felinemalin

[matchagirl]

[literaryvein]

L. V., excerpts from the afterword

[achillesinhighheels]

[astroportals]

I ❤️ MY PUBLIC LIBRARY

[felinemalin]

finally submitted my application for a PhD scholarship which, at this point in time, would be my only option because there’s just no funding whatsoever. maybe a year from now I‘ll look back on this day and remember how nervous I was submitting it and know how everything worked out in the end. I suppose the latter will always be true, whatever winding road takes me there. in other somewhat positive news, the sadness I’ve felt over the last few weeks has lost its edge a little. now it feels like my heart is bruised. not broken, it still works and does all the things a heart is supposed to do, but it feels tender and sore. sometimes a thought crossed my mind or I cycle past a supermarket we went to exactly once, four years ago, and I flinch, like something had poked the bruise. half the time it’s my own finger doing the poking

[greater-than-the-sword]

When you're a kid you just take trees for granted. Then when you get to be an adult you realize that a fully mature tree cannot be created in an amount of time that fits in a convenient landscaping timeframe for love nor money nor all the powers of science. Then you realize that people are very very very cavalier about chopping them down

[havingapoemwithyou]

grinding the lens by Linda Gregg

[kaelio]

[felinemalin]

I am on a train, once again, as I always am. Last night I found out that your brother had died. Not ‘has’ died. Your brother had died just before we met and you never told me. Your brother had died just before we met and I never even knew you had a brother. And it’s not that we never talked about the darker, heavier things - because every now and then, you‘d open up just an inch and reveal the soft, vulnerable flesh you usually kept sealed but before I had a chance to touch it or even properly look at it, you’d snap yourself shut again. ‘Everyone would be better off without me’ you said so matter-of-factly one afternoon and as soon as I disagreed, you got annoyed, as though I was trying to negate a universal truth. It‘s been years since the last time we spoke but I still check on your every now and then, to make sure you‘re still alive.

I think I understand you better now than I did back then. Your brother had died not even four months before we met and I can’t stop crying when I think about how you never talked about it, how none of your friends ever came to visit you, not even your dad. The day before the funeral you sent me photos of your mum’s plants and I didn’t even know you had gone home for a funeral. The day we had our strange falling out, when you simultaneously tried to be as close to me and far away from me as possible, when I couldn’t figure out what was happening, was the first anniversary of his passing. The day we ran into each other again two years later and you were cold and smug was his birthday. And all along I had no clue at all. I always knew there was a sadness that seemed inherent to you, inextricably entangled with who you are, but I assumed it was because of everything else. I never knew your younger brother, didn’t even know he had existed until yesterday and now I can’t stop crying for him and for you. I am on a train once again and as much as I hate crying in public, crying in front of anyone, I keep crying for you.

[piscesarchivee]

girlhood never stops we just evolve…

[wiktorjackowski]

inflatable dove, 2022, oil/canvas, 60 x 70 cm

[fahadaccount]

knowing i was genuine on my end is all that matters

[dogweapon]

the author's barely disguised longing for a kinder world

[artemisiasea]

[344j3]

[ask-pacman]

Man Im sorry for snapping at you , uts just that I only got 8 hours of sleep last night and I only had like, two pandcakes with strawberrys and whipped cream and like three premium sausags for breakfast

[twofigs]

love is big