the locker, he actually felt guilty about doing this but he wants everything to be right, he wants to start right, maybe if they did that, their relationship would go on as planned as well. Nate was committed to make it work, Sydney had her fair share of heartbreak starting from her father and he wouldn't let him be one of those.

When his girlfriend walked towards him with a huge smile on her face and arms opening wide, he gently pushed it away, telling her that they need to talk. His tone was probably too obvious because they have not even got the privacy they have and she was already shouting stuff like 'ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME', 'IS IT BECAUSE OF HER', 'YOU ARE GOING TO REGRET THIS'. And he wasn't even listening to half of what she was saying because he was too embarrassed at the way she was acting, he wanted to break up, have a clean slate but she has to make it this big, he was not going to blame her anyways, it was his fault, he played with her heart and he needs to suffer the embarrassment of doing. "Look, I am sorry, I tried..............I tried loving you but I cannot, you cannot blame anyone about this, not yourself, not others, just me," He forced himself to look at her when he was saying those words, when he said others, he meant Sydney, she cannot blame Sydney for this, he loved her and still loves her. He thought everything calmed down but he was met by a real, strong slap on the face, he already caught everyone's attention so there's no denying that Sydney might have saw what was happening too but Nate was convinced that he deserves this more than anything else. "I should go and I'm sorry, really."

[fcknathann]

;001

[sydneywilde]

Sydney froze for a split second at his next touch but then melted yet again feeling comforted somehow. Everything was fighting inside of her and she must view exactly these mixed signals. Get off, please come closer. I don’t want to see you ever again, hold me and never let go. Hiding her face in his shirt, getting closer that every inch of their bodies would touch, she breathed in his scent, hoping that it will make her calm down even more. Something inside of her was asking if she was having a panic attack but even if that’s what happened at the beginning, she must have snapped out of it. Or the worst part. Hoping that nobody would see her while she was hiding her face in his chest, her eyes were closed and tried to weight her decision carefully. Some might say that a claim wouldn’t hurt anyone but the moment she would fall in love it would be over. Nate would have complete power of breaking her heart and this happening what the only thing that had ended their friendship in the first place. But yet again – if she walked away just like that wouldn’t it hurt her anyway? Wouldn’t she cry and remember the touch of his lips against hers forever? No matter what she would do, it might end with her regretting it for the rest of her life.

As she had looked up back at him after feeling his grip on her shoulder, a very light smile curled up her lips as he rested his forehead against hers. It felt so amazing and right, that the doubts in her mind seemed to get more quiet with each second passing. Maybe it was time to give a real relationship a chance, as long as it felt as good as it did right now. Tangling her hand in his hair, she allowed her smile to grow even more even though a few tears were escaping her eyes still anyway. “What would trying mean? I – I want to try, I do,” she admitted, her voice clearly shaking but continuing anyway. “But I just can’t jump right into it like people usually do in these high school movies. Just – really slow. Getting used to all of this. – I can understand if you don’t want that, of course,” she added rather quickly, shaking her head to herself. Stupid girl, trying to put some consequences when he could might as well stay with his girlfriend or just get himself someone else. Who was she to take up this extra burden? He surely couldn’t love her that much. Chances were slim that it would anyway or? Sydney realized that the fear was working inside of her head again, leaving her to let out a sigh and reach for his hand, to give it a soft squeeze. “We really are a pair, aren’t we?” She exclaimed, a rather sad smile playing in the corner of her lips.

[fcknathann]

Nate can say this was long overdue, though he got tired of waiting, it was all worth it. The didn't work out the first time he told her he loves him but now, maybe it was always meant to be, maybe they fell apart to fall back together again, love is sweeter the second time around anyways. Though the wait was gruesome months, he wasn't used to not talking to her every night but he had done that in the past months and it was just so good to have her in his arms again. It's even better that they decided to try this relationship out, and even though they wouldn't be sure if it would work out at least, they had try right? But a big part of him knows that they would work out, she might not think that she's ready for a relationship but Nate was positive that after they try this out, Sydney would realize that things are better now that they are together. Well, they're not really together just yet but they would eventually be together after he breaks up with his clingy girlfriend. He was actually excited that things seems to be falling on where it's supposed to be, and he wants to start their relationship fresh.

