charley webb is sitting in front of me at the theatre... you see the craziest ppl in london 😭
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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Peter Solarz
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@fckngclementine
charley webb is sitting in front of me at the theatre... you see the craziest ppl in london 😭
I fucking love the internet sometimes.
instead of bury your gays the men got a proposal and like 30 characters banded together to move a car where the lesbian was stuck out of the way of a fire 🫡
Rose Landry highest self esteem of all time. she has mediocre sex a couple times with a guy who seems not all that into it and goes "hm. Well, I'M definitely not the problem. the only possible answer is that he is Gay."
impeccable reasoning, no notes.
and she was RIGHT
ao3 needs an algorithm this, AO3 needs to let me kudos every chapter that
the only feature ao3 needs is an edit history on works so everyone can see proof of y'all changing the publishing dates on your works to put them back at the top of the tag. stop it, you weirdos
Yuna and David having watched their autistic son be so isolated all of his adult life and never having a happy relationship or close friends who understand his anxiety and then finding out that the man they’ve spent a decade hating on his behalf can casually talk him down from a panic attack in less than a minute
I am fully ready to testify in court that Ilya is not actually particularly dominant. He’s just a service top whose long-term sexual partner happened to be thoroughly submissive and he cares more about pleasing than what role he’s in. But those of us who are enlightened can see submissive top Ilya gets his turn in ep. 4 for a brief moment. He’s in there and ready for those rare occasions Shane is so overcome with lust he accidentally takes the wheel.
(tags from @dienaziscum)
Oh I've got real philosophers reblogging my posts now.
(tags from @urlocallesbiabs-nsfw-sideblog)
For the sub top agenda:
Dog by a_good_soldier
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76185381
ball and chain by Anonymous
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76712676
The next 2 might be pushing it but the vibes are similar enough that if you like the first 2 you'll probably like them I think
all the things he did by HR (kermits1995)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76680321
say no to this by sushiwriter
https://archiveofourown.org/works/76688031
Oh thank you!!! I will be checking it out. I hope the anon who asked me for a fic rec sees this too.
Everyone else start writing more submissive top Ilya NOW! That's an order!
I am fully ready to testify in court that Ilya is not actually particularly dominant. He’s just a service top whose long-term sexual partner happened to be thoroughly submissive and he cares more about pleasing than what role he’s in. But those of us who are enlightened can see submissive top Ilya gets his turn in ep. 4 for a brief moment. He’s in there and ready for those rare occasions Shane is so overcome with lust he accidentally takes the wheel.
it’s really really something to me the way shane deadpan flat-affect autistically autopilot’s his way thru any conversation with a lick of accusation to it, and then the second he’s high on painkillers he’s just “yaaaaay my boyfriend!!!! yyayyayayaaayy :3 yaaaaayy”
I love that Shane is surprised about Ilya’s jealousy about Rose. He only knows about Ilya macking on that girl in the club. He didn’t see his man go full bisexual terminator before that. He didn’t hear the Kill Bill siren going off in his head. He didn’t see Ilya staring at himself in the mirror wishing he could cease to exist.
“Yuna Hollander POV” this, “Imagine you’re Yuna Hollander” that… Valid, valid. But let’s shine a glorious light on DAVID Hollander for a minute.
Imagine you’ve spent most of your son’s teen and adult life supporting the hell out of him and your wife as they jointly steer his career into the astral plane of international hockey stardom. You’re so proud of him, but you also worry that the focus of his life may be too narrow. You gently encourage him to smell the roses - go down Youtube rabbit holes (whatever those are), take a holiday to London, maybe even date? After years of only surface-level relationships, he develops a true friend in Hayden Pike, and you breathe a sigh of relief. He shows an interest in real estate and design, and you’re delighted to encourage him.
You’re thrilled when he gets a girlfriend after so many years alone. When they seem to break up but remain on good terms, this fuels your growing suspicion that he might be gay. Then Scott Hunter kisses his boyfriend on the ice. Shane immediately takes a call and comes back with a giddy smile on his face. That’s really all the confirmation you need.
