she thinks about him a lot, but even more so on Valentine’s Day. everyone’s trying to set her up withTom—the guy with a normal name, a normal story, a normal personality, so that they can lead a nice, normal life. but Emilie can’t stop thinking about the man with a name as unusual as his behavior: Baal.
he’s the most handsome man she’s ever seen in he life, even though her family thinks he’s unkempt and misbehaved. she doesn’t like Tom because he conforms to everything they want him to be; he’s like clay in their hands and that’s what they want. but not her. she wants Baal’s stubborn individuality and lack of fear to speak his mind. she wants him, all of him, his bad side and good side both.
most of all, she wants him back.
he left her without a second thought and that would’ve been enough to inspire hate in any girl’s heart, but he’s Baal. he just is. and Emilie hates to admit it, but she’s madly in love with him. sometimes, certain things will remind her of him—a bottle of gin, or a guitar, or a scarf that he would wear. and it hurt like hell.
but he’s dead. that’s what everyone thinks, anyway; everyone heard of Baal stabbing Ekart: it was all everyone talked about for a solid two weeks. Emilie couldn’t stand it; still can’t stand it, because everyone just pours out their prejudices. ❝ oh, of course he was bound to do this sooner or later! he’s just that kind of a person! ❞ no. they’ve got him figured all wrong.
Auf Achse. it’s an expression that means to keep on going. she tells herself that a lot, but deep down, deep down, she wishes he would come back.
she’s not so special, so, look what you’ve done, boy!
he thinks he’s hardened himself against feelings, built a protective shell, drowned them out, but he’s not immune. Baal hates Valentine’s Day with a passion, because everyone else around him seems to have companionship. romantically, platonically, whatever. but he’s all alone. it wasn’t always like that, and he’s got no lack of lovers, but it used to be more satisfying.
he regrets the fact that Sin didn’t do a complete job of erasing his emotions, his capacity to feel—because his heart still throbs for Emilie. if only he hadn’t left her to go off with Ekart; yes, she annoyed the hell out of him but that’s what happens between every couple from time to time. he just ran off in a hurry, and now he can’t ever go back.
maybe it’s for the better that she thinks he’s dead. that gives him an excuse not to go back. living his life in hiding from the girl he loves is not what he wants, but the cold fact is that he’s immortal, he’s doomed to live forever, and she’s human. Baal hates thinking about her, but he can’t help it.
does she miss him? is she in pain? or has she moved on? forgotten all about him? he doesn’t know which option is more comforting.
he remembers every detail of Emilie’s face, of her personality—sometimes he can even imagine what she would say about a certain situation, how her face would light up, how her tone of voice would sound. sometimes, he smiles.
oftentimes, he just feels a pang in his heart.