"Can you trust me, Syd?" Nate asked her, his eyebrows furrowing because he let go of her, he doesn't want people to think that she's a bad person because she was caught kissing someone who has a girlfriend and as he mentioned, he wants to make things right, start his relationship with her on a clean slate. He smiled at her, trying to reassure her that everything would be fine since he believes that it would be, he loves her, she loves him, there's nothing that can go wrong in his dictionary, they would eventually fall together, "We are a great pair, and just let me do one thing before I shout to the world that you are the love of my all life alright?" His break up with his girlfriend was coming anyways, he had spent like a few weeks with her and she probably knows that his heart was not in her. “I’ll just talk to her and I’ll take you on our first date?” He smiled at her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it before placing his hand back on his side, people would judge her and he doesn’t want that to happen.

[fcknathann]

;001

[sydneywilde]

Hearing his words seemed to have a calming effect on her, which was in a way surprising. Never did it cross her mind that it could feel so amazing and right being his arms – or at least not in the way since they were kids and best friends. Her eyes lingered on his face, for a moment every thought yet again gone right out off the window as she tried to control herself and not just try to get closer again, to kiss him and get lost in the moment. Did she love him? Sydney wasn’t sure. But as she closed her eyes yet again, the horrifying moments of the day her father has left her mother were haunting her in front of her eyes. How they had screamed at each other, her mother crying to heart wrenching that Sydney had rushed right into her room and hid under the covers of her bed, silent tears rolling down her cheek as she swore to herself that she would never let something similar happen to her. Was she really willing to get over this, risking for her heart to get broken? Her expression showed that internal conflict as she slowly shook her head to herself, not sure what to do or chose. This was way harder than when it happened the first time around. The situation has shifted, Sydney had changed. Or more her feelings did. Her heart was beating against her chest as if she had ran a mile, her mouth was dry.

Sydney was completely and utterly terrified, which almost lead her to just run away, claiming that these last minutes or everything between them never even mattered. But then she was saying something different. “I want you. I’m scared, so completely scared of wanting you, this, everything but –,” she trailed off and a soft sigh escaped her lips as her eyes fluttered open again and searched for his almost immediately. And before she could stop herself she pressed her lips against his again, pushing all of this voices and ghost inside of her head in a back corner. All the fears of being the girl that just steals a boyfriend because she can, of letting someone in her heart, giving them the power to mess it up completely and of someone looking at her as if she was everything. She was kissing him, hoping that it would never end or stop feeling like it did now, but ending it anyways. “I don’t know – what to do. I want to try – us. But it wouldn’t be fair to you for waiting so long maybe until I can open myself to you, completely. To lead you on for feelings, I can’t define. You deserve so much more,” she whispered against his lips, her arms firmly wrapped around his neck so they could stay this close the whole time, unwilling to let go any time soon, feeling complete and fragile at the same time. “I’m just a mess.”

[fcknathann]

It was hard for Nate to let go of Sydney and he couldn't think of doing it twice in his lifetime. He was actually really surprised when she kissed him back, he thought that she would push him and maybe never talk to him ever again. But just how her lips moved along his, he was glad that he took the risk this time around but looking at her face and seeing how confused she was made him scared. Negative thoughts, one and then comes another went through his head, all he could do was stare at her and wait for her to talk and maybe they can sort this thing out. His mouth fell into a frown as he waited for her to utter the next words, the seconds that passed felt like long hours for Nate, he doesn't want to return to their 'we're not talking' stage, he just want to make things work between the two of them but that doesn't mean he would force her into probably admitting that she has feelings for him. With the kissed they shared, she has feelings for him right? "Syd," He mumbled softly, his hands on her arms, rubbing it, there was so much they should talk about but the shock from earlier's action was still there.

He couldn't help gave her a small smile when she admitted that she wants him, his grip on her shoulder tightened because of that revelation. Don't get him wrong, when Sydney kissed him back, he actually felt that she has feelings for him but then he knew her too well, it was brain versus heart and maybe right now, she was going to let her heart win. "Syd," He mumbled softly, resting his forehead on hers, letting his fingers stroke her cheek, he was scared as well but he wouldn't show her that he was because he needed to be strong for the two of them. He didn't even stop himself, he wrapped his arms around her when he pressed a kiss on her lips, all his doubts were gone with just mere act. "No, no, no, you're not a mess, well, maybe we both are but who cares right? You want me, and I want you, so let's try, Syd, please let's just try, and if you don't think it's working, I'll be gone, I won't even bother you anymore." He was hoping that the latter wouldn't happen because he fucking knows that they're meant for each other although it took her a while to realize that, they are meant to be.