You gently break this to Yuna (I love how the show changes that “we know you pretty well, Shane” line from her to him, because it matches characterisation they’ve added to David as an insightful father and husband). Yuna immediately wants to talk to Shane about it & make contingency plans for how it might affect his life & career if true, because she loves her kid & wants to cover all bases ASAP, but you talk her down. “Let him come to us,” you say.
Shane tells you he’s doing a silent retreat for his time off this year, but you need to charge your phone, and it’ll be good to check in on him (you always worry about him being too isolated, too lonely). So you head over only to be… well, astonished to see him kissing his arch-rival with an easy familiarity. Shit, shit, you should NOT be here. You panic & leave - let him come to you (Shane’s flight response is also inherited).
Just as you and Yuna are discussing whether you should go back to the cottage, he does come over. With Rozanov. You’re a bit shellshocked, and the whole thing is awkward as hell at first, but also… Rosanov looks at your son like he hung the moon, talks him down from a panic attack, and it turns out they’ve been doing this for almost ten years. The same ten years that you spent encouraging Shane to pursue happiness and live a full life. Of course it breaks your heart that he felt like he had to do it in secret, but he still did it.
That’s your boy.
Shane is like: ok so I haven't slept with anyone since the last time we were together and you haven't slept with anyone since the last time we were together and we're going to spend 2 weeks in my house and I'm making you lunch and we're sleeping in the same bed and you're telling me about your mom and I'm telling you about my parents and you like me and I like you and I don't want you to marry someone else and you wish all the women you slept with were me and you will switch teams and move to my country so we can be closer to eachother and we're starting a charity to make it easier to be together and I already have our future planned because I care about this I care about us and you love me and I love you and you're kissing my ankle and you comfort me and hold me when I panic and you're meeting my parents and supporting me through it and you're drinking my dad's vodka and eating pasta at my family's house and you tell my parents that you would leave Boston for me and that I'm the only person you've ever loved. Ok great 👍
Ilya: ... your boyfr-
Shane: hold your mf horses my whAT!!!!??
yuna hollander said “fuck ilya rozanov” to her autistic son and had the audacity to be shocked when he followed her instructions to the letter
everyone in the league calling ilya an asshole meanwhile he’s apologizing to the bartender for his rowdy teammates, smiling politely at the nurse, playing mermaids with the kids, painting hayden’s kid’s nails and then his own nails to show them that boys can paint their nails too, getting excited over the team puppy, and then spoiling his dog rotten when he finally gets one. sorry but idgaf that he’s mean to grown ass men, they deserve it 😭😭
I bet young Ilya Rozanov never thought he’d get slapped in the face with that tism rizz and he would be so fucking cooked.
This man has eight of the same shirt and five of the same hoodie. This man memorizes hockey stats for fun. This man will have a cold ginger ale. This man will look awkwardly at the camera with a smile like he wants to incinerate himself in every wet t-shirt contest sports drink ad his mom books for him. This man will take everything you say absolutely literally. That’s French, Ilya. You just said a French word and we’re talking about Russian, are you unfamiliar with your own language. This man takes three days to recognize a social cue. And ten years to name an emotion. You’ll tell him you like him in the most roundabout way and you’ll think you NAILED it, and he’ll promptly have a panic attack on your dick. When he names that emotion finally? He’ll be absolutely relentless and will not stand down; he’s had an emotion and he knows you have one, too. By that point, there’s no escape. He’s imprinted on you and is starting to ovulate in your vicinity. He will bludgeon you with adorable nerd and insatiable ass. And his oral fixation is so mighty he’ll suck your remaining brain cells out through your dick.
This man drives a Range Rover because it’s good in the snow. This man does a loon call. This man will make you eight cheeseburgers. Buddy it’s over for you.
what if orpheus looked back at eurydice and then orpheus got fucking decked to the ground because they were playing a hockey game and you have to look where you’re going