God i cant with antis on pinterest. whenever i am on a proship pin and there is swarm of antis in the comments going like "ewww" or wtv just leave us the fuck alone oh my god.
I’m in an open relationship with my boyfriend, for some much needed info, but Here’s a vent/rant about my relationship.
Our exes left us around the beginning of the year and I’ve been utterly miserable since then.
I was in a poly relationship with a boy we’ll call French Toast and a boy we’ll call Crepe for the sake of privacy.
Currently, I am dating a boy I’ll call strawberry.
French Toast and Crepe left me to be with each other after a really rough 3 years. It was expected, really. I had been praying for the day they’d get out of my life for a bit by that point. They’d made me the most sick piece of shit I could be, unable to handle anything and allat. Around this time, It had been just under a week after the death my deeply beloved brother, so I was really distant regardless.
Our relationship had been hell and It has since made me almost incapable of showing any love to strawberry, whom I care about immensely.
Still…
They’d been what I would have considered my soulmates. I think about them everyday and It KILLS me. I can’t take it.
I suffer knowing how replaceable I am, I know to them I likely mean nothing.
I still talk to French Toast and Crepe, too. We’re…. Friends? Of some kind? It hurts. It hurts me so much when they flirt with each other and act romantically. How they act like they did when i was still there.
I know deep down that I never really mattered that much, but it hurts more to see it.
French toast had been spending a while telling me how he was planning to leave crepe and how he hated him, and maybe I was selfishly hopeful.
Maybe I wanted him to leave.
He had admitted to me that he felt he made the wrong choice, that leaving me for someone he’d known for less time had been one of the worst choices he’d made.
But here we are.
They are so close, so loving to each other, in a place where I want to be.
Loved.
And while I know strawberry loves me, I feel as though I am missing a part of my soul.
I’ve been on the phone with them for 14 hours.
They called because I had texted French toasts account, which i thought was inactive, a message intended to be a sort of “pre-suicide” letter, so no one could say i never reached out.
He’d been waiting for me to text.
It hurts to know a person can say they think of you all the time but you never know when theyre taking advantage of you.
I love them both still. Even if that relationship was HELL to me. I miss it.
So im sitting here crying on the couch at 6am, listening to the idle sounds while they sleep on the other end, because I have no heart to leave.
Why am I so helpless?
I love people always who do not regard me.
I don’t know what to do with myself. I have lost all the lesser passions, I have no energy to eat or sleep or clean or talk.
I’ve started to post on TikTok in the stupid ranting format so that I can feel something other than the painful void of silence. At least I get my voice?
Fandoms stopped being a fun escape from reality when people started spreading the belief that you should prioritize purity over pleasure and the art you create must be a reflection of your moral standards at all times.