[fcknathann]

;001

[sydneywilde]

Sydney tried her best to return the grin, playing with her hair rather uneasy. “That’s just – part of it all, I guess.” She finished lamely, feeling her smile wash off her. Usually the girl was quick to act a part, doing it satisfyingly well. In her free time she actually like to act in a theater and there never had been a moment in which she completely fell out of her role, at least when it counted. But right now every little smile seemed like such a huge effort, as if she was tired down and needs a rest. This break she wanted to make her own as soon as possible, which lead her to be even a little bit happy when his girlfriend made her appearance. It would mean that she could slip out of the room rather sooner than later and finally let go. The thought of going home earlier, locking herself in her room and maybe write a quick message to her friends about tonight as she cries her heart out for the first time in forever had something magical almost. But as she left the room, Sydney didn’t feel remotely relieved. Instead the tears came almost immediately, which shocked her more than anything today. Keeping her head down, the girl firmly made her way trough the hallway as she felt the touch of someone’s fingers on her arm, forcing her to face the male. His scent had told her who it was before she had actually seen him. As her breathe caught her throat, her head was running wild with what the tell him as he already lowered his lips on hers. That was when everything seemed to slow down. Her head was completely empty and without even spending one thought about it, she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him back even a little passionately. Eyes firmly closed she gave in into this soft touch and his taste.

At least for a few minutes. As she had to catch her breathe, her eyes fluttered open and searched for his. If her heartbeat could increase any more it did it now, the realization slowly kicking in. There were so many possible things to say how wrong it was what just happened and that she should leave now. But none of these things left her lips. Instead she let one of her hands tangle into his hair, other words tumbling out of her mouth. “I – You love me still?” Licking her lips a little, Sydney titled her head as she watched him, just like when he told her that the first time with completely different eyes. It almost left her speechless, hearing that after all of this distance and both of their behavior he could even remotely like her, not even speaking of love. Somehow everything inside of her longed to kiss him yet another time, getting closer and just lost in his arms – but she couldn’t. “I don’t want – to be the girl that steals someone their boyfriend.” Closing her eyes firmly so he wouldn’t see the tears that tried to escape, she took in a shaky breathe. “I’m so afraid,” she whispered softly, only listening to her own heartbeat and ignoring all of the students around them in the hallway.

[fcknathann]

Hearing his girlfriend protesting and asking him where he was going just made him even want to leave her. He doesn't know what he was thinking but his mind was drifted off to the times that things between him and Sydney were quite well and he wants that to happen again. The past few months, he was on edge, he doesn't know what he wants in life but just one look at her earlier, he remembered what he wants. It was her. There was no other girl that can make him feel what he felt about her, just happiness and that's it, although they had bad times as friends, it doesn't equate to the great times they had together and he was stupid enough to think that there would be another girl out there for him when in reality, there's only Sydney Wilde. He might be making a scene on what he would do next but there's nothing in his mind right now but her, and to get to her and to explain to here that even if there would be a million of girls lining up in front of him, his eyes would still be on here. There are two ways this would end, either she gives them a chance or she tells him no. But he didn't hesitate when he finally got to her, he kissed her, arm around her waist while his hand on her cheek, brushing the soft skin with his lips touched hers so tenderly that she might not even felt it.

Little did he know and realized that Sydney managed to wrap her arms around his neck, it was instinct to bring her closer to him and kiss her as equally as passionate as she was kidding him. But the kiss ended to early, he didn't even care if there was some commotion going on, his girlfriend cursing the two of them because right now, his eyes were focused on his bestfriend, the love of his life, searching for a reaction that would change everything...........she did kiss him back so there must be a truth behind that and a tug of hope in his heart, that maybe she realized that he was a little more than just a friend. He was still cupping her face when he nodded furiously about loving her, he still do, believe it or not. "Syd, Syd," He mumbled softly, his thumb brushing her cheek, before kissing her softly on the forehead, he needs to make things right before starting this with her. "Do you want this?" He asked softly, not mad, just caring this time around, he wants to know if she wants this as much as she does because they can finally start things right and do what's long overdue and that's to start a relationship.

