spilling my feelings

[feelingsspilt]

i was so drunk i couldn’t recognize my best friend of eight years in a crowd of people. i couldn’t stand up, couldn’t make my way around the dirty basement. but apparently, six tequila shots and some vodka weren’t enough for me to forget about you. i could barely remember who i was, but damn, the feeling of your hands on my cold waist that night never left my mind.

what will it take for me to forget how your lips felt, too? (via feelingsspilt)

[feelingsspilt]

Hey guys! I’m really sorry for the super inactivity! I’m back at school now (thankfully) so there should be more posts here very soon! <3

[feelingsspilt]

all my life i've been stuck with meaningless things. meaningless conversations, meaningless dates, meaningless sex. with heartbreak after heartbreak, i slowly learned that meaningless things and one-sided expectations are what kill a person.

i’m yet to find the one who will make me laugh during sex.

[feelingsspilt]

i think about you a lot. in the shower, on my way home from class, before i drift off to sleep. i think about all the things we did together. our first date in that crummy cafe and the first time we kissed, at 12:05 am in your car. i think about the plans i had for us. you were suppose to be my date to formal, you were going to be the first guy i actually brought home to my mother. i think about the way i felt with you. i was alive, i was free, i was complete. i think about the way it ended. not in a screaming match between the two of us, but in a slow but deep breaking of my heart. i miss you, i miss us. and i'd give anything to get us back.

have i ever even crossed his mind?

[feelingsspilt]

i fucked up. i'll admit it, i screwed up one of the best things i had. i just wanna know what i did, what went wrong, what was so disastrous you would ignore your best friend of over three years. what the hell could be so terrible, you'd ignore someones calls at 3:14 am? you know, the ones where they're slightly drunk and crying and telling you how much you mean to them? why would you ignore someone who's that low? i want to know what i did, so i can go back and fix what we had.

your friendship meant the world to me.

[feelingsspilt]

i was so drunk i couldn't recognize my best friend of eight years in a crowd of people. i couldn't stand up, couldn't make my way around the dirty basement. but apparently, six tequila shots and some vodka weren't enough for me to forget about you. i could barely remember who i was, but damn, the feeling of your hands on my cold waist that night never left my mind.

what will it take for me to forget how your lips felt, too?

[feelingsspilt]

the best day of your life is the day you wake up and realize they aren't on your mind anymore.

moving on is the greatest revenge.

[feelingsspilt]

last night i went over to someone new's house. i sat with him, watched movies with him, talked with him. the whole time, i was happy. i came home giggling to my roommate about the butterflies that grew while i was with him. i can't believe i could be so happy, when three weeks ago i was crying in an empty room, begging you to please give me another chance. i don't know what will happen between this guy and i, but i'm glad he brought a smile to my face again.

maybe happiness after you is possible.

[feelingsspilt]

there's a weak spot in my heart with your name written all over it. it's the weakest part of my soul. every time i tell myself i'm strong enough to go on without you, that weak spot takes over my entire body and convinces me otherwise. i can't go on without you, no matter how much i deny it.

i’ll always be weak for you.

[feelingsspilt]

i may be good at making bad decisions, but falling in love with you was one of the greatest decisions i've ever made.

he’s the one thing i’ve done right.

[feelingsspilt]

i stare at my phone for twenty-five minutes, trying to put together the right words and win your heart again. i sit and think every word through, because i don't wanna fuck things up again. it takes me forty minutes to compose a simple message to you, only for you to reply three minutes later - 'sorry, i'm busy and i don't think we should hang out anymore.'

i’m trying so hard for someone who doesn’t care.

[feelingsspilt]

every day i don't text you and beg you to come back is a victory for me.

i miss you, but i need to move on.

[feelingsspilt]

i cared about you so much that i'd stay up til 5 am with you, just to make sure you're okay. i'd go out of my way to make you happy, i'd let you go as far as you wanted even when i just wanted to go to sleep next to you. if you told me to burn myself, i'd go to the firey depths of hell. you had me wrapped around your finger, and this grew tighter and tighter each day. i left everything i always was, just to be enough for you. i fucking loved you. but that didn't matter to you, i was nothing more than a girl you'd fuck when you were lonely and someone you'd drag around. you talk about how much you want love, couldn't you see it was right fucking in front of you? i would've given you the world, i would've pulled my own heart out of my chest just to make sure you were okay. i felt so much for you from the moment our lips first met, i don't understand how this could be nothing to you. when you lied to me that night, my heart fell out of my soul. i sat on your bathroom floor sobbing, begging you just to give me one more shot. 'can i just kiss you again, please, for closure?' i begged, but that wasn't enough. 'sorry i'm not pretty enough for you, sorry i couldn't make you happy,' i said, and i meant. this shit is all your fault, you're too fucking dumb to see what was in front of you, but i'll never stop blaming myself.

i’ve drank three bottles of vodka to try and get his name out of my head.

[feelingsspilt]

last night i didn't go to bed until 4:38 am. it wasn't because i wasn't tired, or because i was feeling sick. it was because of you. i let you walk all over me one last time. i let you take my heart and beat it, again. so for an entire night i sat in my bed, sobbing uncontrollably with a bottle of whiskey in my hand. i hate myself for admitting this, but you're what kept me going. knowing that you loved me is what got me up in the morning. now that you're gone i don't know what to do.

please come back, i need some sleep.

[feelingsspilt]

i hate that i let you do this to me. you drug me in, held me tight, kissed me soft, then threw me off. you threw me so hard i couldn't breathe afterwards. you threw me so hard i was on the ground sobbing, wondering what the fuck i could do to get you back. you ripped my heart out of my chest and manipulated it. you got what you wanted, and you left. and it's all my fault.

i shouldn’t have asked you to kiss me that night.

[feelingsspilt]

when i look at you, i see someone i don't want to forget, someone who i need to have close to me. i see someone who i want to fuck each night and wake up to each morning. someone i want to get sunday brunches with and someone i want to take home to my mother. when you looked at me, you saw someone you wanted to makeout with while drunk. you saw someone you'd fuck in your room at 3 am and kick out at 7. you saw someone who's texts you'd ignore and who you'd walk the extra mile to avoid. i saw a future in you. i saw a smile i wanted to see each and every day. all you saw was a hookup, another girl, nothing.

i feel like shit about everything that happened between us but i should’ve saw it coming.

[feelingsspilt]

i don't understand what i did wrong. why won't you speak to me anymore? is it because you're just busy, or is it something more? did i leave too quickly, were my kisses too sharp, did i say something you didn't like? i went home that night and told my friends 'wow i really like this guy, i can see this working out in the end.' now i'm sitting here on my bed, 2:58 am, wondering what i did wrong. am i just overthinking this whole thing? will i wake up in the morning to your name on my phone, 'one new message' - hey, have a good day? or will i wake up once again, to nothing, a blank screen, reminding me of everything i did wrong. i really, really like you. i wish i could make this more clear. i want to know what i can do to fix this mess i've made. or maybe there's nothing, and i just need reassurance, that you're the one for me, and i'm the one for you.

can we please just kiss again?