[fcknathann]

;001

[sydneywilde]

It hurt Sydney more than anything, playing with what if’s in her mind and being up close to her old best friend like this. Of course, it hadn’t been easy to get over their friendship but she thought that she had managed it. That she finally could look at him without it hurting like someone had stabbed her at that moment. But here she was, feeling like crying, without a real reason. She wasn’t someone to just cry, she preferred to not cry at all. If she could just leave this behind, Sydney would. No second thought needed. But the girl was stuck here, stuck in this mess, talking about the shattered pieces what once had been their friendship. Maybe her mother would even get excited that her daughter quit being a cold statue and actually runs home in tears, sobbing how her heart felt as tight as a fist and that she had no idea how to fix it. As if she was back to being a little child, that has no idea how to act with these new emotions. Someone that needs help to figure out how to really live with them or even get to know if this was something good. But it wasn’t. Sydney knew that this was the raw emotion of desire – probably missing him. Maybe it was helplessness. Or hopelessness. Maybe even a heart, that was telling the owner that it should cancel the following actions or it might as well break in two. Or the girl was just completely overreacting. Hungry. Yes, it might be hunger, obviously.

As she watched the reaction on Nate’s face, about what she had just admitted to him, she felt strangely exposed. As if he could just look at her and see what is going on inside her pretty little head. Closing her eyes for a brief moment, Sydney listened to her own heartbeat. “I – I’m sorry if I ever lead you on. Really,” she told him after a minute or two. “I never wanted our friendship to end and – I miss you. I miss you so much.” She stood right in front of him and as she took another step closer, unable to stop herself, she was breathing in his scent. They were so close that if she could easily close the distance and – Her eyes fluttered open again, firmly shaking her head to herself. “But we can’t just – make up again. I know that you probably don’t feel a thing for me anymore and everything but how are we going to just pass this? We both changed since we were young teens. I changed. And,” she trailed off, lowering her hands as she had gestured with them during her small speech. Her eyes found his girlfriend quickly, especially since she was making her way towards their table since the lesson had ended. “And I don’t think that your girlfriend will like me very much. I don’t want to make things awkward between you two.” By this point the girl had reached their table, openly glaring at Sydney who just smirked at her. “Don’t worry.” Her voice had completely changed since she turned to the other girl. It was clearer, louder and way more cheerful. “I’m not planning to steal your man. If you excuse me, I’m searching for my friends now. They want to go out tonight and I might ask Matthew if we could go as a date so.” She shrugged her shoulders carelessly as if it wasn’t a big deal. The thought had just crossed her mind, since she needed a distraction. Maybe some flirting, some kisses. Something that made her forget that weird feeling she had when she was staring at this other girl and Nate right now.

[fcknathann]

Nate's eyebrows furrowed when Sydney told him that they cannot go back to who they used to be. He knows that as well but that didn't stop him from suggesting it because he thought, maybe she would somewhat feel something there but it seems like she already forgot about their friendship as well. His lips were in a thin tight line, nodding at her, he was trying so hard here, lowering his pride to get back how it used to be but maybe Sydney was right, they cannot go back, both of them changed. But that doesn't mean what he felt for her changed as well. No matter how many girls he slept with, not one of them can make him feel how he felt with Sydney before. He probably wouldn't be able to get over her. Not now. Not ever. He gave her a small grin, forcing it out of him because he cannot show her how much she still affects him even after all of these. "You're right, we are both different now and we cannot go back to who we were." He glanced at the side to see his girlfriend for the week coming towards them, she was pretty, very pretty but he feels nothing for her. He can see that she was upset because he talked to Sydney, he was about to stop her from making a scene but Syd was already telling her not to worry about him and her because there is nothing going on between them. That feels like someone stabbed him right inside his chest because after he admitted his feelings to her, he thought things would be better but this seems like a closure and now, she just made it official that she doesn't feel a thing about him. 

Clearing his throat as the other girl wrapped her arms around Nate, he watched his best friend, his first love walk away from him the second time around. Taking a deep breath, he cannot help but feel like what she told him was all a lie, she wouldn't feel like that if she doesn't feel anything about Nate. Was she lying about her feelings about her? She wouldn't look as upset as she looks if there wasn't anything there right? He didn't take a chance before, he didn't probe for her reason for not loving and he regretted it, he didn't try hard enough before but now, things had changed, he loved her even more than compared to before. That's what changed. He loved her more and if he can watch her walk away from him again, maybe she wouldn't talk to him ever again so he has to do this. He has to make sure that there's not a tiny part of her heart that loves him more than just a friend. "Excuse me," He mumbled, his brain was telling him not to do it but his legs were already working, taking big steps towards her, his hand caught a grip of her arm, he pulled her close to him before pressing a soft kiss on her lips, mumbling, "I never stopped loving you."

[fcknathann]

;001

[sydneywilde]

Maybe, just maybe Sydney should have given this a chance. This thought crossed her mind so suddenly and hard that it actually made her drop the book. It fell to the table, not really loud but enough so some people who glance towards them. It might sound weird to everyone else but the girl really had even imagined what would have happened or what could have happened if she just had given it, given him a shot. Holding his hand while walking down the hallway. Kissing him goodbye. The ability to lean on him just the same – only that everything would be a little different. But she had valued their friendship so much, Sydney had been terrified to lose it. But that’s what exactly happened anyway. Would she have fallen for him? Or – what was she feeling for him anyway. Fumbling with the pages of the book nervously, her mind was running wild with everything that could have been. But she couldn’t be sure of that anyway. They might have fallen apart – and then Sydney would be even more heart broken than she already is. What happened to her mother, even if she still preached this one light. Rather loved and lost than never loved at all. But how can she even say that, remembering how all life had drained out of her the moment her father had left out of the door and never came back?

Her eyes flickered to Nate as he disagreed with her earlier statement. For a few moments she was just staring at him, her heart beating hard against her chest. “I’m not really nice. I can be a coldhearted bitch sometimes and I admit it. And I – I’m just terrified,” she mumbled, her voice very low, hoping that nobody could overhear her that way. Sydney didn’t even really know why she was telling him all of this, it must be just the old bond that made it so easy to talk to him. “I’m terrified what love can do. I don’t want to – hurt anybody like my father did. And I don’t want to end in pieces like my mum. I don’t want to be the hurricane that messes someone up – or the one that stops living because the sunshine has left their life.” Covering her face with her hands, she took in a deep breathe. “I know that sounds super dramatic, I know. But I rather not be in this whole love business. I have seen what it can do and no matter how many times my heart might skip a beat when I see someone I like, I won’t give in.” Suddenly these words of Taylor Swift came to her mind, you gave me all your love but all I gave you was goodbye. Maybe it was that or just because she could hear someone whisper that the clock would ring in a minute but her mouth just started talking again, without her control. “I feel too much anyway. I mean, I don’t feel the same way like you did or something but I still get mad when I see you with your girlfriend. I shouldn’t feel like that. I shouldn’t have to doubt my choices or wonder what would have happened if I just had said yes and –,” her eyes widen as she realized that she had just said that. Slowly covering her mouth with her hand she looked at Nate in terror, jumping up just a second before the bell rang.

[fcknathann]

Things would have gone smoothly if Nate had told her that he loves her more than as a friend in a manner that wouldn't have surprised her. Maybe if Nate gave her some time to think about it and not just blurt it out and then left once she told him 'no', maybe there was a chance between the two of them? Of course, they cannot go back in time and change what already has been done since it's called done for a reason. He chewed on his lesser lip, letting his eyes trial on her face, it has been a while since he has been this close to her and even talked to her like this. Though it wasn't like the old times, he was still glad that they talked, they didn't sort anything out after the event, they practically pretended that the other didn't exist, no matter how hard it was, they never spoke a word until now. After this, they might not be able to talk again, that's why he was trying so hard to keep her talking though she might just want to keep reading her book and ignore him.

His eyes widened when Syd finally gave in and let her emotions gets the best of her. When she told him that she was afraid that love would hurt her, Nate couldn't help but furrow his brows, he never really thought it that way. He should have known better since he was actually quite informed about how her dad left them and what it did to her mother, to Syd as well. He wanted to protect her and not make her feel like that ever again but in doing so, in telling her that he loves her and how she rejected him, he left her. Just like how her dad left her. It just sink in that he actually hurt her, probably not as hurt as she was when her dad left her but still hurt nevertheless. "I........." He tried to talk but no words came out of his mouth because he was ashamed to admit that he should have been more careful and an apology wouldn't really do good since the damage was already done. "You were my sunshine," He managed to tell her, his eyes fixed on hers when she admitted that she felt something when he's with his girlfriend, there was a pang of hope there, that maybe, she was jealous although he doesn't want to say it out loud. "What if---what if we try again and be friends? I missed you and I still do."

[fcknathann]

;001

[sydneywilde]

Ouch. Her head jerked up and Sydney felt that sudden urge to explain herself, trying to make him understand where she’s coming from – but her mouth stayed closed. She couldn’t. Slowly she turned her head, as her eyes lingered on the girl who called herself his girlfriend. The girl who is suppose to be worthy of his – affection. Sydney was unsure if she could call their little relationship love – in fact, she was usually unsure if something is already love. Her eyes have watched from young age what that feeling could do to someone and was aware how it can either make you the happiest person alive – or break you. Was it bad that she settled to rather protect her heart than give it to somebody, even if that was someone she considered her best friend? Going so far to let someone in your heart, scared her and she didn’t know if she was worthy of such deep feelings. Her mother wasn’t when it came to her father – why would it be any different for her? When she assumed that she was just a cold, heartless person to begin with. And now Nate exactly confirmed her supposition.

As her eyes were fixed so firmly on his girlfriend’s face and how that sly smirk of her’s mocked her, Sydney could feel her throat go dry and instead look back in her book. Never did she feel this – weak before. At least not in a long time. Her mother had once told her while stroking her hair that even the strongest people are allowed to break down and cry once in a while. But she didn’t want that to happen, especially with that many witnesses. If the teacher could just finally release her from the torture that was this group work, Sydney could just miss her last class and go back home and allow herself to let that tornado of emotions out on her possession. “I’m happy for you,” the girl muttered after a while, this time not even caring how her voice would come across. It was all pointless anyway. “I never asked you to – develop these feelings for me. I don’t deserve them. I don’t want them,” her voice broke a little at the end but she got herself to end this conversation. “I’m happy that you have realized that by now as well. And found someone else that is more – worthy.” Sydney forced herself to smile at Nate, hoping that it would be believable. Then she buried her face in the book, her hands sweaty and her eyes swimming in tears again as she just counted down the time until the clock would release her.

[fcknathann]

Nathan really thought that he had show her enough signs that he loves her but it seems like it lacked, wasn't he there during her every firsts? Wasn't he the first person she calls when she gets into trouble? He can say for a fact that he had tried his best to not let his feelings surface for her but it was hard when they spend each day together and they were really close so that one time, he let it slip and told her how much he feels about her and then the rejection happened. From that day until now, they haven't really talked like how they did before, he slept with different girls and his latest gal pal was the girl who sat on his lap earlier, he doesn't love her but she makes him forget about his heartache even just for a while and that's what he longs for. Maybe he doesn't want the heartache to stop because if it did, it meant that he got over Sydney and as much as it's a martyr thing to say, he doesn't want to get over her since their might be a chance that she would love him back. Even just a little chance, that's a big thing for him. He has been in love with her since they were kids and that was not something he could get over in just a few months.

Nate doesn't even love his girlfriend a bit, he was just using here, as much as it's a dick thing to do, she also know that once Nate gets tired of her, she would be like the other girls he had dumped in a span of few months that he and Sydney stopped being friends. "You cannot say that," Nate's voice turned soft when she mentioned about not being worthy of love, everyone is worthy of it, even the craziest or the worse person in the world deserves love and Sydney, she deserves a whole lot of it especially because of what she went through with her dad, and now with him. He just realized that what he was doing was what her dad did to her, he kicked her out of his life because of the pain of the rejection he felt, he had never been rejected before so when she did it, he was in a hurricane of emotions, mostly, he was mad, surprised, pissed off and all those negative emotions bottled into one body. "I hope one day, you'll find someone though, someone who had loved you more than I did."